PLEASE I NEED HELP!!!

[Lovestressed]

Please I am in desperate need of obtaining any type of suggestion, comment, or advice about my relationship. Before I begin, I think its best for me to give you a little background. Im 18 years old and I grew up in an environment where the feeling of being loved was barely in existence. I mean I knew that my family loved me but I never really felt any type of affection towards me. Up until very recently, my mother would never tell me she loves me. I grew up without a father figure. My father made absolutely no attempt to contact me. Throughout the course of my life Ive seen him a few times and each encounter had me feeling extremely uncomfortable.My two closet uncles(which one was like a dad to me) killed themselves. By the time I was 17 I felt as if I would never be able to completely rely on a man. That however didnt stop my desires to depend on one but something told me that I would never be able to because in the end he would leave me or hurt me in some way.

 

I finally had the guts to go out with someone when I was 18...pretty old huh? Well I was just afraid to find myself hurt I guess. He manipulated me and made me feel as if I was the worst person on the face of the earth. He would toy with me...breaking up with me on and off. We began to fool around and he "accidently" took my virginity. I had told him not to but he did anyway. I got rid of the bastard soon afterwards...although I was afraid that I wouldnt find anyone else.

 

Now I have been with someone else for almost five months..and he means the world to me. The problem is that I am constantly trying to pick fights with him and accusing him of not loving me. Hes told me time and time again that he loves me more than anything in the world and I do believe him most of the time. But then I get paranoid sometimes and I will take some situation as a sign that he doesnt love me. Or that he thinks he does...or that hes only with me because hes afraid he wont find anyone else. He always looks so hurt when I tell him these things....the tears will begin to show in his eyes. And my heart wants to just go out and comfort him but something inside of me keeps on insisting that I need to be careful. Some cynical part of me wants to keep myself away from him in case if hed leave me or hurt me in some way. I know I love him. Thats all I know.

 

Please tell me what you think I should do....

[Leonard]

Hello,

 

I think you should think this way: Whatever happened in the past is gone. DO not dwell on that. remember this: NOT EVERY MEN IS THE SAME. Do not let your past spoil your future. You have learned some serious lessons, and now you can use your judgment, and also take precaution. However, it does not mean that you should not give this guy a chance. Based on what you wrote, he seems to be ver nice guy, he has even cried when you hurt him. Not all men will do that, I believe he has feelings for you, and is very emotional. If you love him, take care of him, do not hurt him. It might be difficult for you to give in completely after what you have gone through, but time will heal it, in the meanwhile, get to know him, and appreciate his good qualities. Talk with him, communicate with him, if something is bothering you, tell him, and ask him if he can listen and try to help you out, with whatever problems you may have,,,,Tell him of your fears. He should listen, if he cares.....

 

Do no withhold completely, You are young, you have entire life ahead of you, do not punish yourself. You can still TRUST men, you just have to find such a man,,,there are pleanty of them out there...BELIEVE me!!!!!!!

 

GOOD LUCK to you!!!!

Please I am in desperate need of obtaining any type of suggestion, comment, or advice about my relationship. Before I begin, I think its best for me to give you a little background. Im 18 years old and I grew up in an environment where the feeling of being loved was barely in existence. I mean I knew that my family loved me but I never really felt any type of affection towards me. Up until very recently, my mother would never tell me she loves me. I grew up without a father figure. My father made absolutely no attempt to contact me. Throughout the course of my life Ive seen him a few times and each encounter had me feeling extremely uncomfortable.My two closet uncles(which one was like a dad to me) killed themselves. By the time I was 17 I felt as if I would never be able to completely rely on a man. That however didnt stop my desires to depend on one but something told me that I would never be able to because in the end he would leave me or hurt me in some way. I finally had the guts to go out with someone when I was 18...pretty old huh? Well I was just afraid to find myself hurt I guess. He manipulated me and made me feel as if I was the worst person on the face of the earth. He would toy with me...breaking up with me on and off. We began to fool around and he "accidently" took my virginity. I had told him not to but he did anyway. I got rid of the bastard soon afterwards...although I was afraid that I wouldnt find anyone else.

 

Now I have been with someone else for almost five months..and he means the world to me. The problem is that I am constantly trying to pick fights with him and accusing him of not loving me. Hes told me time and time again that he loves me more than anything in the world and I do believe him most of the time. But then I get paranoid sometimes and I will take some situation as a sign that he doesnt love me. Or that he thinks he does...or that hes only with me because hes afraid he wont find anyone else. He always looks so hurt when I tell him these things....the tears will begin to show in his eyes. And my heart wants to just go out and comfort him but something inside of me keeps on insisting that I need to be careful. Some cynical part of me wants to keep myself away from him in case if hed leave me or hurt me in some way. I know I love him. Thats all I know.

 

Please tell me what you think I should do....

[billy the kid]

L.s. well I'm on expert but I would say that your childhood has some effect here. glad you dumped the first guy, to bad you didn't file charges against him. as for the second my guess and that is all it is, maybe you should try some counseling, I mean you do describe a difficult childhood, and it really does matter.. what ever you decide good luck..

