Author bananaboat11 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 Okay, so she helped with your lonliness by describing her day, and her past, but, what about her personality and her character, if anything, do/did you truly love and truly miss?? I don't know... I don't want to.. the way we ended.. she said some hurtful things ie she never cared... she lied to me that her family knew about me... I was only a comfort.. i was her rebound... she never loved me,it was a lie... etc.. etc.. you're making me want to break down and cry Link to post Share on other sites
Serena2009 Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I don't know... I don't want to.. the way we ended.. she said some hurtful things ie she never cared... she lied to me that her family knew about me... I was only a comfort.. i was her rebound... she never loved me,it was a lie... etc.. etc.. you're making me want to break down and cry I have no doubt she hurt you, and she hurt you bad!! I know there are people out there who will mess you about without batting an eyelash, because inside, they're a mess!! What I'm asking you to look at is of what value is a person like this to you in your life?? I know it hurts tremendously to truly look at the person, not your illusion of the person, but to look at the person for who they truly are, because its a loss. But if you really look at who she truly is, according to what you've posted anyway, I think you'll come to see that she, in reality, is not such a loss. No abuser is a real loss in anyones life!! You're better than all this and you deserve more!! Link to post Share on other sites
Always A Lesson Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Bananaboat, I had posted you a long post earlier today, but I can't find it. Very frustrating! Well to recap it, you did nothing wrong but look for answers through a mutual friend, You simply want to settle you heart and have peace of mind again, that's totally natural and human. This mutual friend seems kind of shady, she was in a position to give you some info and didn't, she knew what you wanted, ANYTHING... She gave you nothing and believe me she ran to your X in a NY minute and told her everything. Some college girls are very self-centered and self-absorbed, they don't care who they hurt until they get their feelings hurt then it's a PROBLEM! SHe broke up with you on FB, that's cold and cowardly. Let's look at this situation from the outside in, instead of the inside out. She seemed to love and care for you very much, many tender moments were shared by both. I'm sure the memories will NEVER be forgotten, it seems it was so real! So my point is this, all that love now this???now you're seeing who she really is, you may not want to face it, but the reality is smacking you in the face. She could have the decency to correspond to you for closure if nothing else. But she ran to the grass was greener- 7 figure guy. All she did was show you her character, how she let you go, OHHH so impersonal, and left you to hang in torment, you gotta see it for what it really is. Try to get past the lovey-dovey crap for a minute, would you really want to invest time and energy into someone who is like this? Really..dumped on FB???? REAL WOMEN handle their business a whole other way. Got me? She basically told on herself , who she really is. I think she did you a favor, You'll be a better man after this, get yourself together, just work on it, one minute at a time, it'll happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Blueberry7691 Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Wow... thank you It'll get easier for both of us... eventually. Sometimes I still cry myself to sleep. It sucks, but I get better from day to day and you will too. That makes me sad to hear. ((hugs)) Link to post Share on other sites
Howitzer Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Hey bananaboat11, it sounds like you miss being in a relationship more than her. You miss having someone who adored you, and who wanted you to be their man. That's ok, everyone wants to feel that way. But you gotta learn to see that you miss something that doesn't necessarily have to come from this girl. You'll find another girl, who will be better for you, in addition to letting you feel good in a relationship. Cheer up man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 Hey bananaboat11, it sounds like you miss being in a relationship more than her. You miss having someone who adored you, and who wanted you to be their man. That's ok, everyone wants to feel that way. But you gotta learn to see that you miss something that doesn't necessarily have to come from this girl. You'll find another girl, who will be better for you, in addition to letting you feel good in a relationship. Cheer up man. Nah... honestly... from the bottom of my heart (which is just starting to mend).. I was emotionally & verbally abused... and physically used. It was %#% i don't want to talk about it anymore. They're all on block.. I'm making it as if none of them existed for the time being. It's the only way I WANT to cope. I know how I SHOULD cope... but at this point, I don't give two ****s. thanks for your good words man.. I'm not trying to be an ass. We all deserve better than what came before... Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 What does "FML" mean? I keep seeing people write it here! Link to post Share on other sites
Howitzer Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Nah... honestly... from the bottom of my heart (which is just starting to mend).. I was emotionally & verbally abused... and physically used. That's exactly what I'm saying. She wasn't good for you, but you miss having somebody to have as a girlfriend. I'm glad you recognize this. Cope however you can. We can't climb a mountain in a day. Block things out if you have to, and deal with them little by little. @sedgwick: check out http://www.fmylife.com/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 That's exactly what I'm saying. She wasn't good for you, but you miss having somebody to have as a girlfriend. I'm glad you recognize this. Cope however you can. We can't climb a mountain in a day. Block things out if you have to, and deal with them little by little. @sedgwick: check out http://www.fmylife.com/ Thanks man. Link to post Share on other sites
