After 3 months, it finally hit me.

[ImLost07]

I broke up with my bf of 3 yrs in October and he hasnt said a WORD to me since then.

 

We decided to go on a break and discuss things, but I never heard from him again. Whenever I have talked to him, he is so robotic and wont talk to me.

 

Im starting to get upset. It sucks after this much time he has absolutely nothing to say to me.

 

I tried to push all of this out of my head but its all starting to hit me now.

 

Any advice?

[Chrome Barracuda]

I broke up with my bf of 3 yrs in October and he hasnt said a WORD to me since then.

 

We decided to go on a break and discuss things, but I never heard from him again. Whenever I have talked to him, he is so robotic and wont talk to me.

 

Im starting to get upset. It sucks after this much time he has absolutely nothing to say to me.

 

I tried to push all of this out of my head but its all starting to hit me now.

 

Any advice?

 

Did you want the break and ask for it. or was it truly mutual. If you asked for the breakup or space you probably broke his heart. and he's just closing himself off because he probably doesnt want to be hurt anymore.

[LovelyDaze]

I broke up with my bf of 3 yrs in October and he hasnt said a WORD to me since then.

 

We decided to go on a break and discuss things, but I never heard from him again. Whenever I have talked to him, he is so robotic and wont talk to me.

 

Im starting to get upset. It sucks after this much time he has absolutely nothing to say to me.

 

I tried to push all of this out of my head but its all starting to hit me now.

 

Any advice?

 

 

As asked, are you the actual dumper? If so, he is probably doing what most of us here advise...he is doing NC.

 

What were the issues that caused you to end the relationship. Not for us to be busybodies but to know where your ex may be coming from to help you out on this issue.

[CaliGuy]

I broke up with my bf of 3 yrs in October and he hasnt said a WORD to me since then.

 

We decided to go on a break and discuss things, but I never heard from him again. Whenever I have talked to him, he is so robotic and wont talk to me.

 

Im starting to get upset. It sucks after this much time he has absolutely nothing to say to me.

 

I tried to push all of this out of my head but its all starting to hit me now.

 

Any advice?

 

How is he supposed to act when you dumped him? No offense but you're acting like a victim or something. You dumped him. He probably "agreed" to the break to save face but don't expect him to grovel or be itching to see you.

 

YOU broke things off.

 

I'm sorry but this frustrates the crap out of me. People NEVER appreciate what they have until they are gone and 99% of the time, it's far too late to repair the damage.

 

Why couldn't you talk things out before deciding on this "break"??

[single]

I agree about the talking wish more people including myself had before i ended up in this hell.

 

Maybe we should listen to them as well instead of burying our heads in the sand.

[myhearthurtsbadly]

You sound just like my ex. She broke up with me out of the blue via a text and shattered my heart. 5 days into no contact around a month later she comes crawling back crying, wants to see me, apparently loves me again. You're all the same. Next time think about what you're doing before you 'break' with someone, love and relationships are not a game. If you truly want him back then go and get him, but if hes moved on accept your mistake and leave him be.

 

ARGHHHH dumpers annoy me soooo much!

[DustySaltus]

Do you want him back or do you want to try and ease the guilt that the breakup may have caused?

 

He reacted in the way he did because he didn't want to get hurt anymore. We've all been that person and it sucks.

 

If you do want to get back with him you have to understand that the problems that lead to the breakup need to be fixed. You also need to understand that you are going to have to put in a TREMENDOUS amount of effort to get his trust back. He trusted you with his heart and you broke it...it's the truth.

 

If you have ANY shade of doubt that you want to be with him, you have to leave him alone. Let him continue to heal, it's the least you can do.

[CaliGuy]

You sound just like my ex. She broke up with me out of the blue via a text and shattered my heart. 5 days into no contact around a month later she comes crawling back crying, wants to see me, apparently loves me again. You're all the same. Next time think about what you're doing before you 'break' with someone, love and relationships are not a game. If you truly want him back then go and get him, but if hes moved on accept your mistake and leave him be.

 

ARGHHHH dumpers annoy me soooo much!

 

Men do the same thing, my friend. It's not a character trait that is exclusive to women. In fact, I think men are much more apt to regret breaking up with someone than women are. Women USUALLY break up after talking it over for weeks/months with friends/family.

 

Men usually make their decisions alone which leads to, quite often, a regretful decision.

