Four years, and she says she doesn't love me anymore.

[Caleb]

Thanks for all the support yall. This just really sucks. I'm glad I'm at home though, I'd be flipping out if I were at school in my apartment. I just can't imagine another guy sleeping with her. Makes me want to vomit.

[sean1970]

Thanks for all the support yall. This just really sucks. I'm glad I'm at home though, I'd be flipping out if I were at school in my apartment. I just can't imagine another guy sleeping with her. Makes me want to vomit.

 

If she is able to tell you that she is with someone else like she did, be glad she is someone else's problem now... Caleb, it was just ****ing rude.

[Caleb]

So figured I'd be nice this morning. Sent her a text saying "Just wanted to say good morning and I hope you have a great day." Haven't heard anything back from her all day. What's up with that? I'm going no contact, my heart can't take it anymore. She obviously needs to see what else is out there and there is nothing I can do to stop it. It hurts, but I love her enough to set her free.

[ella23]

So figured I'd be nice this morning. Sent her a text saying "Just wanted to say good morning and I hope you have a great day." Haven't heard anything back from her all day. What's up with that? I'm going no contact, my heart can't take it anymore. She obviously needs to see what else is out there and there is nothing I can do to stop it. It hurts, but I love her enough to set her free.

NC means you shouldn't be texting her. I know you're still hoping that she comes back, but you have to move on. Yes, it's painful, but you have to do it.

[sweetbaby23]

can i just say... i was with my ex for 4 years. i loved him so much. even through the hard times. he didnt tell me he didnt love me. i could see it in the way he treated me and the way he didnt look at me anymore. i felt i deserved better and thought to move on even though, like you, i had pictured my whole life with him. he was the one i wanted to marry and have children with. i just couldnt bare to think i should stay with someone who didnt want me. i had to move on and let it go. i burried it so deep. moved on to different relationships. and now 1 1/2 years later my ex has called me. told me hes realized how much he messed up and how much he misses me and how he wants to see me. he said he realized he took me for granted and now has more time available for me. he sound so sincere as he told me he thinks about me every night and how i was able to move on. and all though i thought i had moved in.. in a totally different relationship... and now here i am. confused as all hell... the love of my life has come back to me and has said everything ive ever wanted him to say to me. now... just what do i do? do i take him back so easily??

 

well any how... they say if you set something free and it comes back to you then its yours. maybe u gotta let her fly her wings a little bit and if its meant to be, shell come back to you.

 

good luck!

[HLP234]

I would try as hard as I can to move on. I am doing that now after my ex left me. I had so many plans for us but apparently she did not want to think about anything but herself.

 

Its tough but there is nothing in your control now except to make yourself better. You never know when she will realize what she did was a mistake, but hopefully by that time you have moved on and noticed that you deserve better. If not, its up to you if you want to take them back, but for that both of you would have to set up compromises and lay everything out. Which usually means it won't be the same as the first time, especially if you still hurt by then.

[carnegie]

can i just say... i was with my ex for 4 years. i loved him so much. even through the hard times. he didnt tell me he didnt love me. i could see it in the way he treated me and the way he didnt look at me anymore. i felt i deserved better and thought to move on even though, like you, i had pictured my whole life with him. he was the one i wanted to marry and have children with. i just couldnt bare to think i should stay with someone who didnt want me. i had to move on and let it go. i burried it so deep. moved on to different relationships. and now 1 1/2 years later my ex has called me. told me hes realized how much he messed up and how much he misses me and how he wants to see me. he said he realized he took me for granted and now has more time available for me. he sound so sincere as he told me he thinks about me every night and how i was able to move on. and all though i thought i had moved in.. in a totally different relationship... and now here i am. confused as all hell... the love of my life has come back to me and has said everything ive ever wanted him to say to me. now... just what do i do? do i take him back so easily??

 

well any how... they say if you set something free and it comes back to you then its yours. maybe u gotta let her fly her wings a little bit and if its meant to be, shell come back to you.

 

good luck!

sweetbaby, Im in the same situation. My Ex broke up with me, and after 1 month I life with sadness, i decided to move on and go NC, but I still be polite with her and one day, she told me she want to come back. But I was taking it too easily. At that time (3 months ago), I didnt think about "she can dump me once, why cant she do it again?". I accept her and try everything I could to show her my love (so WRONG). And one day, she again dumped me "bc I dont wanna love anymore. You're good guy, but Im sorry". At first, I also think "set her free, and if she comes back then she's mine". but the question is "does she really come back?". That girl is the same one i have loved before?

So I believe in dont take it too easily. People want things they cannot hold in their hand.

Good luck!

