bananaboat11 Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 I don't think he'll ever want me back. He is happy with someone else. I should do the same. Forget about the details of our life together. Know that I deserve someone better. I'll have to repeat that in my head over and over again. I deserve someone better. I deserve someone better!!! I need to take your advice. I'm freaking out 3 months later (NC still in effect for this time since our breakup... but I soon fear one of us will cave... regardless of how BAD our breakup was) Is it pathetic for a grown man to want to cry? =/ Link to post Share on other sites
Silver_star Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Here is a tip. Go out to the bookstore and but "Its called a breakup because its broken" by Greg Behrendt. Its a great resource to help put things into perspective. But for now...know that you are better than how he has made you feel, and the right guy and most "perfect guy" would embrace your relationship and protect it, and not leave you for someone else and make you feel like crap Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenhearted_girl Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 I need to take your advice. I'm freaking out 3 months later (NC still in effect for this time since our breakup... but I soon fear one of us will cave... regardless of how BAD our breakup was) Is it pathetic for a grown man to want to cry? =/ No it's not pathetic. Cry, scream, let your emotions flow! If I were you I would block her from my facebook. Would she know if you blocked her? I don't want you to look like you're bitter, but if she won't find out that you block her, I suggest you do so. ASAP. If you guys start talking again, you'll want her back and guess what's she going to do, she'll run. If she really wants you back, bad enough, she'll find a way to communicate to you. Her unblocking you on her facebook might be just cuz she feels sad etc. but not enough to make her say, I want you back. Please don't let her get another chance to hurt you again. Link to post Share on other sites
bananaboat11 Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 No it's not pathetic. Cry, scream, let your emotions flow! If I were you I would block her from my facebook. Would she know if you blocked her? I don't want you to look like you're bitter, but if she won't find out that you block her, I suggest you do so. ASAP. If you guys start talking again, you'll want her back and guess what's she going to do, she'll run. If she really wants you back, bad enough, she'll find a way to communicate to you. Her unblocking you on her facebook might be just cuz she feels sad etc. but not enough to make her say, I want you back. Please don't let her get another chance to hurt you again. Thank you. I feel like such a hypocrite. I need to listen to you all. You all are right there with me... thanks BHG =) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenhearted_girl Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 Here is a tip. Go out to the bookstore and but "Its called a breakup because its broken" by Greg Behrendt. Its a great resource to help put things into perspective. But for now...know that you are better than how he has made you feel, and the right guy and most "perfect guy" would embrace your relationship and protect it, and not leave you for someone else and make you feel like crap Thank you! I'll check out that book. I have other books to read as well about commitmentphobia etc. Actually, I am going to see a therapist next week. I really do want to get better. For some reason, I have always been attracted to guys who don't want to commit. Or it might be guys who don't want to commit have always been attracted to me. Not sure, so I will get that sorted out. Hopefully I get to the bottom of my issues so that I'll have a happier and positive disposition. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenhearted_girl Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 Thank you. I feel like such a hypocrite. I need to listen to you all. You all are right there with me... thanks BHG =) Hi Banana, I know how it feels to get confused and see some kind of hope that things can be the way they were. But our ex's unfortunately have some kind of radar, they know when we are ready to move on so they try to do these things as if to say, "Hey I'm still here..." etc. etc... So what do we do with them, nothing.. Nothing... Focus on yourself, your recovery. Be selfish. Protect yourself. That's what I am doing right now... Life is happening right now as we speak, move forward, not backwards... Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 I am clearly crushed and unable to function. Knowing that my ex is not feeling any pain or guilt is killing me. What can I do to find peace within myself and to forgive myself for all my shortcomings in my relationship? How do I stop myself from going through each detail of my past wishing I had done more to save my relationship from falling apart? Read the links in my signature to start. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 I am clearly crushed and unable to function. Knowing that my ex is not feeling any pain or guilt is killing me. I think Caliguy gave you some good advice. I really do hurt for you. I'm going through the exact same thing right now. my heart is just crushed. Link to post Share on other sites
Metal_Muffin Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Hi, Im sorry ill be honest ive not read all your posts but i just thought i would let you know i know how you feel. I broke up with my ex of 3 years about 4 months ago. That qoute i would say from the film is pretty spot on cause i would say thats how i feel. I heard nothing from my ex, no pleading txts or anything and it did make me feel that he didnt care or anything. I actually sobbed for ages and it hurt for ages and even after all that time im still not ready for anything new. One day though one random morning when you least expect it your find it easier to get up and then before you know it you havent cried and you might even get really angry with him...you look back and all those signs you missed all the things you maybe didnt like about him but loved anyway become bold for awhile. I still think about my ex...prob more then i should but the pain doesnt physically hurt anymore and i have more confidence then i have in a long time. Just