I have noticed

[NoIDidn't]

Goodbye

 

Leaving again?

[NoIDidn't]

That threads like this don't get started in Infidelity by BSs or former BSs to complain about OPs posting there.

 

These kinds of threads are seriously NEVER helpful.

 

They should be posted in Rants because that is all that they are.

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[silktricks]

So is this now the "vulture forum"? The 2 threads that I am referring to are "Dealing w/the STBXW", in which one reply...most of the replies were uncool and confrontational, althought there was one that was extremely delighted in the posters pain....this is sadistic.

 

The other thread was "Dissappointed in these MM" where the replies were centered on her being a sleeze and provoking it. I simply started a thread to point this stuff out..............................................although obviously this type of behavior and treatment ot other people is okay, so have fun.

 

The name of this forum needs to be changed, it has been taken over. I wish all of you the best. Goodbye

 

Was this directed to me?

 

If so, I'd like to say that I am in total agreement with you that people should not be ripping others apart - either OP, BS or MP. I haven't read the threads you mention, as I haven't been on LS for awhile, so I don't know if those threads follow the line you claim. I do believe, though, that Tony does a good job of monitoring this forum, so if you have a problem with a post it would be a good idea for you to bring it to his attention so he can deal with it.

 

I'd also like to know, though, what you are talking about regarding the "vulture" comment, as at the moment I feel that you have attacked me. Was that your intent?

[pureinheart]

Was this directed to me?

 

If so, I'd like to say that I am in total agreement with you that people should not be ripping others apart - either OP, BS or MP. I haven't read the threads you mention, as I haven't been on LS for awhile, so I don't know if those threads follow the line you claim. I do believe, though, that Tony does a good job of monitoring this forum, so if you have a problem with a post it would be a good idea for you to bring it to his attention so he can deal with it.

 

I'd also like to know, though, what you are talking about regarding the "vulture" comment, as at the moment I feel that you have attacked me. Was that your intent?

 

By no means ST....read the thread it is filled with hate and disrespect. I never thought I would say this, although I can see why MM look elsewhere in certain cases....also read those threads that I meantioned....it's terrible.

[Trimmer]

By no means ST....read the thread it is filled with hate and disrespect. I never thought I would say this, although I can see why MM look elsewhere in certain cases....also read those threads that I meantioned....it's terrible.

 

The other thread was "Dissappointed in these MM" where the replies were centered on her being a sleeze and provoking it. I simply started a thread to point this stuff out..............................................although obviously this type of behavior and treatment ot other people is okay, so have fun.

A matter of perception, perhaps... I have read the entire "Disappointed..." thread - I'm actually a current participant in it, and while I believe I see the vicious contributions you mention from one particular poster within the first 40 posts, separate from that, what you perceive as "centering on her being a sleeze" I believe I see as an interesting discussion of the possibility (and that is how it's being discussed...) that the OP's interactions with the men around her may contribute to the situation she describes, and that this may give her some hope that she could have control over changing that situation. How is that not "support?"

 

It seems to me that your blinders go up when something hits you that you vehemently disagree with, and that colors (or even shuts down) your perceptions from that point on... Such is the nature of a public discussion, though, and I believe there's been some thoughtful discussion in that "Disappointed..." thread that you are discounting wholesale - on behalf of the OP who hasn't yet checked back in on that discussion - because of your own distress. Example to follow:

 

The name of this forum needs to be changed, it has been taken over. I wish all of you the best. Goodbye

Wow. OK. Goodbye. Before you go, please read the last paragraph under "Civility and Respect" in the LS Community Guidelines.

 

Actually I think in the past month or so, maybe more, MOST threads have been respectful and nice. Ofcourse there's always going to be one or two people (doesn't matter if it's a BS or an OW) who will let loose, take shots, but honestly, I don't see the judgement, the fighting going on like before.

And, as I point out above, in spite of those occasional disrespectful posters taking their bitter shots, there's usually no obstacle to continuing a thoughtful discussion. It's a public discussion - everyone will see it through their own filters, and everyone will get agitated to a different degree depending on that.

[herenow]

By no means ST....read the thread it is filled with hate and disrespect. I never thought I would say this, although I can see why MM look elsewhere in certain cases....also read those threads that I meantioned....it's terrible.

