How do I get my power back?

[thepulse27]

Hey BrokenHearted, I'm glad to hear about the swimming classes, it might not make you forget him but it will make you feel good about yourself, and that is so important right now. And deciding to look good - perfect! you might not realise it, and you probably didnt even decide to for particularly good reasons, but you have made such an important decision. By choosing to show the world a face that isnt broken and grieving (and trust me i know how hard it is not to make every single sentance about your pain), but one that is beautiful and dignified you have decided that that is who you are going to be, and you will be.

 

On the intimacy note, I feel your pain so clearly. One of the hardest things about today was realising that i don't just miss the relationship and hate her being with another man, i miss her, and all the incredibly normal things we did that felt special because it was with her. And I realised how long it will be before I get that again with someone else.

 

But again, accepting that it's gone, and realising that while there were good points, there were also bad points that we ignored then because we loved them so much and we ignore now because we want them back. In the end we will be happier with the way this worked. I know that because we're still here, trying.

[bananaboat11]

Hi Pulse and HLP,

 

I feel physically and mentally drained as well. It's like even in my sleep, I couldn't even escape him. My work performance has suffered a bit due to this. I still couldn't get 8 hours of sleep, often find myself waking up at 5 in the am. It is hard, I feel like it's a never ending cycle of the 5 stages of grief. At times I have accepted the loss but then when a memory pops up in my head, I am torn to pieces again.

 

To be productive though, I have planned to enroll in adult swimming classes. I am 29 and I have a fear of the water. So I decided today to conquer that fear. Hopefully by being busy physically I can fill the void that I am feeling. I have also decided to dress well every single day and to look like I am not grieving. It has helped me realize that I am still desirable by the opposite sex however, what I crave is intimacy and love and I realize that it is going to be a long time until I can share that with someone again. This thought makes me angry towards my ex again. Ugh... I recognize that this is just not going to help me so I need to let go of my anger and accept that no matter what I do, the breakup was inevitable.

 

woosah!

 

Hun, it's great to hear you're being proactive. I'm glad you're doing better... I'm learning these rushes of up and down emotions are normal... it sucks (as I'm going through a down now), but they get easier. Presently I feel devoid... no emotion. I miss her.. I want her, but I do not believe she will ever come back. Ever. And... I do not want her back. She is a disgusting human being...

 

...and because of this despicable human... I, like you, will be unable to open my heart and share my world with another. I, like you, do not want to feel intimacy, companionship, etc... I am afraid of being torn down again.. and I'm working so hard to build myself up.

 

You're doing great for yourself... and I'm glad to hear it! I am thankful for ALL of you... you all make being in this 'place of mind' so much easier for me...

 

...as I am lost in a place to where the eyes cannot see... the heart cannot beat.. the mind cannot feel... and the soul cannot shine.

[LovelyDaze]

Hi Pulse and HLP,

 

To be productive though, I have planned to enroll in adult swimming classes. I am 29 and I have a fear of the water. So I decided today to conquer that fear.

 

I LOVED this part. You can do it. Conquering one fear will also get you to conquer the other fears you have from this breakup.

[Brokenhearted_girl]

I was reading this book "Dont call that man". The author mentioned some interesting insights like, maybe the void I am feeling now was already there prior to meeting my ex. I realized I've never ever been 100% single my whole dating life. I usually had guys to date weeks or a month after my previous relationships would end. This is the first breakup that I am experiencing that I chose not to rebound. Maybe I've been using relationship after relationship to act as a bandage to heal the void or emptiness in my life. I really do need to find myself again and learn to love myself unconditionally before I can love someone else. Where do I start? I guess Today is a good day to start loving, forgiving and healing myself.

 

I admit I have been feeling sorry for myself this weekend for being alone while thinking that my ex is somewhere out there happy with his new girl. But now I'm realizing being alone is not a bad thing if I continuously try to improve myself and love my flaws and strengths and accept that someday love will find me again. Im trying to keep my head above the water. I dot want to drown in my depression. I want to live and see myself restored to happy self again, regardless if I'm with someone or by myself.

 

Keeping my fingers crossed that all of us here hurting will learn to let go of the past, love ourselves uncondionally and find love again in the future. The road of endless possibilities are right in front of us, all we need to do is to take one baby step after another and leave our memories of our past relationships behind. It is only through letting go that we can see the goodness and life in store for us. I am taking that one baby step today. Tomorrow I pan to take another until the life that I had with my ex no longer matters. This truly is a journey and a life changing event for me and for every one of us here. As I write this I realize this can be exciting for us. All it takes is that one tiny baby step towards embracing the road ahead.

 

Hmmmm... I'm feeling better already.

[HLP234]

That's a good way to think of it..one step at a time. I am doing the same but most of the time I am by myself so its hard. A few days a week I get completely depressed about it, but I end up doing something to keep me busy and drown the thoughts.

 

Don't go looking for someone else, live on and randomly it will happen. That is what happened with me and my ex, I wasn't looking for anything and it just happened. Its hard to do when you are dealing with a breakup because you know the other person is getting over it fine with someone else.

 

The best part of this I realize is that going through it without anyone is painful but in the end, I know it is the right way to do it. It make take a really long time but it will just make us stronger.