How do I get my power back?

[Brokenhearted_girl]

I am clearly crushed and unable to function. Knowing that my ex is not feeling any pain or guilt is killing me. What can I do to find peace within myself and to forgive myself for all my shortcomings in my relationship? How do I stop myself from going through each detail of my past wishing I had done more to save my relationship from falling apart?

[bananaboat11]

I am clearly crushed and unable to function. Knowing that my ex is not feeling any pain or guilt is killing me. What can I do to find peace within myself and to forgive myself for all my shortcomings in my relationship? How do I stop myself from going through each detail of my past wishing I had done more to save my relationship from falling apart?

 

I can almost say with confidence... a) I know you're a better person than this. Stronger, smarter, sexier, and more confident. Be that person. (and I have no idea who you even are)

 

b) your ex is human. Human emotion dictates all of us.. whether we choose to admit it or not. Usually, the dumper handles a breakup differently every time, but I assure you... going immediately to a new person like this... has a 50/50 shot of actually working out. do NOT stay on the back burner for him. And I bet you he's not as pain free or guilt free as you are led to believe... amid any breakup.. good, bad, catastrophic, etc... BOTH the dumper and dumpee second guess themselves.

 

The one thing that sucks is... the rejected party is more emotional about it because you're actively having something ripped from deep within... creating a negative void... while your dumpers emptiness is being temporarily filled by some other foolish deed, act, person... (ie, a rebound, partying, etc) while you fill the void the same way with time and eventually get over him/her from your past... they begin to recognize this temporary filler and eventually let it go... relapsing into that void you found. It's all in how you approach the positive or negative (but we like to stay away from these, right?!) fillers/influences that dictate how you react to the circumstance... That's why 7/10 times... a dumper contacts the dumpee... to feed their ego. that they can still have you... do they really want you?

 

That I can't answer.. sometimes yes, sometimes on... sometimes it's more complicated than it appears on the surface (ie they miss you, but can't take you back... but are afraid of letting go - like you are)

 

...be strong. This is the beginning of a better, more exotic, more intelligent you.

[TaraMaiden]

Surrender.

Accept.

Release.

 

Stop fighting it, because sure as eggs is eggs, whilst part of you wants to do this, another part is resisting.

 

You need to find out why you're resisting.

You need to find out what you fear will happen, if you let it go.

 

Then, deal with it.

Then - it will be easier.

[Brokenhearted_girl]

I can almost say with confidence... a) I know you're a better person than this. Stronger, smarter, sexier, and more confident. Be that person. (and I have no idea who you even are)

 

b) your ex is human. Human emotion dictates all of us.. whether we choose to admit it or not. Usually, the dumper handles a breakup differently every time, but I assure you... going immediately to a new person like this... has a 50/50 shot of actually working out. do NOT stay on the back burner for him. And I bet you he's not as pain free or guilt free as you are led to believe... amid any breakup.. good, bad, catastrophic, etc... BOTH the dumper and dumpee second guess themselves.

 

The one thing that sucks is... the rejected party is more emotional about it because you're actively having something ripped from deep within... creating a negative void... while your dumpers emptiness is being temporarily filled by some other foolish deed, act, person... (ie, a rebound, partying, etc) while you fill the void the same way with time and eventually get over him/her from your past... they begin to recognize this temporary filler and eventually let it go... relapsing into that void you found. It's all in how you approach the positive or negative (but we like to stay away from these, right?!) fillers/influences that dictate how you react to the circumstance... That's why 7/10 times... a dumper contacts the dumpee... to feed their ego. that they can still have you... do they really want you?

 

That I can't answer.. sometimes yes, sometimes on... sometimes it's more complicated than it appears on the surface (ie they miss you, but can't take you back... but are afraid of letting go - like you are)

 

...be strong. This is the beginning of a better, more exotic, more intelligent you.

 

Hi Bananaboat! Thank you for taking the time to reply. I was literally going crazy. I think I am breaking my head analyzing what I could have done to make it work. I am consistent with NC. I have not checked his facebook account anymore... I do hope that some part of him feels what I feel.

