Should I call child protection services on my sister?

[Norman Bates]

I dont want to make this very long as Im feeling very overwhelmed at the moment and just dont know what to do. Well, I do know what to do but if I do it, my sister will forever hate me but my nephew might have a chance at a normal life.

 

My sister has a 13 year old son and her boyfriend moved in with her a while ago. All they do is fight over everything and her boyfriend has smashed up the place and has even hit her a few times. He has also directed his anger at my nephew.

 

My niece, (My nephews sister) called me the other day and told me that Ron, (my sisters boyfriend) is going off and I need to get there asap. I got in the car and got there as fast as I could and when I walked in, it was as if nothing was wrong but Ron went into one of the rooms.

 

I looked at my nephew and it looked as if he was crying. I asked if he wanted to come to my house and he said yes. My niece also came with me so I could give her a lift home.

 

Got to my house and my niece gave me a note that my nephew wrote and it says.

 

"why doesnt anyone care about me my life is miserable because of my stupid bitch mom who only cares for her self if she cared about her son she wouldnt make him want to hang himself"

 

I called his father and told him what is going on and he doesnt seem to care and makes bull**** excuses that if he gets involved he will go to jail (??) and he has asked him to live with him but he doesnt want to.

 

He then told me to try keep him with us untill Saturday and he will come over and pick him up then "see what he can do" this isnt good enough so I told him that im going to go to child protection services tommorow and get them to get that poor kid out of that house or some help.

 

My sister has prooved to me that her pill popping drugy boyfriend is more important than her own son and that his father can put it off untill Saturday to do something about it.

 

I feel like getting my old baseball bat and cracking it over Rons head but all that would accomplish, is me going to Jail and my sister still being with him.

 

Please, some advice. Im planning to call or go to the CPS tommorow but am very nervous about the whole thing.

[reboot]

Don't be nervous. You're doing the right thing. Sounds like you're the only decent adult in that kids life, you fight for him.

[Lishy]

Jesus christ! That is awful

 

Can he live with you? Oh my stories like these make me wanna cry but let me tell you something, I think you are amazing and you should be so proud of yourself ... I wish more people were like you

 

ps ... your sister is a disgrace!

[Devil Inside]

I dont want to make this very long as Im feeling very overwhelmed at the moment and just dont know what to do. Well, I do know what to do but if I do it, my sister will forever hate me but my nephew might have a chance at a normal life.

 

My sister has a 13 year old son and her boyfriend moved in with her a while ago. All they do is fight over everything and her boyfriend has smashed up the place and has even hit her a few times. He has also directed his anger at my nephew.

 

My niece, (My nephews sister) called me the other day and told me that Ron, (my sisters boyfriend) is going off and I need to get there asap. I got in the car and got there as fast as I could and when I walked in, it was as if nothing was wrong but Ron went into one of the rooms.

 

I looked at my nephew and it looked as if he was crying. I asked if he wanted to come to my house and he said yes. My niece also came with me so I could give her a lift home.

 

Got to my house and my niece gave me a note that my nephew wrote and it says.

 

"why doesnt anyone care about me my life is miserable because of my stupid bitch mom who only cares for her self if she cared about her son she wouldnt make him want to hang himself"

 

I called his father and told him what is going on and he doesnt seem to care and makes bull**** excuses that if he gets involved he will go to jail (??) and he has asked him to live with him but he doesnt want to.

 

He then told me to try keep him with us untill Saturday and he will come over and pick him up then "see what he can do" this isnt good enough so I told him that im going to go to child protection services tommorow and get them to get that poor kid out of that house or some help.

 

My sister has prooved to me that her pill popping drugy boyfriend is more important than her own son and that his father can put it off untill Saturday to do something about it.

 

I feel like getting my old baseball bat and cracking it over Rons head but all that would accomplish, is me going to Jail and my sister still being with him.

 

Please, some advice. Im planning to call or go to the CPS tommorow but am very nervous about the whole thing.

 

Hey Norman

 

I do emergency child protection a couple times a week. I do not know which state you are in, but most are pretty similar, so I can tell you what I think may happen if you call.

 

First of all in order for CPS to intervene they need to have observable proof of present and significant danger to the child. Not risk. Not speculation. So in this case your nephew and niece would need to be able to give an interview and provide details of what kind of abuse is taking place. As you have described it sounds like there is some domestic violence, and that Ron has "directed anger" at your nephew. What does that mean, "yelling or physical abuse? You also mentioned that the BF was "pill popping" is this a direct observation? What is he using? How does it put the children in danger.

