wierdmunky Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 This is a classmate of mine, and we get a long really great! I have a really good time just talking and doing things when we do. The problem is that one day, we were talking and I thought he was hinting he wanted to date me, and when I pointed it out, he said no don't get him wrong he just really IS a nice guy. Well turns out later, maybe a week or 2 weeks, he says he DOES think that we would be good match, but that is basically the only reason he is sticking around. He said he made his intentions clear, and that at a certain point he has to choose his pride. I also told him that I am completely uninterested in dating since my mind is really stuck on someone else. He says I'm worth fighting for and gets really upset when I can't hang out. He wrote me this letter saying how he thinks it's karma, (indirectly) that I'm being "mean" because he thinks I'm being inconsiderate of his feelings when I say I can't hang out. Should I tell him that this friendship doesn't sound like a good idea seeing where his intentions lie, and I have no feelings for him? other than that we are really cool friends, but his letter made me realize that I'm unintentionally hurting his feelings when we do or don't hang out and I have a feeling it's only going to get worse as we go. Link to post Share on other sites
FieryDream Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Well maybe you should just tell him that you are really good friends and stuff, but you dont want to be pressurised into a relationship that goes in that direction. It might be easier If you tell him via email, letter, etc.... (thats if you dont do face-to-face with people) tell him how you feel and say that you want to tell the truth. The only problem is some guys dont get this but by the sounds of it he does! Link to post Share on other sites
Flying Goose Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Why were you questioning him at some point about whether he wanted to date you? Were you interested, or were you pro-actively addressing the issue? The situation is an inevitability of boys and girls being friends (and is usually why boys and girls are friends in the first place). Your mind being set on 'some other guy' is an irrelevance to the question you're being asked by this guy, and using that as an excuse is inconsiderate. If you say no to a relationship, be sure you mean no as in never, not no as in 'maybe if there was noone else left, and if that guy I was into showed no interest in me, and maybe in a few months time when I regret this'. Your approach to the situation already infers you're not 100% sure what you want, as if you were there'd be nothing to discuss, no questions to ask him and other guys would be an irrelevance as to why you don't like him. Think carefully, choose carefully and understand that irrespective of what you choose, your 'friendship' is over - it ended the moment he asked you that question and neither of you can have it back. It's just up to you what you replace it with - nothing or a trial of a relationship. Both are risky, and the degree of potential regret may be what distinguishes the two options. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wierdmunky Posted January 14, 2010 Author Share Posted January 14, 2010 Why were you questioning him at some point about whether he wanted to date you? Were you interested, or were you pro-actively addressing the issue? The situation is an inevitability of boys and girls being friends (and is usually why boys and girls are friends in the first place). Your mind being set on 'some other guy' is an irrelevance to the question you're being asked by this guy, and using that as an excuse is inconsiderate. If you say no to a relationship, be sure you mean no as in never, not no as in 'maybe if there was noone else left, and if that guy I was into showed no interest in me, and maybe in a few months time when I regret this'. Your approach to the situation already infers you're not 100% sure what you want, as if you were there'd be nothing to discuss, no questions to ask him and other guys would be an irrelevance as to why you don't like him. Think carefully, choose carefully and understand that irrespective of what you choose, your 'friendship' is over - it ended the moment he asked you that question and neither of you can have it back. It's just up to you what you replace it with - nothing or a trial of a relationship. Both are risky, and the degree of potential regret may be what distinguishes the two options. interesting. I questioned him, when he seemed to be dropping hints at lunch. he was complimenting me, and making suggestions to how he would have fun dating me. I raised an eyebrow and asked what he was saying. I'm not sure actually if he meant what he said when he said no, that is not what he was saying. he also mentioned he was 2 for 2 of girls that have thought that of him. my interpretation was that he was a really nice guy. I did tell him that I was not interested in dating him, and he said that he was going to stick around until he lost "the fight" anyway. we haven't hung out in person since, and i also told him i don't want to lead him on. i even told him last night again, that we are just friends. i guess i sound like i don't know what i want, bc since i'm "set" on this other guy, i'm apprehensive about not giving any one else any chances until around summer next year. i've clearly drawn the line, and i think i'm beginning to see that my friend only thinks of me as a possible dating candidate. that kind of irritates me because i like having male friends, and i do value his friendship. i don't like things to getting too complicated so i'm prepared to cut things off. the reason i'm being hesitant is because we have good chemistry, i'm just not attracted to him, and we have good conversation. if there is no other reason why we're friends than him trying to be with me, then i'm definitely stopping everything. Link to post Share on other sites
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