 

Thank you for the vote of confidence. God knows I need to hear those compliments right now more than ever... I want to be all those things you mentioned: "Stronger, smarter, sexier, and more confident"... and hopefully I get to see my old self back, or even an improved version of myself.

 

What did you do to accept that the relationship was over? How did you move on and accept that there was nothing you can do to fix it?

[Simon Attwood]

All the power that you ever had, and all the power you will ever have, is in you now.

[Brokenhearted_girl]

Surrender.

Accept.

Release.

 

Stop fighting it, because sure as eggs is eggs, whilst part of you wants to do this, another part is resisting.

 

You need to find out why you're resisting.

You need to find out what you fear will happen, if you let it go.

 

Then, deal with it.

Then - it will be easier.

 

Hi Tara,

 

Idk what I am resisting. Maybe I haven't accepted the fact that my relationship is over. I think I am still in shock and can't deal with the void, the silence when I go home. Not getting any calls or textmessages from him. I am going crazy... I actually scheduled to see a psychologist... I want to release but can't. He's telling everyone in his side of the family that I abused him by being constantly jealous and insecure. I want to scream and say I was the victim here, I saw all those emails he sent the other girl. I saw the emotional infidelity!!! I am not as paranoid and insecure as his led me to look like!!! I didn't singlehandedly flush my relationship down the toilet. I want to say all of this to him but what's the use, he's gone. He's not mine anymore... And that's what hurts... That's what's eating me alive...

[Brokenhearted_girl]

All the power that you ever had, and all the power you will ever have, is in you now.

 

Hi Simon!

 

I wish I can recognize that in me... I am still unconsolable and a wreck... Who would have thought a broken heart can be this devastating?

[Ro2Pi]

My ex won't stop contacting me by trying to have casual conversations as if we're still friends... which becomes stupid arguments that are always caused by her. I'm working up the courage to tell her to leave me alone even though she's the one who dumped me.

[Brokenhearted_girl]

My ex won't stop contacting me by trying to have casual conversations as if we're still friends... which becomes stupid arguments that are always caused by her. I'm working up the courage to tell her to leave me alone even though she's the one who dumped me.

 

Yeah tell her to leave you alone. It gets even harder if you are reminded of what you've lost.

[HLP234]

You will just have to tell them to never talk to you again. If they left you, you don't owe them anything. I was left without even any word, she completely cut me out. If I were her I would of at least let the other person know I moved on but I didn't get that.

 

Now all I hope is that she never ever says anything to me because I will do the same thing, tell her to leave me be for good. No point in keeping contact with them when it was their choice to go and do whatever.

[Brokenhearted_girl]

You will just have to tell them to never talk to you again. If they left you, you don't owe them anything. I was left without even any word, she completely cut me out. If I were her I would of at least let the other person know I moved on but I didn't get that.

 

Now all I hope is that she never ever says anything to me because I will do the same thing, tell her to leave me be for good. No point in keeping contact with them when it was their choice to go and do whatever.

 

I wish my ex would contact me... I miss him soooooo much I feel like I'm going to die.

[HLP234]

Don't even think about that. I know how you feel, I feel the exact same. But seeing as she kinda cut all contact with me and just abandoned me without even saying we were done...there is no point to it.

 

Even if she ever does say anything, I will not respond. I still feel depressed as crap, and when each day seems to get better, it just gets worse the next day..but look forward to something else and one day hopefully you won't feel like that.

[Brokenhearted_girl]

Don't even think about that. I know how you feel, I feel the exact same. But seeing as she kinda cut all contact with me and just abandoned me without even saying we were done...there is no point to it.

 

Even if she ever does say anything, I will not respond. I still feel depressed as crap, and when each day seems to get better, it just gets worse the next day..but look forward to something else and one day hopefully you won't feel like that.

 

It's like that movie swingers I guess when the guy was explaining how it gets better everyday.

