Wife told me she wants a divorce in Nov. what shoud I do?

[jeepmanw518]

I have a thread "trying a no contact separation". (lots more in there also) I have been talking to her posing as a woman on a diet plan she is on and coaches for on aim. In the last few days I have found out that she has been having sex with another guy. she is going to Florida for a week to meet up with a friend with benefits she has had since college.

 

I have been trying to see what she thinks about me by asking questions about me. she claims i beat her, raped her, cheated on her. she told the woman i am posing to be that she is scared of me. I never cheated on my wife she claims to found a number on our cell phone bill and called it and confronted the OW. She claimed to have the police present the only times she has seen me since she moved out. WTF!!! thinks i am an A$$ and told me she is never going back.

 

I never Physically abused her or anything. maybe left some bruises from rough sex. other than that we did some knock down drag out yelling. She is a lying B***h.

 

Okay now that I have that out. what do I do? I have read all sorts of books and I am leaning towards this is not a salvageable marriage.

 

I was going to use the technique I read in a post about calling her and saying " Honey I agree with you the marriage is over. There is no reason to try to fix what can't be fixed. I'll help you find a new place to live."

 

only she already moved out. what do I use for the third sentence?

 

"I want to see other people"?

 

I called her the other day after I found out she had sex and didn't bring up the OM. I asked how she was and chit chat and asked her if she would still like to go to a hockey game. she said she didn't have time before her trip but after she would. she said she doesn't know what she wants

 

Do I confront her about the other Men (yes at least two)

 

I don't call her everyday. I left her alone for a month. I pay the mortgage the car insurance the health insurance because i have been told i am responsible for her while we are still married. Am I wrong on this?

 

part of me wants to renew the insurance without her car and let her get a speeding ticket.

 

If she will lie to an outright stranger then what is she telling her family ????

 

Am I better to just cut my losses?

 

We don't have any kids.

 

only been married two plus years July would have been three...

 

I want to tell her I know about the b/f and Jim the guy she is going to Florida see. I thought it was for work.

 

What a dope I am.

 

She went to Florida in august while I was in Wisconsin for training for the Army for three weeks and then again in September. prob slept with the whole state. Sorry I feel numb again.

 

So I know I'm supposed to push the divorce. then what? I have no idea where she lives.

 

If I file how the hell am I supposed to have her served?

 

Do i tell her she needs help? she has rewritten our whole marriage.

[jeepmanw518]

She has everyone thinking she is a victim and everyone is helping her its such BS

[mikeymad]

that third sentence should be "i'll get started with the divorce paperwork. I'll be in touch" the go DEFCON 5 NC

[mikeymad]

and stop paying the insurance. she'll come out of the woodwork. Say you need to forward her some important document (make something up, new tabs car ins) in the mail and it needs to be signed. then she will get it.

[jeepmanw518]

That is the best thing for me I know it just sucks.

[jeepmanw518]

her legal address is her parents house. but not where she lives.

[mark982]

can't see how you would be responsible for her. she's a grown adult.

[jeepmanw518]

update. I sent her a text sat morning two days ago. "I agree with you the marriage is over. there is no reason to try to fix what can't be fixed. I know about your other men."

She replied "what other men? wtf u talking about?"

i waited several hour to let her stew. then i called her. told her i was done and when she sent me the divorce papers i would sign them.

she denied having a boyfreind and that she was going to florida to meet an old freind. I told her i don't trust her anymore.

She asked what do i really want? I told her i would really like her to give me a chance and that our old marriage is over and we need to start a new one.

She said she would like that. I told her it had been hard for me over the holidays and she agreed. I commented on how It has diffucult to find one gift for her for christmas but at least it wasn't car parts. she laughed.

she suggested we have a date night when she got back. I told her i loved her and she said she had been waiting months to hear that. since i started Dbing i have been NC which she said hurt her and that she thought i didn't love her anymore because i didn't say i loved her.

I want this to work. she said she would make time to call me on her trip so time will tell.

I sent her a text this morning about having a safe flight. she said thanks and she would let me know when she landed.

[mikeymad]

just remember, when things got bad...she still called the cops and accused you of all that crap. NC hurt her? GOOD. Maybe that got her priorities in order.

She lied about you to a total stranger, which was you, posing. She also said she had sex with another man, and was talking to you on the way to see that same person supposedly.

 

If she left, she needs to do the work. When she comes back you confront about the OM if you think by talking to her online you have gathered enough information. Be prepared for waterworks and for her to admit to it and act guilty. She will probably be sorry, because she got caught. If she has full disclosure and lets you see emails etc then you might have something to work with.

