I am not sure Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 I am asking for anyone's input to a question that my ex asked me tonight. Hopefully my letter will get on to your system as I am not a member of your group. Tonight my ex asked my why we haven't or wouldn't have sex with each other. I am getting ahead of myself so I will explain some things first. My ex and I were together 7 years and we have been divorced for 1 year. The first six months was very hard because he and I fought over the custody of our children. Since then we have been getting along good and we have no problem seeing each other, and talking, and he has come to my home to pick-up the children and I have gone to his. We have even gone out together recently with a friend of mine and the children to see a movie. He is a hard worker and he has always paid his child support on time, and he doesn't drink or use drugs. After we split up because I had an affair, one reason being because we didn't have enough sex, he became involved with a girlfriend who ended up living with him until about two months ago. He now lives by himself and I know she does not live there now because I have been to his house and obviously all her things have been moved and are gone. Shortly after the break-up with his girlfriend, he made it clear to me that he wanted to explore our relationship again and I said I was happy to be his friend but it would confuse things for me. He respected that and I felt fine. Tonight he asked me a question which did not upset me but made me wonder what I should do. He said why haven't we had sex together, or why couldn't we have sex occasionally. His explaination was that because we knew each other, and in all honestly niether one of us wants a new relationship with someone right now, that we might be able to be intimate once in a while knowing that we aren't getting back together and it would not upset a relationship that we might have had going if we where with someone else. I told him I didn't want a relationship right now and he pointed out that from his viewpoint it would be a lot more comfortable to him to be with me than a new or strange person. I understand that because I am a single mom and right now I do not have the extra time to date etc, because of work and having the children half the time. I should say that he is a handsome man and has always been polite and responsible to me. The question made me wonder if I should be intimate with him. If he was honestly telling me the truth about it not affecting our current relationship with each other I think I would be interested in the idea. I think I have said too much here and most of the other letters look much smaller. What I want to ask is if anyone else has been in this type of situtation and how it worked out for them. Or maybe what your group's feelings are about the whole thing. Sorry to write at Christmas but this just came up and it is not something I would chat with my mom about even though we are really close. I should say that after we talked about it I felt fine about him asking the question and he felt fine about asking it. He didn't even ask or expect a reply, it was just an easy thing for us to talk about. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 Hey I am not sure, Welcome to the Loveshack! I'd be kinda leery here because of the fact that he recently told you he wanted to Shortly after the break-up with his girlfriend, he made it clear to me that he wanted to explore our relationship again and I said I was happy to be his friend but it would confuse things for me. He respected that and I felt fine. I don't know if I would be too comfortable with that kind of idea of being intimate together coming so close behind his break-up with the other girl. Its great that you two can get along etc. but I think it could throw a wrench into the mix by having sex with him. Plus then you have trancended into a different place because once you do the sex thing, it's done. Good or bad. If you do...hopefully good, if not, big ? mark Its always easier to start up with someone you already know. Have you tried things like singles and family groups to meet people? Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 Well, this isn't a major moral issue. I think it's really an issue of what YOU want. (Not what he wants - that's for him to handle.) I can see positives and negatives, and I can readily see that the decision could go either way. Why don't you make up a list of what would be good about it - and what might NOT be good - and see which convinces YOU. I definitely wouldn't do it as a FAVOR to him - that's just too weird. Here's an example: GOOD THINGS * Sex is fun * Lot less overhead in establishing and managing a sex relationship * Possibility of rekindling * Safe and happy sex MAYBE NOT GOOD THINGS * Keeps you from other relationships * Pregnancy risk * Wondering if he has another woman * etc. Link to post Share on other sites
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