Second Chances: Expectations vs. Reality...

[WiseOne1]

Did we watch the same movie? While she did indeed say that, her actions would clearly lead one to believe otherwise (the conversation after the pancake argument is one example). If you can get past some of the semantics, this movie is indeed a good example of what many go through here.

 

 

 

IMHO, If red flags are not observed in the very beginning, it is after the relationship is over, and logic stops getting its ass kicked by emotion, that they get attention again.

 

Don't get me wrong, it was still a EXCELLENT post on how our minds work here on loveshack, its a great example and reflects on us guys and girls on loveshack.

 

However, she blantly though, maybe actually more than 5 times said she just wants to be FRIENDS, at this point, the guy should have not let emotions gotten attached, it's not like she did this after months or years, she said it within the first 30 days of the relationship "Just Friends"

 

Even after the pancake argument she still BLANTLY showed Red Flags and said eventually that were.....friends.

 

Bassically what happened is the guy believed that they "did not need a label", he was under the influence that they were unsaid BF and GF, he and her were still doing everything a dating couple would do, just not with the label.

[sean1970]

Bassically what happened is the guy believed that they "did not need a label", he was under the influence that they were unsaid BF and GF, he and her were still doing everything a dating couple would do, just not with the label.

 

Good point... I had forgotten about that.

 

You could tell that this guy (like many of us here) are unable to save ourselves from ourselves when it gets to the point where he was.

 

However, she blantly though, maybe actually more than 5 times said she just wants to be FRIENDS

 

This may be a stretch but her saying those things was also a way, I believe, that the writer/director kept you caring about her. Otherwise, the audience would just shrug her off as a cold hearted bitch.

Edited January 14, 2010 by sean1970

[WiseOne1]

Good point... I had forgotten about that.

 

You could tell that this guy (like many of us here) are unable to save ourselves from ourselves when it gets to the point where he was.

 

This may be a stretch but her saying those things was also a way, I believe, that the writer/director kept you caring about her. Otherwise, people would just shrug her off as a cold hearted bitch.

 

100% agree, it did keep you interested in the movie, and also I agree, by that time that she really started voicing that she only wanted to be FRIENDS, it was too late, he was already into her, and she still did allow him at times or send mixed signals that he was indeed her bf.

 

I know for a fact that women do that, I had a "female friend" I use to mess with during the last 3 months, she BLANTLY told me maybe 8 times she only wanted to be friends, and I did just that, we talked on the phone and had sex and that was it, at times she started to act as if I was her bf, like getting jealous or saying don't ever hurt me, I was like????

A couple of days ago before that she was talking like a pimp or something, and then her EX BF comes back...GOSH, luckly I listended to her and took her RED FLAGS...

 

I mean she was writing love letters and everything, but at the same time saying were still friends...it felt soooooo good to dodge a bullet for once.

 

Now me and her still talk daily without any emotions or problems with eachother, because I followed the RED Flags, and she was like are you mad, as if she was wondering why I didn't fall in love with her.

Edited January 14, 2010 by WiseOne1

[dreamer84]

omg i need to watch this movie...

 

how many of yall asked your friends to try a sexual act with you and buy a sex toy? cause thats what happened to me and when it came down after a few days of nothing i finally asked "so you changed your mind on the sex?" "I want to preserve the friendship"

 

 

really?

 

after saying you were my wife, and hugging up on me?

 

but we just friends...im sure we all have phone sex with our friends.

 

in the words of my homie "bitch wasn't actin like no damn friend"

Edited January 15, 2010 by dreamer84

[WiseOne1]

omg i need to watch this movie...

 

how many of yall asked your friends to try a sexual act with you and buy a sex toy? cause thats what happened to me and when it came down after a few days of nothing i finally asked "so you changed your mind on the sex?" "I want to preserve the friendship"

 

 

really?

 

after saying you were my wife, and hugging up on me?

 

but we just friends...im sure we all have phone sex with our friends.

 

in the words of my homie "bitch wasn't actin like no damn friend"

 

You had phone sex with one of your female friends?

