Droid Posted June 21, 2000 Share Posted June 21, 2000 ONe thing you gotta realize is that guys are morons. We do things first then think about them later and try to deal with concequences rather then thinking first. ITs gotta be genetic or something. So im pretty sure that when he did this he had no intention of hurting tyou. In his mind he was never getting caught. I dont understand how he had sex with her after you already found out they were seeing each other. Did you confront him about seeing her? I dont agree with the once a cheater always a cheater rule. I have cheated on past girlfriends but there were also ones that i would have at first but then fell in love with them and never would have after that. If he really is that miserable without you and you miss him too you might want to at least talk to him about it. Be warned though if you do take him back and it does happen again give him the boot, first time shame on him, second time shame on you. Hope some of that helped. Hey Guys...I need some advice. I was with a guy for over 5 years, and we got engaged about 8 months ago. Then, last month, I found out that he was seeing someone else, and had been for about 2-3 weeks. So, as if that was not bad enough.....he originally was not sleeping with her, but he slept with her AFTER i found out about it. Well, i broke off the relationship, and am so hurt and confused that i cant even bring myself to talk to him. So, it has been about 3 and a half weeks since we have spoken, and i dont know where to go from here. His sis and i are really close, she tells me that he says he will do anything to get me back, and he realizes that what he has done to me is the lowest thing a person can to to someone. He says whenever i want to talk he is ready, but i dont know. His best friend told me that he is miserable and so unhappy and knows says he lost the best thing that he ever had. I cant understand why he did this in the first place....one other thing...everyone says he went backwards because i have so much more going for me than this other girl, and that i am prettier and sweeter and much more desirable than her......ugh...so what was he thinking? Why would he propose, and want to spend his life with me, and do this? It is not like I neglect him either! I was always there for him and would have done anything for him! AND...he knows that! So, what makes a guy cheat? Right now, I dont even want to talk to him, but maybe i should. I am sooooo confused, I dont know what to do. ALso, three different guys have asked me to go out since the break-up....but I have never really dated anyone else and I dont know where to start! Where do I go from here? If we got back together, would he do it again? Is it true that once a cheater, always a cheater? What about seeing other people for a while? So, anyone have any good advice? Link to post Share on other sites
magicklady Posted June 21, 2000 Share Posted June 21, 2000 I know that I am not a guy but I would like to offer my opinion. You guys have been together for 5 years and were going to get married right.. My assesment of this is that he got scared and wanted to make sure that he was making the right choice by marrying you. I know that sounds horrible that he could do something like that, but unless he got it all out.. he would probably end up resenting if he would have married you. I know that forgiving is a hard thing and trust is hard to get back, butyou guys have a history together..and don't you think it might be worth atleast talking to him and asking him WHY HE DID This to you.. ! Maybe you can forgive him one of these days... I know that it will be hard but it can be done... I know that for a fact! Good luck... Link to post Share on other sites
Tania Posted June 21, 2000 Share Posted June 21, 2000 Hi there. Man sounds like a tough problem. I know you dont want to hear this but sometimes constructive critisim helps. Sounds to me like he got stage fright and decided releave his insecurities on someone else. He may miss you and want to still be with you but let me tell you something. I waited for my boyfriend for two years while he moved out of town. We were engaged but he cheated on me. I feel really stupid. But the best thing I ever did after a 3 year relationship was I took a years vacation for my heart. He was my first and only boyfriend. But I feel so much better about myself. Ive become slightly picky and with one sign of being mistreated I give them a chance. But chances are theres gonna be a 2nd time and a 3rd time. Love is a risk. But just remember that your self worth is more important than any guy. My advise? Take a time out and stand back. Look at the situation. You know whats right for you. Stick to it. :-Tania Hey Guys...I need some advice. I was with a guy for over 5 years, and we got engaged about 8 months ago. Then, last month, I found out that he was seeing someone else, and had been for about 2-3 weeks. So, as if that was not bad enough.....he originally was not sleeping with her, but he slept with her AFTER i found out