0hpenelope Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Thanks Penelopse... ...OOC: what if she's waiting for me to contact her? foolishly I want to give her another chance, but that's such a BAD idea. Will it make you feel better if you contacted her? I say go ahead, but we (everyone who's responded to you & yourself) know it's a really bad idea. We can't stop you. It works out differently for others (she may respond to be civil, who knows? Perhaps that's what you need), but sometimes initiating contact & getting burned again is a very effective reminder of why NC is the "preferred" (let's face it: NC's the lesser of 2 evils) difficulty than the difficulty of getting rejected again. Ultimately, I have sympathy for everyone in the forums who are going through heartbreak. Thinking that things will be different, approaching the object of their desire in one other way that might get them interested again... When in fact, it's one step closer or is the last step at being "The Doormat." Self-worth completely out the window when, in fact, it's the one thing that should be worked on having again. Just think about whether or not you should contact her & don't be hasty. Her Facebook account isn't going anywhere. I hope other people will respond to you with more sensible advice. Link to post Share on other sites
xbluudevilx Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 before thinking of contacting her, think of all the negatives and weigh it with the positive... should give u a reason why yall aint together anymore.. Link to post Share on other sites
amilyah Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Im on at least day 30 nc( i dont keep track) and let me tell you after 20 years together i am so much better not talking to him First couple of weeks we talked and always got my hopes up.So i took all advice i got on ls and started nc.Though we havent talked im so much better than i ever thought i could be.I believe one day his ow will leave him and he will come running back but guess what nc is making me forget him,so i will never go back to him. Link to post Share on other sites
DenverBachelor Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Can I block my ex on FB and her best friend? I am going back and forth on being strong.. then weak.. then strong... then weak. or is blocking her a greater sign of weakness???? Don't block her -- at this point, it would all be games. Just move on. Stop looking at her facebook. In fact, stop using Facebook for a few months. Get out and mingle with women. Approach every woman you find attractive. Say hi to women you pass on the street. Strike up conversations with women as often as you can. Go volunteer and join a dance class in your city. You'll meet tons of AMAZING women. Go to a nursing home and ask the director if there are any old people who have no family. Go talk to them and spend some time with them. You'd be absolutely amazed how it makes you feel. Plus, they've got more wisdom than you could ever imagine. Talk to a 90 year old woman who's approaching death and ask her about her past. It will put your breakup in perspective against all life is about to offer you. Time is too short. Life is too unpredictable. You could get hit by a car crossing the street tomorrow and end up dead. You've got to wake up every day and tell yourself it's like a mini-life and assume it might be your last. The fact that she unblocked you is irrelevant now. She's a part of your past -- good for some memories and stories over beers with the guys but ultimately now in the opposite direction you need to move. I can't stress this enough -- you need to go out and talk to women. Make them laugh, make them smile -- practice your kinesthetics and just have a good time. Take a vacation in Europe -- maybe Prague because the women are amazing and it is still cheap. You're wasting your valuable youth mauling over this woman. She left you -- that's her problem. She'll have to live with that regret after dating more guys and realizing you were a great one. But don't dwell on that and don't wish her ill-will. Just get moving ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 Wow. You guys are all awesome. I needed this. I cannot truly thank you enough. I just hope one day.. I can find true love. I'm young.. I know.. in mind, body, spirit and soul... I'm only 25 (and still maturing.. I have a long way to go)... my path is a long one as I chose the PhD route. It's so difficult to get 'out' and meet women when I'm doing research, research, research... but... I must live. I need to be me. It's the only person I can be. Sometimes, I give advice and I'm told it's good advice.. I should take my own advice. Thanks to all of you.. I can let this be the end of an ending to a fresh beginning of a better me. Thank you again =) Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Time is too short. Life is too unpredictable. You could get hit by a car crossing the street tomorrow and end up dead. You've got to wake up every day and tell yourself it's like a mini-life and assume it might be your last. I like this DB. I know it but I have not been doing it. Also BB, never ever contact that girl again. You are a good guy. You have a bright future ahead of you. If she comes to you then you can choose whether or not you want to have contact with her. Don't put your hand in the fire. JD Link to post Share on other sites
