Four years, and she says she doesn't love me anymore.

[Caleb]

So something that bothers me for real... is that while I'm doing this no contact. How do I know that while I'm taking this no contact thing going, how do I know that it's not helping her move on too?

[broncosfrk83]

Gah dang dude, ur story is just like mine its amazing. Check out my thread titled "Ex". Im thinking the same thing. U would think if they broke up with u, no contact would be exactly what they want. I still am afriad that everything im doing to get her back is only pushing her away more. But like everyone has said, How can she miss something thats there. im in the same boat as u bro, im just a little ahead of u, ive been 3 days no contact and it does suck. I never believed people but its true, this time makes u think and as days go by you start to remember more and more of the bad times. Just please stay no contact, if they want us back they will come back. I know i wish i could make my ex come back but i want her to come back on her own and to want to be with me 100%. I agree though if she does come back im going to really have to think if i want her back, she has soooo much explaining to do

[Caleb]

I just went through and read your story and comments. Honestly dude I can't give you any advice when I need some myself haha. I guess we will wait and see what Sean and Grupp have to say.

[WiseOne1]

So something that bothers me for real... is that while I'm doing this no contact. How do I know that while I'm taking this no contact thing going, how do I know that it's not helping her move on too?

 

Like I said on "broncosfrk83" thread, its very confusing, but its the exact opposite, you would think that it would make them forget about you easier, however it doesn't. NC tends to take a toll on a ex's mind, there mind is constantly wondering on your every thought and move, but it's rarely a good thing.

 

Ex's will at times attempt to break NC just to satisfy there needs, it's true that it might make her miss you and even reconsider her decision, however it's barely enough to make her decide that she wants you back.

 

Life experiences govern rather she wants you back or not, such as a new guy being a jerk, the grass not being greener, never finding a relationship like the 2 of you had, or just plain on maturity.

"Her being jealous can also cause this effect, however it's only temporary"

[Caleb]

So you're saying NC makes her wonder and think... but it's not going to get her back?

[broncosfrk83]

Yea thats what he is saying. We can do whatever we want to get our ex back but the ONLY thing that will make them come back is something from their end. Like he said she might not find what she is looking for, or there still is that chance that through all of this she thought u werent what she wanted but this alone time has shown her that she misses u like crazy and could make her reconsider what she has been thinking all along. This sometimes is just wishful thinking. The best thing for me has to really believe that if its meant to be it will happen, but if not move on. I continue to think about my ex all day but it does get easier with time.

[bluestraps]

Youre never gonna know what shes thinking ,Ive done the same thing in my situation, No contact waiting for her to regret her decision . Im still waiting just about 4 months later .

[DenverBachelor]

Any suggestions would be awesome yall. Is there a chance things with me and her could work out? If so what do I need to do. Please help me, I'm desperate for answers.

 

Thanks, Caleb

 

I've always been a city slicker myself, but love is a universal condition, right?

 

Anyway, Sean pretty much said everything that needs saying but I will add my own views. Regardless of why she left you, she did. You mentioned your best friend's passing (sorry for your loss) and if that had anything to do with her leaving, then you have to ask yourself if she's just going to be a "fair-weather girlfriend."

 

When things get thick, the weaker ones will tend to bail out. A lot of people approach relationships with the mentality that they're supposed to give you warm feelings all the time and when things encounter rough spots, many will bail out.

 

You sound like a great guy and seem to have your head screwed on right. You will find other women out there that will make your ex pale in comparison. I know you don't see that now in your current position, but you just need to keep faith in yourself and push on with your own goals and passions. It may take a few months to get back to a point where you feel that fire again inside, but it will grow.

 

We always leave a little of ourselves behind in every failed relationship but we also take a little of them, too. That's a part of the journey. It's a part of the victory within the defeat, and a little bit of the defeat within the victory. We did love, we did share -- but they left. We can't control their decision but only our reactions to it. Eventually you get tired of reacting and become proactive. That's when you know you're well on your way.

 

 

As to your question of whether the grass really is greener when they leave. Well, it doesn't matter any more what they think of the grass. Of course it looks greener when they leave or else they would not have left. The more relationships you have, the more you realize it isn't so much is that woman or guy better than you but more so what they needed in their life at that particular point in time. People grow out of relationships all the time because their needs change and they no longer feel their new needs being met by the same old guy or girl that's been with them thus far. It sucks, but that's life. We're all on a crazy path with storms all around us.

[Caleb]

Man you are all right right.

 

Bleustrap... what happened with you guys? Did you think the no contact would work?

 

DenerBach... you put in some good words there man. I guess I'm at the point, unfortunately, where I still have this ounce of hope left in me that she will miss me. I keep replaying things in my head over and over. The last time I spoke to her and saw her was Tuesday night. When of course we had our whole discussion about this. I didn't see her Monday at all, only texted her. She made a comment that Tuesday, that it had been wonderful not having to see me or hear from me. But she is th one who texted me and asked if I wanted to take her to class. She wants to stay friends, and I told her that I can't do that, it hurts too much. She kinda started crying and little bit. I went to leave and she said she wanted a hug. We hugged for a good solid minute, and she said I would be ok. I said to her exactly before I left, "Listen I'm about to break the golden rule, but if you ever change your mind, you let me know." That's what I left her with, she said of course. And that is what I'm sitting on, with maybe this hope that she will miss me. That she will want to work on things like she did not too long ago. I love this girl, a lot. And if I can't have her, I have to at least get to the point where I can see her and not feel any emotion. I need her in my life as a friend. When I cheated on her, she took three weeks with no contact from me regardless that I called/txt and what not. But in the end she said she had moved on but needed me as a friend in her life. And sure enough, I crawled back like a bitch when I heard the two words, "moved on." So these are the thoughts I have going through my head. Help me out yall.

