After 3 months, it finally hit me.

[ImLost07]

Again, you're all acting like Im some sort of devil woman for wanting to end a relationship that wasnt working for me. Just because I dont want to date him doesnt mean I dont care about him as a person. Obviously I do if I spent 3 years, WHICH WERE ALL LONG DISTANCE, with a guy.

 

I keep reading the word "mistake". No, I dont feel that I made a mistake at all. Just because I dont want him back means I cant talk to him AT ALL?

Thats ludicris and completely immature. Yes, immature.

 

I havent ever felt like **** for breaking up with him until this website, which, Im never posting on again.

 

The relationship is over. Him and I both know it and honestly, I think he wanted it to... I just beat him to the punch. Im not the type of person to hate or cease contact because a relationship ended unless I was treated like ****. I sat him down SEVERAL times and told him the problem. He didnt listen to me... so I think its his own fault... and this pity party/punishing me for being honest and upfront about it is stupid, immature, and spiteful.

 

Im saying that we never discussed what happened and I would like to. If hes not ready, he wont do it. Thats just the type of guy he is, however if he does, which HE SAID HE DID, he will talk to me about it. Im not trying to force anything out of him, I just wanted an approach that would at LEAST get rid of any negative feelings. Thats why I wrote on here to begin with.

 

 

If you cant be friends with somebody after a relationship, I think its sad and pathetic. Grow up. You get one life, cherish it and the people that are in it. If you liked them enough to date them, then you can put that aside and still enjoy the person that they are. If he doesnt want to be friends, that would be a first for me, but whatever... I wont force anything. Im not trying to be his BFF... I just want to talk it out. We are both incredibly angry at eachother and its just not worth it to feel that way anymore and Im sorry, but time heals nothing. It just makes the situation less acute and painful... but it doesnt get rid of anything.

 

None of you have any idea what went down except for what Im telling you. Im not going to be all emotional and sad about it because IM NOT. I just wanted positive advice.

 

I love the guy, care about him a lot.. but long distance was done for me, his non chalant attitude about everything is done for me, and how he was never there for me is done. I care about him a LOT as a person though and would at LEAST like to be on good terms.

 

With that being said, if hes truly hurt and upset or whatever (I have no idea) and wants me to leave him alone, I will. Ive said hi maybe twice in the last three months. Its not like I text him all the time wanting to hang out or go to a movie. If he seriously wants nothing to do with me, I'll never contact him again.

 

Had I known that my friendship was contingent upon wether or not we were in a relationship... I never would have dated him... and this attitude and mind set makes me hesitant to date others. Just because you didnt make it as a couple, doesnt mean you cant make it as a friend that says hello every now and then.

 

So thanks all for making me almost doubt my decision, making me feel horrible for trying to be nice and talk about it, and for throwing daggers at me when asking for help. Im done.

[thepulse27]

'Grow up. You get one life, cherish it and the people that are in it.'

 

you couldn't have said it better yourself. What would it take to show you that this is what he's doing?

 

As for the rest of the post, don't be so f*****g melodramatic.

And if I may use your same quote twice:

 

'Grow up'

[XKatieX]

If you care about him you will stop contacting him altogether, if friendship is something he wants he will come to you. If not, then he won't and its not something you can force..as you said. As for not being sure of how he feels..ask him? Ask him if he wants to be friends, if he wants to still have you in his life.

 

Honestly getting all defensive about others perspectives is not really the best idea either, most of these people that have replied to this thread have at least once or have been a dumpee, or a dumper, so they're going to look at it from both stand points.

Edited January 16, 2010 by XKatieX

[Left in a Lurch]

Again, you're all acting like Im some sort of devil woman for wanting to end a relationship that wasnt working for me. Just because I dont want to date him doesnt mean I dont care about him as a person. Obviously I do if I spent 3 years, WHICH WERE ALL LONG DISTANCE, with a guy.

 

You're asking for support you said, how? You want everyone to say he is such a bad guy for not pining away and ceasing to go on with his life because YOU dumped him? Did you want advice on how to satisfy your ego by making him show his hurt?

 

Everyone is not saying you are evil, they are saying you are wrong to only be fulfilled and satisfied if the guy you dumped was destroyed and visibly hurt.

 

It's like punching someone in the face and wanting sympathy because you hurt your fist. Sorry, you asked for sympathy but you should try to understand why no one is giving you any. In a way, they are giving you good advice; don't dump someone and then try to stroke your ego by their relishing in their misery.