 

Wow, and you think this is supportive behavior?

 

BTW, I am a part of one of the threads you mentioned and I disagree with the OP. With little exception, we were having a very civil discussion and then you came in with your "support". Or was it really to disrupt our real conversation about the real issues the OP wants to discuss? You are the one that seems to have a problem with it, not the OP, she seems fine with the way that thread is going. JMO

[whichwayisup]

I have found HN's point of view interesting and I've enjoyed our respectful debate and I totally get what she is saying even though we see things differently.

 

The above quote is from BB to HN. Seems BB doesn't have any issues or problems with HN, or anyone else..

 

Respectful debate! BB's words exactly.

[crazycatlady]

Wow. As a BS who posted here before anywhere else, Wow.

 

I posted here because in general this place is a nicer calmer place then others. I posted here because I can actually understand the OW/OM's position. I posted here because I don't think WS are evil or necessarily cakeeaters. I posted here because its an open forum.

 

Now I'm assuming (heh) that I'm not someone indicated by the OP, but I am a BS which makes me evil and disrespectful simply by being a BS. Ok. I'm fine with that.

 

But as a fairly newbie, who read both forums before posting, and keeps reading both - posting a little on both too - This forum IS still more civil. And there are baiters on both sides. But that's typical for ok I hate to say this....women in general. Women in general BW or OW seem to possess this need to feel better then other women. I sometimes suffer from it myself though I try keep it in check, hate that side of myself.

 

But folks, this is the internet. Take what you like, or what you need, and pull on the fireproof panties to deal with the rest. Plus I admit to loving train wrecks too - thus the reason why I'm posting to this thread

 

CCL

[pureinheart]

You know it's interesting....I simply started a thread stating disresapect in many areas and basically got attacked by mainly BS's....is it because in other threads I have stated thew the ex W needs to financially support herself????? Or could it be that I now COMPLETELY understand why the MM cheats?

 

What can't you take it ..... do you have to degrade me?.....whatever ....get a life.....sorry yor H's cheated on you, although.....

[bentnotbroken]

You know it's interesting....I simply started a thread stating disresapect in many areas and basically got attacked by mainly BS's....is it because in other threads I have stated thew the ex W needs to financially support herself????? Or could it be that I now COMPLETELY understand why the MM cheats?

 

What can't you take it ..... do you have to degrade me?.....whatever ....get a life.....sorry yor H's cheated on you, although.....

 

 

I am interested in the bolded part. So I can warn my children, since you have complete understanding. As for as financial support, I assume you like everyone has an opinion.

[whichwayisup]

You know it's interesting....I simply started a thread stating disresapect in many areas and basically got attacked by mainly BS's....is it because in other threads I have stated thew the ex W needs to financially support herself????? Or could it be that I now COMPLETELY understand why the MM cheats?

 

What can't you take it ..... do you have to degrade me?.....whatever ....get a life.....sorry yor H's cheated on you, although.....

 

Pure, you're taking everything out of context and the wrong way.. And what you are upset about, YOU are doing now.

 

You aren't being attacked, people, like myself, are giving their opinion on this matter. You post a thread like this, people are going to give their 2 cents, like it or not.

 

this is why posting these types of threads solve NOTHING. Now i'ts upset you, pissed you off and more than likely a mod will come by and shut it down or delete it.

 

Affairs bring out emotions, good and bad, and some people, depending where they are in their life, and frame of mind in general that day WILL react. I won't deny at times in the past I got pissy..I dont anymore because it's just not worth it.

 

Ego's get in the way and then pot shots are taken, back and forth back and forth..

 

Just focus on helping the person who needs help, rather than picking apart other peoples threads..

 

Just fyi too, not all posting are BS's and OW. MANY people who are not in affairs also reply to posts in this section, so don't always assume..

[greengoddess]

You know it's interesting....I simply started a thread stating disresapect in many areas and basically got attacked by mainly BS's....is it because in other threads I have stated thew the ex W needs to financially support herself????? Or could it be that I now COMPLETELY understand why the MM cheats?

 

What can't you take it ..... do you have to degrade me?.....whatever ....get a life.....sorry yor H's cheated on you, although.....

 

 

you seem to be the only one who wants to argue and are getting angrier and angrier that no one agrees with arguing. Why is that?