DenverBachelor Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Just out of curiosity, is that you and your girl in your avatar? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 Just out of curiosity, is that you and your girl in your avatar? No, but I long to have something like that once more... It reminds me that there is still love out there and I just need to keep living my life to the best of my abilities and remember this time, it truly wasn't me that did the wronging (not that I ever have, but USUALLY it's a 2 way street in a breakup)... ...that one day.. I will find that love once more. (not that I've experienced true love.. I'm young. I've clearly mistaken infatuation for love, but in the moment... I feel alive. That's all that matters to me I'm able to share my world with someone else and she can share hers with me. Thank you again for smacking me upside the head Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 What disturbs me most about this post is that you describe her as being mentally and verbally abusive. Abused people have very poor boundaries and no idea of how to enforce the ones they do have. Abusive people are very cunning and diabolical. I would suggest that you take the focus off a networking site and look a little deeper in your soul to find out why you allowed yourself to be in an abusive relationship and why you want to be back with someone who abused you? Even if her "lazy communication" is her way of reaching out to you, what about her abusive ways? Those probably haven't changed. And what about your poor boundaries? All I'm saying is that relationships are meant to be a blessing or a lesson. What can you change about yourself so that you won't find yourself with another abuser? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 (edited) What disturbs me most about this post is that you describe her as being mentally and verbally abusive. Abused people have very poor boundaries and no idea of how to enforce the ones they do have. Abusive people are very cunning and diabolical. I would suggest that you take the focus off a networking site and look a little deeper in your soul to find out why you allowed yourself to be in an abusive relationship and why you want to be back with someone who abused you? Even if her "lazy communication" is her way of reaching out to you, what about her abusive ways? Those probably haven't changed. And what about your poor boundaries? All I'm saying is that relationships are meant to be a blessing or a lesson. What can you change about yourself so that you won't find yourself with another abuser? Cunning and diabolical... that sounds familiar. She'd always be able to turn a situation on me and somehow... I was never ever able to be adequately able to explain it.. or turn the tables... I always just took it. It sucked I don't know why I want her... I just do. The physical part of the relationship maybe? I miss her smile... as few of those I saw... I miss her kiss... we shared few real kisses... most of them were during sex... I don't know... I've been speaking with a professional... Edited January 7, 2010 by bananaboat11 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 Ahhh... as smart as I may be.. I must seriously be WEAK minded to be going back & forth like this. I want her. I hate her. I am infatuated with her. I cannot stand the site of her. She is beautiful. I miss her. Her hair is soft, he lips supple. Her gaze, cold. Her heart, black. Her eyes, void of emotion... her... me... I need to Ctrl.Alt.Delete my life right now. ughhhhhhhhhhhh F*ck human emotion... Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Ahhh... as smart as I may be.. I must seriously be WEAK minded to be going back & forth like this. I want her. I hate her. I am infatuated with her. I cannot stand the site of her. She is beautiful. I miss her. Her hair is soft, he lips supple. Her gaze, cold. Her heart, black. Her eyes, void of emotion... her... me... I need to Ctrl.Alt.Delete my life right now. ughhhhhhhhhhhh F*ck human emotion... I think you're right in that you miss the physical part of the relationship. That's an honest statement. Just be clear about what you don't miss so that you don't damn fool yourself into thinking you really loved someone that could abuse you. You liked kissing her and touching her and looking at her. You're not weak, you're human. Just see her for who she REALLY is and not the way you would LIKE her to be and you'll be fine. Keep your head up. We just have to be smart about who we give our love to and stop throwing it away on unworthy people. I just went through the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 I think you're right in that you miss the physical part of the relationship. That's an