[sean1970]

Bleustrap... what happened with you guys? Did you think the no contact would work?

 

NC 'works' for you, not the relationship. It is pure gravy if it gets the ex back. If you learn anything here, that has to be it.

 

And that is what I'm sitting on, with maybe this hope that she will miss me. That she will want to work on things like she did not too long ago.

 

She will miss you; it just has to be more than that for it to work.

 

I love this girl, a lot. And if I can't have her, I have to at least get to the point where I can see her and not feel any emotion.

 

Takes a long time if it ever happens Caleb.

 

I need her in my life as a friend..

 

"Caleb, I need to talk to you about something... You know me and I need some advice.. There is this guy..." That kind of friend Caleb? Thats going to be ok with you? That is why NC is for you Caleb; to protect yourself, heal, become stronger through self reflection and growth. NC purely to get the ex back is a wasted effort.

[Caleb]

I know I know you're right. But what about those guys who give him with the NC, what about those guys who go do a visit to chat and in the long run it helped them out? This girl I am dealing with can be hardheaded and I feel like deal with the no contact. I feel her mind is made up. It sucks that I couldn't meet this girl two years from now. So that she could have dated other people and seen what else is out there. But instead I'm stuck in the middle, hoping that she doesn't need that to continue this relationship. I know it's all wrong, but it's the way I feel.

[sean1970]

This girl I am dealing with can be hardheaded and I feel like deal with the no contact.

 

No one is more stubborn than my ex... She contacted me multiple times. The thing that sucked (and will suck for you) is that it was to satiate her feelings, her guilt, had nothing to do with getting back together.

[Caleb]

Damn. Well I guess until some time passes... you can call me Mr. False Hope. Because I still have those strings in my heart, but I'm doing the no contact. Without you guys here to support and remind me, things would be back to how they were, me begging and crying. I'm going to improve myself during this time, but I still have that hope that she will want to work things out. And sometimes it does, but sometimes it doesn't. It's the later that I'm scared of.

[sean1970]

I'm going to improve myself during this time, but I still have that hope that she will want to work things out. And sometimes it does, but sometimes it doesn't. It's the later that I'm scared of.

 

Good... and its likely that you will redefine what "work things out" means during the process...

[Caleb]

So hit a bump in the road today walking on campus to get to another class. I saw her, but thank God she didn't see me. She was walking with a girlfriend, probably from one of her classes. It made my heart jump through my stomach to my throat. I also noticed that we got out of class at the same time, and somehow she manged to get to her car before me because unfortunately I saw her car this morning as well. It seemed as if she went out of her way to not run into me, meaning she walked to her car and did not take the bus. Is that a good sign, a bad sign, or mean nothing at all?

[sean1970]

So hit a bump in the road today walking on campus to get to another class. I saw her, but thank God she didn't see me. She was walking with a girlfriend, probably from one of her classes. It made my heart jump through my stomach to my throat. I also noticed that we got out of class at the same time, and somehow she manged to get to her car before me because unfortunately I saw her car this morning as well. It seemed as if she went out of her way to not run into me, meaning she walked to her car and did not take the bus. Is that a good sign, a bad sign, or mean nothing at all?

 

Bad sign that you are looking for signs... Your focus is not where it needs to be Caleb... on you...

[Caleb]

I know Sean.... it's so hard though. Today seems harder than yesterday.

[Zeegagge]

I'm telling you, us southern guys fall hard.

 

Georgia right here and don't I know it!

 

Ladies, if you ever want a man to love you like you've never been loved before then come on down and find yourself a southern gentlemen!

(notice I didn't say redneck, try and avoid whiskey bottles being thrown at your head)

[Caleb]

Haha hey man. And yeah, this girl is slowly killing me.

[Caleb]

She called me... to let me know the guy she's been texting might be coming down to stay with her for the weekend.

[sean1970]

She called me... to let me know the guy she's been texting might be coming down to stay with her for the weekend.

 

Caleb... I know its tough... No pain like this makes sense... No words really help.

 

But you have to do the heavy lifting here. You can stop the addition to this pain and deal with what you already have.

[broncosfrk83]

Wow bro im sry. Words wont help, but you will get through this. Ur so much better than her trust me. Her mistakes will make you be able to look out for them and avoid them in the future, so overall ur going to find someone ten times better. It seems like it will be a long time but when least expect it something will happen.

[Caleb]

I sent her a text and said "please don't make a stupid mistake, you just met the guy, this isn't like you." She said "listen it's none of your business, but I didn't say he would be here for sure, I said he MIGHT be coming."

[sean1970]

I sent her a text and said "please don't make a stupid mistake, you just met the guy, this isn't like you." She said "listen it's none of your business, but I didn't say he would be here for sure, I said he MIGHT be coming."

 

Caleb, she is not the same person anymore... You are talking to a stranger right now... Believe me, you dont want to debate her on what she is doing. There is no mirror you are going to hold up that she will look into...

 

For you sake, please stop texting her... If it makes it feel better, tell yourself, "Ok, for 48 hours, I wont..."

[Zeegagge]

Caleb, hang in there bro. I'm not in much of a place to give advice right now. Well, I can say this, I been out of my relationship a little longer than you have, and Im feeling a little better. Only place I can go is up. It takes time but things will work out. You are definitely not alone in feeling this way, as Im sure youve learned being here on the shack.