johnnywinner Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 Merry Christmas everyone. Here I am on Christmas Eve all alone. I think i lost the love of my life. We were togetrher for 3 years. IN the beginning we lived together then she moved overseas. It was only after I told her I was not in a position at that time, to marry her. She loved very much. She wanted to get married. WE decided to continue as a long distance relationship. Before she left, my dad passed away suddenly from a stroke. This is the reason , I was in no frame of mind to get married.I was dealing with the life problems after a dad passes and was under much stress. She called everyday. She always said she would return and we would see about our plans. THEN, 7 months pass and my mom's mom gets suddenly ill and is in the hospital and 2 weeks later passes away. Approximately 1 1/.2 months later, after dad's memorial mass and dinner. My mom was invited to go away to visit friends and relatives. She needed the break. She needed a little vacation. So she went to spend EASTER with family and to get a relaxing and happier time. Well, MOM was fine, she had been through so much. During her visit she starts to feel sick. As soon as she gets worse she is taken to the hospital. She becomes very critical very quickly and within days pases away. Meanwhile, my girlfriend all along is expecting me to go overseas and get engaged or marry her. My life is upside down, yet i am okay through god help. My girlfriewnd starts acting stupid. About 6 months after mom passed she is saying she no longer needs a marriage and children. She is happy alone. I propose one month later. She does not take me seriously and actually is nasty for 3 months as i plead and beg her to stip all her negaTIve thoughts about marriage and we could be si happy. I decide to stop talking. I figure she will come to her senses. My life is still dealing with everything. She calls and sends cards a month later, apologizing and saying that she lied and was just misunderstanding what i wanted in mariage. We begin talking marriage. sHE STARTS ASKING ABOUT HOUSES AND i suggest getting a house. She seems pleased. But, then she starts demanding that her dog be in our bed. I am allergic. SO I SAY NO. SHE GETS UPSET. then, she tells me why should i come back and be a housewife and cry and be sadfwith you, life is too short. Really everyone lives for themselves. I was in mourning. So of course i was sad. I asked her to explain why she said all this, but she refuses. Then she informs me that she does not want married life the way i do and likes her life as is aND WANTS TO BE ALONE. SHE HAS THESE FRIENDS THAT SHE MET 11 MONTHS AGO AND I FEEL THEY INFLUENCE HER TOO. THEY ARE THE LETS TRAVEL AND HAVE FUN. THEY ARE NOT INTO SERIOUS RElAtionships. She has been traveling amd going all over europe with them. I decided to leave her alone. I thought that time away would be better. But I did tell her i respect her view and wish her well. In my heart i was hurt. I waited one month. I get a call. We talk nicely and she says that the reason that she was mean and said all those things is because she wants a ring. She expected me to give her an engagewment ring after dad passed and all through this time. She felt i should have flown there and priposed. with a ring. I SAID, BUT WHEN YOU CAME HERE I WAS GOING TO GIVE YOU THE RING. she said she was hurt and disappointed because of no ring. Anyway i told her if i give you a ring now whart then? She said i do not know. She said i was kidding that you should come now andf give me a ring. I was talking about before. Mostly my life is good and i am happy now. I have my friends and travel and am busy. I love you biut i do not need you. I am confused and i can not understand any of ot. I love her and 8 weeks ago we were planning on her coming and aour future life and now zero. What do you think i should do? /merry christmas/ johnnywinner Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 I would stay away...far away. you don't need anyone holding a "ring" over your head to be together. plus with such a tragic loss of both of your parents I feel that she did not use correct discretion at all in dealing with this Oh yeah... If she gets this ring the next ring she'll want is one in your nose. Sorry, but it seems true Link to post Share on other sites
johnnywinner Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 Thanks ,I appreciate your honest view. I do love her , but , I do not think she really knows the tragedy I had. sHE only sees her life and that we should be married./merry Christmas/ johnnywinner Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted December 26, 2003 Share Posted December 26, 2003 How can you still love a girl who is so heartless? She doesn't love you, she loves the idea of getting a ring on her finger. This girl wants her cake and eat it too, and much much more than that! Like mjk said, she has no consideration for your feelings, about not yet wanting to marry her, and especially about letting you grieve for your family first. Please say your goodbyes to this girl and move on. You do not need this right now! Merry Christmas! Link to post Share on other sites
johnnywinner Posted December 26, 2003 Share Posted December 26, 2003 I have been thinking yesterday and today thar maybe, I am missing a point. Maybe , she is hurt asnd feels abandoned and rejected and cant get past her own hurt to see my tragedy. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted December 26, 2003 Share Posted December 26, 2003 I think you're trying to make excuses for her in order for you to be able to hold onto her. I think you're in denial that things with her are over for good. If she felt abandoned and hurt, then she takes the cake where selfishness is concerned. Give me a break. BOTH your parents and your grandmother died. She should have flown in to see you and comfort you. If she truly loved you, she would understand your grief and understand that marriage was not ideal for you at the moment. In short, she would have been there for you and she wasn't and then had the gall to complain about what you didn't do for her. Unbelievable... Get as far away from this selfish person as fast as you can and find someone who will love you for YOU and not for what you can give them. Good luck. You have a good heart. Link to post Share on other sites
JOHNNYWINNER Posted January 1, 2004 Share Posted January 1, 2004 i JUST HUNG UP THE PHONE. I thought i would surptise her anbd call to wish her a happy new year. I called the first time and i heard she had a party going on, but she coyuld not hear me ftom all the noise. I called ine hour later, and she was happy to hear from me. BUT, the loud noise made it hard to talk. She said, I dhould call back in 2 hours. I told her that i loved her and she said it too. But, i feel a little sad, i mean here i an sad and alone , lost my patents and grandmother, and she is there having fun. I know i should not think it, but hey, i am human. I feel like gee she is really worrying about me? yeah right? I do not know. I should take her happiness to hear from me as good. What do you think of my whole situation? happy NEW YEZAR, JOHNNYWINNER Link to post Share on other sites
AllyKat Posted January 1, 2004 Share Posted January 1, 2004 Well, she should be there with you, but you arent together, right? So technically I do not think you can hold this party against her. You need to find out what you want. I mean, you sound so eager to please her that you are not figuring out what YOU want. This girl sounds like she needs time too. She cant say one thing one day, then another the next. How old are you too? Just curious. If its meant to be, it will be. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 1, 2004 Share Posted January 1, 2004 Love and marriage should mean...being there for someone, being connected, sharing feelings. It's discordant that you have been suffering, and she is far away whooping it up. We all have our lives to live, but I expect for a relationship that is close, you need to be there for each other in crisis moments. Did you tell her - honestly and clearly - that you needed her and wanted her to come? This girl is pretty honest about what she wants - to have fun, apart from you. And you're blunt as well - calling her "nasty" and "stupid". Even with all your suffering, perhaps it is for the best that the two of you stay apart for now and perhaps for always. Link to post Share on other sites
confuuuuused Posted January 1, 2004 Share Posted January 1, 2004 I have to agree with the posts above am afraid - but I can see why you're holding out for her. I guess it's hard to be objective when you're the one in the relationship, you keep wanting to give them a chance, maybe you misunderstood them etc but from the outside looking in it looks like she's got her own agenda and unfortunately you're not really in it. Maybe I should take my own advice in my situation - hmmm not so easy happy new year Link to post Share on other sites
Tahoe_Insomniac Posted January 1, 2004 Share Posted January 1, 2004 Hello! Firstly... anyone who has seen my posts in the other areas knows that my own life and relationship is pretty messed up at the moment... but from my own thoughts and feelings I can totally empathise with a few things you have mentioned. So, for what its worth.... From my point of view I think that the fact you have had such a terrible time with your awful losses (which is more than anyone should be expected to handle on their own!) that maybe you are grabbing hold of what you have to make sure that that doesn't dissappear from your life too. Whatever they have done to make things hard and however good or bad the situation between you is... it's really easy to grab hold of it and not let go... because being IN the relationship is still so good... its a great feeling.... ...and to follow on from this... its true that love can be very blind. You can follow that person blindly because you care for them very much.... you dress up their great qualities and excuse there poor points. Somebody said something to me recently which kind of goes hand in hand with the 'love is blind' cliche... but they had a real point... You see... when you follow your heart and ignore a few things your head is saying... that IS the beauty of being in love or loving someone... its that feeling that makes you happy and that, my friend, is the eternal goal... happiness. If you are happy, thats all that counts. It doesn't matter what other people may say and convention doesn't matter either... if you are happy you are happy... and thats something that some people never get a piece of. Where the buck stops is the question: BUT WILL I KEEP ON BEING HAPPY...? Well, the fact you are here might just mean you are looking for confirmation... it might mean you are looking for a friendly nudge to keep your dream alive... for someone to give you the nod and say 'it's ok - go for it'! or it might mean you aren't sure that you can be happy in this... As an outsider to your situation its easy for me and others to say that there seem to be some areas in your relationship where you weren't as supported or respected as you should have been... and thats good advice, because you probably weren't.... but at the end of the day, despite this, if that person can make you happy and you believe they can... perhaps thats where your persuit should lie. If you wish to continue with her... my advice to you is to become stronger... its time for you to expect more than you are getting... a relationship is very much a two way street... up your committment and you should expect more back! Good luck... and I hope happiness finds you in 2004. T_I Link to post Share on other sites
johnnywinner Posted January 2, 2004 Share Posted January 2, 2004 Well, I decided to call her today. I felt it being a new year, she may have a change of attitude. She basically said that she can not give me any answers about us. She is not sure about anything. She feels that my allowing her to go 2 years ago and not chasing her, hurt. She was hurting every day. She decided her feelings. But still loved me. She wants to be sure I am the man of 2 years ago. She said people change. BUT, we have spoken by phone everyday for 2 years. There is no reason to think this. Yet, she thinks it and does not trust. She feels i should go to europe to prove to her that i am the same. She also can not give me any answers on marriage or children now. She may come in hune, we can see then, if i want to wait. I told her do hyou want to be my girlfriend till then. She said no i cant promise anything. What now guys? johnnywinner Link to post Share on other sites
JOHNNYWINNER Posted January 5, 2004 Share Posted January 5, 2004 I called her on new years. She told me that she does not know what she wants and does not want to tell me something that she can not keep her word on. She is not sure.Does she want me to go there with a ring? is it that she wants me to prove my love by going there, Is she afraid of commitment? She is totally confusing me./johnnywinner Link to post Share on other sites
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