 

Usually, a domestic violence situation is best handled by the police. The problem is, it seems like it is after the fact, and your sister would have to admit to something happening. In many situations like this she won't say anything out of fear of the consequences, and it goes unreported. If she will talk, or if there is evidence, the the BF can be arrested and having a child witness the abuse is considered abuse in many states. The court may put a protective order prohibiting the BF from having contact from either your sister or nephew. At least here, CPS will rarely remove a child from the home just because they witnessed domestic violence. There has to be more usually.

 

The other thing that sounds concerning is the cry for help. That letter is sad. It is concerning that he said he felt like hanging himself. One thing CPS may be able to do is get a therapist to sit with him and evaluate if he is really having suicidal ideation. You could always ask him if he really wants to hurt himself, and if he says yeah ask if he has a plan. If he does get him some psychiatric help.

 

In a situation like this it may be easiest to have his father go to court and get protective custody. I would figure out if it's true that your nephew doesn't want to go and live with him. This may be the best option.

 

Good luck. You are doing the right thing by calling CPS and getting them involved. I know it's hard to call on your sister, but your nephew is the kid, and he needs your protection. Just wanted you to be prepared for feeling like CPS is not responding to the situation like you hoped, there is strict protocol in place to ensure that people's rights are not being completely trampled on.

[Norman Bates]

Thanks DI. Ill get incontact with CPS tommorow and see what they think. I dont think my sister will ever admit to there being a problem because my mom has spoken to my sister and she says "yeah but sometimes he (her son) makes problems" and the fact that she is blaming him for her boyfriends actions makes me sick. I used to get blamed for alot of my parents fights.

 

He is wetting the bed and I think its because he is under alot of stress.

 

Im going to have a talk to my nephew. He isnt allowed to stay here as its a government housing and we dont have an extra room for him.

 

I dont know where to start about my sister. She is meant to be taking her meds but she refuses to take them. She is very emotionall and when she gets upset, she turns into a huge mess and always talks about "fkn leaving all this **** behind fk the kids and fk Ron its the only way ill be happy"

 

I live in Western Australia.

[Jade 02]

I agree with both Lishy,reboot,and Devil Inside

 

I aslo belive in you trying to fight to take the kids(ron living off their child support money)

 

Also isn't the CPS suppose to keep all calls anonymous? I believe I heard that somewhere.

 

Try to get them out or this will effect them as they get older if not allready.

 

Hugz Jade. I want my neice also as noone else does,she's been ADOPTED 2 times,and now in #??foster home,and they won't let me have her because of state to state MONEY shoot I will go get her myself,and just leave foster care out of it,Still I pray,and wish your neices,and nephews saftey and sister my gosh Lock that animal up if he beats.

Edited January 10, 2010 by Jade 02
grammar lol what else

[Devil Inside]

 

Also isn't the CPS suppose to keep all calls anonymous? I believe I heard that somewhere.

 

 

We do in the states. However, it doesn't take much for the person to figure out who reported them.

[Norman Bates]

Still I pray,and wish your neices,and nephews saftey and sister my gosh Lock that animal up if he beats.

 

He is a nasty person and I dont know what my sister sees in him. His own kids have put restraining orders on him FFS!

[tigereyes1428]

god i read this and my heart goes out to you - what an awful position to be in - You need to do everything poss to ensure to ensure you get that child out of that environment asap - its fantastic that he has an adult (you) that he can trust - I am in Scotland where the law is different etc but there are several agencies in this country that our social services would put you in touch with i really hope there is an agency that can help you - good luck

Edited January 11, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Norman Bates]

I went down today and had a talk to someone. I told them on the situation and they photocopied the note. I was a bit disapointed when I was told that They cant do anything unless a parent gives them permission to get someone to talk to my nephew.

 

I asked them to call his dad as he might allow someone to speak to his son but im not sure. They gave me some names of places that could help out more but in the end it has to be one of the parents decision.

 

Im going to try keep my nephew at my place for as long as possible or untill his dad comes to pick him up. My mum asked him today if he wanted to go home and he said that he doesnt want to go home for a while.

 

It feels like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders as now someone else knows about what is going on but im a bit upset that they cant do anything. I was told that if things get worse than I need to contact them again.

 

I am pretty nervous now if my sister finds out what I did because she will collect my nephew and I wont be able to do anything about it.