 

"Sometimes it still hurts. You know how it is, man. It's like, you wake up every day and it hurts a little bit less, and then you wake up one day and it doesn't hurt at all. And the funny thing is, is that, this is kinda wierd, but it's like, it's like you almost miss that pain."

[bananaboat11]

Hi Bananaboat! Thank you for taking the time to reply. I was literally going crazy. I think I am breaking my head analyzing what I could have done to make it work. I am consistent with NC. I have not checked his facebook account anymore... I do hope that some part of him feels what I feel.

 

Thank you for the vote of confidence. God knows I need to hear those compliments right now more than ever... I want to be all those things you mentioned: "Stronger, smarter, sexier, and more confident"... and hopefully I get to see my old self back, or even an improved version of myself.

 

What did you do to accept that the relationship was over? How did you move on and accept that there was nothing you can do to fix it?

 

 

All those things I said about you... if you believe them true. They are.

 

I am not 100% over it... last night I saw my psycho, abusive ex (mentally, verbally) unblocked me on facebook... I kept over analyzing it. Why would she? She took the time and effort and make me feel miserable... and then block me. block a good friend (who she was jealous of - this friend is a hot, hot girl... but just a friend)... and defacebook ALL of my friends. Either she's trying to feed her ego (most likely) because she realizes why she left her ex (who she left me for) in the first place (when she got with me)... or she's truly over it and doesn't care (I don't think this true... why unblock me? She took the time and effort and block me and defacebook all my friends... just leave me blocked)... or.. she really does miss me even after all the hate and unjust 'i don't care about you' she left me with.... and this is her first step of trying to get me back... ie, i'm on her backburner.. she knew I begged her not to leave that first week we broke up.. she thinks she'll win me back easily? **** no. I'm not breaking the NC, even is she does.

 

...but you know what? I keep thinking to myself... this girl can say and do all these things to me? She doesn't deserve me. I was TOO good to her... I know I'm an amazing guy. And the only thing she can compliment is our sex life? That's all that was important to her? F*ck her. Yeah... I know I'm good in bed, but what happened to that companionship I thought we had...

 

I remind myself every day that this girl does not deserve me. I have girls I know coming out of the woodwork now telling me they have feelings for me (since learning I'm single again) and 2 exes and a former fling that appear out of nowhere.

 

It sucks. It took some time for all these women to come out of the blue... (3 months to be exact lol)

 

But if your ex can be the way he is... clearly he doesn't deserve the love you have to give. He has his own interest at heart and can never give anyone his world... and isn't that what a relationship is? Companionship... dedication... hard work... putting your world... your emotions... your heart into his hands and he putting all the like into yours? If he can't do that... he does not deserve your world.

 

As I said before... he has a temporary void 'filler' to influence his rash decisions... and you feel crumby because that nice place deep in your heart... has just been vacated abruptly. Do what I did... I got back into weight lifting/going to the gym... I spoke to close friends about life and cried to them... I immersed myself back into my hobbyist infatuation of DJing (which I've been doing for 9 + years now)...

 

...those lonely days will come and go. Fill them with positive influences as per mentioned above. Friends, loved ones, hobbies, the gym, work... eventually, your void will be subdued and your heart will flourish once more. It's normally to relapse.. I did. I almost ****ed myself over royally.. (long story) and it wasn't even MY fault. heh

 

I promise you hun... for every piece of **** man like your ex... there are 10 amazing guys wondering where you are.

 

Be strong! Be mentally tough! And remember.. this is the beginning of a BETTER you. Your time with him was not wasted.. this is the part where you don't think negatively on yourself or the relationship. No. This is where you analyze and LEARN from everything so that next time you're a better person... a better lover... a better mate. And I bet you... you already are

[HLP234]

It's like that movie swingers I guess when the guy was explaining how it gets better everyday.

 

"Sometimes it still hurts. You know how it is, man. It's like, you wake up every day and it hurts a little bit less, and then you wake up one day and it doesn't hurt at all. And the funny thing is, is that, this is kinda wierd, but it's like, it's like you almost miss that pain."

