Is it over?

[hopesndreams]

She has called me twice already after we agreed to no contact for a month. Don't get it.

 

She's just putting the feelers out, seeing if she can still yank your chain.

 

Ignore it, continue NC. If she really, really needs something extremely important she will come knocking at your door. Only then can you break NC.

 

She needs to miss you. It takes awhile. Stay strong.

[G-O]

Not panicking at all. I'm trying to leave her be so she can make a choice. I actually am very calm now. I was freaking out when it all started but after we talked it all made sense and I told her she has to want it I can't force her into anything. I'm just going to sit back and live my life for me as Gunny suggested. Thanks for the support fellow loveshackers. It really has helped me deal with these things.

[Steadfast]

 

Ok I'm getting tired of saying this so here it is for last time. NO OTHER MAN!!!!

 

 

You believe it and nothing will change your mind, so be it.

 

Whether she is cheating or not, the truth will come out. Somehow, somewhere. Sorry to say but you must investigate. More. Women just do not give the 'in love' speech unless there's...

 

Whoops. Don't want you to get angry with me. Just ride it out and plan for the worst. See, if we know that another man would dice it for you, it's a sure thing she knows too. Right? She knows all of it and -frankly- is in control. This must change before you can get to the bottom of it.

 

Hang in, be smart.

[G-O]

I'm not angry. I'm just flustered with it all. Maybe the best thing would be just to file for divorce and get it all over with. I don't really know what to do.

[liftedcj7on44s]

Maybe the best thing would be just to file for divorce and get it all over with. I don't really know what to do.

 

This is what you need to do, Just push the divorce. You will find out the truth.

[floridapad]

Best thing to do is file divorce you say???? And your not panicking? Sleep on things. Settle down. This is a long process and you are only in the beginning. If your throwing in the D towel now then IMHO your panicking like a child. Man up. Sleep on things. OK???

[G-O]

The urge to see her is strong but I stay strong and resist. I'm not panicking. I'm heartbroken and sad. Tomorrow will probably be the hardest as I won't see my kids. Today I feel a little better. Going to set up a visit with a shrink so I can get my head right. After that I'm going to take my kids with me so they can get it off of there chests. Glad I have good insurance. Steadfast why would I be angry with you? Your just a username and some words on my computer. I'm just tired of the other man theory that everyone keeps pushing. Is every one a cheater? Can't anyone believe that good people who truly care about others feelings still exist? Well I'm off to the house to finish a project and see my boys when they come home. Hope everyone has a good day.

[PortuguesePrincess80]

I just ranted and raved about that on another post...how when a woman shuts down...on this website everyones #1 answer is affair...which is total bull****!

I am going through what your wife is going through at this point...and can tell you straight up I am not seeing anyone whatsoever! I have invested 13 years with my spouse..and we have a 10 yr old son together. All I can say is hang in there! If your love is strong enough...it will work out! I hate to say it...but the feedback on these threads are really dis-heartening and only negative! Not one person on your thread has said..stick by her..and your kids! Give her time...cause only time can heal! Show her how much you love her!

What you have to see is what had lead up to her having these feelings? By ignoring her and treating her like crap...your only sticking the knife a little deeper...and possibly pushing her further. Although I would love to try the no contact thing with my spouse as well...I know he won't budge. Maybe a little seperation is good for both parties! And don't ever think that this is easy for her because its not!

Do you know if shes seeking some sort of therapy on her part?

[tnttim]

You are at a critical time right now, you have to play your cards right. You must go Limited Contact (LC on here), because you have kids NC will not work. Which means this: she calls you, you answer and keep it strictly money and kids. She will waiver and talk about something else, you ignore it, just business. You keep it under 10 minutes and you end the call. Do not under any circumstances say I love you, I miss you or anything like that, she'll have you under control then. You want to be as independant as possible. Date other women immediately, no questions asked because it works. It's not cheating when you are separated. I'm not saying go out and nail 20 girls, I;m saying a fun date with an old friend who is a girl. That will light a fire under your W's a*s. Push the divorce, push the divorce, push the divorce, and get her really thinking about her choices, I guarentee her divorce talk is a bluff. You have to act now because she is emotionally involved with someone else, read my post if you don't beleive me. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t206069/

Timing is such a major factor it's not funny. You need to act now and change yourself from the inside out. I got my W back with some easy to understand but hard to execute techniques. If you have faith it will work.

