samsungxoxo Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 STD's didn't exist and scientists have made the perfect protection against pregnancy (meaning 100% the woman doesn't gets pregnant)? So now that the two factors are not there, even if they cheated once many years ago, do you still want to know it? If that was the case and it was one time they did many years ago, it would be useless telling me. I wouldn't want to know. What for so you can break up, waste money on either divorce (if married) or counseling sessions looking for reasons when they probably already solved it in silence and are aware why it happened..... Link to post Share on other sites
doushenka Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Yes, I would, even if only to say "Okay. Thank you for being honest. Since it's in the past, it's done and therefore forgiven. Just don't effing do it again." Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Yes I'd want to know. I'd want to know if my wife was a dishonest piece of crap. Why live life with your head in the sand? Why settle for someone who isn't worth your devotion and honesty? Also if they did it once they could do it again. And if they lied about that who knows what else they've lied about. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Yes, it is still my life to do with what I believe is right for me. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Yes I would want to know that someone who took vows to me had broken them. that way I would have a choice of what I wanted to do... Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Yes, of course I'd want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Gabriele Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 I answered on your last post as a BS who was told after 8 years, there were no std's or pregnancy and in the midst of a strong happy marriage. Just wondering what the underlying issue is for you that you are just pressing to get the confirmation that holding on to lies is okay?? I answered that I don't think i am glad I know. But It just seems weird that you are really digging for people to say it's okay to not tell.... what have I missed. Link to post Share on other sites
Hop_prophet Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Absolutely I would want to know. The fact that my trusted partner is able to do something like that behind my back and then lie to me for years says a lot about that person. It is the ultimate betrayal. Why live in ignorance with someone who is capable of that when you can find someone so much better??? Who says they won't do it again if the circumstances are right? Link to post Share on other sites
AmIParanoid Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 (edited) I found out last year that my wife had cheated on me prior to our engagement but while we were supposedly in an exclusive, committed relationship. 18 years ago. With (at least) two different guys. And she lied to me about it/covered it up for 18 years. H*ell yeah I wanted to know (obviously it hurt though). No, I NEEDED to know. And she ultimately needed to tell me (although she continued to lie about it until just before she told me). The dirty little secret had been a major impediment to our communication and intimacy throughout our entire marriage. And in the process she revealed some other things that were extremely disturbing, other secrets, that she had been withholding from me for our entire relationship. Things have been OK. So far. There is very little doubt that, had I found out prior to our marriage, we would not have ended up getting married. Edited January 8, 2010 by AmIParanoid Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 If you are keeping secrets, then you're not being honest. The bedrock of Marriage is honesty, (at least IMO) Without honesty, you have nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 I wouldn't care one way or the other... I'd be more concerned about the deceit factor, than the sex/cheating/ affair factor. Sex with someone else, I could live with. The deceit, would hurt more. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 11, 2010 Share Posted January 11, 2010 Yes. If you were robbed it's not the amount that's important but that you were decieved. Link to post Share on other sites
on1wheel Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 In order to truly love someone, you must truly know them. If they have betrayed you then how well can you have known them? Is the person that you fell in-love with just a role that they play; to hide their true devious soul? I am married to a woman that I do not know. I caught her in an affair; which just showed me I had no idea who I married. I felt like such a fool for being fooled. After I caught her I started thinking "what else have I missed...I've never thought to check up on her". After that, it is like pulling on a string on your favorite sweater; the harder you pull, the more it comes apart; til' finally there is nothing left worth saving. If I knew then what I know now I would never have married her. I didn't deserve to be betrayed, as I would never have done that to her. It has been 2 years now (I stayed with her for my 19 month old childs sake) & I still suffer everyday. I used to respect her, adore her, thanked God for her being in my life; turns out I was wrong. I will never be the same, our marriage has never been the same & I sometimes wish that I had an affair after I found out. Then maybe I wouldn't feel like such a fool to still honour my vows. At the end of my life though, I want to look God in the eyes & say "I was the best family member, father & husband I could be". She'll have to pay Karma's bill eventually...with interest!!! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 .... I still suffer everyday. This is unfortunate, because you don't need to.... The fact you still put yourself through suffering is your choice. isn't that a dreadful waste of your time, and the wrong message to your son? I used to respect her, adore her, thanked God for her being in my life; turns out I was wrong. I will never be the same, our marriage has never been the same & I sometimes wish that I had an affair after I found out. Then maybe I wouldn't feel like such a fool to still honour my vows. Never match anybody's standard of behaviour if it means betraying your values and principles, and lowering your standards. At the end of my life though, I want to look God in the eyes & say "I was the best family member, father & husband I could be". She'll have to pay Karma's bill eventually...with interest!!! God may well congratulate you, if indeed the scenario ever takes place. Karma however - doesn't quite work that way. Allow me to demonstrate: If we presume for a moment that your definition of Karma is correct - then, seeing as she betrayed you and treated you like dirt - you're therefore of the opinion that this wasy our karma, for you to suffer in this way? Works all ways, you know..... Karma isn't being punished for your sins. It's being punished BY them. If you want to look upon it as a 'punishment' at all. Which, by the way, it isn't..... Link to post Share on other sites
Kizzyfur Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 STD's didn't exist and scientists have made the perfect protection against pregnancy (meaning 100% the woman doesn't gets pregnant)? So now that the two factors are not there, even if they cheated once many years ago, do you still want to know it? If that was the case and it was one time they did many years ago, it would be useless telling me. I wouldn't want to know. What for so you can break up, waste money on either divorce (if married) or counseling sessions looking for reasons when they probably already solved it in silence and are aware why it happened..... If it was recent I would want to know. If it was many years past, that's debatable. It depends on whether or not it's eating at him from the inside out and affecting our relationship. It's easier to deal with issues when they're out in the open. But if he's been able to put it behind him and it's not affecting him nor the relationship, then no, I don't think I would care to know as long as it's not still going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Not really. If he felt like he had to tell me, yes. But basically -- no. I'd rather not. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Yes, I would want to know. The sex he had, the std he gave me... thats not my real issue. Not the cheating, not the lies. As with anything in my life, the good and the bad, what I need to know is WHERE DO I STAND. For me, I can befriend, work with, and even love anyone in my life - faults and all as long as I know what those faults are. Can I count on this person? Yes or no. I can accept either. Its all good as long as I know. My H has been a serial cheater. Up against the wall at this point I really do believe that part of his life may have changed. I can forgive him. I love him. Given different circumstances, I may have even allowed him this vice.BUT...through his ability at relentless deception, his inability to control himself, etc...he is UNPREDICTABLE. Even if he never cheated again with another woman...these parts of him remain the same. I think they will manifest themselves some other way, a way I havent thought of, a way even he is not suspecting. He is unpredictable. I dont know where I stand. Thats what I needed to know. Link to post Share on other sites
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