Why does he /insist/ on lying?

[forelise]

So I've been going out with this guy for.. well.. not too long now (about 2 months or so.) We've been together before probably a year ago but broke up over some stupid reason I don't even remember. We've liked each other for a long time, so we decided to start dating again.

I recently talked to one of my close guy friends, who is one of his buddies too, and he told me that my boyfriend has kind of been "flirting" (perhaps not even that... more like "language and actions that might suggest flirting") with /his/ girlfriend.

What's interesting is, my boyfriend used to date this girl, who is also one of my friends.. probably about two years ago. Then they broke up after a few months and later my close guy friend (the one who told me about this) started dating her, and they've been together ever since. But my boyfriend was really upset and for awhile it ruined their friendship. They would get into these arguments and he would say things like "Why did you date her? You know I'm like in love with her." But yes, this was a quote, he did hint at "being in love with her."

So now I hear about him flirting with her, it's really not a big deal at all. He just jokes with her a lot and he put his arm around her and stuff.

Anyways, I didn't really think much of it, but I decided to talk to him anyway. He admitted to it, and was like "I'm sorry, really sorry, I'll completely stop everything." and I said that I didn't really think anything of it but that was nice of him.

Later we were chatting and somehow the topic of him /physically/ flirting with her came up. He was like "I NEVER touched her, I didn't put my arm around her or anything whatsoever." (While I know that he did... my close guy friend told me he did... which I believe him because the girl who is also my friend confirmed it.) I said "Look, it honestly doesn't matter if you did but I wish you wouldn't lie about it. I don't care so much that you did, but that you're lying about it makes me wonder if I should be worried"

However he refused... continued to lie to my face about it. Later he lied about saying he was previously in love with her. Which is BS because last year he told /me/ to my face he was in love with her when I was trying to help him through the situation.

These things aren't really a big deal, but it kind of bothers me that he's lying about this stuff. There is also a third thing that he lied about... which is what happened between him and some girl when he "cheated" on that girl (my friend) a year ago. Which the girl came on to him, and took advantage of him, however he let it happen.

But now all of a sudden he's changing his story about that too, saying that less happened than what he previously told us.

I just don't know what to say, when I talk to him about it he always says the same thing "I'm not lying etc etc."

Just kind of makes me wonder if I should be worried...

[Angel1111]

Of course you should be worried. He has lied to you multiple times. He 'changes history' by changing the story and then tells you that he's telling the truth. These things are never a good sign. I'd also be worried that he's flirting with other women when he's supposed to be with you. That tells me that he's not ready to be off the market yet. These things are big deals and you're downplaying them in your mind. Don't ever be tolerant of lying and flirting. These things are just a heartbeat away from lying and cheating.

Edited January 11, 2010 by Angel1111

[Clep]

I would be concerned here that he isn't really interested in a true relationship, but the benefits a relationship brings. Sounds to me like he isn't over the girl either. I would feel concern here.

[New_Life08]

It could be he is lying because he doesn't want his fickle heart to be realized. He thinks he can pull off the double life, double standard, double duty, "what she don't know wont hurt her" BS.

 

Now you are on to him, so he is in panic mode, lying his face off in an effort to hide what he already confessed.

 

As dumb as it seems, it is completely rational to him since he takes you and whoever else as a fool who cannot put 2 and 2 together.

 

Bottom line is it is his way to confuse you so you will drop it. yeah, you should be concerned. These things do not get better, they get worse. Until he admits he has a problem and is willing to fix it; this is going to continue.

[You'reasian]

So I've been going out with this guy for.. well.. not too long now (about 2 months or so.) We've been together before probably a year ago but broke up over some stupid reason I don't even remember. We've liked each other for a long time, so we decided to start dating again.

I recently talked to one of my close guy friends, who is one of his buddies too, and he told me that my boyfriend has kind of been "flirting" (perhaps not even that... more like "language and actions that might suggest flirting") with /his/ girlfriend.

What's interesting is, my boyfriend used to date this girl, who is also one of my friends.. probably about two years ago. Then they broke up after a few months and later my close guy friend (the one who told me about this) started dating her, and they've been together ever since. But my boyfriend was really upset and for awhile it ruined their friendship. They would get into these arguments and he would say things like "Why did you date her? You know I'm like in love with her." But yes, this was a quote, he did hint at "being in love with her."

So now I hear about him flirting with her, it's really not a big deal at all. He just jokes with her a lot and he put his arm around her and stuff.

Anyways, I didn't really think much of it, but I decided to talk to him anyway. He admitted to it, and was like "I'm sorry, really sorry, I'll completely stop everything." and I said that I didn't really think anything of it but that was nice of him.

Later we were chatting and somehow the topic of him /physically/ flirting with her came up. He was like "I NEVER touched her, I didn't put my arm around her or anything whatsoever." (While I know that he did... my close guy friend told me he did... which I believe him because the girl who is also my friend confirmed it.) I said "Look, it honestly doesn't matter if you did but I wish you wouldn't lie about it. I don't care so much that you did, but that you're lying about it makes me wonder if I should be worried"

However he refused... continued to lie to my face about it. Later he lied about saying he was previously in love with her. Which is BS because last year he told /me/ to my face he was in love with her when I was trying to help him through the situation.

These things aren't really a big deal, but it kind of bothers me that he's lying about this stuff. There is also a third thing that he lied about... which is what happened between him and some girl when he "cheated" on that girl (my friend) a year ago. Which the girl came on to him, and took advantage of him, however he let it happen.

But now all of a sudden he's changing his story about that too, saying that less happened than what he previously told us.

I just don't know what to say, when I talk to him about it he always says the same thing "I'm not lying etc etc."

Just kind of makes me wonder if I should be worried...

 

People of both sexes cheat. People of both sexes try to deny or justify it and being with someone who does it just makes it worse, especially for someone whose never cheated.

 

Bottom line: don't put up with it. Leave.

 

Check yourself as well. Do you do anything that would put you in a compromising situation? Its tough to examine onesself too.