LonelyGuy85 Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 (edited) I realised about a year ago that my friends were toxic to me; they would only call me to make up numbers, they would often put me down and sometimes completely ignore me when making plans. I decided that these people may have been my friends growing up, but now we all too different and i didn't enjoy being around them for very long. So i made it my goal to make new friends. I am not longer in school, am in my mid 20's and started a new job about 6 months back. So my main source of potential friends came from the workplace. I worked within a basic job role, but the benefit was it involved working with lots of people in the same positions, so i had exposure to plenty of people. Within the first few weeks there i decided on certain people that i got on with well. After a few months i managed to get invited out by one of the people there with their mates, this happened a further two times and we even managed to meet up outside of work for other activities. As far as i was aware i was making new friends. Then suddenly it all went cold, no more invites. I still talked to them within work the same as i normally did and we even grew a little closer than before i went out, but we no longer did things outside of the workplace. This weekend i asked one of them (whom i had grown fond of) if they wanted to do something this weekend and was told yeah, that they would text me on saturday to let me know. I didn't hear anything from them, so i took the initiative and texted them only to receive a response telling me that they weren't going to be able to do anything with me, but they wanted to do something with me on the Sunday (today). So, i decided that i wouldn't hassle them and i would wait for them to text me, but as of now i haven't heard anything, and don't intend to, to be honest. Why is it just so hard to make decent friends as you get older? I mean do people generally stop looking for new friends once they reach their 20's? Also do you think i should just ignore this person from now on? They obviously don't think much of me as i had to text them first and now they didn't even bother texting me today, despite me making clear that i wanted to do something with them. Should i just look elsewhere for friendship? It's really starting to get me down. I am generally a nice enough person, i make people laugh, i help people when i can, i have a lot in common with them and they have even invited me out multiples times, so i can't be that bad, right? So why do all my efforts prove fruitless? Edited January 10, 2010 by LonelyGuy85 Link to post Share on other sites
tigereyes1428 Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 hey - i have been in similar situations in the past - my advice would be to try not take it so personally - people have a lot of things to juggle at weekends etc - its great that you are making an effort with people that you work with but try not to rely only on the workplace for making friends - join some clubs, a gym - what are your hobbies and interests etc. perhaps you will have more luck there - continue being happy and genuine and people will be drawn to you - people naturally are attracted to happy content people as opposed to people that you feel "need" something from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LonelyGuy85 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Share Posted January 10, 2010 In the past i have been very much a loner. I hated most people that i met and those that i liked seemed to have full lives, so i just carried on my life as normal. About 6 months back i started feeling really lonely all the time and realised that all my years of sticking to myself were catching me up and one day it just felt like someone punched me in the stomach. So i started being more proactive with finding friends and I try to no longer let people who i like just fizzle out of my life. I realise that people have busy lives. Even though i spend my weekends feeling lonely and depressed, i am sure that other people are doing other things. I can't help but take it a little personally when they cancel plans with me, but the thing that drove me nuts today was that they didn't even send me a text to let me know that they couldn't make it. I mean as i said above, they can't think much of me if they couldn't even be bothered to let me know that they couldn't make it, otherwise i would have done something else today instead of wasting my day hoping to do something with them. Link to post Share on other sites
tigereyes1428 Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 i know - that is just rude in my opinion to not let you know - perhaps you could text something saying " is everything ok - i was expecting to hear from you today" Link to post Share on other sites
tigereyes1428 Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 that is what i would poss do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LonelyGuy85 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Share Posted January 10, 2010 I was tempted earlier to send a text just to see if everything is ok, but as the night went on i put it off until eventually i decided not to send a text. Friendship needs to be a two way street, right? I can't always chase other people to do things, and if it's always going to be my responsibility then it doesn't sound like a rewarding friendship to me. I am all for being persistent, and trust me when i say that i am a lot more persistent with making friends than i used to be, but after i made the initial contact yesterday i was hoping that they would at least give me the courtesy of letting me know that nothing was going to happen today. Link to post Share on other sites
tigereyes1428 Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 i agree - but perhaps there is a genuine reason? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LonelyGuy85 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Share Posted January 10, 2010 I hope there is a genuine reason. I hope it's nothing bad, but a good reason as to why i didn't hear anything, not just 'oh, i forgot'. Maybe i am just jaded from past experiences, but there as almost never been a good reason in the past. I hope there is a reason though, i really hope they know and don't just think nothing of it. Maybe i am over reacting but if there is no reason what so ever then i have had it. I mean i don't want to sound dramatic but i waited in today instead of seeing a friend as i was looking forward to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Kizzyfur Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I'm sorry I cannot offer any advice. I too had always been a loner. And now I have a hard time making friends too. And why is it I always have to initiate even just conversations with everyone I do try to be friends with? I can sit here all night with my IM logged on, watch people log on and log off and never get a message unless I message them first. It makes me feel as though I am not really welcome but they don't want to be rude and not talk to me either. I feel like a burden on them or something. Most people I have become acquainted with are just that, acquaintances who ask how my day is in passing if we meet somewhere around town. I would like to have more friendships. It can get real boring sitting around the house all the time. There are a few people I have met here and there that keep in touch. But we usually lose contact for a few years then start talking again. And most are out of range for really getting out and doing anything with as we live so far apart. So if any of you are in the NE Texas area........ LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
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