 

But I do agree with you. People should learn to keep their emotions in check and, instead of making an emotional decision to break it off, sit their S/O down and hash out their problems before deciding to walk away.

 

Besides, if someone can walk away from you one time, they can do it again...and that is what keeps me from giving second chances.

[ImLost07]

Wow, lots of hate mail.

 

First things first. I know what I had and I let it go. I don't want him back but I do want my closure talk. I'm moving to the same area he is moving to and I want to hash this out before I start my new life.

 

I left because he didnt care enough and neither did I. I have been in a relationship since I was 15 and never experienced my life alone. Its something I have to do before I can be in another relationship like that or be with him again. I know this sounds cliche, but its more me than him.

 

what bothers me is we were supposed to discuss things after I told him I needed a break and he never talked to me again. That's what I want to know about.

 

I know I hurt him a lot. I didn't want to break up but I didn't know any other way to get the best out of both worlds, so I chose myself because honestly, thats the person youre stuck with. lol.

 

I tried to tell him very specifically what was going on for two months prior to me snapping. He said "I guess I just didnt take you seriously" on the day I left. That made me so angry.

 

The relationship is done. We both know that. I just want to start the friendship process so if I run into him in the same town, its nice and not weird. We also have a LOT of the same friends. Id like for that to be smoothed out as well.

 

As for an update:

 

He finally agreed to talk to me. Hes being an ass about, but whatever. I just want to hash it out and be cool with each other. No need to be sad about it anymore.

[Chrome Barracuda]

CLOSURE?

 

Is that what your so upset about? he doesnt want to talk to you. bottom line. is it that hard to believe? Why cant you just move on without getting in your final words??? WTF?

[ImLost07]

CLOSURE?

 

Is that what your so upset about? he doesnt want to talk to you. bottom line. is it that hard to believe? Why cant you just move on without getting in your final words??? WTF?

 

 

seems like a hot button for you

[Bulldozed]

99% of the time "take a break" is code for I'm going to take the cowardice approach to breaking up with this person as I don't have the cajones to tell it like it is....my ex pulled the same crap with me. It sounds like you want closure for yourself, so you can feel better about what you did...if you have no intention of getting back with him, then just close the chapter and move on. As far as being friends, don't bet on it. Maybe a year or more down the road that could be possible, but why? what's the point....?

[Dolos]

Looking at it from his point of view, i would assume all of your reasons were bull****. Im not saying they are, but if somebody broke up with me using those reasons i would assume they found somebody else they wanted to try out, but wanted to keep me around just in case. I don't know why you want to bother trying to be his friend, he doesn't want to be your friend, he wanted to date you. Hes probably going to avoid talking to you when he can, but expect that whenever he does its going to be at best robotic and distant and at worst flippant. Just accept there isn't much you can do. You did what you felt you had to do and hes going to respond how he feels he has to. You have to live with it, just like he had to live with you not wanting to be with him anymore.

[Perhaps]

I agree with most others who share CaliGuy's opinion that feelings aren't something to be played with and you Really have to think about your decision to enter/leave a relationship because such decisions may have serious effects on lives on those involved.

 

 

BUT, I've been in OP's position and I'm sure we've all made decisions of some kind that we ended up regretting. Not that I'm justifying her wrongs, but.. at the end of the day, we're human and we WILL make mistakes. So, come on, people, she came her for support.. I'm sure her guilt is weighing down on her.

 

However, that does not excuse you, OP. What you did was wrong and IF he chooses to not talk to you, respect his decision and leave it alone.

 

imho, your punishment is the guilt you'll have to live with for however long.

 

Oh and I notice this thread has 250+ views so I hope the people reading don't make the same mistake. Let this be a lesson.

[Hop_prophet]

First things first. I know what I had and I let it go. I don't want him back but I do want my closure talk. I'm moving to the same area he is moving to and I want to hash this out before I start my new life.

 

No offense, but you're being extremely selfish. He doesn't owe you a damn thing. Maybe he wants to move on with his life and forget about you. You should let him. Anyway its his choice not yours.

 

If you don't want to be with him then why do you need closure?

 

The relationship is done. We both know that. I just want to start the friendship process so if I run into him in the same town, its nice and not weird. We also have a LOT of the same friends. Id like for that to be smoothed out as well.

 

As for an update:

 

He finally agreed to talk to me. Hes being an ass about, but whatever. I just want to hash it out and be cool with each other. No need to be sad about it anymore.

