Tina72 Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 I posted this here previously but it got moved to the "Water Cooler"...I imagine b/c I didn't originally post that it was for a bachelor party. Anyway, specifically if you are in Montreal, but anyone w/knowledge will be helpful. I know there are clubs where it is "hands on" for private dances, etc...what exactly does that mean...where can the dancers be touched...as in what parts of their bodies? I know for a fact that contact is allowed in many clubs there. I'm just trying to clarify exactly what "contact" means. Thank you. I'm new to posting here so pardon my ignorance if I posted this on the wrong forum originally. Tina Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Why? Are you looking for a job at one of these places? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tina72 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Share Posted January 12, 2010 No. I am getting married and my fiance thinks it's ok to touch the strippers b/c it is "expected" at these places, and "that's what they do" and "it doesn't mean anything" and he's "not cheating" and they are planning his bachelor party in Montreal, where all this stuff is allowed. The fact is, I don't for a second think he would ever actually "cheat" on me in terms of actually doing anything w/anyone...long story but we have been through a LOT together and I am not worried about that...however I think it is massively inappropriate and disrespectful to me to have that attitude. I don't have a problem w/him going to these places, it's all fantasy...but look don't touch... Am I in the minority for feeling this way? Is it worth it to me to not marry him and start my life all over because of this? Is it worth it to him to throw away all that we have been through and plan to go through together in the future, just to touch someone...especially knowing how much it hurts me?? I need honest opinions. Am I overreacting? Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 If you see it as cheating, then he needs to see it as cheating. As for what happens, it can be as "light" as no touching, or it can be as heavy as BJ and HJs. It all depends on the area in which you live. The "norm" is usually some hand touching her body and alot of "grinding" from her on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Touching or not. It is insulting and disrespectful toward the woman a man is (getting) married to. I don't even know why he is discussing that with you if he already knows you disapprove. Respect, where are you? And you aren't even married yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tina72 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Share Posted January 12, 2010 Thanks. I'm well aware of the grinding. So...being a guy...can you tell me honestly what you guys really get out of this stuff? Yes, there's the obvious turn on and what not...but don't you get that from your sweetie?? Let me just say that my fiance is certainly not lacking anything from me in that department, we are both quite satisfied. So fine, go to these places and look, no big deal, we all like to look at a hot girl/guy, but touch?? I just don't get why a more than satisfied man would need to do this, and more importantly, not respect how his fiance feels about it. If you see it as cheating, then he needs to see it as cheating. As for what happens, it can be as "light" as no touching, or it can be as heavy as BJ and HJs. It all depends on the area in which you live. The "norm" is usually some hand touching her body and alot of "grinding" from her on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tina72 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Share Posted January 12, 2010 That's my whole point. If I am doing something that I truly see as innocent, but I know how much it is hurting him, I'm not going to do it. Period. Touching or not. It is insulting and disrespectful toward the woman a man is (getting) married to. I don't even know why he is discussing that with you if he already knows you disapprove. Respect, where are you? And you aren't even married yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Exactly. Tell him exactly that. And keep us posted. I am curious what further attempts of explaining he comes up with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tina72 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Share Posted January 12, 2010 I already have. He said it's completely innocent and that I'm way overreacting and it's about principals. I said nice to see that your principals are w/touching other girls, rather than holding on to the relationshiop that we've both worked so hard for (long story but it was a long road getting together). I told him to have fun w/his principals and we haven't spoken since. That was Sunday night. And we live together...w/my 2 kids and his 1. Exactly. Tell him exactly that. And keep us posted. I am curious what further attempts of explaining he comes up with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tina72 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Share Posted January 12, 2010 He is a person who believes very strongly in his beliefs and will stand by them, right or wrong, b/c that's what he believes in. It takes a lot to prove to him that he's wrong...and when he finally gets it, he'll be very good about admitting it and accepting it. But that happens about 2% of the time. So he feels that he loves me w/all his heart...and believe me, he has proven to me time and time again how much he does in many ways...but his beliefs are his beliefs so, w/that said...his feeling is this...I'm doing nothing wrong b/c my heart is w/you, it's simple touching, no actual fooling around, and nobody is going to tell me what to do. So in essence, he's choosing his beliefs (wrong as they are) over me. And you cannot even imagine what the 2 of us have put into this relationship...to throw it away just kills me. Wow, this one's touchy (ouch, no pun intended). This is something pretty important to iron out before the wedding. You seem to be really working on it, including trying to evaluate your own thoughts/opinions/attitudes. Good for you! Totally agree that if you're offended by it all (and I'm with you on that), he should respect and honor that. Who exactly is "expecting" this kind of thing? What about what you are expecting? Is he prepared to choose this other person (or people) over you already? It could be difficult for him, but he should be able to stand up against "expectations" when it counts. Hope you guys can get talking about this again! Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Completely different area. But, I had my bachelor party on the Gold Coast in Australia. You can touch boobs, butt, anywhere on the girl... things you can't do: - Touch inner thigh / vag - Put fingers in her mouth - Get close to her stinkhole - Put your mouth on her - Thrust, or pull her harder onto you when she's grinding Ahh, good times. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tina72 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 Thanks for clarifying. That's about what I figured. Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Thanks. I'm well aware of the grinding. So...being a guy...can you tell me honestly what you guys really get out of this stuff? Yes, there's the obvious turn on and what not...but don't you get that from your sweetie?? Let me just say that my fiance is certainly not lacking anything from me in that department, we are both quite satisfied. So fine, go to these places and look, no big deal, we all like to look at a hot girl/guy, but touch?? I just don't get why a more than satisfied man would need to do this, and more importantly, not respect how his fiance feels about it. It depends upon the management and law enforcement presence in a particular club or the political jurisdiction on which it operates. Realize that in the long history of prostitution before science was able to provide useful contraceptives and society, meaning the customers accepted their use prostitutes satisfied many of their clients by grinding it wasn't all HJs and BJs during that part of the month. Remember kids at high school parties and dances where not grinding back then. Unlike "prostitutes" who are paid by the act, strippers are paid by the song (time) and in my area it was common for her to receive the bonus of an extra song should she grind her customer to orgasm. Strippers who would grind to orgasim, even if they didn't technically engage in prostitution, direct HJs in the VIP room for example, were known as "high milage" as in every customers milage will vary. However stripper and PL slang may have changed in the 10 years I have been away. It doesn't matter how satisfied a man is at home, part of him still wants sex with other women. The bachelor party tradition has it roots in a socially acceptable forum for a man to have his last legal chance at another woman. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Well, its nice that your fiance has such strong beliefs and principals. Certainly he doesn't hold you to a different set. If there is nothing wrong with watching strippers and touching them then you should plan your own little party. Invite some guys over while he's doing his thing and give them a little show and do some bumping and grinding of your own. Maybe he would be interested in watching since this is something he believes so strongly in. Link to post Share on other sites
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