honest statement. Just be clear about what you don't miss so that you don't damn fool yourself into thinking you really loved someone that could abuse you. You liked kissing her and touching her and looking at her. You're not weak, you're human. Just see her for who she REALLY is and not the way you would LIKE her to be and you'll be fine. Keep your head up. We just have to be smart about who we give our love to and stop throwing it away on unworthy people. I just went through the same thing. Thank you. I feel ashamed of the way I'm acting.... especially when I give out advice, I try to put up this facade that I'm so strong. I feel hypocritical. You, Penelope, DB, et al (and others) have really... really... REALLY helped me mentally so far since she's unblocked me. I feel it's only a matter of days or weeks until she does try to mess w/ my head again. Thank you again. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Thank you. I feel ashamed of the way I'm acting.... especially when I give out advice, I try to put up this facade that I'm so strong. I feel hypocritical. You, Penelope, DB, et al (and others) have really... really... REALLY helped me mentally so far since she's unblocked me. I feel it's only a matter of days or weeks until she does try to mess w/ my head again. Thank you again. It will pass. Just don't deny your feelings and just deal with ALL of them. The thing about feelings is that they won't be denied and as long as I process them, eventually I start to feel better. Don't beat yourself up as that is counterproductive to you healing and miving forward. If you miss her, you miss her! Just be clear as to WHAT you miss about her. I did a lot of research on abusive characteristics and learned so much. The silent treatment, withholding, invalidating, aggressing, constant chaos, dominating and minimizing are all forms of mental and emotional abuse. Just do your research so you can spot a person like this the next time. Link to post Share on other sites
myhearthurtsbadly Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 bannana boat, i just wanted to say that i feel the EXACT same as you do except its only been a month for me. Its incredible i could have written exactly what you have posted here. So yeh just wanted to let you know that there is someone (me) out there who knows exactly what you are going through, honestly i mean it. I cry everyday, little things like when you said what your avatar meant to you set me off. Hang in there man. You say you dj, what kind of music? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 bannana boat, i just wanted to say that i feel the EXACT same as you do except its only been a month for me. Its incredible i could have written exactly what you have posted here. So yeh just wanted to let you know that there is someone (me) out there who knows exactly what you are going through, honestly i mean it. I cry everyday, little things like when you said what your avatar meant to you set me off. Hang in there man. You say you dj, what kind of music? I'm sorry you are in my place too... if it weren't for good friends, I'd probably be in a dark place... regardless of my lifting / fitness. I like to mix EDM, hip hop, top 40, rap, RnB, a little house music... sometimes I'll throw in country (with a beat) and some hardstyle. I mostly listen to hardstyle, rock, alternative, indie stuff and some house music. I love electronica music. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 ] I just hope one day.. I can find true love. I'm young.. I know.. in mind, body, spirit and soul... I'm only 25 (and still maturing.. I have a long way to go)... my path is a long one as I chose the PhD route. It's so difficult to get 'out' and meet women when I'm doing research, research, research... AH, a fellow pursuer of a doctorate degree! I'll respond to this specifically then. I'm in a program that's supposed to give me "easier" acceptance in the university's pharmacy school. I did well in the Sciences in my high school, so I was confident that I was prepared for the Science program at the university for my undergrad. Then there was that break-up. Let me tell you, my GPA and that confidence plummeted. My counselor at the uni's counseling center was pretty upset that I didn't share that I was failing classes because of how badly I was affected by the break-up and by the jerk. Two years "late" into getting into pharmacy school thru my program and I'm still making up for my Math/Sci GPA. The Math/Sci GPA booster classes approved by the pharmacy school for its "pre-pharms" get harder. The Science undergrad professors know that they're teaching a lot of pre-pharms and therefore, make the classes more challenging. Last sem, I barely passed one of the hardest Bio courses I can take as an undergrad at that uni and now I have to talk to my advisor about possible options that I can take because that grade isn't high enough. I still want to be a pharmacist and this undertaking, I hope, will be the only hardest academic challenge I will overcome on my way to becoming one. He isn't worth this