[Caleb]

Thanks for all the encouragement. It's nice to see that there are others out there who are going through or who have went through the same hurts and pains I'm feeling right now. Sweetbaby, I do agree with you and that's what I'm hurting so bad to do right now. Is set her free. In the meantime I have to focus on myself. Which is so hard because I'm always concerned about her and wanting to help her. I made it clear in the last text message i sent her last night that said something of the nature... "I get the point since you never replied to my one text today. I'm going to step back to give you your time and space that I respect. You know I love you and care for you, and as bad at his hurts and as bad as I'm confused, I'm going to let you have your time. Let me know if/when you figure you out."

[ella23]

Thanks for all the encouragement. It's nice to see that there are others out there who are going through or who have went through the same hurts and pains I'm feeling right now. Sweetbaby, I do agree with you and that's what I'm hurting so bad to do right now. Is set her free. In the meantime I have to focus on myself. Which is so hard because I'm always concerned about her and wanting to help her. I made it clear in the last text message i sent her last night that said something of the nature... "I get the point since you never replied to my one text today. I'm going to step back to give you your time and space that I respect. You know I love you and care for you, and as bad at his hurts and as bad as I'm confused, I'm going to let you have your time. Let me know if/when you figure you out."

Good. Now leave it at that. Don't try to contact her again, so that you can start healing.

[carnegie]

Good. Now leave it at that. Don't try to contact her again, so that you can start healing.

Totally fully agree with you, and Caleb now it's your time. Your true love is waiting for you. If you just pay attention to the closed door, how can you see another door is opening, another chance is waiting?

[Caleb]

Thanks yall. And I know you're right. But there will always be someone else out there. The sad part is... I honestly wanted her to be the one. And she used to want me to be the one. And now that she's graduating in the next semester, she feels she hasn't got to experience what else is out there. Which honestly, she hasn't. I dated others before I met her, she is very home bodied and didn't get out there. And now she seems to be moving on so fast. This guy that she has known for some time, they were only friends and maybe catch up with each other once a year. Now she's been talking to him, he lives about six hours away. She has told him he could come down for a weekend. How? Why? Does she seem to be moving on so fast. I really hope after some time she realizes she misses me and wants to be with me. But she seems to be taking this so easily.

[sweetbaby23]

maybe shes needs to go through this for herself. let her go. let her do her thing and try to forget about her. i know its hard. trust me. you cant just sit around waiting for her. i think you should stop texting her and calling her. honestly, it might just be annoying her. i read this book called "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy". i know its for a girl. but everytime i felt like i wanted to make contact i just picked up the book and read a page and it reminded me of why i shouldnt call. you dont want to annoy her, you want her to miss you, and you want her to come back on her own. because she really wants to.

[Caleb]

Oh trust me sweetbaby... after the message I sent her last night, there will be no more contact. I feel like this breakup was thought out for a while, so I know that her testing the waters is something that didn't come out of no where. I just didn't think she would start talking to this guy so soon, AND let him come visit her to spend the night! I will start improving myself. I've already lost a lot of weight, it's hard to eat when you don't have an urge to eat. The last time I talked to her on the phone she was saying she liked that guy she was talking to. She never thought she would feel this way about anyone else and whenever the future came into her head, it was with me. But now she says she doesn't love me and knows this because she actually has feelings for someone else. They say when you work on yourself and stop focusing on them, that's when they come back. I guess we'll see where the next few months take me.

[sweetbaby23]

i think thats a great idea. thats basically what happened to me. since my break up, i've come to learn the things i did wrong. how i was jealous all the time, now i feel like i dont wanna waste my time being jealous and trying to check up on him. i feel like if he wants to leave then let him leave, i deserve to have someone who loves me and wants to be with me. i got promoted in my job and moved up to management. even though its only been 1 1/2 years i feel like ive grown up so much since then. and really by this point in time, regardless if my ex came back to me or not, i didnt really care. i wasn't waiting for him anymore. i was okay and learned to live without him and just let everything go. you'll get there... trust me. its so hard now, but you'll be okay. you'll end up finding somebody who will actually treat you better. or at least make u feel better. after my break up i come to find the men only get better and better in their qualities. i know more of what i was looking for.

[Caleb]

Haha I know you're trying to make me feel better... but all I can picture is my ex saying those things about herself.

[Caleb]

So I was thinking about going a week or two without contact. Then maybe calling her up/ texting her. I don't want her to move on. Further than she already is of course.

[sweetbaby23]

sorry. dont do it. trust me. the longer the time you let go by, the longer the time she has to miss you. the more you act like u dont care, the more she'll start wondering.

[Zeegagge]

The sad part is... I honestly wanted her to be the one. And she used to want me to be the one. And now that she's graduating in the next semester, she feels she hasn't got to experience what else is out there. Which honestly, she hasn't. I dated others before I met her, she is very home bodied and didn't get out there. And now she seems to be moving on so fast.

