will_woman Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 I am feeling very down and depressed. I know my husband for 6 years and got registered for 2 years. He is sent to Shanghai, china for 2 years contract starting Dec 02. I visited him once in Feb 03. We agreed that I will quit my job and joined him in Aug 03. So, I really did that and reached Shanghai in August. One month later, he told me to go back to Singapore. He felt that his love for me has faded and he wanted to think over our relationship. Of coz, I do not wish to go back as I have quit my job. So I stayed on to salvage the situation. Since then, he denied he has a woman outside. Finally, seeing me so persistently staying on. He finally admitted that he met a woman THE NIGHT BEFORE I LANDED IN SHANGHAI. He wants a divorce so that he can be woth the woman. This piece of news really came a great shock to me. I really cannot believe my ears.....I have always trusted him and he betrayed me. I felt that my whole life is completely upset. We have made plans on future wedding ceremony, house and honeymoon. I continued to stay on because I wanted to make him understand the situation. However, he refused to listen to me and told me that he loved the woman very much. He started to scold me and chase me back. He even told me their dating moments when I am waiting for him at home. Finally, I cannot take it anymore and left Shanghai. It's been 2 months since I left him. My 6weeks stay in Shanghai has really turned out to be a NIGHTMARE to me. I am still feeling very hurt by all his sentences and behaviours. I cannot understand why is he doing all these to hurt me. He is still persistent to divorce as he feels that chinese girl is true to him. I do know that she is out to cheat him as he is an expat in china and other incidents which he told me. I went for counselling sessions to make myself strong and do not think so much. Now, I am actively looking for a job. But the job market is really bad. He has ever told me that he like China very much and stay there permanently. Now he refused to come back to settle matters. I feel that he is being very unfair to me, He is still having fun in china with his career, new love and life there. I just felt so stranded over here with much failure in job search. Should I let go? anyway, he has never said that he wants to patch back. I really cannot take it...he is letting go our 6 years relationship for a one-month love. Can anyone advise me as how to move on???? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 Sadly, you must let go. You cannot put yourself through the lasting pain of a disloyal husband who would put you through this kind of pain. He knew you had quit your job to join him yet he freely met and pursued a relationship with another woman and continues to do so and to treat you with disrepect. Do what is necessary to settle all matters. See an attorney and be sure he pays all of your expenses for the divorce and for settling into a new life without him...that is, if he has money. If he doesn't have money, arrange for payments to be made by him to you every month until your life gets back to normal. Once you get out of this situation, never give him another thought. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 It is very hard to be all by yourself in a new place when a relationship has died. Have you any family or friends that you can count on for support? Is it possible for you to return to Singapore? If no to both, perhaps there is a singles' support group you might join. Link to post Share on other sites
Quixotic_Dancer Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 moimeme, with all respect, I think that will_woman said that she *was* back in Singapore. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 Got tangled in the tenses in my sleep-deprived state Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 So sorry to hear of your troubles. Listen to what Tony has said to you. I feel the same way listening to your story. In America there is a saying "you can lead a horse to water...but you cannot make them drink it". What that means is you can tell your husband everything that you still want, need, and desire, but if he does not want to accept it. You cannot force him to do so. Be strong and when you do gain strength to leave do not look back. He has cheated you for someone else so quickly I could not be comfortable with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author will_woman Posted December 26, 2003 Author Share Posted December 26, 2003 Thanks to all for giving me advices..... For now, he has been keeping very quiet over the other side of the world. I know he started getting busy at work. Ever since I came back to Singapore, he called me at intervals wanting to settle matters (eg. our house) with me. I told him to come back here and we will sit down to discuss matters. However, he insisted to talk over the phone. For a few times, I have explicitly stated that I will talk to him in person. But, he never listened to me. During one phone call, he even mentioned that he got to know that woman after my resignation. Trying to tell me that he need not be responsible for my job loss. I should have slapped him on his face before I came back. But I never did that...never dirty my hands. Now, he is still hiding in nutshell and refused to come back. I know that his busy period will drag until at least Mid-April next year. Link to post Share on other sites
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