How long to let a girl suffer in silence after a 1st date?

[Vintage79]

I went out with a girl last Sunday. Things went pretty well - she had a good personality and was showing me lots of signs of interest...I'm a little on the fence, but should probably give her another whirl. that said, I've got a lot of kettles in the fire, and haven't really been in a chatty mood over the last few days, so I haven't attempted any sort of contact (it's obviously now Thursday evening).

 

That said, does waiting 4-5-6-7 days after a first date before you contact the girl a problem? Does it communicate lack of interest, even if you eventually call them? Or does it just cause their interest to build or help them forget about you? Guys, when do you usually contact them after a first date? Ladies, what do you prefer?

[Lovelybird]

Let us wait a little bit can cause us wonder, but too much waiting will cause us to work on distance ourselves from the man emotionally.

 

Having said that, call her when you want to, otherwise, it is forced, we don't want an obligated call

[OnlyJake]

As a girl, I'm turned off if a guy calls for another date the next day, or within the next 2 days for sure.

 

I prefer if he sends a text or email saying he had a good time, etc. Best is if it's not a generic "I had a good time" but is a little joke about something that happened during the date. Then I like him to call within 4-6 days to set up another date.

 

I also tend to reserve Saturday nights for my friends until I'm more serious about a guy, then I might be available some Saturdays, or include him in those plans. It might be dumb, but I'm turned off by guys (generally) who ask for dates on Saturday night, because I like guys who have their own lives and being available Saturday night translates (to me) that he doesn't have much else going on. Just throwin' that in there.

[D-Lish]

So, it's been 4 days since the date?

I'd make contact sooner rather than later.

I usually expect to hear from them within 3 days or assume they aren't interested and start to loose interest myself.

[Vintage79]

Only Jake

 

Yeah, I'm never a fan of setting up Saturday night dates, at least within the first few meetings. I may go out on a Friday, but Saturday is the more typical, head out with friends night - heck, I want to head out with my friends, so it's not date night. I usually prefer Sunday evenings, or early in the week.

 

I'll have to try the text thing - I'm not a huge texter, but have been wondering if I should drop it into my dating arsenal. Why do you like the 4-6 days after the text? Why not 2? And do you like the date 1-2 days after the call, or another 4-6? Just curious

 

 

Lovely Bird

 

How long is too long for you?

[Vintage79]

So, it's been 4 days since the date?

I'd make contact sooner rather than later.

I usually expect to hear from them within 3 days or assume they aren't interested and start to loose interest myself.

 

Yeah, that's the way I usually role - some kind of contact around day 3. Regardless of how busy I am, I think the slow contact starts to suggest my general lack of interest...precisely what you were alluding to...

[Romance]

Personally, I like for the guy to contact me within the next day (just through texting, but thats my generation, I'm only 19) However, I would still be accepting of another date with a guy who waited that long. You only waited a few days,no big deal.

[sugarmomma]

I'm a little on the fence, but should probably give her another whirl. that said, I've got a lot of kettles in the fire, and haven't really been in a chatty mood over the last few days, so I haven't attempted any sort of contact (it's obviously now Thursday evening).

 

 

 

Suffer in silence??

 

Who says she's suffering? Because she "seemed" to like you?

 

Don't waste the girl's time. Clearly you're not interested. I wouldn't be interested if a guy called me 4 days after a date.

[bac]

If a mature man likes a female, he typically contacts her within next 24 hrs.

And, he is expected to let her know that he enjoyed the time together.

If I do not get email/call next day, I would think he is not so much into me or he is too much into multiple dating. But, when to contact depends on the situation, so if you contact her in several days, it may work out well anyway.

[Vintage79]

The "suffering" was tongue in cheek humor, as too many people complain about why the person's not calling...didn't mean anything else by that.

 

And as for calling 4 days after a date, it's more hit or miss, which is why I posed the questions. I've had it work out on more than a few occasions where I didn't call them for sometimes up to 2 weeks - yes, at that point I clearly have to question my motives and potential interest.

[monkey00]

 

That said, does waiting 4-5-6-7 days after a first date before you contact the girl a problem? Does it communicate lack of interest, even if you eventually call them? Or does it just cause their interest to build or help them forget about you? Guys, when do you usually contact them after a first date? Ladies, what do you prefer?

 

I think it depends. If a girl is busy with plans later in the week and weekend and she tells me, I know not to make plans or call her at that time. I would schedule something with her the following week and call her then. If both parties have busy lives, it's understandable.

 

However for me I generally contact the person a day or two after the first date. If a girl is into you, she will be receptive. I personally would not wait 3 or more days to contact a girl, it signals disinterest on my part and also they lose interest too (out of sight out of mind).

[Vintage79]

What kind of contact do you have in the 1-2 day range - just a text, short call, e-mail? I'm curious as to how you work your magic?

[OnlyJake]

Only Jake

 

Yeah, I'm never a fan of setting up Saturday night dates, at least within the first few meetings. I may go out on a Friday, but Saturday is the more typical, head out with friends night - heck, I want to head out with my friends, so it's not date night. I usually prefer Sunday evenings, or early in the week.

