moaningmyrtle Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 I've seen quite a lot of things here lately where the MM (and sometimes MW) do some utterly awful things to both their BW and OW. I've noticed that some of us occasionally say things like "at least my MM/WH didn't do that" as if there are degrees of bad behaviour exhibited by MM - which I'm convinced there are. Posters do spend a bit of time criticising MM -these same guys are the WH to their BW - just opposite sides of the same coin. I wondered if it would be worth writing down some of the more generic things that they do and giving them some sort of rating (maybe out of 10)for awfulness or badness. The higher the score then the worse the individual MM. I hope this might be cathartic to some perhaps mildly amusing to others - no offence is intended to any living MM actually posting to LS. I'll get the ball rolling with my own list. Meanwhile I'll have to think about what ratings to give them out of 10 - any suggestions? Chasing women Having an affair Having affairs serially Having multiple OW at the same time Being on dating sites Having cybersex Watching "standard" porn Watching "sick" porn Paedophilia Bestiality (I don't recall ever actually seeing on of these mentioned on LS). Having homosexual sex Pretending to be single (aggravated by pretending to the one OW over a long period of time) Visiting strip shows Visiting massage parlours for - "hand relief" Visiting prostitutes for "full service" Pretending to be about to divorce Pretending to be about to leave his wife Leaving his wife for the OW Pretending to his BW to have gone NC Going back and forth between his BW and OW Repeatedly breaking NC Domestic violence to either BW or OW Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 Out of the above my MM qualifies for: Having an affair (obviously) Watching "standard" porn (I am pretty sure he does this once in a while) That's it. My MM is pretty much the good husband who not understanding what happened to him stumbled into an affair with his highschool sweetheart. I am trying to make him realize that he needs IC, but that seems to be difficult for him to fathom. He is so used to solving any dilemmas on his own. Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 Imagine the guy that scores on them all. Eek! I wonder if there is one... He's probably in prison now Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 I've seen quite a lot of things here lately where the MM (and sometimes MW) do some utterly awful things to both their BW and OW. I've noticed that some of us occasionally say things like "at least my MM/WH didn't do that" as if there are degrees of bad behaviour exhibited by MM - which I'm convinced there are. Posters do spend a bit of time criticising MM -these same guys are the WH to their BW - just opposite sides of the same coin. I wondered if it would be worth writing down some of the more generic things that they do and giving them some sort of rating (maybe out of 10)for awfulness or badness. The higher the score then the worse the individual MM. I hope this might be cathartic to some perhaps mildly amusing to others - no offence is intended to any living MM actually posting to LS. I'll get the ball rolling with my own list. Meanwhile I'll have to think about what ratings to give them out of 10 - any suggestions? Chasing women Having an affair Having affairs serially Having multiple OW at the same time Being on dating sites Having cybersex Watching "standard" porn Watching "sick" porn Paedophilia Bestiality (I don't recall ever actually seeing on of these mentioned on LS). Having homosexual sex Pretending to be single (aggravated by pretending to the one OW over a long period of time) Visiting strip shows Visiting massage parlours for - "hand relief" Visiting prostitutes for "full service" Pretending to be about to divorce Pretending to be about to leave his wife Leaving his wife for the OW Pretending to his BW to have gone NC Going back and forth between his BW and OW Repeatedly breaking NC Domestic violence to either BW or OW Wow that's quite a list! From the obviously criminal (domestic violence, paedophilia, bestiality) to the morally ambivalent (strip shows, porn). Not everyone would agree that all of them would be "bad" - for example, while a BW would think that "leaving his W for the OW" was evil, the OW would think it was heroic; similarly, "pretending to be about to leave his W" (but not actually doing so) would rate as far more evil to an OW than to a BW, and tossing the OW under a bus would be heinous to an OW but a relief to a BW. It would be pretty hard to get agreement when interests can be so diametrically opposed! Personally, I don't consider porn (per se) to be "bad" - though clearly porn which reflects / depicts practices I consider abhorrent (bestiality, say; or paedophilia) I would consider "bad" because the actions they depict are "bad" in themselves. Ditto strip shows - harmless titillation, IMO (though I'd be far more likely to engage in that than my H, it must be said ) but morality differs, and some people would probably be horrified at the thought that someone who was M sought any kind of titillation from anyone but their spouse. (Not sure if that includes chocolate? ) What I would consider "bad", which isn't on the list: Lying Speaking disrespectfully Treating the other disrespectfully - especially in front of others Withdrawing emotionally Unwilling to discuss "what's wrong" Taking the other for granted Being a crap lover Losing interest sexually Playing power games Not facing problems - escaping into alcohol / drugs / computer games / etc Smothering / denying the other their space Clinging Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 "Being a crap lover" - I love that one! Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 "Being a crap lover" - I love that one! No. 1 crime in a M or any other serious R, IMO! Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 Why limit it to MM? What about MW? Link to post Share on other sites
wheelwright Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 What I would consider "bad", which isn't on the list: Lying Speaking disrespectfully Treating the other disrespectfully - especially in front of others Withdrawing emotionally Unwilling to discuss "what's wrong" Taking the other for granted Being a crap lover Losing interest sexually Playing power games Not facing problems - escaping into alcohol / drugs / computer games / etc Smothering / denying the other their space Clinging This list seems to me more like a list of what is wrong with a SO which may induce someone to seek the opposite in an AP. Was that the intention? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 This list seems to me more like a list of what is wrong with a SO which may induce someone to seek the opposite in an AP. Was that the intention? Nope - that wasn't the intention; I was responding to Myrtle's OP about unacceptable behaviour in MMs (or WHs, from the BS side, I guess?) - or, as Reboot points out (hey Reboot! long time...) it could apply equally to MWs. But your point is well taken - the things that would suck in an A would suck in ANY R Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Hey OW. Yeah, long time, 2 years. Link to post Share on other sites
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