breaking up because of different religions?

[amimal]

I am a 28 year old guy that was dating a 26 year old girl who I worked with. She was brought up in a very Roman Catholic Household, and her culture and religion is completely different than mine. We had been dating for close to a year, because we have a connection that can't be described....the prob;em was always the religion and culture.

 

We have been trying to break up over and over, but the only reason is because it would be so hard to make it work. But we kept comiing back to each other because we really do love each other.

 

she recently went away on vacation and met a guy who gave her his number before she left, (of couse he is cotholic and the same cutlure as her), so when she came back she finally said she can't give me what I want...she has always dreamed of the perfect catholic family going to chucrch every Sunday, going to catholic school...etc etc

 

I can't give her that, but we are both totally in love with each other, I have tried everything to greak through to her, and I don't know what to do, because things between us were unreal, and am having a hard time letting go.

 

So know I am watching her enter a possible rebound relatiohship...and don't know what to do....how can I let her know that all tthis is is a rebound??

 

I know she still loves me to death, but my culture scares her (her parent's don't even really know about me)

 

what can I do??

[moimeme]

You can't do anything. You can only be 'in love with' someone if the other person is there, too. She is not. You want very different things from life and that would doom your marriage, were you to marry. If you're not going to become Catholic, then let her go.

[listener]

calm down

Hello;

 

It's hard letting something go that is very unforgetable.

 

It seem that you wanted to have a long term relationship with her.

 

Don't trouble your mind so much. Sometimes we take a path that it wasn't for us to take.

 

If she hasn't introduce you to her family. Is probably that she wasn't taking you seriously.

 

Live life, tried not to think about her so often.

 

Talk to another girls ,so get up and make new friends.

 

just another reader

 

bye.

 

 

[Jiggly 2K3]

I know how you feel...I went through the exact same situation, only the girl was born-again christian. Now, 6 months later, I still think about her everyday, and I have heard through the grape vine that she is dating some guy from her church...Trust me on this, you need to let go now, stop all contact with her, axe her from your life completly. If you hang on and try to convince her, you are only setting yourself up for a big fall...I would honestly love to hear your story and help you. Feel free to private message me. Seriously, you could probably learn alot from my recent experiences...

 

Cheers

Jiggly

[amimal]

The one thing I forgot to say is that her last relationship before me was with another guy that was also not catholic, although the religious and cultural differences were not as different...even if I were to convert (which I don't think I can), it doesn't stop her from being scared of opening up to my culture...as for her not taking it seriously, I don't think that's the case, I think it's more of a case of her parents saying..."don't you learn" or "i told you so"

 

Anyways I've been in situations where you can feel there is nothing left, but this is definitely different....she still slips back to me if she sees and spends time with me,, and questions what she is actually doing right now, but when she doesn't see me she blocks eveything out..she's really good at that. But I can't always be there to be a constant reminder

 

I even tried to break it off on many occasions, but we just couldn't stay away....but this time after she met a guy that fills the one side of her needs, it seems different, like the rebound will be used to transfer the loss she also feels

 

Is there anything I can do to help her realize what she is doing, or do I have to let her go?

 

I know the future would be tough but some things are worth it...something I too have been fighting off and on for the past year have finally made me realize that some things in life are worth fighting for....I just don't know if she's strong enough

 

As you can see, I don't know what to do

 

 

as for cutting contact completely it's a little tought since we work together?

 

Is there any hope that time apart will make her realize what she's giving up...and if it's worth holding on to, or will this possible rebound relationship let her block it out completley?

 

fools can hope can't they?

[sarah12]

as for cutting contact completely it's a little tought since we work together?

 

Is there any hope that time apart will make her realize what she's giving up...and if it's worth holding on to, or will this possible rebound relationship let her block it out completley?

 

fools can hope can't they?

 

Hey there,

 

I have quite a few friends in this situation - different religions and can't break up. One couple has been together 6 years and I have not seen any more love in my entire life than the one that exists between them. However she is like your ex, always dreamed of that perfect family. They did everything you and your ex are trying, but it won't work. My advice to you is to tell her you love her, but you are sorry, it is too hard to see her and be friends with her, knowing that you could never marry her and have a perfect family together. Working with her could be difficult - how closely do you work with her? Try and avoid being close with her as much as possible. You need to move on. It's not fair that this is holding your life back. She needs to see that and realize that, and understand that she can't just call you up whenever. As for this new guy -it may be a rebound, it may not be, but it doesn't matter, because it is what she chose and what she wants, as much as she loves you. Time apart may help - it is definitely worth trying. But don't put your eggs in one basket. Let yourself move on too.

 

I really feel for you as I have been through this with friends on many many occasions...so best of luck and feel free to PM me.

[amimal]

thanks, for all your post so far....

i guess

i just don't know how something so right becomes lost in an instant, maybe never to be found again?

 

 

 

i never knew passion like this could exist between 2 people, but the one thing in life that preaches loving each other and respect is tearing us apart?

 

as you can see love different cultures and religions..and have become very accepting, but I wasn't brought up in such an environment as her...

i never knew that a relationship could be as good as it was.....but I am not her ideal picture, and I guess she is not yet willing to give up that dream yet...part of me feels she eventually won't be able to block me out, but maybe she will and will settle with her dream but not the full love and passion we share

 

 

Yes my mind if full of uncertainty and questions...and a broken heart

[AnGeLic_gAL]

the same problem my friend is facing....i really don't know how to handle her,

shes totally in love with this guy and and she thinks that he loves her too...

the thing is that they are friends for the past 4 yrs...but only true friends!!!

its from his attitude towards her that she has been able to realize that he

loves her too...she says that he is scared to tell her about his love coz of

their religious differences......(although i think that its a pretty funny logic but thats wat she believes in)

 

She says that he is a kind of guy who wud always want a long-term relationship like

marriage and not any dating stuff....she also wants to establish a long-term

relationship like him.........but the problem is that they both can't leave their

religions...my friend won't leave her religion coz she strictly believes in it and

also wud never like to hurt her parents by converting......n as far as the guy is concerned,

she says that he won't convert too....

but she really loves him........i've seen her cry for him alot.....but am totally

confused of wat to do for her........she is just hanging between the sky and

the earth!! and its hurting me alot coz shes been my childhood friend...n

i really care for her.....

 

such situations just leave u with a broken-heart n nothing else.......

 

anyone who want to give some advice for my friend....??????

 

i appreciate ur help people....

 

 

i know am not answering to ur post...sorry about that amimal...if i wud have been

able to do something, i wud have helped my friend at the first place....but am

helpless!!!!

I hope everything turns out to be good for you amimal...

and please share ur advice for my friend....thanks alot!!!

 

 

~AnGeLiCa

[Cassidy]

Thread,

 

I am in the same situation myself. I am 28 and my boyfriend is 30. He is a Jehovah's Witness. I was going to break up with him because of this. I was raised Catholic, but do not practice any religion. I do not believe in organized religion. No one has the answer to which religion is correct. Your faith in what you believe is what matters. I do believe in God, I just don't know what the truth is.

 

Anyway, at first I had a really hard time with his religion, since I obviously don't believe in what he does. He told me he respected me for what I believe and he just wanted the same from me. My problem with organized religion is all the conflicts it has caused in this world. Everyone thinks their religion is the right one. Like I said, who really knows? If you both believe in God, does it really matter how you get there? I'm sure your not exactly the same in every other aspects of your lives, but you can accept those differences.

 

I'm not breaking up with my boyfriend. We also have something very special that I have never found before. The very reason why I don't like organized religion, almost caused me to leave him. Because I couldn't accept he was different from me. Our relationship isn't based on the religion we practice. It's based on our mutual respect and love for one another. I just think it's really sad that you can't be together because your interpretations of something you read, differ.

 

As for the rebound guy. Unfortunately you can't tell her it's a rebound. She will have to find that out for herself. And you can't really change the way she feels about her religion. It's too bad she can't be her own person and make her own decisions. I know family is important, but aren't they supposed to love and support you no matter what?

[glasshammer]

Tell Her To Knock All This Sh*T off.

 

 

It's cool that people are into religion and their Faiths. But Come on, Because You aren't of the same religious background

or culture?? A Person Is a Person. A Human Being is a Human Being.

 

I mean no offense, But Catholicism isn't better than Christiany or Christianity better than Buddhism or Protestant or whatever.

 

I think that Is Lame. It's cool to believe in something, but there have been way too many casualties and problems in this world because of religous faith. It's almost as bad as being Racist.

 

Lighten up.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by glasshammer

It's cool that people are into religion and their Faiths. But Come on, Because You aren't of the same religious background

or culture?? A Person Is a Person. A Human Being is a Human Being.

A human being may be a human being, but not all humans are compatible with any old human. Religious differences should not be ignored. Think about the issues that will arise when there are children?

 

I'm not saying the relationships are impossible, but ignoring it is not the solution.

[glasshammer]

why must people let religion RULE their lives and keep them from things that they deep down inside, want?

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by glasshammer

why must people let religion RULE their lives and keep them from things that they deep down inside, want?

Some feel that they deep down inside, want a connection with a higher power.

[Cassidy]

Some feel that they deep down inside, want a connection with a higher power.