Please I am in desperate need of obtaining any type of suggestion, comment, or advice about my relationship. Before I begin, I think its best for me to give you a little background. Im 18 years old and I grew up in an environment where the feeling of being loved was barely in existence. I mean I knew that my family loved me but I never really felt any type of affection towards me. Up until very recently, my mother would never tell me she loves me. I grew up without a father figure. My father made absolutely no attempt to contact me. Throughout the course of my life Ive seen him a few times and each encounter had me feeling extremely uncomfortable.My two closet uncles(which one was like a dad to me) killed themselves. By the time I was 17 I felt as if I would never be able to completely rely on a man. That however didnt stop my desires to depend on one but something told me that I would never be able to because in the end he would leave me or hurt me in some way. I finally had the guts to go out with someone when I was 18...pretty old huh? Well I was just afraid to find myself hurt I guess. He manipulated me and made me feel as if I was the worst person on the face of the earth. He would toy with me...breaking up with me on and off. We began to fool around and he "accidently" took my virginity. I had told him not to but he did anyway. I got rid of the bastard soon afterwards...although I was afraid that I wouldnt find anyone else.

 

Now I have been with someone else for almost five months..and he means the world to me. The problem is that I am constantly trying to pick fights with him and accusing him of not loving me. Hes told me time and time again that he loves me more than anything in the world and I do believe him most of the time. But then I get paranoid sometimes and I will take some situation as a sign that he doesnt love me. Or that he thinks he does...or that hes only with me because hes afraid he wont find anyone else. He always looks so hurt when I tell him these things....the tears will begin to show in his eyes. And my heart wants to just go out and comfort him but something inside of me keeps on insisting that I need to be careful. Some cynical part of me wants to keep myself away from him in case if hed leave me or hurt me in some way. I know I love him. Thats all I know.

 

Please tell me what you think I should do....

[jessi]

It sounds to me like you are just trying not to get too close so you wont get hurt again....like you have time and time in the past. You need to give yourself time, and your relationship time! It sounds like he is sincere in telling you he loves you, but you need to trust in him in order to realize that. Of course it will take some time, but next time you feel like picking a fight, step back from the situation and try to see why you are feeling like that. My guess is that deep down, you are looking for reassurance from him that he loves you. I cant say I blame you for needing to be reassured, but if you cant trust that he really loves you now, you may never really believe it deep down. Just keep trying, and dont be afraid of getting too close. Love means risk taking....believe me! Trusting his love for you is something that you will probably have to learn to do...but sooner or later, you will be able to not second guess his feelings. Good luck:)

Please I am in desperate need of obtaining any type of suggestion, comment, or advice about my relationship. Before I begin, I think its best for me to give you a little background. Im 18 years old and I grew up in an environment where the feeling of being loved was barely in existence. I mean I knew that my family loved me but I never really felt any type of affection towards me. Up until very recently, my mother would never tell me she loves me. I grew up without a father figure. My father made absolutely no attempt to contact me. Throughout the course of my life Ive seen him a few times and each encounter had me feeling extremely uncomfortable.My two closet uncles(which one was like a dad to me) killed themselves. By the time I was 17 I felt as if I would never be able to completely rely on a man. That however didnt stop my desires to depend on one but something told me that I would never be able to because in the end he would leave me or hurt me in some way. I finally had the guts to go out with someone when I was 18...pretty old huh? Well I was just afraid to find myself hurt I guess. He manipulated me and made me feel as if I was the worst person on the face of the earth. He would toy with me...breaking up with me on and off. We began to fool around and he "accidently" took my virginity. I had told him not to but he did anyway. I got rid of the bastard soon afterwards...although I was afraid that I wouldnt find anyone else.

 

Now I have been with someone else for almost five months..and he means the world to me. The problem is that I am constantly trying to pick fights with him and accusing him of not loving me. Hes told me time and time again that he loves me more than anything in the world and I do believe him most of the time. But then I get paranoid sometimes and I will take some situation as a sign that he doesnt love me. Or that he thinks he does...or that hes only with me because hes afraid he wont find anyone else. He always looks so hurt when I tell him these things....the tears will begin to show in his eyes. And my heart wants to just go out and comfort him but something inside of me keeps on insisting that I need to be careful. Some cynical part of me wants to keep myself away from him in case if hed leave me or hurt me in some way. I know I love him. Thats all I know.

 

Please tell me what you think I should do....

[quankanne]

Your first boyfriend was a classic jerk, and you're right to be upset about how he treated you. But, now look at the bright side. The guy you're with now sounds like he truly is a good person, and I'm glad you've got someone like him in yoiur life. I won't lie, it isn't easy to trust someone whem you've been hurt as badly as you've been, but there will come a time when you decide that the love he offers is much more in your best interest than the hurt you've been living with. Until then, don't let your insecurities plague you to the point where you are mired in that unhappiness. It might not seem like it, but you really do deserve the happiness that this boy seems to be offering you.