[herenow]

You know it's interesting....I simply started a thread stating disresapect in many areas and basically got attacked by mainly BS's....is it because in other threads I have stated thew the ex W needs to financially support herself????? Or could it be that I now COMPLETELY understand why the MM cheats?

 

What can't you take it ..... do you have to degrade me?.....whatever ....get a life.....sorry yor H's cheated on you, although.....

 

Wow again. I can take anything you can dish out. IMO, it's you that can't take it.

 

Are you incapable of seeing that many OW and BW do get along even if they don't agree? I find it healthy to have conversations with people who have different points of view and different experiences. Even when people are angry with me or I'm angry with them, everyone's opinions are valuable because they are real. Nothing wrong with that unless you have a problem with the fact that there are people who don't see things the way you do.

 

You can say whatever you want about why MM have affairs, that is your opinion. I just don't understand why you are so upset about the response you have gotten on this thread. You are doing the very same thing you are complaining about. I just don't get it, but oh well, have a great night I guess.

Edited January 8, 2010 by herenow

[whichwayisup]

I always say this and I'll say it again.. There's a huge difference between harsh advice and rude/mean advice. Harsh advice may not be 'heard' right away, but eventually it sinks in, and is appreciated.

[bittersweet memories]

You know it's interesting....I simply started a thread stating disresapect in many areas and basically got attacked by mainly BS's....is it because in other threads I have stated thew the ex W needs to financially support herself????? Or could it be that I now COMPLETELY understand why the MM cheats?

 

What can't you take it ..... do you have to degrade me?.....whatever ....get a life.....sorry yor H's cheated on you, although.....

 

 

Wow!! You are no better than what you are complaining about. Relax..

[Susmay]

You know it's interesting....I simply started a thread stating disresapect in many areas and basically got attacked by mainly BS's....is it because in other threads I have stated thew the ex W needs to financially support herself????? Or could it be that I now COMPLETELY understand why the MM cheats?

 

What can't you take it ..... do you have to degrade me?.....whatever ....get a life.....sorry yor H's cheated on you, although.....

 

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!

[greengoddess]

pure in heart since you want to argue and feel so disrespected can you please point out the disrespect? Everyone has been nice regardless of you threatenening gods vengence.

[crystal_lostheart]

lol this is funny. So your idea of support is all flowers and roses? It's ok I know it hurts to sleep with another womans husband. Here honey let me help you think of ways to make him leave his wife or spend more time with you or hey get a pay as you go phone. Is this the support everyone should offer?

 

The only positive support I can even conceive on this board is to make the ow/om realize their worth and their value. To help them see they are worth so much more than waiting around for a man to leave his family. They are worth so much more than waiting around for the phone to ring because they are not ALLOWED to call the one they love. They are worth so much more than sitting at home wondering what the one they love is doing with his wife at his home while they are all alone. Support for this forum should be helping the ow/om find their self respect and tell the married person that they can not continue having a relationship in the shadows and if they don't respect them enough to show them off to the world then they can't do this. If the mp loves them they will move heaven and earth to leave.

 

Do you really think the mp respects the other when they are willing to sneak around and be a secret? That's not how someone who loves you treats you.

 

I was just reading on another ow board about an ow who had aborted the mm's baby and the mm is right now with his wife in the delivery room. HE asked her to abort his child, is having a child with his wife and she still believes he loves her. WHAT HEARTBREAKING PAIN for that ow. Do they support her by telling her please please get out of this relationship it is nothing but pain? NO they tell her to get her mm to buy a secret phone. OMG how on earth is that support? Someone needs to help this woman. It is so sad. Oh and the POS MM had a dday a month ago while his wife was pregnant and chose to work on his marriage and they still advise her to be the happy little ow and not make waves. HOW SICK IS THAT? That is not support. That is helping to enable a no win VERY PAINFUL situation. This poor woman could leave that pos with the newborn and be deleriously happy in a new relationship with a single guy in three months but NO they encourage her to keep on keeping on.

 

You want to support someone? Help them to be the best person they can be not enable their poor decisions and yes having a secret relationship that causes you to lie to everyone is a poor decision.