[Oh Moe]

Guess the 15 year diff with my ex would be considered a Red Clippership Sail then

 

Who knows about age my ex and I were 11 years different, physically and as far as what we did/interest no problem.

Not until after did I see her maturity (responsibility) level was and is of a 20 year old not a 35 year old.

[dreamer84]

You had phone sex with one of your female friends?

 

 

lol no. in case you missed, i am gay...this is a female i have been dealing with...but no...if a chick i only thought about as a friend, i defn would NOT have phone sex with her...ew...we're friends...means im not attracted to you

[Soul Bear]

It's only natural to keep thinking about second chances while you fo through the healing process. As long as you are aware that the thought of a second chance is NOT reality, but just something you are feeling and is part of the process.

 

Dont act on it, just let the thought be and pass through you and learn from what it is telling you. NEVER FORGET what the reality is. Reality is that you can and will do better, and that you will be the best you, you can possibly be when you really ar over it.

[happy again]

If i never gave my wife a second chance we would not have known the happiness we have now, please check this site it has all the answers

[Mik12]

If i never gave my wife a second chance we would not have known the happiness we have now, please check this site it has all the answers

 

Spaaaaammmmmm someone delete this crap before he actually makes a buck. Are you really that broke?

[Soul Bear]

Spaaaaammmmmm someone delete this crap before he actually makes a buck. Are you really that broke?

 

I would assume most people who come on here are going to know that that crap doesn't work.

And if it ever does (but it does not) it's not for long term anyway, and here is why.

 

 

 

Because they have left you for a reason.

They have grown/changed vibration/gone further up the one way ladder of life and self discovery.

 

You have not grown or changed yourself, you are still there in that old relationship, therefor the problems are still there on your part. You are still that person.

 

IF they came back to you, for some odd reason they would not stay with you for long, as 'get your ex back' gimiks are playing mind games that will only destroy YOU. They would leave you again after hours,days or weeks because you have not grown at all. You have not changed.

Self Change only comes with pain, reflection then time.

 

That's when you start to see that no contact is the only way to go (sometimes we start NC to try and 'win back' but that is also a mind game, but not on them, only on you, which you soon realise is NOT REALITY!!!!).-

You start to enjoy life again and eventually dont care whether you hear from them or not. You learn so much about yourself, and start to realise that you are worth better than that. Their loss. You are making them a priority- They make you an option- would you want to make anyone a priority that only made you an option?

 

And the the bottom line of it is- The next one is always better.

 

 

Stay In Reality Kids

Edited January 16, 2010 by Soul Bear

[happy again]

I would assume most people who come on here are going to know that that crap doesn't work.

And if it ever does (but it does not) it's not for long term anyway, and here is why.

Because they have left you for a reason.

They have grown/changed vibration/gone further up the one way ladder of life and self discovery.

You have not grown or changed yourself, you are still there in that old relationship, therefor the problems are still there on your part. You are still that person.

 

How wrong you are!! you have obviously lost someone or you wouldn't be so bitter, and its probably your 'know it all' attitude that prevented you from learning what made your partner unhappy, which is why she (or he) left you, everyone changes in life and you have to change the way you think or you will get left behind, im just trying to share what i learned so that people can experience the feeling of happiness that i have, there is no 'THE ONE', but if you are willing to work and change the right way you might find the happiness that you deserve, if you dont try you can only blame yourself...

[dreamer84]

its just a chance type thing, just because people break up...doesn't ALWAYS means its for good or its never going to happen....my parents are the prime example...they dated broke up...and ended up together with me and my bro...so sometimes...just sometimes it can happen...is it alot...no...but it can happen...i mean sometimes people do take breaks in relationships depending on the the situationa nd come back...like i could have been with my partner since i was 15 and im like now 22 and want to experience things without them...say i break it off go do my thing and realize hmmm i love them...andcome back....it happens...im not going to complelely down it.