 

Wow, my situation exactly. I really did want her to be the one and put up with a lot of crap because of it. We were engaged even. Our wedding date had been called off and last spring she was begging me every day for over a month to put the wedding back on. She was young though and had been with me so long she felt she needed to see what else was out there. I could see that in her. She's gone now and definitely seeing what's out there (dating another woman!) I just gotta get out there and and find someone else. Maybe she'd come back to me one day but I doubt it. Im hoping to not care, and soon. She's gone stateside now and Im still overseas. Maybe she'll see me when I get back and feel something. I have to get to where I don't care though. I'm on my way.

 

Caleb, you got the support of a fellow good hearted southerner right here.

[ella23]

Don't contact her again. You will come across as desperate. You have to let go so that she can actually miss you, and hopefully come back to you.

[ella23]

Why is this the case thought? If there is still love there at some sort even if the other person says they dont anymore, why not talk to them and tell them how you really feel, you talked like that in the relationship why not out? Ya know? I've stopped that behavior but I'm curious as to why?

I'm not sure I get what you're asking. Can you repeat the question?

Anyway, if he calls her again and again, he will just push her away, because right now she doesn't want to be with him. If you give her time to sort out her feelings on her own, she might feel that she misses him and would want to come back to him.

[Caleb]

Ella... I'm with you, you're right. If she's going to come back, I need to let her come back to me. I just don't understand why if she wanted to be single so she could go experience "college life" then why is she so hooked on this guy that is six hours away? Something to keep her busy? Something new and shiny? I just don't want her to base what we had on our last four months together, because I was seriously depressed and no fun to be around. And why is she such a bitch about it? Like one of my best friends died, that wasn't my fault.

 

Zeegagge... man nice to hear from a southerner! I'm telling you, these woman are going to drive us near crazy!

 

And Mountain... I totally feel you. But they say do the opposite of what you feel. And ignoring her is def. the opposite of how I feel.

 

And best of all yall... my ex from four years ago.... haha she found out I'm single and has already hit up my phone. The irony.

[ella23]

Ella... I'm with you, you're right. If she's going to come back, I need to let her come back to me. I just don't understand why if she wanted to be single so she could go experience "college life" then why is she so hooked on this guy that is six hours away? Something to keep her busy? Something new and shiny? I just don't want her to base what we had on our last four months together, because I was seriously depressed and no fun to be around. And why is she such a bitch about it? Like one of my best friends died, that wasn't my fault.

There are several possibilities. It's possible that she got 'bored' of being with the same man for four years and wanted someone new. The reason she gave you may not necessarily be the reason she actually dumped you, or maybe she was not fully honest with you. If she wasn't able to understand that your best friend's death will put you into depression, then I really don't think she's mature enough to handle a relationship. A relationship isn't going to be great forever, there will be ups and downs all the time.

 

And best of all yall... my ex from four years ago.... haha she found out I'm single and has already hit up my phone. The irony.

 

lol. Do you have any feelings for your ex?

I hope that with time you will realise that there are many great women out there, and you will one day find love again, even if it's not with this woman. It's tough right now, but with time you will heal and will be able to move on.

[Caleb]

Haha Ella... I wish you could tell her that! I believe she just wants to live it up for her last semester of college life and doesn't want to be held back. I will be surprised if she starts dating this guy, well wait, I feel like I don't even know her anymore so there is no telling. Haha and heck no! I do not have any feelings for my ex! She's a nice person and all, but it would take a lot to light that candle!

 

As of right now though... I'm just trying to act happy on my facebook status and all that. Try to show I'm strong, and I'm ok. If she ever comes back, it's not going to be from being down and dependent on her. Right?

[ella23]

Haha Ella... I wish you could tell her that! I believe she just wants to live it up for her last semester of college life and doesn't want to be held back. I will be surprised if she starts dating this guy, well wait, I feel like I don't even know her anymore so there is no telling. Haha and heck no! I do not have any feelings for my ex! She's a nice person and all, but it would take a lot to light that candle!

 

As of right now though... I'm just trying to act happy on my facebook status and all that. Try to show I'm strong, and I'm ok. If she ever comes back, it's not going to be from being down and dependent on her. Right?

 

Yes. And you don't want to come across as desperate to her. That will definitely not make her miss you. If she was not understanding about your friend, then she has a long way to go before she understands what a real serious relationship is like.

And it's possible you may not even want her later on. You might meet someone better.

Maybe you're just not ready for a relationship right now. Just relax and enjoy the single life for a while.

Also, if this is bothering you a lot and your pain is not getting better, you might want to visit a counsellor? That will help you see things more clearly and also help you in sorting out your feelings.

Also, everytime you feel the need to contact her, speak to a friend instead and release the emotions or perhaps just post here.

Edited January 18, 2010 by ella23

[Caleb]

Thanks Curlysue! That def. put a smile on my face. You seem to maybe have experienced something similar?

 

Ella.... yeah I actually have an appointment to see a psychologist Wednesday. And yeah like I said.. I feel she prob. just wants to be single and enjoy her time left in college. Time will reveal all though.