remember to give yourself time, theres no time limit theres no set way to get over someone. You cry when you want to and you scream when you want to and when your ready your get there...but you will get there that is for sure! I really hope your ok though im sorry your going through this x Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenhearted_girl Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 Hi, Im sorry ill be honest ive not read all your posts but i just thought i would let you know i know how you feel. I broke up with my ex of 3 years about 4 months ago. That qoute i would say from the film is pretty spot on cause i would say thats how i feel. I heard nothing from my ex, no pleading txts or anything and it did make me feel that he didnt care or anything. I actually sobbed for ages and it hurt for ages and even after all that time im still not ready for anything new. One day though one random morning when you least expect it your find it easier to get up and then before you know it you havent cried and you might even get really angry with him...you look back and all those signs you missed all the things you maybe didnt like about him but loved anyway become bold for awhile. I still think about my ex...prob more then i should but the pain doesnt physically hurt anymore and i have more confidence then i have in a long time. Just remember to give yourself time, theres no time limit theres no set way to get over someone. You cry when you want to and you scream when you want to and when your ready your get there...but you will get there that is for sure! I really hope your ok though im sorry your going through this x Hi Metal Muffin! Thank you for taking the time to post. I am actually feeling a bit better today. I have stopped crying at work. I hope this isn't just for today. I hope this is the start of my recovery. Link to post Share on other sites
Metal_Muffin Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Well look this one day is a bloody good start even if you cry tomorrow you had one good day and its the best building block to not crying over him at all hehe! Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Hi Metal Muffin! Thank you for taking the time to post. I am actually feeling a bit better today. I have stopped crying at work. I hope this isn't just for today. I hope this is the start of my recovery. Baby steps! That's all you need. From your earlier post, always remember to not beat yourself up over what you could have done different to change it because he is still the same guy who would have just figured out a different way to screw it all up. The breakup would have been either sooner or later depending on what it was you changed but it would have occurred none the less. Our exes has to work on who THEY are before they jump into other relationships or even think of reconciling with us. It is hard to think that an ex is out cavorting around town with a new infatuation but if your breakup was fresh and the relationship they are in is new, an infatuation rebound is all it is. At some point, his new relationship will get too comfortable (or really uncomfortable) and they will be at the crossroads we all get to when the honeymoon is over. They will either go through the motions of a relationship to keep from being lonely or like many do...end it. Our exes will go through that, no question. But forget his chagrins, concentrate on making yourself better and happier. Living well is the very best revenge! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenhearted_girl Posted January 8, 2010 Author Share Posted January 8, 2010 Baby steps! That's all you need. From your earlier post, always remember to not beat yourself up over what you could have done different to change it because he is still the same guy who would have just figured out a different way to screw it all up. The breakup would have been either sooner or later depending on what it was you changed but it would have occurred none the less. Our exes has to work on who THEY are before they jump into other relationships or even think of reconciling with us. It is hard to think that an ex is out cavorting around town with a new infatuation but if your breakup was fresh and the relationship they are in is new, an infatuation rebound is all it is. At some point, his new relationship will get too comfortable (or really uncomfortable) and they will be at the crossroads we all get to when the honeymoon is over. They will either go through the motions of a relationship to keep from being lonely or like many do...end it. Our exes will go through that, no question. But forget his chagrins, concentrate on making yourself better and happier. Living well is the very best revenge! I really love what you said here. I really needed to hear that. I have been torturing myself all this time thinking about the ex with his "online friend" when I should be focusing on myself. You know what I'm scared of now, is explaining to my aunts, uncles, grandparents that my ex and I have broken up. I just don't feel like giving out the details to them. Any advice on how to stall it or how to avoid telling them the details? Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 I really love what you said here. I really needed to hear that. I have been torturing myself all this time thinking about the ex with his "online friend" when I should be focusing on myself. You know what I'm scared of now, is explaining to my aunts, uncles, grandparents that my ex and I have broken up. I just don't feel like giving out the details to them. Any advice on how to stall it or how to avoid telling them the details? Hmmm. I'd say something to the affect that you guys are a little busy right now and talk to them about what YOU are doing lately. Once you feel comfortable enough to let them know you guys parted, discuss what you are doing right now to heal from it and thank them for being concerned. My mother said it killed her to know I was hurting so bad but she also knows I am a human being who goes through very typical things such as heartache,joy, despair, and happiness throughout life. Be honest as possible with them. I am certain your aunts, uncles, and grandparents have a story similar to all of ours and look....they survived! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenhearted_girl Posted January 8, 2010 Author Share Posted January 8, 2010 Dealing with a heartbreak is hard! I was feeling good the whole day but now I feel like something is missing. I hate this yoyo-kind of emotions. I wish I can just get my heart fixed. I hate missing him and all the details of the life I had with him. He wasn't good for me but why do all our good memories popup in my head when I least expect it? It's not fair!!! Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Dealing with a heartbreak is hard! I was feeling good the whole day but now I feel like something is missing. I hate this yoyo-kind of emotions. I wish I can just get my heart fixed. I hate missing him and all the details of the life I had with him. He wasn't good for me but why do all our good memories popup in my head when I least expect it? It's not fair!!! It's just part of the healing process girl. I PROMISE you'll get through it. & you're right it's NOT fair. I'm going through the same thing myself right now Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenhearted_girl Posted January 8, 2010 Author Share Posted January 8, 2010 Hmmm. I'd say something to the affect that you guys are a little busy right now and talk to them about what YOU are doing lately. Once you feel comfortable enough to let them know you guys parted, discuss what you are doing right now to heal from it and thank them for being concerned. My mother said it killed her to know I was hurting so bad but she also knows I am a human being who goes through very typical things such as heartache,joy, despair, and happiness throughout life. Be honest as possible with them. I am certain your aunts, uncles, and grandparents have a story similar to all of ours and look....they survived! Thank you! I'll do just that. I'm not really too thrilled to tell them about my ex's online activities. I was just ranting a second ago and I thought about the future me, flash forward 5 yrs from now... All this sadness won't matter then, HE wouldn't matter then either. So I'll look forward to the future and hope for better days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenhearted_girl Posted January 8, 2010 Author Share Posted January 8, 2010 It's just part of the healing process girl. I PROMISE you'll get through it. & you're right it's NOT fair. I'm going through the same thing myself right now The pain is too hard. I feel like I'm climbing up a very steep mountain and can no longer walk. I slowly crumbling down... wasting away in this rut. I miss him terribly, want to hold him, hug him, kiss him. My heart hurts so bad... Link to post Share on other sites
HLP234 Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Yeh I know what you mean..I just saw a status my ex put up saying something about the guy she is with now is the bestest boyfriend ever. Yeh ok..just left me like that and got with him not even in a month. I feel like crap too, don't worry hope things to be better. Link to post Share on other sites
Silver_star Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Yeh I know what you mean..I just saw a status my ex put up saying something about the guy she is with now is the bestest boyfriend ever. Yeh ok..just left me like that and got with him not even in a month. I feel like crap too, don't worry hope things to be better. You dont want a girl that acts like shes 12 years old "bestest boyfriend ever". please. She will likely contact you again and will probably want to have attention from you as well. She sounds like she is using him to hurt you and then she will use him to hurt others. What a catch. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenhearted_girl Posted January 8, 2010 Author Share Posted January 8, 2010 Yeh I know what you mean..I just saw a status my ex put up saying something about the guy she is with now is the bestest boyfriend ever. Yeh ok..just left me like that and got with him not even in a month. I feel like crap too, don't worry hope things to be better. Hi HLP234! Yeah I was afraid of reading statuses like that so I deleted my ex on my FB and myspace. It's too much for me to actually read what he's doing. I don't want to know that he's moving on and being happy while I'm sad. I'll die if I see him with happy with the girl he was cheating on me with... Why is it this hard to let go? Link to post Share on other sites
growrich Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 you must learn from your/others mistake and carry on with your life... a few thing you must learn is about boy/man and what he want/needs from a girl/woman..what boy/man like and dislike from a girl/woman..don't push him and give him a space..after you learn and understand it then you can go to the next level of relationship...be patient, observe and learn..that's important..don't do stupid thing that will make you regret in the future...don't follow your heart but think before you act Link to post Share on other sites
HLP234 Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Yeh I guess if they leave you hanging like that, with no word that its over it hurts so much more. I deleted her from AIM finally. Her cousin still talks to me and he thinks its really screwed up what she did. She may be happy with this guy for a while, but when she comes back here for school she does not know anyone but me here. I expect she didn't remove me from the messenger but I deleted her because I don't want to know if she is on or I don't want to be tempted to respond if she says anything. I wonder who she will go to when them two have problems since I was always there for her, but no more. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 You sound like me hun I can't find peace, he left 5 1/2 months ago, after 18 years. I am clearly crushed and unable to function. Knowing that my ex is not feeling any pain or guilt is killing me. What can I do to find peace within myself and to forgive myself for all my shortcomings in my relationship? How do I stop myself from going through each detail of my past wishing I had done more to save my relationship from falling apart? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenhearted_girl Posted January 8, 2010 Author Share Posted January 8, 2010 You sound like me hun I can't find peace, he left 5 1/2 months ago, after 18 years. Yes, it's the hardest thing, dealing with a broken heart. I am often reminded of him. I feel unconsolable today. IDK what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
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