 

How can you blame him? You expect him to be happy about being dumped. You made your choice so buck up and deal with it. I applaud him for standing up for himself. Perhaps he doesn't want to be your friend. I certainly wouldn't after getting dumped. He probably thinks you're being a b****.

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

is 3 years our majic number when we start realizing that person and you arent meant to be? lol...i have read alot of threads saying they have ben with the person for "3 years" and having problems breaking up..blah blah..so weird..

[McGrupp]

is 3 years our majic number when we start realizing that person and you arent meant to be? lol...i have read alot of threads saying they have ben with the person for "3 years" and having problems breaking up..blah blah..so weird..

 

either that or 18 years (sorry HoH and Lisa)

[gaudi]

I broke up with my bf of 3 yrs in October and he hasnt said a WORD to me since then.

 

We decided to go on a break and discuss things, but I never heard from him again. Whenever I have talked to him, he is so robotic and wont talk to me.

 

Im starting to get upset. It sucks after this much time he has absolutely nothing to say to me.

 

I tried to push all of this out of my head but its all starting to hit me now.

 

Any advice?

 

I guess most of the posts here are not what you wanted or were hoping too here.

 

They are all correct though I'm afraid.

They aren't hating, there's just an awful lot of experience with situations that have ben similar to you and your EX's.

 

If it closure that you wanted before you move on with your new life, then you will need to accept the fact that EX is now trying to move on without you as your closure.

 

There ain't much you can do about it, other than move on yourself. There are 2 people going in completely different directions here. Leave it at that.

 

Good Luck to you both.

[ImLost07]

Wow.

 

I did come on here for support... and you're all tearing me apart. Its not like I murdered anybody. Jesus. I can think of MUCH more terrible things and twisted stories on here. If you cant offer support to those that ask for it, why are you on here? to judge?.

 

Granted I didnt reveal the entire story, but to judge me like this is messed up.

 

He dumped me last year and talked to me ALLLLL the time.. and as much as it sucked, I talked back. So for him to turn around and do this is stupid. But if he wants to be all butt hurt about it then so be it. Ill leave it alone.

 

My reasons are legit. I thought we could be adults and discuss what happened. Obviously not the case.

Edited January 16, 2010 by ImLost07

[USMCHokie]

My reasons are legit. I thought we could be adults and discuss what happened. Obviously not the case.

 

You seriously need to get over yourself...

 

Your "reasons" could be as legit as they come, but to put things in perspective, what you think, feel, or want are pretty much completely irrelevant...

 

And I know the truth hurts, but we are not judging you...we are analyzing your situation objectively...we can even change your name and pretend it's someone else if it'll make you feel better...but the answers will still be the same...

[2sunny]

he doesn't want to talk to you after you broke up because it just creates more pain... something he's probably trying to get over... then you just want to make it worse by rehashing it? leave him alone to heal... it's not about what you want anymore... let it go.

[racer816]

How is he supposed to act when you dumped him? No offense but you're acting like a victim or something. You dumped him. He probably "agreed" to the break to save face but don't expect him to grovel or be itching to see you.

 

YOU broke things off.

 

I'm sorry but this frustrates the crap out of me. People NEVER appreciate what they have until they are gone and 99% of the time, it's far too late to repair the damage.

 

Why couldn't you talk things out before deciding on this "break"??

 

 

I read this entire string of comments and am completely shocked at most the responses I read on here. This user posts a cry for help; a very obvious attempt to get advice on how to make contact with someone who was very special to her. For instance she says "Any advice?"

 

People, this was a 3 year relationship, longer than most people can hold a job for!! Obviously both people in this relationship cared for each other, or else they would not have lasted 3 years and they would not have agreed to take a break and talk about their feelings after. However, as her post says, she "never heard from him again" after 3 months. So I will say again, this post was intended to get advice on how perhaps to approach this very special person for the talk that they had promised to have.

 

Congratulations people on your ability to completely ignore the actual reason for the post, and to spin this into your own opportunity to vent on past relationships of your own which you obviously FAILED at. Just because you all managed to FAIL at your relationships does not give you the right to pass judgement on her post and simply ASSUME that their situation was similar to your own FAILED past.

