dario Posted December 26, 2003 Share Posted December 26, 2003 My ex asked for space and I gave it to her. I simply had to. The first week she called me...and she was very down and my support was unconditional. We met that weekend and stupidly, overjoyed to see her, we got drunk and never spoke about our problems. That following Monday she needed to end it....it's a strange pattern. We finally met on Boxing Day. It was a very touchy feely 'letting go'....I didn't say all that I wanted to say but what came out of my mouth was genuine. I didn't want to plead.....she had said that she needed to deal with her problems alone....so we talked. I do miss her dearly. As some people might know from my posts she's had a hard life. I drove her home and she leaned forward and kissed me...departing the car with a, 'I'll be in touch.' I know that in my heart of heart that this was just a courtesy remark. I had actually said something pretty strong before we got to her place. Now I know that despite what I heard her say in the past...that was just that - the past. A wealth of emotion at the time that changes. If she calls in a week, in a month, in a year...well, I will be there for her as a friend should, I guess. If someone asks for space....give it to them....I know that mine was a different case as my ex had problems to deal with and it simply wasn't just, 'oh, he's annoying etc'. Give them space and when they want to see you again, offer support and companionship to a point with honesty. Strength is paramount. It's hard. Even now...I just want to call her, see her...it just seems so natural. But over is over. Strange. Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 Well thankfully you can see what you need to do here and i hope you have the strength to carry it out. To do so is very hard indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dario Posted December 27, 2003 Author Share Posted December 27, 2003 Well, I gave her the space and she knows that she always has my support. Thing is - over is over. We met up and it was touch feely...but, in hindsight, and I know that this is cruel - I was just a lift to a place she needed to go afterwards. That's hindsight. She knows how I feel...and after a departure as I dropped her off she said, 'I'll be in touch'. I read too many patronizing things into this, ofcourse as I always do. That's just me. I didn't tell her of my next move which is for myself. What I decide. She was brave in seeing me and that's all that matters. Tough times? I guess....it always is. People say things when in the hyper reality of relationships - 'When we get married...' 'Our kids are gonna be beautiful' 'When we buy a house.' Now I'm cynical...but I understand how people say things in the emotion of the moment. I know not to believe. I get taken aback by this wealth of emotion and it throws me. Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 Hey Dario, Over is a tough word indeed. in fact it one of the only words that I have a hard time using in my life. You should be admired for your ability to hang in there through this whole mess. People on the "outside" don't have a clue as to what really goes on after we log out, or if your not a LS'r, just face that particular person face to face. But you know....and so do I. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 Dario - You and I have something in common -- the ability to let go, no matter how much it hurts. I wish some of us could rub off on some of the folks on this forum. I hate seeing them torture themselves over a lost love. ~V Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 Hey Vivid, You are so right! It's so ^* hard to let go...especially if there is ongoing reasons to keep seeing that person, ie: work, children, whatever. Looks like the power of change is something we all have... It's just so hard to use it sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 Originally posted by mjk Hey Vivid, You are so right! It's so ^* hard to let go...especially if there is ongoing reasons to keep seeing that person, ie: work, children, whatever. Looks like the power of change is something we all have... It's just so hard to use it sometimes. MJK - You are sooooooooo right, especially being that I WORK WITH MY EX!!! I had to make myself let go and feel no more!!! Now, she is curious about me and my lustlife!!! HA!!! She can eat her heart out!!! ~Vivid Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 Right on!! Man! You reap what you sow. sorry to use that old "right-on" thing! My case is that we share a child between us. Never have I had to experience this type of ongoing contact. In the past it was, after you deal with breaking up, done, gone, and over with. Also, I'm kinda thinking there might be other things she could eat too? lol!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted December 27, 2003 Share Posted December 27, 2003 You have a child with her? Damn, it must be hard, especially if you still feel something for her! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
Author dario Posted December 28, 2003 Author Share Posted December 28, 2003 Well, in the past I've exhausted myself in trying to convince someone...you know what I mean? And now I've found someone I really and truly care for and I can't plead...I can't ask for anything more. It's hard as now she won't see the crippling effect it will have on me...but hey, that's life, huh? Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 Hey Vivid-29, Didn't see your post till tonight! I hate to crash Dario's thread but yeah I guess in the back of my mind I honestly do feel something for her. It's hard because she exited the relationship by seeing a friend of mine that we were all tight with. Lots of damage done there from him and her...now, almost a year later, I'm capable of finding a new thing but in the meanwhile I still kinda wonder what's up for her and I. I feel like Dario and I are in the same boat in a way. seems like he has a hard time letting go. Me? I just hate to give up...on anything... let alone a 5 year relationship and a 2 and a half year old daughter. I'm kinda thinkin' my ex is bi-polar. no s*%t. One minute its one way and the next its the other. Probably the other thing is our daughter. That link is so ongoing and we share her 50/50. So you can see I'm still seeing her a lot. Oh well, I'm going out & meeting people so its not like I'm at home cryin'. Its like DAMN! why do things get so messed up for everybody? You post a lot and so do I, and over and over it's a trashing for the one person, guy or girl, who is the dumpee. When you leave a relationship there doesn't seem to be an easy way unless it's a mutual decision, and that's very rare. For Dario, I'm glad he can shield his struggle about her and keep it to himself. It is almost like the dumper wants to see the dumpee suffer, and he has the foresight to not let that happen. Great for him, I'm glad he seems like he's gonna be able to do it. With you working with your ex that sounds like it would be even worse! At least my contact is two to four times a week. I'm also to the point were I could care less if she f***s the entire town. That took time. How about you in that regard? Well.. Dario my man you are cruising along just great! let us know how it's going! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dario Posted December 28, 2003 Author Share Posted December 28, 2003 Going okay.....the weekend was strange. I drank. I just don't need her to see or hear what I feel, y'know? I just know tha her health is of paramount concern. Not mine. I just have to take care of myself. I drove a bit....fell back into bad habits. Getting through it alone is weird....in the sense that you want to say so much to 'them' but can't as they will perceive that as weak or emotional blackmail or whatever. So, I continue alone...and I'm drinking again....but I'm okay. Link to post Share on other sites