resulting aftermath and where is he in my life? Nowhere to be found, carousing with his new gf. That's okay, because I was the one who kicked him out of my life. Loveshack also really helped me gather what remaining confidence I had in myself to tell him "I can't do this anymore. You want to be friends, but we're not friends because we do things that friends don't do." I praise that she is with him. She can have him. He's her problem now, not mine. I have to emphasize this because that how I really feel about him now. I'm not going to lie, I cried when I found out. But... He was not worth crying over. He wasn't worth my life plan. He wasn't worth my entrance into pharmacy school at the scheduled program that I was accepted into. I still cry and complain about how unfair all of this is, but it's still my burden that I have to fix. I wanted to complete the program as planned because I want to be out of school as soon as possible to pay my loans and to help my family. I have plans for that pharmacy doctorate. I don't intend to work as a retail pharmacist until I retire. Above all, I hate being in this position because of a boy. Man... looking back on it, that sounds REALLY lame. I'm still so ashamed and very angry when I think of what I gave up because I wanted him back. Such a foolish girl I was. This post is to let you know that you can spare yourself from being in a somewhat similar position because of a girl as you pursue your PhD in your field of choice. That degree isn't going to help just yourself: you can use it to help a lot of people. I don't have a thread that concentrates on my situation, btw. I'm just mentioning that in case you or others might be interested in looking up my story. Mine came out in bits and pieces in other threads and more extensively in private messages with fellow Loveshackers. Some remain; others have moved on and I wish they were still around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 Wow Penelope. I'm so sorry. My GPA/lab research work took a HUGE hit last semester. I almost got booted... I study metabolism... specific to carbohydrate metabolism & type II diabetes. I... ...Cannot... ..thank... ..you... .....enough..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 (edited) I keep wondering... about a week ago... I texted a mutual friend to tell me that what my ex said when we broke up is true... that I am making up our entire relationship. (clearly I know I didn't... so do all my friends... my ex made it clear we were together at the time heh) ...I wonder if this mutual friend spoke to the ex. And the ex is hoping that THAT was a sign and is expecting me to contact her. or probably feed her ego. FML. I need to listen to you guys. NO CONTACT. *drills it into his head* ****.. if you wanted to know the physiology behind hyperglycemia, hyperinsulinemia and T2DM... and the role of inflammatory cytokines... beta cell function, insulin resistance or sensitivity (M value... or scaled to serum insulin M/I) blah, blah, blah, blah... maybe you all care to know about tumor necrosis factor alpha (TNF-alpha) and its role in adipose tissue upon reception to the TNF-R2 receptor and the release of associated kinases that affect tyrosine phosphorylation and IRS-1 substrate apart of the 2nd messenger system upon Insulin reception... (I know I just spewed all of that and I only expect 1 or 2 of you to follow... sorry.. I'm just FRUSTRATED to hell at the moment. sorry) Edited January 7, 2010 by bananaboat11 Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 = My GPA/lab research work took a HUGE hit last semester. I almost got booted... I study metabolism... specific to carbohydrate metabolism & type II diabetes. You going crazy with the delirium or what? She's not worth it. NO ONE on this planet is worth giving up such a good future for. Your research will help Diabetic patients and specialists. The medical profession needs dedicated individuals such as ourselves. I want to make a difference in the medical profession. Being set back isn't worth it. The more cynical side rears its head from time to time and says "I should make a shirt. I'd put on it 'I went through all that crap and all I got were lessons.' " Not worth it. Not worth it at all. I could've been learning drug interactions by now. Also, your most recent post, I'm able to follow most of it. That's very amusing to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 You going crazy with the delirium or what? She's not worth it. NO ONE on this planet is worth giving up such a good future for. Your research will help Diabetic patients and specialists. The medical profession needs dedicated individuals such as ourselves. I want to make a difference in the medical profession. Being set back isn't worth it. The more cynical side rears its head from time to time and says "I should make a shirt. I'd put on it 'I went through all that crap and all I got were lessons.' " Not worth it. Not worth it at all. I could've been learning drug interactions by now. Also, your most recent post, I'm able to follow most of it. That's