How long to let a girl suffer in silence after a 1st date?

[New_Life08]

New Life - I mentioned somewhere that the "suffering" bit was more tongue in cheek humour than anything else. Nothing was intended by it, other than a subtle mockery of people who always complaining about people not calling them back.

 

I honestly have no idea if she's suffering - I certainly hope she's not...would make me feel bad.

 

In that case, I will give you my expert advice . If you do not contact her within the next 24 hours to let her know that you enjoyed the date, then she will likely realize that she is not the only kettle on the fire. that can be a real turn-off especially if there seemed to be chemistry on the date.

 

I am not a fan of multi-dating because it is like a kid in a candy shop and it usually leads to deception, which will give you a bad rep in the dating world.

[Vintage79]

I sent her a text late last night saying I had a good time, made a slight joke pertaining to our date, mentioned my busy schedule (a backdoor explanation for late respones), said that we should meet up again, and that I'd call over the next few days. Sent around 12:30/1 a.m. (she goes to sleep around midnight, so this time suggested that I was listening to her, and at the same time, gave me an excuse not to call, while also making it seem like I actually am busy)...got a response by 9 this morning.

[Crazy Magnet]

I guess for me I expect a text later that night or the next day saying the guy had a good time. And I would expect him to call me within 2 or 3 days to set up the next date and chat with me some. If a guy continually waits 6 or 7 days before calling me I am going to assume he is not interested and that he doesn't have enough time to be the type of attentive man I am looking for, and I'm going to pick somebody else.

 

I get that everybody has different versions of busy, but it only takes 10 seconds to let someone know you are thinking of them, and I am the kind of girl who apprecites that. I suppose some girls don't like that too though.

[alphamale]

Guys, when do you usually contact them after a first date?

2 to 3 days assuming u want to see her again

[thats what i said]

Fair enough - I'm sure I've lost a few second dates because of the waiting to long to contact them.

 

That said, say the date went amazing, how do you feel if the guy essentially asks you out again at the end of the date. More like, "hey, we should do this again" kind of thing as opposed to specifics.

 

Personally, if I like the guy I like it when he asks me out again at the end of a date. It lets me know that he is interested and if I don't hear from him for days afterward, it doesn't make me wonder if he lost interest. However, if I didn't like the guy, well, it makes for an awkward moment.

 

As for how many days to contact me -- I prefer if he sends me a text within a few hours letting me know he had a good time. If I don't hear from him within 24 hours saying something like that, I assume he's not interested and move on. That being said, after that text, I would say about 3 days is good.

 

However, if a guy didn't say anything at all after the first date and waited 3 days or longer to contact me, I'd still be turned off just the same as he wasn't considerate enough to text or call sometime within 24 hours of the first date at least to say he had a good time...

Edited January 8, 2010 by thats what i said

[Vintage79]

Well, that's what I said, it looks like you prefer faster communication than pretty much everyone else, which isn't to say it's odd, just different.

 

 

So the gist so far:

 

Basic contact (text, e-mail, etc.) 1-2 days after a decent date

Call 2-3 days later to set up another date

 

Contact within 2-3 days at the latest, this was mentiond by both genders, any later it starts to communicate lack of interest, and probably should make you question your own interest.

 

Any other thoughts?

[alphamale]

Any other thoughts?

yes, when you do call have a plan/day/time in mind and keep the call less than 10 min

[Vintage79]

Definitely - chatting on the phone with some one you don't really know is a bit rough - waaaay too easy to say something stupid, or just not interesting, and you can't read body language, or anything else to help stear the conversation.

 

Shorter's better if you're just a few dates in.

[OceanTropic]

Oh my god!!

 

THIS is what is killing me right now!!! I had a great time with a guy, he got my number, and hasn't called!!

 

Its KILLING me. Well it was, after a week of no contact a girl usually assumes you aren't interested, and if thats the case, if you DO end up contacting her after a weeks time, she will see you as a friend or a potential **** (that you only call to have sex, cuz if you were interested you would have called sooner).

 

Dont call right away, I would say 3 days is good, but a week is too much.

[MyNameIsJonas]

Oh my god!!

 

THIS is what is killing me right now!!! I had a great time with a guy, he got my number, and hasn't called!!

 

Its KILLING me. Well it was, after a week of no contact a girl usually assumes you aren't interested, and if thats the case, if you DO end up contacting her after a weeks time, she will see you as a friend or a potential **** (that you only call to have sex, cuz if you were interested you would have called sooner).

