brandilynn222 Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 first and foremost merry christmas everyone although my isnt so merry..... so i posted somthign a few days ago(look back if you want more info on our relationship) about how my b/f (well now ex) fell madly in love but then he got orders to go to alaska and wants to take his son with him which means takin ghis wife that he is sepreated from...heads up he got seperated before he met me so it isnt liek he did it to be with me...they have a horrible marraige....she has a drug problem and had infedelties before......also he told me when we first met it was a shotgun weedding and that the only reason they married was b/c he got her pregnant and her dad kinda of pushed him into it...... so heres my situation....I love this man with all my heart we both have expressed that we are soulmates and he always called me his fw (future wife). Well im spending christmas alone becasue he is at her parents house with her and his son (which i dont condem b/c he should be with his son on this day) but anyways yesterday he left the house to "go to the store" but he called me and we made small chit chat then i told him that i missed him immensly and he told me that he missed me too.....also when we were hanging up i told him i love you and he said I LOVE YOU TOO back to me.....WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SUPPOSED TO MEAN??? now the killer......ummmm im pregnant with his kid...i told him when we talked yesterday and he didnt really say much b/c we couldnt talk for long b/c she has been up his ass the whole time he has been there (his words not mine). so anyways i asked him if he still had my birthstone pendent thing in the car and he said yes im never taking it down and i dont care if she sees it...he doesnt love her he is just pretending to see his son.... he said he might come down before block leave is over so he can get his christmas present and we can talk about what he/we are going to do. WHAT SHOUDL I SAY TO HIM??? ive already told him i dont expect anythign out of him and he just refused and said you knwo what type of person i am......IM CONFUSED I just dont know how to decode what he is goign to do now that he has another baby on the way.....esp since he isnt technichally allowed to be with me (army and the whole adultry thing if she found out im sure she would get him into lots of trouble) what do you think???? i mean will he rasie my child in his home and be with the one he loves giving up seeign his son everday or stay with the person he doesnt love and not see our child everyday.....im heartbroken and really scared that i will end up alone with a kid....i know he will finicially support the kid but i want him to be there and be the daddy...i never had a father and i want that for my kid...... HELp...... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 What you want and what will happen may be two different things. Right now, from what you have written in your post, it doesn't look like this guy is eager to have another child or to have anything to do with fatherhood. You need to take a very cold shower, get your wits about you, and start becoming an unemotional advocate for your unborn child. If this man isn't going to give you the time of day to discuss this problem, then he will when he's served legal papers. You've got a married man who is very confused. His affair with you was due to the fact that he was looking for some comic relief from a bad situation. All you've done now is provide him with another bad situation. You're no longer good for relieving this stress and tension as a diversion from his other problems. You are now just another of his problems, unfortunately, and I don't mean to be cruel. He will not be eager to see you or address this problem. Because of the circumstances and your obligation to look out for the best interests of your unborn child, you need to speak to an attorney immediately and determine all your rights under the law and do what you must do legally to see that this child is provided for. It's not being mean, it's just doing what you have to do. Don't expect a lot of cooperation from this guy or a lot of involvement on his part with your child later on. If that happens, fine, but at least get an income flowing in so you can handle things. Right now, you may not have the emotional strength to deal with the realities of the matter but let me tell you from my observations, you need to be in an attorney's office on Monday morning. This is a serious matter that won't go away. And it won't all come off like a storybook either. You may have to get real tough in the matter. You were used. That's got to stop.....remember, this guy has told you he's moving out of town with his wife. Serve him with papers while he's still around. He didn't say one word to you about helping you in any way. You are going to have to be the one who assures yourself of the assistance you and your child will sorely need. It's time to get tough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brandilynn222 Posted December 25, 2003 Author Share Posted December 25, 2003 umm tony pehaps you didnt read very closley...for one if he is willign to live with soemoen he cant get along with for his son then why wouldnt he want to be around for our child. its not that he didnt want to tal k to me about this matter its he couldnt he is in a delicate situation b/c unlike civillian laws he is under strict millitray law. Adultry means he gets kicked out. He didnt use me we were together for 6 monthes ver monogomously....how is that being used....we do love each other he just doesnt want to become his dad and never see his son....ive tried to tell hiom if you excersice your rights to see your son you wont become him....i guess i know him better than you and i know he wouldnt give up on a child that he created eso leaving me in the cold since i am goign to school right now. i dont mean to sound liek a bitch.....i guess i just didnt liek your reply and maybe b/c its the truth and the truth hurts sometimes...but we will see i guess Link to post Share on other sites
AllyKat Posted December 26, 2003 Share Posted December 26, 2003 I think you do need something from this man regardless, its called child support! I do not know why he is taking his ex. There are ways to "share" a child. If you want my opinion, I think he is exaggerating his so called bad marriage to you. I mean I just dont think he would have asked her to go, if the marriage was so bad. I know plenty of men who want to be near their child, but cant...cause of work. But they DONT ask the woman they supposedly do not get along with to move with them. What you need to do now is think of that baby in you. For some reason, he is trying to have his cake and eat it too. Dont let someone fool you. If he chooses to be with her, the only thing you need to do is tell him he is responsible for the child you both have together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brandilynn222 Posted December 26, 2003 Author Share Posted December 26, 2003 how do i tell him what you said....about sharing a child and not giving up his happiness to be near his child......i hope that doesnt sound rude but you know you cant make ppl happy if your not happy yourself right.....i just dont want to see his son growing up in an unhappy home (i love the little guy) it happened to me for a little while and i still believe it damaged a little but.....i need to make him understand....i love him so much and i just know he lobes me just the same this makes no sense. also she hasnt lived with him since the baby was born in june he lived about two hours away where he could see his son if he chose to i think he is scared he wont have that choice if he is in alaska and she is in new york. Link to post Share on other sites
Skittles Posted December 26, 2003 Share Posted December 26, 2003 But they DONT ask the woman they supposedly do not get along with to move with them. I agree with AllyKat.... You must put your baby first and get pro help, legal, for one. I know you love him...and he might love you too...but the bottom line is and always will be ...what he does bears more weight than what he says.... No matter what the story is, why he did this or couldn't do that, what she is or isn't etc.etc...we want so desperately to have what we want that alot of times we just can't see what is staring us in the face. Again...what are his actions telling you??? No excuses. Good luck with your baby. Link to post Share on other sites
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