 

I'll have to try the text thing - I'm not a huge texter, but have been wondering if I should drop it into my dating arsenal. Why do you like the 4-6 days after the text? Why not 2? And do you like the date 1-2 days after the call, or another 4-6? Just curious

I'm not a big texter myself, and I actually don't like to set a precedent with guys that texting is an acceptable form of communicating with me, so I try to handle it carefully - ie get the message across that an occasional text is appreciated, but that we will not be having conversations via text.

 

Sorry to be confusing; I like a text or email (to show interest) by the day following the first date. Then I like a phone call for a second date within the 4-6 days following the day of the first date (or 3-5 days following the text).

 

My reasoning behind that might change in the future. Currently, my reasoning is that I am a very busy person, and having too frequent communication/dates with a very new person whom I'm not sure how much time I want to make in my schedule to see stresses me out and therefore turns me off. Second, I dated 2 very clingy men in a row, so anyone who contacts me too much or too often or too soon sends bad signals to me and turns me off. Probably a bit unreasonable, but that's where I'm at.

 

I don't really care about how many days following the call the second date is, as long as it's not too far in the future. If the guy called for a second date 3 or 4 days after the first date, he could suggest a date further in advance without me thinking he's not interested. If he waited longer to call, I would prefer he suggest a day sooner rather than later, otherwise I would think he had low interest.

 

On the other hand, when he called if it appeared we were both on the busy side, and were having a hard time finding a time that worked for both of us, I would prefer that next time he call sooner so we have more opportunities to set up a date without too much time elapsing between dates.

 

I'm difficult I guess!

[monkey00]

What kind of contact do you have in the 1-2 day range - just a text, short call, e-mail? I'm curious as to how you work your magic?

 

It depends. If I met the girl online, I would likely email her (since that was our main form of contact in the beginning). If I met her in person, I would call or text.

 

Nothing is set in stone. Though just don't come off eager or desperate in your form of contact, just make it short and sweet and set up another date.

[Vintage79]

So OnlyJake put up her numbers on how long she likes to wait for a date - what about you. So you contact her 1-2 days after the first date, when do you set up the second date (how many days after the contact)?

[Lovelybird]

I prefer 2 or 3 days.

 

One time a guy and I had an intense time meeting, we met each day for several days, and after I came home he always called to make sure that I safely arrived, short phone calls, but it is good enough, I think he is very gentleman.

 

If you don't have much to talk, then make it short, it is better than nothing, 7 days call I would think "this guy is TOO cool"

 

Having said that, don't force yourself

[sparkle]

I agree with OnlyJake - I enjoy receiving a short but sweet text the next day saying he had a good time, then waiting a couple of days and asking me out again, but changing it up a bit from the first date. For example, if we went out to dinner or a bar on the first date on a weekend, then it would be nice for him to just meet in the mid-week for lunch, coffee or a quick drink in the evening. I've always discovered that this change of atmosphere/ timing/ surroundings really does wonders on varying the conversation and potential awkward moments - and makes the first couple dates much more memorable - especially if you are interested in the person.

 

If a guy appears a little too eager to want to meet the very next day after a date, he may come across as a bit desperate. However, if I don't hear from him at all after the date and he contacts me 10 days later, I may also lose interest because I will wonder if he's just playing games, if he's not really that interested in me and maybe I'm just a back-up plan...

[Lovelybird]

Oh, in my case, that is a long distance meeting

[Vintage79]

All good info - I always love to hear the ladies' perspective...it's a nice compliment to my own.

[Stung]

I have never gone out for a second date with a man who waited 4-5-6-7 days to contact me after the first. Such a lack of follow-up would lead me to assume that he wasn't all that interested, but maybe willing to keep me around as second-string, or for booty calls. I've never been interested in playing second-string.

[New_Life08]

How do you know anyone is suffering? Maybe she just as soon leave you to your other burning kettles.

[Vintage79]

Fair enough - I'm sure I've lost a few second dates because of the waiting to long to contact them.

 

That said, say the date went amazing, how do you feel if the guy essentially asks you out again at the end of the date. More like, "hey, we should do this again" kind of thing as opposed to specifics.

[Vintage79]

New Life - I mentioned somewhere that the "suffering" bit was more tongue in cheek humour than anything else. Nothing was intended by it, other than a subtle mockery of people who always complaining about people not calling them back.

 

I honestly have no idea if she's suffering - I certainly hope she's not...would make me feel bad.

[tigereyes1428]

if you really enjoyed yourself - why did you not just have conversation durin date about when next to meet etc - personally if you had not contacted me by text to tell me you had had a great time within 24 hours - i'd know you had other options and it would put me off - i am not into games - i have busy life also - but if i like you then you will know and i expect the same back- though i am 31 and confident enough to say it like it is - twenties are different i guess.

[temple]

I like a guy to text me the next day to say he had a good time - that at least let's me know he's interested. He can take up to a week to ask me on another date. Any longer and I'll assume he's not interested.