ralph1319 Posted January 9, 2010 Share Posted January 9, 2010 Hi all.Its been awhile since i wrote anything.But here we go its been 11 months of my separation now and things are kinda getting clear of why we broke up after 16 years of marriage. im not 100% sure but i do believe there was always some1 else.it wasnt sexual i think at first but now who knows..but anyhow..my main question is im on this roller coaster ride i cant get of im back to dreaming of her and i wake up sad and cant go back to sleep. i have been going to counseling for almost 11 months.but i cant get over her i still see her no matter what i do. i think of her everyday im very scared that i cant ever get over her.im also scared i will never find anyone as beautiful as her.i dont want to start all over again on how crush i was when she left but it sure feels like im starting over again. any advise.. Link to post Share on other sites
almostpassedit Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 Hello, I am sorry for the end of your marriage. Your head is going to be messed up for a long time. Probably Years. In the blink of an eye, those 11 months are going to turn into 2 years. ==== Focus or anything, something with people involved. The Gym also helps. Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 i feel for you mate, i never got married but its been 8 months since the split and i think i am having a post xmas come down and she is back in my thoughts. feels a tough time. how old are you? i'm 38 and sometimes i wonder if i will meet someone i am fully happy with again. when i feel down i just head to the gym. cant wait for spring to come along so i can get outside and be active. the dark nights and bad weather are not helping. alll you can do is stay busy as possible so you have no time to think of the ex. i recently met someone who is stunning and i am hopeful that things can develop further but i aint counting my eggs until they have hatched. dont give up hope you will find someone else, just get out and about doing different things where you come in contact with lots of new people. try not to worry about meeting someone else and just lookk after yourself and what activities make you happier Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 The more you think about her during the day, the more chance she will be in your dreams at night. She isn't paying rent to be in your head so kick her out. Every time your mind drifts to her, scream inwardly "OUT!" and quickly find something to do to get your mind off her. Even the most mundane tasks can accomplish this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ralph1319 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Share Posted January 10, 2010 thank you everyone for some advise i will always welcome any advice anytime. (ADAMT) im 37 going on 38. i married very young. so she is all i really know. Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 (edited) thank you everyone for some advise i will always welcome any advice anytime. (ADAMT) im 37 going on 38. i married very young. so she is all i really know. I reckon your ex will be having a grass is greener syndrome. can happen to women in the late 30s. She will be wanting to catch up on what she missed out in her late teens/early 20s. Possible hanging out with some female (divorced) friends and going out and doing stuff(drinking/clubs/ girly trips aways). My ex changed competely after her mom died. she was 36 and its like she is in her mid 20s again. Edited January 10, 2010 by adamt Link to post Share on other sites
Dream Brother Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 The more you think about her during the day, the more chance she will be in your dreams at night. She isn't paying rent to be in your head so kick her out. Every time your mind drifts to her, scream inwardly "OUT!" and quickly find something to do to get your mind off her. Even the most mundane tasks can accomplish this. This does work but like a lot of things in life, you have to train yourself to make sure it is a stimulus response. After a while the "OUT!" becomes second nature - not sure if it's healthy but being dumped doesn't put you in a super healthy spot initially - use anything you can as the longer time progresses, the better you will be able to see everything in true light and realize it was not only your fault and that maybe, it wasn't the worst thing that ever happened to you but quite the opposite. Depends on the individual. It's in your hands. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ralph1319 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Share Posted January 10, 2010 (edited) well with her. someone who had problems with his own wife decided to use that on my wife since they both work as mgr's for diff stores but same co. they work long hours. so this guy used the hey my wife doesnt understand why we work long hours and say everything in the book to make himself a victim and tell her i know how you feel. so she fell for this guys tricks..the sad part is his wife just died in a car crash almost 4 months ago.all 3 of us work for the same company so rumors have been flying for awhile now that there is something strange about them two.but like a dumbass i ignored it thinking my wife would never cheat.but anyhow.if rumor is true why cant she see what this guy is.someone who cant fix his own marriage so he ruins someone elses. not only did she let this guy hurt this our relationship by her actions hurt me and the kids..this guy has been out of work for awhile now due to his wife's death. but he returns this monday jan 11th. It happens to be near me wife's house also i cant get thoughts in my head that on her way home she will stop by his store or they will meet somewhere and do who knows what.Also how do i hold my head up high knowing if this whole thing comes out that she left me for this guy. everyone who knows about this rumor and whats going on with my wife all say why this guy he is one ugly mofo. but that doesnt matter becuz he said what needed to be said for her to be with him.i dont know how i can face the world or people who know me from work. oh i forgot to mention he was once my boss also... and once was my wife's boss.. talk about jerry springer. but i do hope its all rumors... my heart cant take anymore pain.. Edited January 10, 2010 by ralph1319 Link to post Share on other sites
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