Im losing him ;(

[WTRanger]

Being in the spot that your guy is in, he may be very skeptical of your intentions. In my case, if she came back, I'd so a shortened version of the dance of joy. But then I would snap out of it and wonder why all of a sudden she's doing this and how long before the old her shows back up. Truth be told, she shattered the trust I had in her. Shattered it to the point that you can't put it back together since it's just dust.

 

Be very open, give him space, and respect him. The most important part is that you give him space. If you go all nuts on him and are in constant contact, you will for sure freak him out. He may come to realize that things were just messed up back then. But at the same time, he may not want to hang around and always wonder if the old you will ever pop back up.

[bananaboat11]

Sometimes I look to the bedroom door hoping to see her there leaning against the post in my t shirt, smiling at me... I have yet to say goodbye to her. I have never gotten that chance... she.. just.. left.

[KATEYES]

I know i know..im such a fool. But he knew i wasnt ready for a relationship but insisted on being there. In the end its my fault though. Man if only i could go back in time and loved him when he was so in love w me. He would send me flowers, he would leave sweet messages for me at work. So when i would come in the light on my phone was always blinking. He would say he missed me on the weekends he would be like im so excited what do you wanna do?? The whole time i would just shrug him off and was always obsessing on my dumb ex. IM SUCH AN IDIOT!!! Now i come into work no light blinking...no flowers...no compliments...no i miss yous or i love yous. ;(

[KATEYES]

I already have been going nuts on him. Asking him whats wrong? crying?? Apologizing over and over. Oh i hope he doesnt think im crazy!!!

 

Bananaboat....im sorry...dont break NC. If she wants you let her come to you. Maybe she unblocked you for a reason. Just dont contact her whatever you do.

[bananaboat11]

I already have been going nuts on him. Asking him whats wrong? crying?? Apologizing over and over. Oh i hope he doesnt think im crazy!!!

 

Bananaboat....im sorry...dont break NC. If she wants you let her come to you. Maybe she unblocked you for a reason. Just dont contact her whatever you do.

 

 

I know this. She's the only light I ever saw. This sucks. I feel what you feel for your boy. And I really... don't... want... to... anymore. I was in repair until this stupid facebook incident. I'm having the ups & downs as you can see. I'm sorry. Thank you for your insight.

[WTRanger]

I can't tell you that this will end well, but I can't tell you that this is a lost cause either. You've got to distance yourself from him and let him make his decision. He's probably really confused about you and who you really are. You've shown him two distinct sides of you.

 

Which one is the real you? Will the old you come back? Are you really over the ex? How long will this version of you last? When will I get dropped like a hot sack of sh*t again? These are all thoughts that could be going through his head. I know they are in my head in my situation.

[dazzle22]

He WILL, if you don't knock that off. Here is some woman to woman advice- CONTROL your emotions and yourself. Don't spew them all over your man. There is nothing they can do for a woman who is going off that way, it makes them nervous and they head for their cave.

[KATEYES]

Give yourself time to heal. I was suffering so much for my ex and now look at me suffering for someone else. But this is worse because my ex was a jerk and this man was nothing but good to me!! The point is time will eventually heal you. I PROMISE!!

[KATEYES]

Yes WT I know i showed two sides. One was in love with my ex but this side is in love with him. Dazzle 22 ok tell me how do i start? ok i have not been calling him for the last 4 hours...after crying to him on the phone like a lunatic. Tell me how do i act. Nonchalant? Or just very nice..or like im busy?? what. Should i stop saying things like i love u miss u etc?

[Zeegagge]

It may just take him some time to get over the pain you've caused him. Still, I feel no sympathy for this guy because he knew what was going on in the beginning of the relationship and proceeded anyway. It's a little strange actually. I mean if he knew that was the deal then why should he be upset over it now? I think the two of you need to communicate about this some kind of way if that's possible. It needs to be a no fight, no yell, no tears conversation. Just talk about it and figure out what it will take. Be direct, he'll appreciate that. There might be something more to this that you're not seeing.

 

Honestly, as a guy, well, I'll say this. Was engaged to a girl but our wedding date was called off for reasons. She begged and begged to put the wedding date back on. I knew I was going to the whole time, but I had to make sure she was serious, so I let her keep begging for months. Yah, I admit, I kinda liked it. I don't know this guy or enough about the situation, but he might be testing you.

[KATEYES]

yes i know i have thought about that. He did say "this is what i always wanted from you" so i feel that yes he might be "enjoying" this like im sure it feels good that im all over him after not giving a damn for so long. yes i have told him that he knew what he was getting into but he says he doesnt know what happened that i treated him bad and didnt respect him and how he gave everything and tried everything and nothing worked.

[Zeegagge]

Yes WT I know i showed two sides. One was in love with my ex but this side is in love with him. Dazzle 22 ok tell me how do i start? ok i have not been calling him for the last 4 hours...after crying to him on the phone like a lunatic. Tell me how do i act. Nonchalant? Or just very nice..or like im busy?? what. Should i stop saying things like i love u miss u etc?

