MySweetie'sGone Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 (edited) ...if I get one. I had been dating my love for a 1.5 years all LDR (3 hrs). I stayed with him through 6 months of his illness and depression. I Stayed with him while he pledged twice and had no time for me. I bought him groceries...anything he needed emotionally, physically..whatever..I gave it to him. If anything I should have dumped him, but I didnt bc I loved him. I never made him feel inadequate. Then he dumps me out of the blue because of stress. But I was the one good thing in his life, but our relationship seems to be the one thing he can control..so he ended it. I did NC for a month...A month to the day he contacted me. He was home for Christmas break. When we met it was as if we'd never been apart. i found out that he'd been asking everyone about me. He apologized for everything...told me he'd been haunted by voices of doubt regret and what ifs, said everything was his fault...but...he refuses to come back. Says he still loves me but fell out of love at the break up point bc he was overwhelmed by stress with school, being broke, being sick and depressed. WTH?? I was the only one who was there for him...I was the only one who BELIEVED he was sick. Not even his family believed him & now he's just leaving me behind. Telling me to move on bc he can't promise me anything and may come back but it won't be soon. He said he hated not being able to look in my eye and tell me that everything will be okay because he was away at school. He's still in school. i graduated in May and have a great job and I was so dedicated to him...believing that he'd be something one day and we'd be together. I dont know what to do. I still love him ...and I can't just move on..because my love was/is real. i dont know what's going on with him. Do you think he's waiting til he's in a better place? Maybe after graduation? Do dumper's ever REALLY regret? How do you know. Does anyone have a success story? Edited January 13, 2010 by MySweetie'sGone Link to post Share on other sites
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 Come on...help me out. i actually do have a success story. My ex from highschool (who dumped me bc "he didnt feel the same") now thinks we're destined to get married...but I have no interest! Link to post Share on other sites
Mik12 Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I got the my current ex back in the past. Basically we broke up fro stupid reasons like the fact that i did not have a part time job and that our schedules didnt work. So i sticked around, went NC for a couple days finally 2 1/2 months later i told her i was over it and she came running back, i took her back too easily though. Link to post Share on other sites
gaudi Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 My success story is I've doen a whole month NC as of today, and I'm proud of it !!! Caring less about her by the day! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 my success story? We started dating again, albeit long-distance, and after three years of setting my cap, we married. That was almost 18 years ago! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 Yeah I did no contact and it seemed like it was working. He came to me exactly one month later saying how bad he felt. But I pushed it I think and now he's backed off again. i think I messed up. I wonder if no contact will work again..or if he's just forgotten about me, esp since it was an LDR Link to post Share on other sites
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 my success story? We started dating again, albeit long-distance, and after three years of setting my cap, we married. That was almost 18 years ago! Quankanne, How did you get back together with your LDR? That's how we are...he even wanted to marry me. But I dont know what I should do. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 dated about six weeks while I was in college, he broke it off – to be honest, I'm not really sure why, I think he thought I wanted to get serious or something? Anyway, about a year later, he was working in my college town again, said he wanted to be with me again, so we got back together. Hit a bad patch, stopped seeing each other, but eventually decided to try again. he got called back to his out-of-state work base, and I pretty much did my best to keep in touch with him, even when he quit that job to work in Saudi during the Gulf War (the first one). He would come home every six months and buy me a plane ticket to meet up with him in Las Vegas ... the third time he did that, he drove from Florida to South Texas so we could drive to Nevada together and it came up that even though he renewed his Saudi contract, he wanted to marry me. surprised the hell out of me, because I pretty much considered him a FWB even though I was exclusively sleeping with him! we ended up eloping just before he went back overseas. only thing I can figure is that he was burned enough times by wives and girlfriends to see just how loyal I was to him, which appealed to him, so he proposed. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Says he still loves me but fell out of love at the break up point bc he was overwhelmed by stress with school, being broke, being sick and depressed. AHA! he's doing what my husband did (and sometimes still does) – he's feeling insecure about himself, so he sabotages those things that are "good" in his life because he doesn't feel worthy of them. Or something like that, faulty logic in the making! just keep on being your normal supportive self, be his friend and don't suggest that you be anything more. If he's smart (and I'm sure he is), he'll see just what a gem he has in you Link to post Share on other sites