[Perhaps]

You're asking for support you said, how? You want everyone to say he is such a bad guy for not pining away and ceasing to go on with his life because YOU dumped him? Did you want advice on how to satisfy your ego by making him show his hurt?

 

Everyone is not saying you are evil, they are saying you are wrong to only be fulfilled and satisfied if the guy you dumped was destroyed and visibly hurt.

 

It's like punching someone in the face and wanting sympathy because you hurt your fist. Sorry, you asked for sympathy but you should try to understand why no one is giving you any. In a way, they are giving you good advice; don't dump someone and then try to stroke your ego by their relishing in their misery.

 

 

This is an interesting subject.

 

I think ImLost07 made a mistake and well, EVERYONE makes a decision he/she ends up regretting at some later point in life. However, the way she asked for closure, but made it clear that she did not want to get back just resonated with some posters.

 

Most of the posters who replied have had their hearts broken, so deny it or not, their responses did have a resentful tone because of their own personal experiences.

 

Finally, I think we all agree that we're not judging the OP; we're just giving the most objective advice given the information provided to us. We're no one to judge.

 

I think most posters would have been more sympathetic had the OP said that she regretted her decision and wanted to get back.

[openbook08]

99% of the time "take a break" is code for I'm going to take the cowardice approach to breaking up with this person as I don't have the cajones to tell it like it is....my ex pulled the same crap with me. It sounds like you want closure for yourself, so you can feel better about what you did...if you have no intention of getting back with him, then just close the chapter and move on. As far as being friends, don't bet on it. Maybe a year or more down the road that could be possible, but why? what's the point....?

 

you sure saved me typing all that out again!

took the words outta me mouth!!!

[openbook08]

ok, just had a read of full thread.

i not judging you on breaking up with someone - it happens its part of life

nor am i gonna cast opinion on whether or not you 'made a mistake' i dont know your situation & from reading your post thats not what you came lookin for advice on

what i will say 2u is, in my book a "break" / break-up IS closure , maybe not enough for you but it seems enough for him.....

again its not pretty & its not the way youd like it to be but hes none of your business anymore ( i dont mean that in a patronising way )

what will be, will be, leave him alone now

i respect you for havin the balls to realise your rship was broken & you needed to end it so dont make a cock of it now w all this 'closure' business...ironically enough his silence & your backing off might allow for a friendship in the future

just cos its different to the way youve handled break ups in the past doesnt mean its wrong.

[sedgwick]

When you leave someone, you have to expect to NEVER hear from them again. You are making the choice to kick them out of your life, and you have to deal with the choice you made. He's gone, that's what you wanted, leave him alone!

[sedgwick]

I keep reading the word "mistake". No, I dont feel that I made a mistake at all. Just because I dont want him back means I cant talk to him AT ALL?

Thats ludicris and completely immature.

 

I had to comment again when I read this, because it's not ludicrous at all!

 

My ex obviously doesn't feel dumping me was a mistake; he walked out on me 2.5 years ago and I never saw him again. However, a year after he left me, he called me up one night all casual, telling me how he wanted to catch up with his "old friends." I was, apparently, "first on the list." What he seemed not to remember was that the last time he talked to me, I was choking with sobs on the floor telling him I loved him unconditionally, and he chose to leave me in that state and let me go.

 

So, obviously he doesn't want me back, but he wanted to talk to me as a friend. There's no way I can do that. I can't talk to him at all, because it would rip my heart out. For him to think we could just be good buddies and have a chit chat -- THAT'S what's ludicrous. When he chose to leave, it was because he felt his life would be better without me in it. The consequence of that choice is that he doesn't get to talk to me. When you break up with someone, you have to be prepared to lose them 100%.

Edited January 17, 2010 by sedgwick

[LovelyDaze]

Oh, and my advice to you ImLost07, if he is unwilling to talk, then it is his loss. Truly sad, but you can not force anyone to talk with you. But good for you in attempting to do the right thing.

 

His loss??

I almost dropped my cup of hot cocoa!!!

 

What lostin07 has realized is that her ex is HER LOSS!

Sounds to me the ex has found his integrity and self-worth. What lostin07 needs to do is give her ex the space he needs and she herself needs to spend this time to REALLY evaluate why she wants to talk to him. If it's just to apologize and not feel so bad anymore, she needs to leave her ex alone. If it's to really iron out the issues that broke up the relationship in hopes to reconcile, then she should tell him that flat out and nothing less.

 

If her ex(the dumpee) is doing NC, then good for him. He's on the road to healthy IMO.

Edited January 17, 2010 by LovelyDaze