[Lishy]

You are doing the right thing and if your nephew is willing to say what has been happening then it is the child protections officers job to take it seriously

 

You are so doing the right thing

[redfathom]

I was in a similar situation. I don't know if the kids were being physically abused, but the living conditions were awful. Let me just say my niece (10 at the time) had cat poop on her bedroom floor and her cat had gone missing two months before. She had no sheet's, no hangers for her clothes (which smelled of cat piss), there were roaches every where. When I told my niece who I was baby sitting while my sister was in vegas that her house was a mess she started to cry. I asked her what was wrong and she sobbed about how she had been to busy to clean the house because of homework...needless to say I went off on my sister (called her immedietly). When she got back to town I reached out to her to offer her support. I offered to help clean her house with her, find her budgeting classes to get her finances under control.

 

My sister, my mom, and my other sister all turned on me and told me to mind my own business. I didn't talk to them for over a year. Now I talk to my mom and sister (different sister) but I don't talk to the sister who I had issues with. My mom and other sister don't talk to her either. There is so much more to the story.

 

She talkes about using drugs infront of my niece, uses her information to sign up for accounts (like cable), two of her kids (ages 8 and 11) can't read.

 

I feel for you, I want to do what is best for the kids, so I try to be a good influence. Talk to my oldest about staying away from drugs and help the younger two by taking them out and getting them books that I read to them.

 

Good luck! You are doing what is best!

[Norman Bates]

When I told my niece who I was baby sitting while my sister was in vegas that her house was a mess she started to cry. I asked her what was wrong and she sobbed about how she had been to busy to clean the house because of homework...

 

Thats so sad. These poor kids think that they need to do the adults jobs because they can see their parents arent doing anything. My sisters house is always in a mess and has a pile of clothes just laying in the corner and alot of it has mould.

 

My mum even bought her a washing machine because her one is broken but a broken washing machine isnt an excuse. Get the clothes and take them to a laundromat ffs.

 

She asked if I could take my nephew home and I had no choice. He didnt want to get out of the car. I asked him if he would rather stay with his dad and he said that he wants to be with his mother so even if someone does go over there, I dont think he would want to leave his mom. I told him that its not his job to look after her but he feels that he needs to protect her.

[redfathom]

Thats so sad. These poor kids think that they need to do the adults jobs because they can see their parents arent doing anything. My sisters house is always in a mess and has a pile of clothes just laying in the corner and alot of it has mould.

 

My mum even bought her a washing machine because her one is broken but a broken washing machine isnt an excuse. Get the clothes and take them to a laundromat ffs.

 

She asked if I could take my nephew home and I had no choice. He didnt want to get out of the car. I asked him if he would rather stay with his dad and he said that he wants to be with his mother so even if someone does go over there, I dont think he would want to leave his mom. I told him that its not his job to look after her but he feels that he needs to protect her.

Before I even got to the end of the last paragraph I new he wanted to stay with her to protect her. My mom was with several abusive boyfriends when I was growing up. She has very low self esteem from her divorce from my dad and it caused her to make some bad choices. At least your nephew knows you are there, because this is to big for a child to take care of. It's hard because you have to protect them but not be the bad guy when they are trying to protect their mom. That will mean from you if you hurt her, but to help them you will have to hurt her.

 

Its such a hard position to be in and you will need support from your whole family or it wont work.

[Norman Bates]

Just an update, A week after I went to the CPS, my sister had a huge fight with her boyfriend (suprise suprise) because... well I dont know and dont realy care. Its not the first time but anyways, she called the police on him and kicked him out. He hasnt been there since and everytime he goes there, she tells him to piss off and calls the police.

 

Well, this morning my sister rang and asked my mum to take her down to CPS because they want to talk to her about something. Most likely, beause I whent down there and had a talk to them about my nephew.

 

So yeah, im sure they are going to tell her that I talked to them. I willing to bet she comes here and starts screaming her head off. Oh well.

 

Will keep you updated lol.

[tigereyes1428]

hey

whats been happening? how are you?

[Norman Bates]

It was a false alarm it was nothing about me so all is good. I havent posted in a while due to being a bit busy and other stuff going on.

 

Some GREAT news, she kicked her boyfriend out like a week after my last post ( so since the 10th of Feb?) They had another huge fight and the police were called. She put a restraining order on him but now he lives across the road with a mate of his.

 

Im visiting her often and she seems to be going ok but has been saying that the bastard has been sending her abusive texts and yelling from across the street saying that he is going to get bikies to steal her car and smash her place up. Yeah right.

 

He also wants half her stuff because apparently "you took 7 years of my life"

 

My nephew is going pretty good and hasnt been missing days from school like before. He is more happier but my sisters daughter moved in and she doesnt get along to well with her brother.

 

My sister is planning to move out to finally get away from him. I hope she sticks to her guns this time.