Dream Brother Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Firstly, Blueberry your posts and situation are very vague as you do not get into much detail about your situation. I just quickly read a few of your posts and somewhere you mentions seeing things from a different perspective. I sense you seek information to understand yourself and not your ex's behavior?? These sites are mainly geared towards understanding and coping with SO behaviors and how to cope with them. Please tread with caution and an open mind. BB11, this first site is where I started, which in time lead me to the second. The first being mainly for men who are going through this but can be associated to both sexes as the characteristics are generally the same. Hope you find this helpful. There are hundreds of hours of reading here! http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/ read the reader comments below the articles.... http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=45.0 thanks for the links. This has been an interesting thread, has helped. BB11, it's gonna be ok. If only that was all it took! But it is really. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 What does "FML" mean? I keep seeing people write it here! F*** my life. I felt like that in the beginning of my breakup because everything else went wrong simultaneously but now that I am feeling better, my world is a little better. FML is not a good place to be but who hasn't been there? Link to post Share on other sites
Bulldozed Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 B. Boat (et al) - Sorry for being kind of off topic...but what is it about women "squirting"? Some do and others don't? I've experienced both, but I guess I never really asked those that did it, why and how? Is it something ALL women are capable of, or is something more to it physiologically speaking? Just curious? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 This is exactly why I preach "Stay away from mutual friends". I can guarantee you, if you say something to a mutual friend it WILL get to your ex. And it's the exact same thing as breaking NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 14, 2010 Author Share Posted January 14, 2010 This is exactly why I preach "Stay away from mutual friends". I can guarantee you, if you say something to a mutual friend it WILL get to your ex. And it's the exact same thing as breaking NC. I hope it does. I don't want her back. Ever. Honestly.. I miss her. But in reality it was never her companionship... she failed to give me that part of a relationship and failed as a partner and best friend... Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 I hope it does. I don't want her back. Ever. Honestly.. I miss her. But in reality it was never her companionship... she failed to give me that part of a relationship and failed as a partner and best friend... So have a funeral for her. No, she's not dead, but she should be dead to you. This means: Delete ALL contact info. BLOCK anything you can (calls, IM, email) Box up (or burn, preferably) and of her crap that's left around that she didn't take. Have a funeral at this point and SAY GOODBYE, for good. The reason for this is to have something substantial happen that marks the end of the old and the beginning of the new. It's sort of what funerals are really meant for. To say GOODBYE and to mark the next "chapter" if the lives of those who are left behind. Whatever it takes for you to close HER chapters and move on to the next, that's what you need to do. If it means getting angry, burning her old stuff or just calling her and telling her to frack off, I'm ok with that. It's getting ourselves to the point where we ACCEPT that it's over and make a concerted effort to move FORWARD is when healing TRULY begins. So -- stop delaying your future. Bury your past NOW! Link to post Share on other sites
Serena2009 Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 I hope it does. I don't want her back. Ever. Honestly.. I miss her. But in reality it was never her companionship... she failed to give me that part of a relationship and failed as a partner and best friend... WOW banana!! Hats off to you!! You've really turned a corner!! These thoughts are SO balanced, grounded, and together. You've made HUGE progress and I knew you would!! Just remember that healing is not a linear process day to day (although it is linear over time) and that you may get waves of those old emotions rushing back in . . . but they will become less and less over time . . . and be replaced by these new and balanced thoughts and feelings that will become more and more over time!! In scientific terms, old irrational thoughts and feelings are inversely proportional to new balanced and centered thoughts and feelings. Be proud, smile, and stay strong. Treat yourself to something nice for all your hard work. You deserve it!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 15, 2010 Author Share Posted January 15, 2010 Thank you guys. I honestly.. sincerely... could NOT have done this without ANY of you. Caliguy... Serena.. I will. Everything that had to do with my ex is gone... burned.. deleted... buried... torn up and burned (her love letters)... as I lay that chapter of my worst days in my life to rest... and move forward. I was with my family today at the Harry Potter Exhibition in Boston, Massachusetts' Museum of Science... but I was feeling down. Definitely feeling the rush of emotions here and there, but I know I will never take her back.. whether she comes back or not. I will NEVER, EVER break the No Contact. Even if she has the sentiment in her voice... and tries to make it up for the rest of my days on this earth. Her sex was a poison I couldn't get enough of... But my body is free of her poison... ...thank you all. Link to post Share on other sites
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