about it. Well, i broke off the relationship, and am so hurt and confused that i cant even bring myself to talk to him. So, it has been about 3 and a half weeks since we have spoken, and i dont know where to go from here. His sis and i are really close, she tells me that he says he will do anything to get me back, and he realizes that what he has done to me is the lowest thing a person can to to someone. He says whenever i want to talk he is ready, but i dont know. His best friend told me that he is miserable and so unhappy and knows says he lost the best thing that he ever had. I cant understand why he did this in the first place....one other thing...everyone says he went backwards because i have so much more going for me than this other girl, and that i am prettier and sweeter and much more desirable than her......ugh...so what was he thinking? Why would he propose, and want to spend his life with me, and do this? It is not like I neglect him either! I was always there for him and would have done anything for him! AND...he knows that! So, what makes a guy cheat? Right now, I dont even want to talk to him, but maybe i should. I am sooooo confused, I dont know what to do. ALso, three different guys have asked me to go out since the break-up....but I have never really dated anyone else and I dont know where to start! Where do I go from here? If we got back together, would he do it again? Is it true that once a cheater, always a cheater? What about seeing other people for a while? So, anyone have any good advice? Link to post Share on other sites
magicklady Posted June 22, 2000 Share Posted June 22, 2000 If you do decide to see other people it will make him realize even more what he has already lost. He might also take it that you have moved on and start dating other people himself. Don't feel GUILTY about him not going to college..It is not because of you and YOU are not responsible for his feelings only he is..... SO I REPEAT... DO NOT FEEL GUILTY... that is just one attempt to sucker you back in and make you feel sorry for him. If you go back to him before you have had a chance to heal you will more than likely end up resenting him for it in the end. If this is your only serious relationship and he has cheated on you AFTER you found out he was seeing someone else, you might want to think about dating around.. the choice is yours however,,,, do yourself the favor first and give youself time to heal... Good luck and thanks for the update Link to post Share on other sites
newbie Posted June 23, 2000 Share Posted June 23, 2000 One thing common about guys is that they take things for granted. I had a girlfriend for a while that treated me like a king and i took it for granted- i got greedy and thought i could have all the women- turns out she left me and now i have no one. He probably realizes how special you are to him and how much you complete his life. Just be careful and make sure that he will not take you for granted ever again. Guys do feel pain, and if his buddy is saying that he feels miserable, he proabbly really does. I think you should give him a 2nd chance. Hey Guys...I need some advice. I was with a guy for over 5 years, and we got engaged about 8 months ago. Then, last month, I found out that he was seeing someone else, and had been for about 2-3 weeks. So, as if that was not bad enough.....he originally was not sleeping with her, but he slept with her AFTER i found out about it. Well, i broke off the relationship, and am so hurt and confused that i cant even bring myself to talk to him. So, it has been about 3 and a half weeks since we have spoken, and i dont know where to go from here. His sis and i are really close, she tells me that he says he will do anything to get me back, and he realizes that what he has done to me is the lowest thing a person can to to someone. He says whenever i want to talk he is ready, but i dont know. His best friend told me that he is miserable and so unhappy and knows says he lost the best thing that he ever had. I cant understand why he did this in the first place....one other thing...everyone says he went backwards because i have so much more going for me than this other girl, and that i am prettier and sweeter and much more desirable than her......ugh...so what was he thinking? Why would he propose, and want to spend his life with me, and do this? It is not like I neglect him either! I was always there for him and would have done anything for him! AND...he knows that! So, what makes a guy cheat? Right now, I dont even want to talk to him, but maybe i should. I am sooooo confused, I dont know what to do. ALso, three different guys have asked me to go out since the break-up....but I have never really dated anyone else and I dont know where to start! Where do I go from here? If we got back together, would he do it again? Is it true that once a cheater, always a cheater? What about seeing other people for a while? So, anyone have any good advice? Link to post Share on other sites
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