[G-O]

Princess,tnttim,

 

Thanks for the advice. My wife and I leave notes for one another on what's going on with the house, bills, kids etc. She left me a note today saying we should meet for dinner on thursday and just hang out and not talk about our situation. I realize my mistakes and have truly changed as a person inside. Through out my life women have left me. My mom when I was in 4th grade a girlfriend of 7 years and that made me afraid to give myself to my wife. All I had as a role model was a mean father who treated my mom like crap. I really love my wife. I talked to the shrink on the phone today and she said seperation is a good thing. I have an appointment on Wed. I haven't told her I love her in a week. She's hurting just as much as I. I actually feel pretty good today. Tomorrow though is going to suck and I'm trying not to work myself into a frenzy about not seeing my boys. Talk at you later.

[G-O]

tnttim,

 

Read your thread and I really don't think that would work for me. It would just affirm to her that I didn't love her. I have to just do what I think is right for me. Don't get me wrong if it worked for you great I'm truly happy for you. Going to marriage builders and read those articles.

[G-O]

Wife called this morning crying about not having enough money left from the 200.00 a week I'm giving her. I caved in and told her I'd give her some extra cash. She isn't blowing it she just doesn't make as much as me. We talked about our problem a little and she said she wants to tell me to come home in her heart but her mind is telling her no I don't want to be hurt again. I'm going to see a shrink today and she said she is going to see one also. She doesn't want to go together yet but agreed to before we throw 17 years in the garbage. I'm already feeling down about not seeing my boys today. But I'll be able to see them tomorrow. Had to get this out there so I could feel better. She also said the no contact thing is a little hard trying to deal with the kids, etc. So I told her we could talk on the phone when needed and see each other when she feels she needs to see me. I was thinking that if there's no contact how could I get her to fall in love with me again? So confusing right now. But she wants to have dinner Thursday so I guess there is hope. Any helpful advice?

[silic0ntoad]

We talked about our problem a little and she said she wants to tell me to come home in her heart but her mind is telling her no I don't want to be hurt again.

 

Flip that around. Her heart is keeping you out, and her head wants you back, because it's logical, you provide, you make money, you are comfortable. Her heart isn't in this, bro.

 

TBH I have followed the thread since it started simply because, although T and I weren't married, she said the same BS your wife is feeding you.

 

My advice?

 

Go home. Go now. It can (and will) be used as abandonment. Second, SHE WANTED THIS. If she wants to not be married to you, SHE HAS TO LEAVE, not the other way around.

 

You are a man for god's sakes. Stand up for yourself and act like one. No one else will do it for you!

 

I didn't want to accept that T was cheating on me with the ILYBNILWY speach, and I ignored everyone when they said it was another man. I am not saying it was in my case, I don't know, and may never truly know. In your situation, it could be a possibility. Women (and men) when they cheat are VERY crafty and can hide things well. DON'T RULE IT OUT. You're ruling it out because let's be honest, it's the most painful of all scenarios to arise if it were true.

 

My advice?

 

Go home.

[G-O]

I don't think I'm being blind to the fact that there is another man. She must be the one to tell me. I don't need to drive myself crazy investigating. It is her cross to bear. I'm seeing her tomorrow and I think I am moving back in. She has to go and figure this out. If there is another man I don't want anything to do with her. That is one thing I can't get past. But knowing the type of person she is I truly don't think she would do that. Thanks for following it helps alot talking about this. Who knows what will happen next. But like I said it's her mind that will be racked with guilt and trust me she will beat herself up. She has issues with her weight and doesn't think of herself as attractive. She lost some weight but put it back on since all of this has started. Maybe the Thursday dinner date is when she is going to drop the otherman bomb who knows. I'm just getting myself ready for what ever happens. I've already stacked 1500.00 in cash and I'm getting another 500.00 today. It's all in cash and sitting in my sister's safe. Trust me finacially I'm good but her on the other hand is in for a world of hurt on that end. Once again thanks for the advice. Keep it coming. Gunny where you at I need to read your words of wisdom. Stay tuned for more.