hankhill67 Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 do you really think it is over between you ??? How do you handle if she calls.... I am going thru where she needs time to think, but still calls.... I want to talk to her but in a way I want to leave her alone so she can think !!! Everybody always says that she is wanting someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
werty Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 god for you guys, ur the ones being contacted by ur ex's.. me, i guess i wasnt that good a person.. i can only talk to her when i call but she stays firm dat i dont have to see her... damn when u did nothing in the first place...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dario Posted December 29, 2003 Author Share Posted December 29, 2003 Werty, It's hard. I want to email her right now and tell her that I need her as I might spiral out of control. But I can't do that to her, y'know? It's weird....you put on a brave face. But it takes strength to do so. I am weak as I'm drinking....and taking valium and things to sleep. But she doesn't need to know this. I'm at work and it's a blur. When she saw me last I made sure I looked my best...not disheveled as I am now. I spoke truly....but I didn't let her see my pain. Link to post Share on other sites
werty Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 but she is damn so pissed of me now... i made her more upset by asking her why she did it when i should have not talked about it anymore.. im regretting what i did... now i try to call her, she puts down the phone or hang-ups... im more lost now... wish she would still believe i really meant sorry for all... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dario Posted December 29, 2003 Author Share Posted December 29, 2003 Maybe, Werty...and I'm only suggesting....you should write her a letter - Apologise for being irritating...but it's something you had settle with your heart and mind. Afterall, you're human. Then leave it be. This has to be 'the' letter. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 You'd be surprised at how much it will help you to write the one letter. Once you put your thoughts and feelings into words on paper, you will feel much better knowing what your feelings are exactly and you will be able to sort them out. Personally, I wrote a letter where I poured my heart out with all my feelings and describing everything that was going on in my mind. I then cut out the parts that I know he does not need to hear, as it would not help the situation (the parts where I wanted to hurt him back as much as he hurt me!) and I sent what I wanted him to hear and know, so that we could both finally be at peace. Granted, my situation is different from all yours, but I really think that the letter is the way to go. You can say everything you wanted to tell them, and then leave it at that. She can contact you if she likes or not, but at least she knows what you are thinking. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
mjk Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Dario, Don't spin out too hard. I know drinking/drugs can really ease the situation, but you also have to be practical here, and no,...I'm not being your mommy, just a posting friend. How we get through it is our own damn business but think twice before endangering the public like if you were to drink and drive. Geez...that is all you need right now... a drunk driving arrest!! Stay tough and don't call!! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 I wish some of us could rub off on some of the folks on this forum. I hate seeing them torture themselves over a lost love. You KNOW where I stand with THAT one Viv...... I'd just as soon gnaw off my arm than go back to something dark and gloomy....... It's mind over matter.......not quite the same as mind over heart.....but DAMMIT.....you gotta take control!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
werty Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 yeah, i was more on words with her and now im regretting what i did.. since she wldnt answer my calls,hope she wld at least accept my letter wish it wld do something.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dario Posted December 29, 2003 Author Share Posted December 29, 2003 Doing me best, guys. Trying to stay away from the old Vodka....working...all I look forward to is going home and drinking to get a few hours rest. I know that's stupid. I'm trying. Thanks for all the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dario Posted December 29, 2003 Author Share Posted December 29, 2003 mjk, Thanks for the advice. I can't hang on a soft spoken 'I'll be in touch' forever and be doomed with analytical thinking. I back and fill and think about things I should have done. It was just a severe cut...as we all know. It wasn't meant to be. Link to post Share on other sites
lostinthought Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Out of desperation I typed "how to get over a break-up" in google. I ended up on this forum. Space. How do I respect that. My throat is tied up in knots. I feel like crying every minute. How do I cope? I miss my ex so much. He's going through a lot of personal/family hardships. All I want to do is be there for him, but instead he breaks up with me. It dawned on him that if I wasn't there when he thought he would need me the most then he probably doesn't need me at all. It hurts so bad. I don't know what to do. He won't call or return any of my text messages or emails. Link to post Share on other sites
klinghoffer Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 What about a girlfriend who you live with who says she needs to move on, but doesn't move on and goes back and forth 4 times a week with her decision......She cries in my arms, then she's out drinking with her friends, then she's back trying to hug me, crying in my arms....I Thought she wanted space.. That's not trying to get space! AAAAWWW!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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