 

but you shouldn't EXPECT it to work...its a risk just like getting with them in the first place

[Soul Bear]

How wrong you are!! you have obviously lost someone or you wouldn't be so bitter, and its probably your 'know it all' attitude that prevented you from learning what made your partner unhappy, which is why she (or he) left you, everyone changes in life and you have to change the way you think or you will get left behind, im just trying to share what i learned so that people can experience the feeling of happiness that i have, there is no 'THE ONE', but if you are willing to work and change the right way you might find the happiness that you deserve, if you dont try you can only blame yourself...

 

:lmao::lmao: LOLLLL

 

I don't consider myself bitter at all!! hahaha, you really don't know me very well. I lost someone at one point yes, but the only person I had truly lost was myself! The only reason I am on LS now is to give back to the community that helped me.

Not to make money...bud.

 

The cheating person I lost and 'made so upset' is loooong gone, I have no bitterness or sadness in my heart, I have a new love and things have been great with her. So please, before you accuse people of being bitter, get your facts straight and my story! I don't want to see anyone give away money to some drivel dishing out false hope.

 

My 'know it all attitude' is merely my view on the situation, and from my personal experience, what I have learned personally for me, and time on LS.

 

I can understand why you would want to make out that my personal opinion is wrong and that im 'bitter', and that is because you want to SELL your program to people. People are not idiots, bud. And the idiots that do buy 'Get your ex back' jokes, will not be idiots for very long.

 

Don't come on here dishing out false hope to people. 99% of the time they will only make a complete fool out of themselves.

 

If you have 'advice' to give, and want to help people ( as opposed to helping your own pocket) then give it here, but don't go on here to promote your money making scams by praying on the weak. Poor show.

 

Ask any seasoned person on here, they will all tell you the same thing, because we have tried it and seen peoples experiences over the time- IT DOES NOT WORK. And if it does work, it wont last because the problems are still there, as stated in my post.

 

if you are willing to work and change the right way you might find the happiness that you deserve, if you dont try you can only blame yourself. You said it yourself! DO IT THE RIGHT WAY!!! Playing mind games like GYEXB is NOT the right way.

 

Move On Folks!!

[Nuala83]

Hi SB,

 

Long time no speak! Good to hear you're with someone else now. Yeah I agree with what you're saying about how gimmicky get your ex back programmes don't work though it took a loooong time for me to realise that (I looked into all of them).

 

However there's a lot of free advice out there and once you seperate the wheat from the chaff (and spend a good few months doing everything wrong!), that good advice can really help you through. Unfortunately the best pieces of advice don't sell because the truth hurts. Sometimes the things you have to do are the hardest things to do. And the idea that any 'get your ex back' plan can instantly put a stop to the pain you're feeling right now is laughable!

 

Unfortunately a lot of people on here are desperate and don't have their best thinking heads on (not intended as an insult, I was that way for months and months) so they'll dish out the cash for a 20 page e-book written by some charlatan, costing 5 times the price it's actually worth.

 

Don't give them your money. If you do want to read these books (and I can see why you would), scout around on these forums and see who already has them. Or download them illegally. Not something I would normally advise but I see nothing ethically wrong in stealing from these crooks.

 

Oh and I'd just like to point out that second chances do happen (I'm back with my ex) but they're a complicated business and there's no chance whatsoever of it happening and working out long term until you can learn to keep your composure, take some time away from them to sort your head out and work on any stuff that perhaps is missing in your life. That advice might not sound like much but I recommend it.

[selena_cat]

Maybe i'm a simpleton-ia but i see a pattern with this movie/posts people's feelings, guy falls in love with girl who really doesnt want him,and after she repeatedly rejects him. And the same goes with girls too,falling,pining for the hard to get,unavailable in every which way possible guy. The old adage we all want what we cannot have. I realize that is the only way to keep someone interested is Not be that interested in them. Love is never a balance,so what we should figure out is how to make it a balance or opt out for a more rewarding relationship,but this is LS,so its impossible to do that.

