trail_blazers_7 Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 I started seeing a beautiful girl whom i love deeply back in june of 2009. her and i have been seeing each other exclusively since our first date. unfortunately, circumstances beyond my control have required me to move 3 states and 800 miles away. she isn't able to move to be with me for another 7 months due to college and family obligations. we both made a commitment to each other to visit as often as possible. fortunately for both of us i am able to visit her in a little more than a week! my question is: how can i act in the same supportive role over the phone as i was able to in person? ....let me clarify.... she has a very personal disorder that i was able to help her with when we were living together, but now that our only contact is through monthly visits and nightly phone calls, i find it much harder to provide her the same amount of support i did in person. it makes me feel useless and like a bad boyfriend every time i try and give her advice over the phone. she usually gets even more upset when all i can do i talk to her from a distance; this leads to her asking me why i had to move and why i couldn't wait until she could move too. i love this girl, we both know that we can and will survive this LDR and come out stronger. i need to know how to support my baby with her problem long distance Link to post Share on other sites
Flavour Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 what sort of "disorder" are you talking about? If she needs psychological support, you can do it on the phone being present and sending also little things to let her feel loved and cared for anyway, you know what she likes and you can guess better what she needs.If you are a bit more clear maybe we can help you better Link to post Share on other sites
Author trail_blazers_7 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Share Posted January 6, 2010 she has an eating disorder. she's also had a bit of a bad luck streak lately...her car was broken in to a couple weeks ago, she lost her job today, she may not be able to register for all the classes she needs to graduate on time, she's having a hard time coming up with rent money each month, i moved away last month. this is all sort of compounding with a poor body image and making life really difficult for her. i'm trying to do the best i can to support her from afar, we text all day and call each other every night. i sent her some money last week since she was unable to make her rent payment. lately she's been getting more and more upset with the world and i'm not quite sure what i can do to help make her feel better. calling and writing to each other is nice but at the same time it doesn't even come close to being able to comfort her in person. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Okay, in what ways could you support her in person or "help" her with her eating disorder that you are not able to now? I suffer from PTSD as well as anxiety attacks, I have a really hard time and struggle when things compound on top of eachother also. It becomes very difficult for me to manage if a lot of stressors go off at once; which they have this week. It's been a bad week, I have been sick. That said I have been dealing with this awhile and him just being there has helped me tremendously. I have been through therapy and I am careful not to make HIM my therapist or caretaker; that is bad news for the relationship. I just wanted to clarify wether or not that is the dynamic you two previously had? Link to post Share on other sites
Author trail_blazers_7 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 i've got my share of issues that she has helped me with. the help that we give each other isn't advice or suggestions like a therapist would. the support we give is by being there for one another and listening. Link to post Share on other sites
Flavour Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Send her everyday a little something. A cd, an email, a link connected to your love story or advices for her disorder, find out support groups in her area, check regularly on her. give her some rituals to rely on so she does not get stressed wiating for you....for example if she is waiting for you to call and she does not know when she could become anxious and start eating for comfort...but if she knows exactly the time she can rely on it....be always humourous make her laugh, reassure her about her looks and let her know that you are not in love with her looks anyway, because you love her for what she is...buy those stupid things online for LDR ( there are a lot of beautiful sites just check on google)....and if you are tired or have issues explain it clearly to her so she does not start to worry.... ..it is so nice that you care for her so much:) Link to post Share on other sites
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