 

And that is how it goes I suppose. But to get there your mind has to be set clear. I should watch that movie, but right now is not a good time..maybe if and when I feel better I will check it out.

[Brokenhearted_girl]

Hi BananaBoat!

 

That part where you said that "there are 10 amazing guys wondering where you are"... That's very inspiring! Thank you, it gives me hope when I hear things like that. Makes me believe that not all men cheat, that some (if not most) have good intentions.

 

I like what you said here too "But if your ex can be the way he is... clearly he doesn't deserve the love you have to give. He has his own interest at heart and can never give anyone his world... and isn't that what a relationship is? Companionship... dedication... hard work... putting your world... your emotions... your heart into his hands and he putting all the like into yours? If he can't do that... he does not deserve your world. "

 

This is my idea of what a relationship is as well. Being there for your SO through good and bad. Trying to work things out, understanding each other's shortcomings etc. Sometimes I feel like nice girls finish last...

 

I have re-enrolled myself back to the gym... I'll start going again and take care of myself more. Lately, I haven't had any appetite, I have lost some weight already because of this break up.

 

RE: your ex, that's weird. Then again, women can be fickle-minded. My guess is she wants to get back in contact with you. That's a tough one but I know you'll manage since you always give out good advice!

 

Thanks again!

[bananaboat11]

Hi BananaBoat!

 

That part where you said that "there are 10 amazing guys wondering where you are"... That's very inspiring! Thank you, it gives me hope when I hear things like that. Makes me believe that not all men cheat, that some (if not most) have good intentions.

 

I like what you said here too "But if your ex can be the way he is... clearly he doesn't deserve the love you have to give. He has his own interest at heart and can never give anyone his world... and isn't that what a relationship is? Companionship... dedication... hard work... putting your world... your emotions... your heart into his hands and he putting all the like into yours? If he can't do that... he does not deserve your world. "

 

This is my idea of what a relationship is as well. Being there for your SO through good and bad. Trying to work things out, understanding each other's shortcomings etc. Sometimes I feel like nice girls finish last...

 

I have re-enrolled myself back to the gym... I'll start going again and take care of myself more. Lately, I haven't had any appetite, I have lost some weight already because of this break up.

 

RE: your ex, that's weird. Then again, women can be fickle-minded. My guess is she wants to get back in contact with you. That's a tough one but I know you'll manage since you always give out good advice!

 

Thanks again!

 

 

It took 3 heartbreaks... and my dad's a psychologist. Thanks

 

I hope this ex doesn't contact me

 

Hell.. I suffer NGS or Nice Guy Syndrome. It sucks. I hope one day I accidentally meet you and ask you out (I just hope you don't say no ) You seem like you're one hell of a catch!

 

I'll watch this thread.. if you ever relapse ... POST here. I will reply. Don't give your ex the benefit of the doubt. Make him want you. If I don't know.. I'll be happy to ask my pops. He helped me out a lot. He also smacked me upside the head when I told him intimate details about my ex and my relationship... (telling me I'm a dumb****... I should've seen it a rebound a mile away)... heh

 

anyhow - good luck hun!

 

-BB

[Brokenhearted_girl]

It took 3 heartbreaks... and my dad's a psychologist. Thanks

 

I hope this ex doesn't contact me

 

Hell.. I suffer NGS or Nice Guy Syndrome. It sucks. I hope one day I accidentally meet you and ask you out (I just hope you don't say no ) You seem like you're one hell of a catch!

 

I'll watch this thread.. if you ever relapse ... POST here. I will reply. Don't give your ex the benefit of the doubt. Make him want you. If I don't know.. I'll be happy to ask my pops. He helped me out a lot. He also smacked me upside the head when I told him intimate details about my ex and my relationship... (telling me I'm a dumb****... I should've seen it a rebound a mile away)... heh

 

anyhow - good luck hun!