 

Remember, monkeys swinging in the trees don't let go of one branch until they have a firm hold on another branch.

[jeepmanw518]

she never called the cops on me. i have never been chapperoned with my wife. she hasn't accused me to my face.

 

i get the monkey thing.

 

I'm prepared to get a divorce still.

[mark982]

jeep, man you're still letting her rule this relationship. she's wanting to date AFTER she gets back from vac? she's going down there to boink another guy, and you still want her back? you've got to do some serious rethinking here. whether it's telling her tat your her coach on the computer,or something else.

[jeepmanw518]

my heart says i want to see her. my mind says run.

[JLoves]

I've not read your other threads, but one thing came to mind, being devils advocate here.

 

What if she realised that it was you posing as a diet woman? Maybe she said those things to catch you out.

 

I hope so, otherwise thats being so mean it's not funny.. Incredible cake eating.

 

Good luck

[Chrome Barracuda]

dude, she is banging other dudes, and you want to date your wife? Who wants to pick up stds' not me!!!!

 

Jeep just file and be done with it!

[seibert253]

She wants to see you AFTER she gets back from FLA and "being" with the OM. Dude, are you nuts?

 

She's playing you and you are allowing her. I surely hope you do not believe a single word she told you after your conversation.

 

You were doing good until you agreed to see her AFTER she gets back.

 

IMO you should have told her that if she goes to FLA, you will have D papers waiting for her 'cause you're done.

 

Man, you deserve better.

[jeepmanw518]

she was supposed to be going to florida for a convention for her job.

[Chrome Barracuda]

she was supposed to be going to florida for a convention for her job.

 

You really believe that deep down inside?!!?

 

She has already had an affair, what makes you think she's coming back. For a short marriage with no kids and a wayward spouse that doesnt want to come back. My advice file for divorce and move on.

 

I cannot stand to see when men and women let' their spouses treat them like crap by cheating on them, no need to sit back and let it happen. Have some dignity and some self respect.

 

File and wipe your hands clean, dont flip-flop. Be done with it. Is this what your gonna spend your whole life doing, pining after some chick who cant be faithful. Your only 28! your mad young, got your whole life ahead of you, the marriage is a joke! Sorry to say that but i gotta be blunt and say this woman you married is not, I say is not WIFE MATERIAL!

[mark982]

well if she's just going to florida for a job convention, tell her that you would be more than happy to help her out for the show. let her talk her way outta that one.

[seibert253]

well if she's just going to florida for a job convention, tell her that you would be more than happy to help her out for the show. let her talk her way outta that one.

 

^^^^^

Do this.

[mikeymad]

or you could ask her some information about like where it is. then you should be able to look it up and see if it is actually going on.

[jeepmanw518]

chrome are you married now? you have voiced your opinion and its your opinion thank you.

[Chrome Barracuda]

LOL me married???

 

Never that jeep. In this day and age i dont see the point in marrying without a prenup. The same married couples i met dont makeit past like what 5-10 years then they want someone else. It aint what it used to be.

 

Like my grandparents had so i will continue doing what must be done.

 

You sound agitated like i dont know what im talking about. I'm just speaking on the facts that we know about and making logical opinions.

 

My opinions blunt as they may be have merit. What would it take for you to open your eyes and see that this woman isnt the right one for you.

 

How long are you gonna put up with the lies. It's like a serious cancer growing in your arm and in order to live you must amputate.

 

Asking her out on a date while she's seeing other people when your still married is cancerous to your health. has she been tested for std's??? Have you? Do you know what she's been doing out of your sight?

 

I mean come on.

 

I know you love her, but love doesnt conquer all..You must show her your moving on. otherwise she will never ever consider coming back. And if you do move on from a stupid sitch, then more power to you.

[jeepmanw518]

If you have never been married then your opinion means nothing. Love is not logical and I pitty you. when you wake up when your 80 and realize you have been a selfish old man you will know I was right.

 

Why would I go to a marriage counselor who has never been married?

 

Thanks but no thanks. Keep your logic to your self! Lmao

[mikeymad]

there are plenty of us on here who have been/are married. and our advice has been the same. Look our for numero uno, because she isn't looking out for you. just from what you tell us sounds mighty suspicious, that's all. either she's lying to complete strangers, lying to you because she knows it's you, or telling the truth. In 2/3 cases she's not telling you the truth. And that's something you deserve to know, because you can't keep going after a woman who's mind just isn't there. Trust me, I've been banging my head against a wall myself, and it sucks. hang in there bro

[jeepmanw518]

i gave her three choices for our date night go see Grease, go rock climbing, or to a comedy club and she picked going to see grease. I think she will really enjoy it.