 

For example I got a nice kick when I read the post from Hop prophet: "No offense, but you're being extremely selfish. He doesn't owe you a damn thing. Maybe he wants to move on with his life and forget about you. You should let him. Anyway its his choice not yours."

It is very obvious here that Hop is passing his past FAILED relationships into this comment. But guess what people, it is 100% human to still feel attachment to someone you spent 3 years with. It is also 100% human to still want some sort of a positive relationship with that person. And it is admirable to attempt to have a positive relationship with someone even after the intimate relationship has ended. These can often lead to be some of the most open, honest, and beneficial relationships one can have because you both already know everything about each other making it very easy to become great platonic friends.

 

I think that everyone reading this series of posts should take note of all the users who posted negative comments. These are the people that have been severly damaged by a past relationship and thus are very much against platonic relationships with the opposite sex. These people want only a sexual relationship and can not handle being just friends...... Bravo to you people on giving this user such a great experience by showering her with your completely useless and off-subject comments.

 

Good night to all.

 

Oh, and my advice to you ImLost07, if he is unwilling to talk, then it is his loss. Truly sad, but you can not force anyone to talk with you. But good for you in attempting to do the right thing.

[Bulldozed]

Racer - personally, I admire her ex, I only wish I'd had the balls to do what he's done. My ex wanted to remain friends and I allowed myself to get emotionally pulled back in...maybe this guy will be able to have the platonic relationship she wants once he's truly over her? who knows? I don't think he owes the OP any explanation whatsoever for his actions.

 

As far as platonic relationships with women go; not so sure they can be that "great", as one person has a 2nd brain hanging between his legs that will always trigger sexual tension. To that point, that negates real lasting friendship, unless of course the guy is gay...then they can have wonderfully rewarding relationship.

[Dolos]

Wow.

 

I did come on here for support... and you're all tearing me apart. Its not like I murdered anybody. Jesus. I can think of MUCH more terrible things and twisted stories on here. If you cant offer support to those that ask for it, why are you on here? to judge?.

 

Granted I didnt reveal the entire story, but to judge me like this is messed up.

 

He dumped me last year and talked to me ALLLLL the time.. and as much as it sucked, I talked back. So for him to turn around and do this is stupid. But if he wants to be all butt hurt about it then so be it. Ill leave it alone.

 

My reasons are legit. I thought we could be adults and discuss what happened. Obviously not the case.

 

I dont think most of the people here are judging you. I think the point a lot of people were trying to make is that you cant do anything to make him want to talk to you. You made it known that you wanted to try and talk things out with him so you could be at least civil with each other, its really all on him at this point. If he wants to hes going to, if he doesn't hes not going to. Hes not obligated to talk to you after you break up with him because you continued to talk to him after he broke up with you.

 

This is the case regardless of your reasons for breaking up with him. You could have had the best or worst reasons for ending it, in either case its up to him whether he wants to keep talking to you. He probably thinks he wont get over you if hes still talking to you, something im sure you understand given he did the same thing to you last year, how receptive were you to the idea of moving on with someone else while you were still talking to him after he left you? Maybe once hes seeing someone else or has at least gotten over you he will be more receptive to a friendship with you, but im sure in the near future you wouldn't find him pleasant company as hes going to be at least a little bitter about the break up.

[thepulse27]

racer, I don't actually disagree with you on the fact that there has not been a great deal of attempt at understanding or empathy in most of the replies. But the analysis of the situation and the advice has been spot on.

 

Of course 2 people who have been together for that long care for each other, and it is only natural for her to still want some kind of connection to him. But any communication between the two is not going to be healthy if one person hasn't moved past the pain yet. And I believe that some people may well go on to have good platonic relationships with an ex (I can't see it working for me personally) but only if both parties have completely moved on.

 

'Oh, and my advice to you ImLost07, if he is unwilling to talk, then it is his loss. Truly sad, but you can not force anyone to talk with you. But good for you in attempting to do the right thing.'

 

couldnt the exact same thing have been said to him when she broke up with him?

 

ImLost, when he broke up with you but continued talking to you, that was wrong.

 

That doesn't make it right for you to do the same.

 

I have finally got over the need to contact my ex, and not doing so is going to be the most important part of me being able to move on and heal. If you really care about him, let him heal. When he finally gets his mind to a better place and puts things in perspective, he knows where to find you and he may well contact you and start a healthy friendship. If not, you need to understand that after sharing something so special, being friends with someone just isn't possible sometimes.