very amusing to me. My study is almost complete and is really cool.. actually I just hate I have to do the freakin' CITI training again AND all the University trainings for lab safety... BSL2 lab... Blood Borne Pathogens training... Radiation Safety training and one other. Freakin' waste of time. Thank you so much Penelope. I hope I meet a woman like you one day. Someone who is career oriented, strong willed, independent, smart, intelligent, has a sense of self, down to earth,and understanding of my commitment and love for my work like she has for her own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Share Posted January 8, 2010 *sigh* I hate seeing mutual friends upload **** on FB.... FML Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Share Posted January 8, 2010 Ahhh... but the only way I will EVER take her back is if she drives her pretentious, pretty, never has done a hard day's work and has been given everything from daddy and does not appreciate my hard work and all the things I've done for her's ass for the 4 hour drive to knock on my apartment door and BEG for forgiveness. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 *sigh* I hate seeing mutual friends upload **** on FB.... FML Facebook was the bane of my existence, bb. Found this exchange I had w/ 9Lives a few months ago. I did something different. I got tired of the see-saw that was "de-friending" him, then him "friending" me again, so I deleted my entire Facebook university account. Blocking didn't work for me because I saw the damned name anyway. I got back on Facebook but I don't use it extensively (I last logged on in November and I haven't since) and what uni friends I have on it are friends who have no association with him. Only 1 is a mutual friend and I could give a rat's azz if he sees our exchanges or not. You haven't given up on finding someone. Didn't you say in another thread that you were getting the flirty vibes from female employees of establishments you visited? You're making progress, man: attention from the opposite sex that isn't your ex does WONDERS. And why would you want someone back who hasn't experienced getting sweaty from hard work? I recently read that people who experience success after success are the most debilitated when faced with a hardship. They don't know how to cope. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 9, 2010 Author Share Posted January 9, 2010 (edited) Facebook was the bane of my existence, bb. Found this exchange I had w/ 9Lives a few months ago. I did something different. I got tired of the see-saw that was "de-friending" him, then him "friending" me again, so I deleted my entire Facebook university account. Blocking didn't work for me because I saw the damned name anyway. I got back on Facebook but I don't use it extensively (I last logged on in November and I haven't since) and what uni friends I have on it are friends who have no association with him. Only 1 is a mutual friend and I could give a rat's azz if he sees our exchanges or not. You haven't given up on finding someone. Didn't you say in another thread that you were getting the flirty vibes from female employees of establishments you visited? You're making progress, man: attention from the opposite sex that isn't your ex does WONDERS. And why would you want someone back who hasn't experienced getting sweaty from hard work? I recently read that people who experience success after success are the most debilitated when faced with a hardship. They don't know how to cope. I'm sorry you were subjected to such horror... Sometimes, Penelope, I feel those days of a fervor's past... the nostalgia drives the mind into ups and downs. The attention is but a glimpse... a passing moment in an everyday life. I pay it mind like I notice the garden spider out of the corner of my eye ensnaring his pray as I pass through the terrace of affliction. It is these small moments that act to temporarily lift oneself up, but it is just as I've stated... temporary =/ The closure, I find, comes from within. And I was coming along fine... forgetting the one who should be forgotten.. and it is as if I've become stagnant wondering why... what to anticipate? I know, deep down, I cannot care nor want to know what is on HER mind... like you in your past predicament. ...and the pathetic thing is I KNOW what I need to do. I just don't want to. Here, I am not above reproach, but cast deep into its squirming belly. You've been nothing but good to me the last couple of days and if I could thank you in person, I would. I have learned - time changes nothing. Doing things... changes things. It's my time spent engorging into the positive influences in life that help me help myself to forget so that one day... I may forget her. One day... one day... thank you. EDIT: I would be so much happier if I woke up and saw she blocked me once again instead of me anticipating her contacting me eventually... whether it's good or bad.. i'm not hoping, but rather expecting.. =/ Edited January 9, 2010 by bananaboat11 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts