question for guys. would you be put off dating a woman who has three kids at 31

[tigereyes1428]

just wondered the opinions of men - would you be put off dating a woman who had three children at 31 by three fathers.

[burning 4 revenge]

Im inclined to say yes, but Christ knows how many abortions by how many different fathers the average woman has

[tigereyes1428]

can i ask why you automatically say that - and i get your point about the average woman -

[TheLoneSock]

just wondered the opinions of men - would you be put off dating a woman who had three children at 31 by three fathers.

 

Absolutely. That's disgusting.

[tigereyes1428]

disgusting ?

[burning 4 revenge]

Absolutely. That's disgusting.

Would have been better if she ripped them up with a coathanger?

[TheLoneSock]

Would have been better if she ripped them up with a coathanger?

 

Was this supposed to be an allusion to abortion? What a dumb comment.

[burning 4 revenge]

Was this supposed to be an allusion to abortion? What a dumb comment.

So why is it so disgusting she has had three kids from three fathers?

 

That doesnt mean shes been with more men than the average woman if thats what youre saying

 

I would be scared of the drama and wouldnt have the finances to handle that kind of situation so Id probably not be too keen on it, but Im not going to call her disgusting

[tigereyes1428]

i expected some people to be judgemental - but I am shocked to the core to be labelled disgusting I have 3 fantastic kids to 3 dads - not what i planned for my life at all - was married young had baby did not work out - 2 nd time i was engaged and we had baby - was the love of my life - was so happy til i found out he had another fiancee total double life this destroyed me for almost five years slowly began to trust again and met current partner and have my third child , am i really disgusting for wanting another chance at having a family and a partner , i genuinely wold like your opinions here please.

[TheLoneSock]

So why is it so disgusting she has had three kids from three fathers?

 

It's still disgusting. Aborting a fetus 3 times is also disgusting. It doesn't have to be one or the other. Both situations are gross.

[TheLoneSock]

am i really disgusting for wanting another chance at having a family and a partner , i genuinely wold like your opinions here please.

 

You already have a family...

 

One of many reasons I, personally, would never date a woman in your situation. I don't date a woman if she has even 1 child, let alone 3. Don't take offense to it; it is after all just my 'opinion'.

[burning 4 revenge]

It's still disgusting. Aborting a fetus 3 times is also disgusting. It doesn't have to be one or the other. Both situations are gross.

what world are you lving in man

 

a woman having had 3 pregnancies by 3 guys by 31 is probably not too uncommon. youd never know it though because of all of the abortions that go on

 

but this woman has her kids and takes her knocks and then she gets labelled a whore (pretty much what youre saying)

 

i think id be tempted to date her out of admiration alone...but it would take a brave man because christ only knows what dramas would go on with the other dads and with the kids

[tigereyes1428]

i know - thanks for answering anyway - feel upset by your comments but I understand everyone thinks differently - and thank you again for taking time to reply -

[tigereyes1428]

burning revenge - thank you very much - your post gave me hope again, my kids are my responsibility financially I work and study at night - have always worked even though financially i am better off not working - i will never give my boys the opinion that not working is ever ok and there is no drama - they all see their dads - we parent together and again i thank you very much for your time and your open minded answers x x

[TheLoneSock]

what world are you lving in man

 

A world where I have options other than a woman who already has children.

 

a woman having had 3 pregnancies by 3 guys by 31 is probably not too uncommon. youd never know it though because of all of the abortions that go on

 

What world are you living in? An unmarried woman having 3 pregnancies by 31 is not common. Women out there in this situation are most certainly the exception and not the 'norm'.

 

but this woman has her kids and takes her knocks and then she gets labelled a whore (pretty much what youre saying)

 

Don't put words in my mouth. If you have nothing else to argue, that's your problem. Don't manufacture BS.

 

i think id be tempted to date her out of admiration alone...but it would take a brave man because christ only knows what dramas would go on with the other dads and with the kids

 

That's you. You're 35. I'm 23 and have no reason at all to date a single mom, there are far more options out there for me being young, good looking and successful.

 

Also, I'd imagine it has less to do with bravery than it does desperation, for a guy to settle for that situation. If he is a single father, sure, I can see that working out. Otherwise, no.

[tigereyes1428]

now i hope your not offended by my opinion. "settle for that situation" some men embrace a family and feel luck to not only have found a wonderful woman but wonderful children also..

your comments about desperation also belittle any man who has ever found love with a single mum

and being "young good looking and successful will only get you so far in life - i have been a woman in her twenties and would take a man who can think outside the box any day over someone who is as arrogant as to describe himself like that - there is confidence and their is arrogance, but that is something you learn as you mature from the young boy you are into a man.

[Lishy]

Ahhhhhhhhhhh I read this thread and read Lone's replies with an open mouth and then it hit me .... He is not a man he is simply a boy! A boy with no right to come into an adult thread and give his childish opinion!

 

Now Tiger, unless it is 23 yr old boys you want to date then just ignore what he is saying as he has no clue of life and that shows in his ignorant, unthoughful replies. His opinion is that of a kid so dont take offence in what he says ... half it, quarter it and forget it.

 

I have a friend who has 4 kids with 3 dads ... she is not a slag she just met the wrong guys and found out too late and she has no problem meeting guys who are all adult enough to see the situation for what it is

 

Oh and Lone .... I hope my opinion didnt offend you!

[TheLoneSock]

Ahhhhhhhhhhh I read this thread and read Lone's replies with an open mouth and then it hit me .... He is not a man he is simply a boy! A boy with no right to come into an adult thread and give his childish opinion!

 

Now Tiger, unless it is 23 yr old boys you want to date then just ignore what he is saying as he has no clue of life and that shows in his ignorant, unthoughful replies. His opinion is that of a kid so dont take offence in what he says ... half it, quarter it and forget it.

 

I have a friend who has 4 kids with 3 dads ... she is not a slag she just met the wrong guys and found out too late and she has no problem meeting guys who are all adult enough to see the situation for what it is

 

Oh and Lone .... I hope my opinion didnt offend you!

 

None what so ever.

[In_Repair]

It's not just the plain fact of having three children by three different men, it's the thought processes of such a woman that would be a red flag for me. On the other hand, I'm one of those people that buy into the idea that we are who we are because of our past experiences and how we dealt with them. If you care about someone, you have to somewhat embrace the past that formed them into the wonderful person you see them as today, whether you agree with that past or not. I was thankfully raised by a good step-father myself, one that gladly stepped into a womans life who already had four children, so I don't have any hangups about taking on that role myself.

 

If that same woman went to work every day, kept herself and her home in presentable order, and she was a good mother to those children... what is the real problem? Wear a condom so you don't become number 4...

[tigereyes1428]

thank you lishy

xx

[Ro2Pi]

just wondered the opinions of men - would you be put off dating a woman who had three children at 31 by three fathers.

 

It really depends on a number of factors. Is she an amazing lady with a few problems in the past? Are there complications with the exs? How old am I?

 

Personally I wouldn't want to get involved. But that shouldn't discourage anyone. You'd be surprised by how many great people there are in the world.

[mem11363]

Plenty of guys would be ok with that provided:

- There is not a lot of drama/tension/financial friction with the ex husbands

- The kids are well behaved - I believe you already said they are

- Whether or not you desire to have more children - as he may wish to

 

Whether you have one exH or 3 of them the key issue goes to how disruptive that will be for the "new" guy. And frankly if you do manage the 3 of them smoothly then a typical male will be impressed by that.

 

I do think - if it were me - I would want to speak with each of the 3 of them privately before I got super serious with you to hear their side of the story as to why it did not work out. And to be fair - if you gave me 3 different stories for why things ended - but when I spoke to them they all described the same pattern of behavior on your part - that would be a real stumbling block for me. If however they all backed your depiction of events - green flag.

 

As for the child who posted earlier in this thread - aggressive little boys should play paintball and football with each other - not take out their frustrations on people they know little about.

 

 

 

 

thank you lishy

xx

[flc]

As I posted in the other thread this would be a red flag to me and I'm in my 50s so maybe that is old enough that it colors my thinking.

 

It really comes down to my first thought would be that you made poor decisions either to not use contraception or in deciding you wanted to have a child with 3 different men or even say you were married 3 times and divorced. This does not make you a bad person but not someone that I think I would be comfortable being involved with.

[Lishy]

As I posted in the other thread this would be a red flag to me and I'm in my 50s so maybe that is old enough that it colors my thinking.

 

It really comes down to my first thought would be that you made poor decisions either to not use contraception or in deciding you wanted to have a child with 3 different men or even say you were married 3 times and divorced. This does not make you a bad person but not someone that I think I would be comfortable being involved with.

 

So do you want to meet a virgin?

 

The OP had 3 long term relationships all of which resulted in a child and a break down in the relationships. Relationships break down all the time but when you are in them you dont expect them to end. Life happens and the OP should not be judged that she had 3 children.

 

Having issues about the drama that may be involved with the babys fathers is another case altogether but that also depends on how much you like the girl as to whether you would put up with any nonsense from the ex(es)

 

The fact that she has 3 kids and 3 dads is irrelevant ... many women have slept with 100+ men and had 10+ abortions ... is that any different? In my eyes its worse!

 

Tiger ... you should forget you asked this question as it matters not what anyone on here thinks as you will get a million different opinions. Everyone has their own deal breakers and one day you will find your man who does not judge you and has no problem with your situation

 

I know a guy who said he would never date a woman with fake boobs, blonde hair or kids and he is happily married to the exact woman he was trying to avoid!

 

Dont worry what people here think cos one day you will find out for real honey

Edited January 6, 2010 by Lishy

[flc]

So do you want to meet a virgin?

 

The OP had 3 long term relationships all of which resulted in a child and a break down in the relationships. Relationships break down all the time but when you are in them you dont expect them to end. Life happens and the OP should not be judged that she had 3 children.

 

Having issues about the drama that may be involved with the babys fathers is another case altogether but that also depends on how much you like the girl as to whether you would put up with any nonsense from the ex(es)

 

The fact that she has 3 kids and 3 dads is irrelevant ... many women have slept with 100+ men and had 10+ abortions ... is that any different? In my eyes its worse!

 

Tiger ... you should forget you asked this question as it matters not what anyone on here thinks as you will get a million different opinions. Everyone has their own deal breakers and one day you will find your man who does not judge you and has no problem with your situation

 

I know a guy who said he would never date a woman with fake boobs, blonde hair or kids and he is happily married to the exact woman he was trying to avoid!

 

Dont worry what people here think cos one day you will find out for real honey

 

Not at all my x wife was a single mother and we had another child during our marriage. My current GF has 3 kids from a 23 year marriage she is a widow. I don't have an issue with the number of kids although if I was younger taking on 3 young children might have been an issue.

 

It is more the fact she did have children with men whom the relationship did not progress to marriage and the fact this happened three times. It seems to me she has less issues with brining children into the world than with comittment.

 

Again, let me say this is my impression from reading a post on forum. I don't know the OP she may be perfectly wonderful person whom if I met her my opinion might change but if I was introduced to someone with these facts or found them on a dating service I would pass for someone else.