 

Dont call right away, I would say 3 days is good, but a week is too much.

 

Not to be too much of a jerk here, but your statement contradicts itself. You start with a mini-tangent about how this guy hasn't called you and it's killing you (present tense); you actually say this twice. You then back-track and claim that it was (past tense) killing you.

 

My point? Every woman is different with this "rule." Some will cut off after a certain point; others could care less because they are busy as well, and will just be happy that you called in the first place. The poster above just proved it: she obviously doesn't really care all that much if the guy calls him later because she has made it painfully obvious that she is still very interested in him, despite what she claims.

 

The bottom line is if you want to call, call, and do not concern yourself with stupid rules. The worst that can happen is that she isn't interested or whatever, in which case it wasn't meant to be and you should move on. The one you want to actually be in a relationship with will care less about any of this stuff and will just be happy to hear from you.

[Thebob]

I went out with a girl last Sunday. Things went pretty well - she had a good personality and was showing me lots of signs of interest...I'm a little on the fence, but should probably give her another whirl. that said, I've got a lot of kettles in the fire, and haven't really been in a chatty mood over the last few days, so I haven't attempted any sort of contact (it's obviously now Thursday evening).

 

That said, does waiting 4-5-6-7 days after a first date before you contact the girl a problem? Does it communicate lack of interest, even if you eventually call them? Or does it just cause their interest to build or help them forget about you? Guys, when do you usually contact them after a first date? Ladies, what do you prefer?

 

For me honestly, I always send a text after the date a couple hours later saying how I enjoyed it and lets meet up again soon, or Ill make fun of her about something on the date! They seem to like it, then I'll suggest to them to let me know when your free so we can figure something out. Hope this helps man, sending a text a few hours after makes them happier in my opinion because girls analyze things a lot more than guys after a date and they want to know what you thought!

 

Thebob

[Vintage79]

I'm still getting use to the whole texting thing, but I've got two first dates this weekend (Saturday afternoon and Sunday evening), so if I get some sort of click, I'll give it a whirl. I don't see the harm in it. I'm then going out with the girl mentioned in this thread later next week, as well as 2 others I've gone out with 1-2 times. It's a flurry, so figure I might as well get the game down so I can handle it all - or maybe just start dating fewer people...but that would be the easy way out.

[muse08]

I definitely agree that it's better to make contact sooner than later. Soon is relative, but why consume yourself with "rules" as MNIJ said, especially if you have a good vibe about the female. No rule works for everyone all the time anyway. I would said after the first dates make contact to make sure she made it home safely, then in the next 2 days is about good via text or call.

 

When a guy waits a week or so, it definitely sends a negative message in my opinion, like a job. If you're really interested and want the job, you don't have to act desperate(contacting a female within 2-3 days is not desperate. Contacting her every single after the first date,like my ex did, IS!), but you gotta show interest rather than sitting back trying be cool or busy yourself with other women just to avoid being present in the situation...

 

OH, and try to think about this: "The man who chases many(2) rabbits, catches neither".

[Vintage79]

Very true - my biggest issue with this girl is I'm still a bit on the fence - hence not wildly interested, but curious to see if part of the situation was first-date jitters (on either my, her, or both ends). So waiting the 4-5 days was, I suppose is lack of real interest on my part - which is validating a lot of the concerns that people have voiced...granted, single data point, blah, blah, blah, but still.

 

As for all the new girls drifting around - well, signed up for match, and have droves of women contacting me. The 7 I've lined up dates with (some 2/3 dates) were already screened out of the 74 women that have contacted me in the past 2-ish weeks. It's defintely hectic, but I'm hoping things cool down a bit, as I've had to ignore a lot of attractive people who have been seemingly interested already - don't want to lose one that I'm actually interested in as well because I'm playing a field that's too broad (I suppose that's also a bad pun).

 

I definitely appreciate all the advice scattered throughout this thread - many of the postings tend to reinforce each other, with few, if any, contradicting the general themes - it's nice to know that it's not that cryptic.

[adamt]

If i really like someone and i thought the date went pretty well then at the end of the date i would say it was nice to meet you and i had a good evening and maybe we could do this again another time.if her response was encouraging then i would text later when i have got home and just say I had a great time and hope we can do it again soon. then i can judge their interest if and how they respond. then if it is still positive i say i will call or text next week.etc

 

if i am in two minds i would not suggest on the date to go out again. and probably not text later on when i get home. i would want to sleep onit.