Template Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 For those that know my story, I move here (Raleigh) a little over a year ago to be with my then gf. Within 2 mos, a year to the day ago, she broke up with me after all I've done for her. I couldn't move back because I still have a mortgage on my house back in San Antonio, and can't afford to move back without having stable income. After a year of searching, I've finally landed a job and is on my way back. In this last year or so, while trying to recover from my breakup, I didn't have any friends here, and really had a difficult time in making some. I'm at an age where people are generally getting their family started, and or knee deep in a family. I couldn't go out that much because I was still paying on a mortgage and rent, so I didn't have much disposable income. Even so, the few that I did meet, I couldn't really connect. Simply put, for a whole year I was alone. So I'm left now with overwhelming sadness as I look back at my stay here. I've failed in what I came here for - the relationship (though some may argue that it really wasn't a fault of mine). I failed to make any friends, in work and social. As a person, I think I also failed in growing as a person. The absolute best part was my job, and many times it was stressful and frustrating, and yet, I dreaded going back to an empty (literally) apartment. Some would say that this year was a true learning experience, but I just consider it one big FAIL. There aren't many thing in life that truly "kicked my ass". When I've put my mind to it, there is truly nothing I could not accomplish. However, mentally, physically, spiritually, this year I've failed at life - it truly kicked my ass. I should be glad that I'm going back home, and I've found a job, but as I look around my last days here at work, driving the same route back to the apartment I've driven for the past year, I am constantly reminded of this failure. It's truly difficult, and I can't help shed a tear, and it's even more difficult when there is truly not a shoulder around. I don't know why I'm even writing this - maybe I think it's cathartic. Maybe someone out there who's been through what I've been through can relate, or maybe it's because there really isn't anyone I can tell this too. My friends told me it was foolish for me to come here for this woman, and like a dumb ass, I convinced myself they were wrong. Worst part is, I'm too ashamed to admit it to them. So I'm here just being me, and it's someone I don't want to be. Thanks for listening guys. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 *hugs* get it all out of your system right here – the 'Shack is a safe place to drop your burdens, so to speak ... as for this experience being a "failure," well, I choose to look at it as a learning experience, even though the lesson was a harsh one. There's something you can bring away with you as you move to the next stage of your life, something that you otherwise could not have learned or gotten, you know? the whole having to move cross country bit sucks, but on the bright side? It's SA, baby, and I'm celebrating for you because I love that city. Heck, I'll even break out the Big Red for you tonight and toast you in your new adventure in life, and wish you much success along the way. I'd offer to eat a carne guisada taquito, but dammit, I haven't found anyplace in East Texas that makes and sells them around the clock like they do back home! ¡órale, vato! ... the best is yet to come, I promise! quank, with Big Red on her brain Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts