Thinking breaking NC (my long story)

[aerogurl87]

I know what youre saying and i understand where youre coming from, but i have experienced other things and i know for a fact that i want this girl in my life. Lets just put aside the fact that im only 20. The fact is i love this girl and i cant help but think that things ended too sudenly and easily. Almost like for her id be there when her new rs would fail. Im open to findinf love elsewhere but what i really want is to start all over with this girl. I want a proper start, not like those 2 other times where i was a complete doormat.

 

Ok hurting you once might have been a mistake, but she's left you for multiple guys and to me that shows a lack of caring on her part. Your just her backup guy for when she has no one else. I cheated on my boyfriend once and I spent 6 months trying to help him see that I was sincerely sorry. I was there for him when he was depressed, when he thought he couldn't go on, basically everything. Then he left me for some random chick in Canada. Was I pissed? Yeah, but I knew why he did what he did although it wasn't right. He was just trying to hurt me like I'd hurt him, which he did quite effectively. The thing is though, it happened once and not multiple times. This girl is going to continue to use you as a doormat because you allow her to. All she has to do is cry a little and you come running back to her like a lost, little puppy. I know it's hard, but you need to move on. I'm a romantic and a big optimistic, but even I can't tell you that anything good will come of staying with this girl.

[Mik12]

Ok hurting you once might have been a mistake, but she's left you for multiple guys and to me that shows a lack of caring on her part. Your just her backup guy for when she has no one else. I cheated on my boyfriend once and I spent 6 months trying to help him see that I was sincerely sorry. I was there for him when he was depressed, when he thought he couldn't go on, basically everything. Then he left me for some random chick in Canada. Was I pissed? Yeah, but I knew why he did what he did although it wasn't right. He was just trying to hurt me like I'd hurt him, which he did quite effectively. The thing is though, it happened once and not multiple times. This girl is going to continue to use you as a doormat because you allow her to. All she has to do is cry a little and you come running back to her like a lost, little puppy. I know it's hard, but you need to move on. I'm a romantic and a big optimistic, but even I can't tell you that anything good will come of staying with this girl.

 

i can see how it seems that im a victim in all this bu I think we both deserve the blame in this. The first time we werent actually datinf we were just FWB so she had every right. This time around i had lost interest in her and I guess the guy sweet talked her into leaving me, also her friends played a huge part in this. Now looking at all this from an objective standpoint i see that the issues were mostly all related to maturity and a lack of experience. I had mostly lost interest because i had the desire to havr casual sex without any attachements, i had stoped making love to her so she probably felt unattractive and unappreciated so I can see how I playe a part in this. The thing is now that ive actually tried partying and having casual sex, i find that it is not all its cracked up to be. Sex without love just feels empty, this is a lesson that i have learned. There were no deal breakers berween us, everything was good, we were so compatible and had many common interests. I just think that a good solid relationship is possible if we both get over our issues related to maturity.

[samspade]

You are blaming yourself, the other guy, and her friends for her actions. She was sweet talked by the new guy, her arm was twisted by her friends, and you lost interest. Quite a confederacy. I might buy that you lost interest and then so did she - but then why would you chase after someone in whom you already lost interest?

 

Here is the deal - and you have to be 100% honest with yourself about this:

 

Are you willing to be completely and without exception platonic friends with her? That means listening to her tell you about her new boyfriends, having no feelings for her, and refraining from physical romantic contact. Friends - as if she were a guy. As long as you are cool with that, then knock yourself out. Call her up, hang out with her, drive her to her new boyfriend's house.

 

Remember, her romantic interest in you has plummeted. This has nothing to do with maturity or experience. A woman is not going to say, "Oh, I was young and foolish, I now realize that I want you and love you." This might happen in bad movies, but not in real life.

[Mik12]

You are blaming yourself, the other guy, and her friends for her actions. She was sweet talked by the new guy, her arm was twisted by her friends, and you lost interest. Quite a confederacy. I might buy that you lost interest and then so did she - but then why would you chase after someone in whom you already lost interest?

 

Here is the deal - and you have to be 100% honest with yourself about this:

 

Are you willing to be completely and without exception platonic friends with her? That means listening to her tell you about her new boyfriends, having no feelings for her, and refraining from physical romantic contact. Friends - as if she were a guy. As long as you are cool with that, then knock yourself out. Call her up, hang out with her, drive her to her new boyfriend's house.

 

Remember, her romantic interest in you has plummeted. This has nothing to do with maturity or experience. A woman is not going to say, "Oh, I was young and foolish, I now realize that I want you and love you." This might happen in bad movies, but not in real life.

 

i dont think its all that black and white. I agree that her interest in me isnt what it used to be, but given the circumstances I think she saw something new that was apealing, that added to the pressure exerted by her friends probably led her to the decision she took. Im not trying to excuse her behavior, its unacceptable and i shouldnt be thinking about giving her another chance, yet i can see that i still played a small part in it all. I believe that a couple has no chance left when the physical attraction is gone, yet we had GREAT passionate sex 2 days before she decided to leave. The thing is I dont think we are discussing the same thing, youve convinced me not to break NC and i thank you for that. But to be honest i still want her to come back, whether i decide to be with her or not remains to be seen if it happens. I guess what scares me is the current situation, im afraid of it staying like this forever, i hate the thought of us being so distant when I KNOw there is still love there.

[samspade]

Ok, you've gotten my point about the NC, so I'll rest my case on that.

 

Here is what I know, for whatever it's worth. You're going to wish for her to come back for a while. Every day, provided you stick with NC, it will lessen. One day, I hope, you will wake up and think, "She was a great GF, I was missing her, but I'm happy to be single and don't see 'us' happening again."

 

Based on this:

 

But to be honest i still want her to come back, whether i decide to be with her or not remains to be seen if it happens.

 

And other previous comments, you sound as though you want her to come back and throw herself at you, so that you can either a) reclaim her, or b) reject her on your terms. Both of these are wish fulfillment fantasies common among people in your situation. The quicker you simply let go, the faster you will rehabilitate your mind and soul. You have got to learn to be happy without her, or you won't be happy with her, even if she does come back.

 

Otherwise, like I said, once you're ready to have her as a friend, then you can contact her. I don't think that's what you want - maybe I'm wrong.