 

You are so right! I have read other forums where this garbage goes on and it sickens me to my stomach. At least on LS there is REAL support. Sometimes hard words but mostly it's just a wake up call for the OW. Sometimes when people type something it may come across condescending or extremely harsh but honestly most of the time, I think everyones heart is in the right place here.

[pureinheart]

I have noticed a great deal of judgementalism, cruelty and absolute disrespect in replies to those seeking compassion. We do not have to agree with the reason for the need of compassion, love or understanding, although is there any among you without sin? Is their sin "greater" than yours, or are you arrogant believing the lie that you are perfect.

 

I am not trying to preach, I just do not know of any other way to communicate this.

 

At this point, after what I am seeing, I do not care which forum it is, this is just terrible and very immature.

 

I can tell by the OP's that they are sincerely hurting, right....wrong...or indifferent, they are sincerely seeking love, understanding and compassion...some are seeking advice....if this be the case the advice should be respectful and not judgemental based on old hurts from the person replying.

 

I am seeing abusive replies.....and it's no wonder the world is the way it is.

 

One reply was so disturbing concerning the sheer joy out of another persons pain, it was this reply that prompted this knowledge that those that will not judge themselves first will have the mirror turned on them and those that find pleasure in anothers pain will have a broken mirror turned on them.

 

In 1993, during much counceling I ran around blaming everything and everyone else....the mirror got turned on me and I cried for 4 days...that was the beginning of compassion....some of you have a very long way to fall because you lack mercy and are arrogant....you will need great mercy and you will find none.

 

Concerning "I am better than you because I do not do that"....you are able to point out anothers wrongs especially when they are posting and have admitted wrong where it is due them...God help you is all I have to say. I have been down this arrogant road and was dealt with.....get ready and don't be surprised....

 

Could somebody please tell me what I said that was so wrong in this thread?

 

It was "not ok" because I pointed out some uncool things said in other threads....so I am to understand that this is not acceptable and I need to "be quiet"?

 

So....98% of the replies proceeded to "chastise" me and once again I am to "be quiet", not defend myself (which I should not have had to do anyway)?

 

Some very uncool things were communicated to me, some very sarcastic and some very immature and I should not say anything? Double standard you say....what a trip.

 

Most all have told me that this is an open forum so I should be quiet?

 

It's ok for all of you to speak, have opinions ect no matter who they hurt....wow....I want to thank you for opening my eyes....

[marlena]

Pureinheart,

 

I have not read this thread in its entirety but I agree with your opening post that judgemental people are incapable of grasping the intricate subtleties and complexities of human relationships. Personally, I stay away from them like the plague. I am way too much of a rebel and independent spirit to have anyone push their morals down my throat.

 

What I also have found to be very often true is that these members of the moral police force are steeped in hypocrisy which, according to my own brand of "morality", is the biggest sin of all.

[Simon Attwood]

Could somebody please tell me what I said that was so wrong in this thread?

 

 

In this first post, you didn't say too much wrong. Although there is a touch of ironic hypocrisy in the post. Later on the Hypocrisy got more extreme.

 

Your criticism of peoples "judgementalism" was in itself quite judgemental and in your need to defend your initial post, you became even more judgemental, to the point of almost becoming abusive towards anyone that was critical of your views. Not withstanding that other's criticisms were a bit blunt at times, but that's human nature and in aid of a good and healthy discussion one should be tolerant and accepting of other's perspectives no matter how much they are at odds with your own.

[pureinheart]

In this first post, you didn't say too much wrong. Although there is a touch of ironic hypocrisy in the post. Later on the Hypocrisy got more extreme.

 

Your criticism of peoples "judgementalism" was in itself quite judgemental and in your need to defend your initial post, you became even more judgemental, to the point of almost becoming abusive towards anyone that was critical of your views. Not withstanding that other's criticisms were a bit blunt at times, but that's human nature and in aid of a good and healthy discussion one should be tolerant and accepting of other's perspectives no matter how much they are at odds with your own.

 

I don't care if another thinks different than I do, that is what makes the world so fascinating...you know...I will not put up with rudeness of any sort and most people are unable to handle that. I weigh my words carefully even when the other party doesnot deserve it, especially in the case of this thread.

 

This forum has always had problems with those who have been cheated on, I do not agree with cheating, although I have to say my eyes have been greatly opened as to why it happens. If someone tries to help or even agrees with cheating they have been severely, verbally abused in this forum, it is uncalled for. Lately I have been pointing this out and have been hitting some neverves along the way.