 

Know you weren't talking to me, but my advice is firstly, stop with the tears. You need negotiate from a position of strength (didn't a president say that once?) not broken down.

 

Don't stop the affection though, I don't know how often you should talk to him, but when you do a few 'sweeties' and 'babies' and love you's should be good. Don't overdo it though or you'll sound like a child. My other post said you need to communicate with him. This is true but if you've been calling a lot lately it might be helpful to wait a little bit. Just until you're in that position of strength when you do talk. Don't be too emotional when you talk either. Save that for later.

 

Im so glad you came here now and not later. I wonder how many of us on this forum wish we had come by and read up on some stuff and sought advice when we still had a chance.

[dazzle22]

You need to first of all stop calling and texting and let him be the one to contact you. This may take awhile....It never helps to chase someone who is retreating. They just run faster.... He sounds like he is a man of his word, so he will make contact, but what he will say is anyone's guess.

 

When he calls you need to be rational like Zee said, and kind and nice to him. No tears. No drama - guys HATE that... Don't grovel. That is kind of what he did for you, and look where that got him.

 

He is going to watching you closely to see if the mean harpee will re-emerge. Hopefully she has disappeared...Just the way it is...

[Zeegagge]

The more I read this the more I find it strange. Why is he backing out now that he is getting what he wanted the whole time?

 

I don't even know what to say, I'd really like to understand but I just don't get it.

 

Anyone?

[KATEYES]

Zeegagge...thank you. Ok i will stop the tears. We kinda had negotiated. He said he needed to get rid of the bad feelings he had and that he was gonna work on that...but i kept pushing it and pushing it...and started crying and questioning. I was telling him you dont love me anymore. Why?? now that i fall for you youre doing this to me? so i was accusing him...and it got crazy he was like "relax relax woman" so i hung up on him. Ok i will wait till he calls and when he does i will be calm cool and collected. i will throw in some kind words though.

[KATEYES]

I really do think he is testing me in a way. I think he wants to see how much i love him. I dont know ;(

[dazzle22]

Couple of possibilities...the theory of the convincer and the resister, and the theory of the pursuer and the distancer in early romantic relationships are always subtely shifting back and forth, with different partners having the power position at any given time. Then there is what Carhill says too..."the person who cares the least has the power. It is all subtle game playing to vie for a middle position the new partners can feel comfortable in.

[KATEYES]

Ok dazzle. I will be calm and nice when he calls. Yes he is a man of his word. He really is a good man. So if he asks to see me i should just go with it and not question him at all right? I know him he will probably just take me out and will not bring up this entire mess. BUT what kills me is he wont be the same ;( and thats when ill start questioning him and saying i miss you please go back to the old you. im sorry. I know i shouldnt though.

[KATEYES]

Yes its true. Usually the person that doesnt care as much has the most power. THAT USED TO BE ME!! How can i get my power back??? ;(

[Woggle]

I would just let him go and find happiness elsewhere. To be honest you probably just want him back because he showed some balls and stopped with the lovey stuff once you threw it back in his face. If he took you back you would probably get bored and cheat with your ex or some other jerk and he knows it. He knows dating you would be nothing but drama and he got out while he could. I think you might have ruined this one and you have yourself to blame. Hopefully this is a lesson for you in how to act in future relationships. You can't treat a good man anyway you want and expect him to come crawling back when you decide he is good enough.

[KATEYES]

No you are wrong. I would not do that to him ;( I have learned my lesson believe me. I really have. I wont give him drama...all i want is to love him. He just came at a bad time in life ;(

[Woggle]

No you are wrong. I would not do that to him ;( I have learned my lesson believe me. I really have. I wont give him drama...all i want is to love him. He just came at a bad time in life ;(

 

This is what you say now. If he gave you another chance you will be another one of these women posting on loveshack because yuou have a wonderful guy but you are falling out of love and don't feel any chemistry. Us men have heard it all before. You have yo ask yourself if the only reason you want back so much is because he took it all away. Do you just want to chase after what you can't have right now?

[KATEYES]

No Woggle i was starting to show love precisely before he was letting go not after the fact. I do really love him. I hate this sooo much. mybe youre right maybe i lost him ;(

[Woggle]

No Woggle i was starting to show love precisely before he was letting go not after the fact. I do really love him. I hate this sooo much. mybe youre right maybe i lost him ;(

 

Maybe you have changed but more often than that woman only do a 180 on a man after he takes his balls back and stops treating her like a queen. If you really do care for him let this be a lesson for the future. Try to put yourself in his shoes. Chances are he has seen this behavior from women over and over again. I don't want to sound like I am being too harsh on you but if you want any chance of having him back and making it work you need to realize why you are in the situation you are in.

[KATEYES]

yes it is my fault Woggle but i cannot change the past. I am here to try to find a solution. Maybe i did lose him already like you are implying. But if i still have a chance i want to salvage this.