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 Says he still loves me but fell out of love at the break up point bc he was overwhelmed by stress with school, being broke, being sick and depressed. AHA! he's doing what my husband did (and sometimes still does) – he's feeling insecure about himself, so he sabotages those things that are "good" in his life because he doesn't feel worthy of them. Or something like that, faulty logic in the making! just keep on being your normal supportive self, be his friend and don't suggest that you be anything more. If he's smart (and I'm sure he is), he'll see just what a gem he has in you Aww...thanks! That's what I thought...I just can't wrap my head around his logic. I fear that I messed up because i already asked him about making it work...even wrote him a letter (mistake i know). He continued to be caring up until he left for school...but it's been a week since he left and I haven't heard a peep from him. (I should mention he doesn't have a cell phone currently). When he came home last month for Christmas we would talk on AIM. He was hanging around all day on AIM (idle, so he wasnt talking to anyone) Monday and I have a nagging feeling that he was waiting for me to log on. During the year you broke up with your (now) hubby did you keep up contact with him? Everyone says NC so that he can see what life is like without me...but I don't know. i'm not sure if I should initiate Contact or let him...all I know is that I def do not want to find myself in the friendzone (and I def dont want to stick around in case he decides to date other people while he's away) but I don't want him to think I don't care. All i know is that we were a great couple to the point where people envied us, even though we had our rough patches and certainly weren't perfect... Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 Don't know if this will be a success story, but things are going well for now. My ex and I broke up almost half a year ago and we were in a LDR. He claimed he wanted to be free and date others, so I begrudgingly let him go. At first we tried to remain friends but when he found out I was attempting to move on and was dating someone new, we had a big fallout and didn't talk for about 4 months. For those 4 months, I swear his memory haunted me every single day. Not a day went by that I didn't think of him and how much I missed him. So about two days ago I texted him and told him I was breaking up with my boyfriend because it wasn't fair to be in love with someone still and date someone new. When I told him that the person I was still in love was him, he confessed that he'd thought of me everyday we were apart, that no girl could compare to me, he missed me, and that he was still in love with me. We're not back together or anything, but we are now talking trying to work out the past and see if it's possible for us to have a future together. He knows he's the guy I want to one day marry still, but I think he's still a bit scared of giving things a second try. He says he doesn't know what he wants yet, so I'm trying to be patient. Hopefully things will go better this time around. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 year we were apart, nope, I dated and went on living my life because I figured it was over. Looking back, I'd still do the same, because that time apart and getting to be around other guys was a huge growth period for me because I figured out that even though HE didn't want me, I wasn't unlovable ... I just can't wrap my head around his logic ... He continued to be caring up until he left for school. sounds VERY familiar, and yes, my husband still does that even now: He is not very good at having to say goodbye, so he'll pick an argument over stupid stuff. He's gotten much better about it, but from time to time, he'll still do it. And then we have The Talk, and he's good for a while :laugh: man logic is one of those contradictory things that you just learn to live with – it's nothing really about YOU, but all their bad experiences, negative thinking, and mistaken ideals coming through, you know? My guess is that your guy *wants* to continue some kind of relationship, but because he doesn't have the right "tools" to get him through whatever bad patches (school stress, anxiety, depresson), he goes with his first instinct of pushing you away. Don't take it personally, because we all do that to some degree, thinking we're protecting ourselves or others, when it's just a bad way of dealing with things, okay? maybe you can continue being friendly – sending an email every so often, letting him know you thought he'd like a certain book/show/movie/etc, or that he'd get a laugh out of this joke/cartoon/etc. Let him know in small ways that he's on your mind, but nothing more. Once he comes to grips with the thought that you are a loyal friend, especially when he goes through his "difficult" stages, he's going to see that loyalty in a whole other light. meanwhile, be sure to stay busy and just enjoy your life in general. If you have the opportunity to do things, do them. Otherwise you just drive yourself nuts and you end up resenting him (and yourself) for not having fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 Don't know if this will be a success story, but things are going well for now. My ex and I broke up almost half a year ago and we were in a LDR. He claimed he wanted to be free and date others, so I begrudgingly let him go. At first we tried to remain friends but when he found out I was attempting to move on and was dating someone new, we had a big fallout and didn't talk for about 4 months. For those 4 months, I swear his memory haunted me every single day. Not a day went by that I didn't think of him and how much I missed him. So about two days ago I texted him and told him I was breaking up with my boyfriend because it wasn't fair to be in love with someone still and date someone new. When I told him that the person I was still in love was him, he confessed that he'd thought of me everyday we were apart, that no girl could compare to me, he missed me, and that he was still in love with me. We're not back together or anything, but we are now talking trying to work out the past and see if it's possible for us to have a future together. He knows he's the guy I want to one day marry still, but I