[tnttim]

I don't think I'm being blind to the fact that there is another man. She must be the one to tell me. I don't need to drive myself crazy investigating. It is her cross to bear. I'm seeing her tomorrow and I think I am moving back in. She has to go and figure this out. If there is another man I don't want anything to do with her. That is one thing I can't get past. But knowing the type of person she is I truly don't think she would do that. Thanks for following it helps alot talking about this. Who knows what will happen next. But like I said it's her mind that will be racked with guilt and trust me she will beat herself up. She has issues with her weight and doesn't think of herself as attractive. She lost some weight but put it back on since all of this has started. Maybe the Thursday dinner date is when she is going to drop the otherman bomb who knows. I'm just getting myself ready for what ever happens. I've already stacked 1500.00 in cash and I'm getting another 500.00 today. It's all in cash and sitting in my sister's safe. Trust me finacially I'm good but her on the other hand is in for a world of hurt on that end. Once again thanks for the advice. Keep it coming. Gunny where you at I need to read your words of wisdom. Stay tuned for more.

I did the same thing, I stacked as much cash as possible. I too said she wouldn't cheat on me that's not like her, boy was I wrong. What you are doing is being there for her because you think it shows you care. No it shows her that you will be available to her whenever she needs you. Say I'm wrong, and I'll say she sure got that money off you pretty easy. You have to truly separate yourself right now, every aspect of your life. You have to be independent right now. Follow some advice on here man, that's what it's here for. Everyone here has been there and done that, so quit being stubborn and actually listen to us. Here's my bullet list of things to do:

1. No more serious talks about relationship

2. No more talks about how this is crushing you and ruining your life

3. Keep your talks about money and kids

4. Pay the bills you paid before, but don't help her out anyway past that.

5. Skip the date with her, it's her controlling you, that's it.

6. Go out and have fun at least 1 day a week.

7. Move your a*s back into your damn house, your paying the bills right.

8. Find some new things to occupy your time, hobbies whatever.

9. Go shopping and buy some new clothes, seems small but it will help in so many ways

10. Stand up for yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She made the bed now she has to sleep in it, think about that everyday.

[G-O]

Well fellow loveshackers I'm back at home. The wife called me today and said come home. You may not believe but there was no OM, EA, PHD, STD what ever little text slang you want to use. She was closing herself off to me and wanted out before something like that ruined it for good. She knew that would seal the deal and I would never look back. She and I had a good long talk today with a little yelling and crying and she agreed to give me one last chance not to be the mean angry person I was. I'll keep you posted on how we progress. She thought I didn't love her and didn't want to spend the rest of her life with an emotionless husband. I looked inside myself during the time I was away and saw my father and the way he treated my mother and I realized what I was doing. I sat my boys down and explained to them what I did was wrong and no woman should be called some of the foul things I said. I will cherish her for the rest of my life. She met me when I started to use cocaine and stood by me through the whole mess and loved me for me. My own family said to her why do you put up with his crap. And she told them because she loves me and I probably wouldn't be alive if she had left then.Which I probably would have overdosed. I'd have a Ferrari if not for that evil white powder. She truly is a beautiful person who cares about others and not someone who goes looking for love somewhere else when stuff isn't going right. Will talk at you soon. I hope everyone has a good day. Me I'm getting some cookie-no-no.

[G-O]

Been back home a couple of days and it feels

a little weird. She is still a little standoffish but under the circumstances I understand. It's not like it will fix itself overnight. Going to see the shrink on Monday. Thanks for reading. I'm still hurting and now I have second thoughts. Confused as hell. Still stacking cash though. If it works out we'll go on nice vacation if not I'll have a nice chunck of change.