 

 

 

And why can't people have that connection without trying to change their partner? Your faith is personal. Not everything you think and feel is going to be mirrored by your husband or wife. They can both teach their children about God, and let them decide what is right for them. No one knows which religion is the correct one, so how can you tell your child what to believe. They have to figure that out for themselves when they are old enough to do so. Raise your children with love and respect. Isn't that what your trying to do anyway with religion? I'm sure you found your connection with a higher power on your own. Religion is about having faith, and faith is something you need to find on your own.

[BlockHead]

Cassidy

He is a Jehovah's Witness.

That is a cult, not a religion. I think many people would have difficulty coping with their beliefs and practices.

 

Here is some background information.

http://www.cs.cornell.edu/Info/People/kreitz/Christian/Cults/3.jehova.pdf

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Cassidy

And why can't people have that connection without trying to change their partner?

Some people can, and some people can't.

They can both teach their children about God, and let them decide what is right for them.

This is much easier said than done.

No one knows which religion is the correct one, so how can you tell your child what to believe.

That's how religion is passed down, from parent to child.

They have to figure that out for themselves when they are old enough to do so.

That's like saying that a male child should be left uncircumsized, and when he's 13 he can decide. Sure, it can be done, but it's difficult, and it's going to raise some question with the child.

[Cassidy]

Believe me Blockhead, I am not happy about his choice of religions. He is not a Jehovah's Witness' as of yet (he is just studying). But that isn't really the point because he can become one at anytime. I don't know what to do myself. I try to look at the big picture and how I feel about him. JW's think some crazy things, which I think alot of religions do to a point. How is what they believe about a new world any different then someone believing in Heaven? I don't know what happens to us when we die. Do you? I believe in reincarnation, so maybe I'm crazy too. I don't have any answers about God and what is true and what isn't. I guess that's my point. If his actions were crazy or if he treated me differently because of his religion, then we would have a problem. If he thinks he gets to go to a new world at some point after death, who am I to tell him he's wrong?

[Cassidy]

Dyermaker,

 

I understand that religion is passed down. I was raised Catholic. When I became an adult I made up my own mind about what I believe. And every male child isn't circumcised to begin with, that depends on your religion also. As a parent you have to make decisions for your children until they are old enough to do so for themselves. I'm not saying not to give them a religious foundation, but it isn't until they are able to think for themselves that they can decided who they are and what they believe. Why can't you give them theories on religion, because they will be confused? How can you give a child an answer you don't have. You teach them there's a Santa Claus and then take that back when your children are older. Are they confused then for the rest of their lives about it? I will tell my children that whatever wonderful place they want to go to when they die, that's where they'll go. That's why there are so many different religions to begin with. Wasn't it all one book? No one has the same opinion on it, so how do I tell my child which is correct when I don't even know? Should I lie to them?

[BlockHead]

Cassidy

He is not a Jehovah's Witness' as of yet (he is just studying).

If he is serious in his studies, he would check multiple sources.

 

I have a friend is similar. He was raised Catholic, and then he went to a nondenominational Church believing that only they knew the true word of God. After a few heated arguments, I lent him a book by Bart D. Ehrman. I don’t know if it was the author’s ideas, or what the preachers spouted out, but he decided that he was atheist. After a few years, he decided that he was Catholic, and he started attending Mass again. He went full circle.

 

Try The New Testament: A Historical Introduction to the Early Christian Writings by Bart D. Ehrman

The author does discuss the weaknesses and inconsistencies in the Bible. I hope it helps.

Cassidy

I don't know what happens to us when we die. Do you?

There is only one way to find out, but I’m in no hurry.

Cassidy

I believe in reincarnation, so maybe I'm crazy too.

Life is hard enough the first time. I’d hate to go through it again and again.

Cassidy

I don't have any answers about God and what is true and what isn't. I guess that's my point.

Nobody can prove it one way or another.

Cassidy

I was raised Catholic.

 

I will tell my children that whatever wonderful place they want to go to when they die, that's where they'll go. That's why there are so many different religions to begin with. Wasn't it all one book?

I think you should stick with what you know. I am Catholic, and I don’t see a problem with that. Masses are short, and I think it is one of the least demanding religions.

[Cassidy]

Blockhead,

 

You can't seriously be telling me to pick my religion on how long the mass is and how demanding on my time it is? I don't have to pick any religion. I am comfortable with not knowing. I enjoy life. It's hard sometimes, yes, but if it wasn't then you wouldn't appreciate the good things. You said you were in no hurry to find out what happens when you die, but that you wouldn't want to live again either. Why not? I don't think going to a place where everything is perfect can even exist or even seems like fun. I just find it hard to believe that there is a place we go to when we die where nothing ever goes wrong and everyone who ever lived is there, but you never run out of room. The beauty of life is that it doesn't last forever. I do not believe the bible was written as fact, it's a collection of stories depicting what life was like back then and giving some thought to what the future might be. I think in no way is it fact. People need to believe in a God because you need to have some hope that when things are so horrible that someone is looking out for you. I admit that I need that too. My boyfriend has looked into many other religions and this one made the most sense to him (not that I understand what the heck he's thinking). I wish he didn't follow this religion more than you know. I can't tell someone what they should believe in though. This works for him for some reason, whether I agree with it or not. Time will tell if it will come between us. I don't have the answer to that either.

[BlockHead]

Cassidy

You can't seriously be telling me to pick my religion on how long the mass is and how demanding on my time it is?

I thought that your description of a happy place after death was wishy-washy. I suggested Catholicism because it is simple and straightforward, and I thought it was something you might be familiar and comfortable with.

Cassidy

I just find it hard to believe that there is a place we go to when we die where nothing ever goes wrong and everyone who ever lived is there, but you never run out of room.

Do you think the universe will run out of space?

Cassidy

I do not believe the bible was written as fact, it's a collection of stories depicting what life was like back then and giving some thought to what the future might be. I think in no way is it fact.

Historically speaking, a man named Jesus did exist.

The Bible is a collection of books written by many authors. Maybe writings would be a better word. Parts of it are stories, advice, political, and historical. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then you don’t know as much as you think you do.

Cassidy

People need to believe in a God because you need to have some hope that when things are so horrible that someone is looking out for you. I admit that I need that too.

Some people have a genuine fear of the unknown. Some people actually believe that there is a God.

Cassidy

My boyfriend has looked into many other religions and this one made the most sense to him (not that I understand what the heck he's thinking).

That is a cult, not a religion.

 

Understand that people need to believe in something. That could be a deity, government, science, oneself, etc.

 

I recommend the book by Bart D. Ehrman. The book provides a historical background on early Christians. I used it in a university course taught by a Jewish professor. If it makes you feel better, some Catholics and Protestants complained that it has an “anti-Christian” message.

[Guest]

Religion is very important to a great many people. The precepts of most religions is that the FAITH must come first - before a spouse or any other human. That is what many religions do - they rule a persons life. Religion isn't there for something to do when one is bored, or used as a tool or a crutch.

 

To be raised in a devout family is to know that your belief is the only true one. Every Christian I know believes that there is only one God and they worship within some pretty strict guidelines. There is nothing wrong with that. They teach their children because they want their children to love God the way that they do, and to live the kind of life they believe their God wants them to live.

 

Religion differences is probably one of the most profound and understandable reasons to discontinue a relationship. If I believe in God and I have faith in His teachings and I marry someone of a different faith, we might be able to put it aside. We might be able to build a good strong marriage full of joy. But if I believe that people who believe like my spouse will burn in hell because they don't believe in the same God it is going to cause me some pain. I won't want to spend eternity without my spouse, and I don't want my spouse to spend eternity in hell. You might not agree with me, but you can no more prove that I am wrong than I can prove that I am right -- that is why it is called FAITH and it's stronger than any words you can throw at me. If we were to have children I would insist that they be raised to believe in the one true God. What if my spouse thinks they should be raised to believe their way? We can no longer put aside the difference in our faith for the sake of our marriage because now our children's immortal souls are at stake.

 

To the original poster: Sometimes love is not enough. As painful as it is, you may have to let go.

[Cassidy]

Blockhead,

 

How you like to argue with me. My whole point was that I don't know. I told you what I thought of the bible. A man name Jesus did probably exist back then and maybe he was all for the good of the people and what not, but it doesn't mean he literally rose from the dead. Maybe he rose from the dead in the hearts of the people. Maybe they just picked themselves back up and tried to live the way he did. Like I've said all along, I simply don't have the answers. I am not trying to persuade you to change your views either. You can believe what you want and I won't think differently of you. It's your choice. I was stating the choices that are right for me and why I'm not breaking up with my boyfriend over religion. Who knows what will even happen with us. We could break up over something else entirely. Maybe there is heaven and reincarnation. Doesn't some place have to run out of room? Or maybe when you die your just dead and that's it, your not going anywhere. Maybe your soul dies with your body. People should believe in what's right for them. And I know you have the impression that JW is a cult, like many other people do. Maybe they are, all I'm saying is my boyfriend doesn't treat me any differently because he is studying this religion. I'm not happy about it either, but do you think I should break up with him over it? I don't have to join with any religion to believe theres a God and who knows what I'll end up telling my children. That's hard to say since I don't actually have any yet.