think he's still a bit scared of giving things a second try. He says he doesn't know what he wants yet, so I'm trying to be patient. Hopefully things will go better this time around. I'd say that's a success story . At least you're trying and you know that he's been thinking of you. Seems you truly love each other. Patience is a virtue...that I don't have. lol But I'm working on it. It would just be so much easier if I KNEW things were gonna be okay..and soon! lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 Thanks quankanne! our guys sound VERY similar. & I do tend to take things personally...lol. For me things are so cut & dry like "I like you, you like me so why can't we just make it work." i can only hope my story turns out similar to yours. I need an exercise in patience and I need to learn how to move on so that I don't force things and just let them flow. I need to reach a point where I CAN just send him a nice note without expecting anything in return. All i know is that I don't want to date anyone else...but perhaps that's exactly what I need to do. I think he was also afraid that I'd end up leaving him in the end because people always leave him and I've been applying to law school and stuff. But I'm tired of trying to read into what I "think" may be going through his head...I'm sure a year from now I'll have better clarity. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I need to reach a point where I CAN just send him a nice note without expecting anything in return. All i know is that I don't want to date anyone else...but perhaps that's exactly what I need to do. Yes exactly! That's what I did, I texted my ex without expecting anything in return, other than maybe for him to tell me to leave him alone. But I was prepared for the worst and got the best surprise ever! Also dating others can be a good thing. It can make you realize that you love your ex even more or it can make you realize that you can do better. In my case, it made me realize that I love my ex more and that although we had our problems, I'm happiest when I'm with him. We both dated other people and came to the same conclusion which is we still love each other. If your love is true then you will find someway to be together in the end. Even if it takes awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 I need an exercise in patience and I need to learn how to move on so that I don't force things and just let them flow. this could be your opportunity to figure out the patience part. I still say once he calms down and realizes that it doesn't always mean *ahem* drama, he'll start responding differently. meanwhile, I think you'll do just fine because you ARE aware of these things Link to post Share on other sites
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 Yea...Deep in my heart I feel our love is so true...but sometimes i have doubts and WHOOSH! there goes my patience...lol. Like, what if he never realizes that I was there for him? What if he never does? What if I've already pushed too much? How many people actually have success stories of getting back together? So many people seem so cynical and they spout of percentages like "only 3% of couples get back together." Those are dismal odds. I would hate to think that I wasted so much time of my life on something that isn't going to pan out. I'm just so afraid that I've lost him forever. You both have such great tips! What are some tips for making moving on easier? I find myself not wanting to do much of anything...I just want him to feel how I feel. makes me wonder if karma really does come back around...I dont want him to suffer at all. I just know that HE is the one that should be asking for me back and pining for ME instead of the other way around. ...and i just have to wonder if that will ever happen... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 Even if it takes awhile. <--Lol. THAT's the part I have a prob with! lol:( Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 keep yourself busy, even if friends have to drag you out to do stuff. He doesn't want you moping about this, and you need to treat yourself well. I'm not saying don't miss him, just don't let that missing him get to a point where you're also missing out. get involved – take a class, start attending events (art shows, local theatre productions, classes based on hobbies or likes, etc) or going places (bookstore is my favorite). Live your life and enjoy it. by continually focusing on the question "am I investing in something that won't work out," you're just making yourself more miserable. Go back and reassess things from time to time, but don't let it consume you (I know, not easy. But it *can* be done) .... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted January 14, 2010 Author Share Posted January 14, 2010 Thanks! I really hope we have a chance Link to post Share on other sites
tnttim Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 I got my wife back by using homer maddonald method. I agreed with her negative words, I pushed the divorce, I changed my needs into wants, and I started talking to other women. I also became a better father, and quit drinking at home. The crazy was I was so happy it didn't matter if I got her back. Either way I was going to be happy because I changed myself. When the change was complete she wanted me back. I kept it slow and we just had fun for about 3 weeks, we would make out, but no sex. Then one day we out and came home and made passionate love. So far so good here, we'll see where the next moment takes us. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Have you looked in the mirror lately and pointed your finger at the only cause of and solution to your problems. ME Link to post Share on other sites
Author MySweetie'sGone Posted January 14, 2010 Author Share Posted January 14, 2010 That's great news tnt! Sometimes seperations can be good for a couple, esp if it gives you an opp to improve yourself!! :-) Link to post Share on other sites
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