 

-BB

 

Awww... Thank you! That's so sweet of you... I do need to meet guys with NGS. So far there is a shortage of your kind in Socal. I have gotten my heart broken 3 times too. Every one as hurtful as the next. How about you?

 

RE: my ex, I don't think my ex will ever contact me again. I feel like it's a good thing so I can move on but in the back of my mind I still wish that he'd come crawling back and I'd just tell him, sorry it's too late... Yeah but that'll never happen. Not like how it is usually done in the movies.

 

BTW, thank you for being there and responding to my posts. It has helped me get through my day today. It started out really bad, now not too much anymore...

[LovelyDaze]

It's like that movie swingers I guess when the guy was explaining how it gets better everyday.

 

"Sometimes it still hurts. You know how it is, man. It's like, you wake up every day and it hurts a little bit less, and then you wake up one day and it doesn't hurt at all. And the funny thing is, is that, this is kinda wierd, but it's like, it's like you almost miss that pain."

 

 

I LOVE "Swingers"

I remember that quote and how much Jon's character was painfully hurting over his ex and especially the raw emotion we all feel when we are having trouble healing.

That quote is true because that's what happened with other exes I thought I was crazy about. One day I would be horrifically lethargic and then one day I didn't think of the ex at all! Refreshing and it happened upon every tough breakup. I don't know why this breakup is any different as far as getting over it. I will get over him and you will get over yours. Believe.

[HLP234]

I hear you, I need that day to come soon, not only hurts she left me but how she went about it too.

[Brokenhearted_girl]

I LOVE "Swingers"

I remember that quote and how much Jon's character was painfully hurting over his ex and especially the raw emotion we all feel when we are having trouble healing.

That quote is true because that's what happened with other exes I thought I was crazy about. One day I would be horrifically lethargic and then one day I didn't think of the ex at all! Refreshing and it happened upon every tough breakup. I don't know why this breakup is any different as far as getting over it. I will get over him and you will get over yours. Believe.

 

Hi lovelydaze!

 

Yah I love that movie too. It's a good movie to watch especially in our current situation.

 

You know what kills me most about my breakup, it's the part where I think about how he'd take her (the other woman) to the same places we used to eat, watch concerts, hang out... It's like to me these were special places that are just going to be forgotten. All our history just gone down the drain. I feel like 3 yrs of our lives together will be erased on his side. Even now that I have proof of his online infidelities, I still find myself blaming myself for the breakup. I should have been a better gf, a more patient one. I should have pursued my own goals and still maintained my own individuality. I should have taken care of myself protected myself, never let my guard down.

[bananaboat11]

I hear you, I need that day to come soon, not only hurts she left me but how she went about it too.

 

I'm in the same boat. She left me abruptly... the day after we got back together from a 3 day break. Over facebook... =(

[bananaboat11]

Awww... Thank you! That's so sweet of you... I do need to meet guys with NGS. So far there is a shortage of your kind in Socal. I have gotten my heart broken 3 times too. Every one as hurtful as the next. How about you?

 

RE: my ex, I don't think my ex will ever contact me again. I feel like it's a good thing so I can move on but in the back of my mind I still wish that he'd come crawling back and I'd just tell him, sorry it's too late... Yeah but that'll never happen. Not like how it is usually done in the movies.

 

BTW, thank you for being there and responding to my posts. It has helped me get through my day today. It started out really bad, now not too much anymore...

 

You made my day by letting me know you're feeling better. Thank you. Keep smiling.

[Wicker_Parked]

dont dwell in the past, stay healthy, stay hot and you will have your reckoning one day...and when you do, just go ahead and play hard to get, he deserves it!

[Brokenhearted_girl]

dont dwell in the past, stay healthy, stay hot and you will have your reckoning one day...and when you do, just go ahead and play hard to get, he deserves it!

 

I don't think he'll ever want me back. He is happy with someone else. I should do the same. Forget about the details of our life together. Know that I deserve someone better. I'll have to repeat that in my head over and over again. I deserve someone better. I deserve someone better!!!