Edited January 18, 2010 by selena_cat

[Beeotch]

I personally believe... if given a second chance at the entire situation of our relationships... we'd all still go through the relationships the EXACT same way... b/c our exes WOULD NOT HAVE CHANGED.

 

Unless you cheated... or did something REALLY ****ing stupid... IMO, you did nothing wrong... they had the problem.

 

Lol what you are saying is completely unrealistic. Everyone's ex has a problem but they don't? Right.

 

Anyway, the reality is that second chances are sometimes possible and it really depends on the nature of the relationship and other factors.

 

However, it is up to each of us to discern if our former relationship can be renewed or if we should move on. I also strongly feel that moving on should be our FIRST goal and if something should be rekindled we will be lead in that direction down the road....but if from day one of the break up until 2 years later all we think of is renewing the relationship, we never grow as people and our lives are consumed with getting our exes back...most likely that will be a disaster. I think ONLY after both people have grown and received clarity and have successfully lived their lives a part can a second chance be more likely to work...and ofcourse BOTH have to want it.

[Beeotch]

I would assume most people who come on here are going to know that that crap doesn't work.

And if it ever does (but it does not) it's not for long term anyway, and here is why.

 

 

 

Because they have left you for a reason.

They have grown/changed vibration/gone further up the one way ladder of life and self discovery.

 

You have not grown or changed yourself, you are still there in that old relationship, therefor the problems are still there on your part. You are still that person.

 

IF they came back to you, for some odd reason they would not stay with you for long, as 'get your ex back' gimiks are playing mind games that will only destroy YOU. They would leave you again after hours,days or weeks because you have not grown at all. You have not changed.

Self Change only comes with pain, reflection then time.

 

That's when you start to see that no contact is the only way to go (sometimes we start NC to try and 'win back' but that is also a mind game, but not on them, only on you, which you soon realise is NOT REALITY!!!!).-

You start to enjoy life again and eventually dont care whether you hear from them or not. You learn so much about yourself, and start to realise that you are worth better than that. Their loss. You are making them a priority- They make you an option- would you want to make anyone a priority that only made you an option?

 

And the the bottom line of it is- The next one is always better.

 

 

Stay In Reality Kids

 

 

So very true...particularly the bolded aspect.

 

What I have learned is that through harsh experience and pain and hurt is when the MOST change comes and in a positive way too.

 

I think it is natural to be angry and upset at our exes and to be hyperfocused on them but you get to a point where you see the lessons in the situation for YOURSELF and NC gives you that time to focus on yourself and to really grow. The poster that said the exes have a problem has clearly not gotten to the stage of self-focus and I think the whole experience is futile and a waste if one never stops being bitter and if one never takes the bad and make something good out of it.

 

 

Thankfully for a while now I have been at the point where my ex and his mistakes, wrongs and so forth are not the driving force in my life but doing me and working on me are. I may not have did anything particularly "wrong" but that didn't mean there wasn't anything for me to learn --- I have learned a lot and am continuously learning and loving where I am going.

[LoveOrb]

I personally believe... if given a second chance at the entire situation of our relationships... we'd all still go through the relationships the EXACT same way... b/c our exes WOULD NOT HAVE CHANGED.

 

Unless you cheated... or did something REALLY ****ing stupid... IMO, you did nothing wrong... they had the problem.

 

It took some very logical and deep understanding of MYSELF to understand why I was dumped twice by the same woman I love.

 

I now know that it really was MAINLY me that was an issue and I had to look very hard to see how much of an ******* I was in the relationship. Amazingly enough some of the things I did as an ******* weren't her main problems with me, and I know what those are. I'm taking this time of NC (it can't be permanent, we own a business together and she literally can't bypass me in it) to make the changes that I know I need to make. If these are good enough and she isn't taken by then, I'm going for what I see as my last chance. I don't in many ways deserve it, but if she's willing to give me another go, I'll insure that I stick by my word and work on myself from now till we are old and wrinkled .

 

 

Ps. Neither of us cheated and there was no physical abuse in the relationship.