Perfect Love Story Over?

[Angyl]

I found this site browsing. I wanted the advice from someone who doesn't know me or him, because everyone else is sort of acting like, we're not going through anything. Like our relationship is just the perfect love story. He lives in Indiana and I live in Louisiana.

 

We've been engaged for four years. Been through so many ups and downs. Then it hit me, he's pulling away from me. I just knew it and it wasn't me being paranoid. So one night I just came out and asked him. Do you love me? He paused and said it was fading. I felt like I had a heart attack. I had never been in love with someone so much.

 

We spent the next couple of months arguing on the phone each day. You see he came down to visit me. I live in a four bedroom apartment with my sister. And he lives with his mother and four cats. Well my sister and I were just really getting the hang of living on our own after my mom passed. Our place wasn't completely furnished, but we were making it.

 

This was his problem, we didn't have a microwave, or toaster ( omg we don't eat toast), and he didn't like my best friend who has been in my life since we were five. He didn't like the music I was into. And I just got my first real job at 23, he didn't like that. I had never asked him for anything. I had just learned to drive. I had no one growing up to show me, cause dad was never there and mom never learned to drive. I was a late bloomer on a lot of things, that most people accomplish before twenty one.

 

He knew all of this when we started dating. I was completely honest with him. And I knew he was still living with his mom. It didn't bother me because I saw him as a man who was ambitious. And he was, he got a new job, but still didn't move out. When I came to visit he had to pay his mom 300 dollars for my expenses (water, food, toilet paper, and so on) Where else it was free for him to stay with me for two weeks.

 

I called him one day before work, he didn't answer, but his bluetooth did. He didn't know. I thought he was talking to me, but he was talking to his friend. I have never heard him say so many horrible things about me. He just made me sound like the worst girlfriend in the world and then said, but she's kind and generous. I had heard enough. He called me back at work and fearing I'd get too upset, I told him we'd talk later.

 

I felt strong enough to break up with him, my eyes were open. Then he hits me with the "lets just cool down". Maybe one call a week, he wanted to find himself, get himself together. We're cooling off, but not allowed to see anyone else. I just don't get it. Because that one phone call has turned into none. Last time we spoke it was about my heart troubles I have been having. He sounded thoroughly concerned. See the heart troubles are stress related.

 

I think I'm ready to move on, but he won't pick up the phone or return calls. And there is no tact in leaving a message. I wouldn't mind just being his friend. I feel like I'm holding on to nothing. What if the man that excepts me for me is out there and I'm too busy waiting on him to get it together?

[You'reasian]

Asking for advice is helpful - but this is honestly something that the two of you need to discuss face to face, somewhere you are both comfortable meeting.

[Els]

I

I think I'm ready to move on, but he won't pick up the phone or return calls. And there is no tact in leaving a message. I wouldn't mind just being his friend. I feel like I'm holding on to nothing. What if the man that excepts me for me is out there and I'm too busy waiting on him to get it together?

 

Precisely. There is nothing untactful about moving on and telling him over text... because he's evidently gone NC on you!

[Sparkling]

I found this site browsing. I wanted the advice from someone who doesn't know me or him, because everyone else is sort of acting like, we're not going through anything. Like our relationship is just the perfect love story. He lives in Indiana and I live in Louisiana.

 

We've been engaged for four years. Been through so many ups and downs. Then it hit me, he's pulling away from me. I just knew it and it wasn't me being paranoid. So one night I just came out and asked him. Do you love me? He paused and said it was fading. I felt like I had a heart attack. I had never been in love with someone so much.

 

We spent the next couple of months arguing on the phone each day. You see he came down to visit me. I live in a four bedroom apartment with my sister. And he lives with his mother and four cats. Well my sister and I were just really getting the hang of living on our own after my mom passed. Our place wasn't completely furnished, but we were making it.

 

This was his problem, we didn't have a microwave, or toaster ( omg we don't eat toast), and he didn't like my best friend who has been in my life since we were five. He didn't like the music I was into. And I just got my first real job at 23, he didn't like that. I had never asked him for anything. I had just learned to drive. I had no one growing up to show me, cause dad was never there and mom never learned to drive. I was a late bloomer on a lot of things, that most people accomplish before twenty one.

 

He knew all of this when we started dating. I was completely honest with him. And I knew he was still living with his mom. It didn't bother me because I saw him as a man who was ambitious. And he was, he got a new job, but still didn't move out. When I came to visit he had to pay his mom 300 dollars for my expenses (water, food, toilet paper, and so on) Where else it was free for him to stay with me for two weeks.

 

I called him one day before work, he didn't answer, but his bluetooth did. He didn't know. I thought he was talking to me, but he was talking to his friend. I have never heard him say so many horrible things about me. He just made me sound like the worst girlfriend in the world and then said, but she's kind and generous. I had heard enough. He called me back at work and fearing I'd get too upset, I told him we'd talk later.

 

I felt strong enough to break up with him, my eyes were open. Then he hits me with the "lets just cool down". Maybe one call a week, he wanted to find himself, get himself together. We're cooling off, but not allowed to see anyone else. I just don't get it. Because that one phone call has turned into none. Last time we spoke it was about my heart troubles I have been having. He sounded thoroughly concerned. See the heart troubles are stress related.

 

I think I'm ready to move on, but he won't pick up the phone or return calls. And there is no tact in leaving a message. I wouldn't mind just being his friend. I feel like I'm holding on to nothing. What if the man that excepts me for me is out there and I'm too busy waiting on him to get it together?

 

You know what...move on. He has. He treated you with blatant disrespect. Who was he talking to when he said all those horrible things? How does a bluetooth answer another person and let them hear while he is already talking to someone else? Does this really happen, or did he intend you to hear it in some sneaky manner? If that can honestly happen with a bluetooth, I don't want mine.

 

He wants you there for WHEN he wants you and out of his hair when he doesn't. You don't owe him anything!!! You tried, and he is avoiding you. So, text or email and say you are moving on...and get out and find someone who treats you better.

 

You may be a late bloomer but so what?...... You had a lot of ups and downs along the way and made it through which is to your credit.

 

Take care of yourself now and find someone who treats you better! Some guy will be lucky they have you, and not this one who spends his time criticizing you. By the way, I would bet he is seeing someone else or interested in finding out if she can replace you but he wants to keep you tied to him just in case it doesn't work out with her. I don't trust him one bit. Be careful. I hope you move on and dump the guy...and then maintain NC!

Edited January 11, 2010 by Sparkling

[Tizzy]

I missed the part where the perfect love story comes in. It was probably all in your head, no offense. Happens to the best of us. Move on, you'll heal. This guy has zero respect for you.