 

This is the OM OW forum by the way....Simon I challenge you to read some of the threads dealing with BS's and OW....even I chastised the OW at one time and had a great deal of anger towards MM.

 

I will not allow anyone to verbally abuse me any longer, and if I see it I will call it what it is....there is no excuse to behave this way....and if defending myself is veiwed as uncool...so be it....it's an open forum....remember????? This doesnot just work for some, it works for all.

 

What actually happened was is that I hit many nerves concerning God, alimony, and a few other things....am I not also entitled to my opinion? Or is it just a few that are?

 

I used to take peoples mess, not anymore....there are so many game players out there and they do not have a clue as to who they are messing with....people play for keeps these days, no game, no lie.

 

I don't care what anyone thinks about me, and never have....I used to be more passive, but I will not be a doormat and will call a spade a spade.

 

Personally what I am seeing in this world today is many have too much time on their hands....too much time to mess with others....I hope this stops and they find something constructive to do with their time...

[Trimmer]

reconsidered and deleted for lack of energy......

 

Dennis, The Constitutional Peasant:

 

Come see the violence inherent in the system. Help! I'm being repressed!

Edited January 8, 2010 by Trimmer

[pureinheart]

Pureinheart,

 

I have not read this thread in its entirety but I agree with your opening post that judgemental people are incapable of grasping the intricate subtleties and complexities of human relationships. Personally, I stay away from them like the plague. I am way too much of a rebel and independent spirit to have anyone push their morals down my throat.

 

What I also have found to be very often true is that these members of the moral police force are steeped in hypocrisy which, according to my own brand of "morality", is the biggest sin of all.

 

I really like what you said about the "rebel"...I just talked to an old friend from about 33yrs ago and she said, "you are still the same (MY NAME) I knew back then....she said this in a very playful way, happy that I was still the "rebel" I once was.

 

It feels good to be me again, not allowing ANYONE to control me....I wish to control no one and do not wish to be controlled. Marlena, I used to do that moral police thing and it is sickening and I am greatly ashamed of that....and you said very elequently....it is the greatest sin of all.

 

We all have free wills and we own no one and no one owns us.

 

I am really grateful for your reply because I am seeing why I felt I needed to morally police others....it was my own guilt and shame....telling OW how wrong "they" were for cheating....hating MM for cheating, somehow this mostlikely caused me to believe I was paying my "debt" for my own wrong doing....

 

I would like to take this opportunity to publically apologize to all of the OW in the past that I was harsh with....it was wrong and I am really sorry....also to the MM out there that I totally demoralized because a MM hurt me....forgive me....

[Susmay]

Could somebody please tell me what I said that was so wrong in this thread?

 

It was "not ok" because I pointed out some uncool things said in other threads....so I am to understand that this is not acceptable and I need to "be quiet"?

 

So....98% of the replies proceeded to "chastise" me and once again I am to "be quiet", not defend myself (which I should not have had to do anyway)?

 

Some very uncool things were communicated to me, some very sarcastic and some very immature and I should not say anything? Double standard you say....what a trip.

 

Most all have told me that this is an open forum so I should be quiet?

 

It's ok for all of you to speak, have opinions ect no matter who they hurt....wow....I want to thank you for opening my eyes....

 

The problem is your manner and tone Pureeheart. When you "point out" the perceived inadequacies of other posters, you frequently demonstrate exactly the same negative qualities you complain of. Many other posters see this as hypocrisy on your part, combined with a complete lack of insight into your own effect on people. Your habit of taking potshots at other people and generally denigrating almost everybody else seems almost calculated to rub people up the wrong way.

 

The reason people say it's an open forum is not to get you to be quiet but to inform you that they too are allowed to post their opinions even if they are contrary to yours.

 

They say attack is the best form of defense. Again, you are allowed to defend yourself but you have taken it to extremes on several occasions. Some posters do not react well to being generally attacked or called names, especially if they feel it is unjustified. A bit like you really.

 

You have said several times in this thread that you will be ignoring certain posters. Some posters might do well to ignore you too.

 

You opened the post above with a request to be told what the problem is. I have tried to answer this honestly. It will be interesting to see how you react to this.