ex left me for someone else & is now saying he hates me, whats going on?

[chloe1408]

me and my ex were together just over a year and were very intense and very happy together. We;d had abit of a rubbish week the week before we split but other than that things were great. We spent all our time together and had been through alot together.

He never really saw his friends much and on the Friday night he went out with his friends, text me to say he loved me and then i heard nothing all night. I was getting worried so tried calling and finalyl got through and he said that he had been ill and was pissed that i'd kept calling.

Anyway he broke it off with me and said he needed space. Two days later he had a new girlfriend. She;s really young and they live abotu half hour drive away from each other, he never cheated on me with her, he just took a chance on her.

Anyway 5 weeks on they;ve been on holiday together and are tellling each other they love and miss each other which hurts like hell.

So i've left him to it and not contacted him but today i get a message saying that i'm a slut, that i cheated on him and now he remember why he hates me so much!?

what is going on?

does he really hate me?

after a year, he's over me in 5 weeks?

someone help.

[chloe1408]

just as an update, ive blocked him off my facebook now and sent him this

"look this is getting boring. i didnt cheat on you, we both know that i loved you very much and gave up alot for you. if i did cheat on you it wouldnt have taken me 5 weeks to get over you. you know i loved you and still do. yes i know you hate me, im not asking you to feel the same at all. but for both of our sanity im going to block you so you can carry on with your life and i can carry on getting over you. im not a nasty person or a slag and i know youre not either. so lets just leave it at that. i wish you all the best with everything, no hard feelings,. x "

[Angel1111]

I'm going to assume that the things he said to you weren't true. Sometimes when a person leaves another person abruptly and there was no real cause for it except that they just didn't want to be in the relationship anymore, or wanted to be with someone else, they start thinking about the bad things and then get themselves really angry so that they feel justified in their actions.

 

I think he has a lot of guilt about what he did and I think something went on behind your back before the break-up. Maybe he didn't cheat but he was probably seeing this other girl, which might explain the bad week the two of you had before the break-up. He was probably trying to get you to break-up with him. Guys do that stuff all the time. I'm sorry. I'm sure all of this really hurts.

[chloe1408]

well i mean feelign arent liek light switches.

 

i know they were talking but he told me they were friends and i believed him. I know its irrelevant but it helps me deal with things if i know he still cares. I mean he cant just deny a years worth of memories. Is this girl a rebound? Will they last? Will he ever have to face the feeling he has for me?

[chloe1408]

& the wierd thing is, during this bad week i did break up with him, & he begged me to take him back. cried and everything!

[Angel1111]

Yeah, I think this is going to come back and bite him pretty hard at some point. Once he figures out that this new person has flaws just like everybody else, he'll probably end up regretting what he has done, and regret the things he said to you. The problem is, even if he comes running back to you at some point, he's destroyed a lot by doing what he has done.

[chloe1408]

i hope it will. I mean i've excepted all thats happened and am trying to move on with my life i just dont understand how he's moved on so fast. I get that his new girl is probably masking alot of his emotions. Its just good to get an outside perspective.

[chloe1408]

Bump.

What does everyone else think

Does he still have feelings?

Is he hiding them

Or does he love her

Is she a rebound

Will hee ever hurt like I have

[gaudi]

From what you've said in your original post. I think he will live to regret what has happened, it's usually the way.

 

You have shown great maturity, and intelligence by what you've said about wanting to move on, good on you.

 

The problem is they normally start regretting what they've done, and asking for another chance, and all of that kind of stuff, just as you have actually gotten over them.............I don't know why, but that's how it works.

[chloe1408]

I'm hoping he regrets it.

Has anyone been in a similar situation.

 

I'm trying to move on in the meantime and I'm jus taking each dsy at s time.

But it hurts seeing pictures of them together after a few weeks.

Has he truly moved on? Or are his true feelings buried at the mo? X

[Angel1111]

But it hurts seeing pictures of them together after a few weeks.

Has he truly moved on? Or are his true feelings buried at the mo? X

 

Yeah, this would be crushing. I think you can only take one moment at a time right now and try to get past this pain. My xH cheated on me but it was a little different because I filed for divorce really quickly and then he had sudden doubts and wanted to come back. I think it's safe to say that whenever anyone bolts out of one relationship into another, and under the circumstances that your ex has done it where he apparently feels a lot of guilt, then they're definitely going to have second thoughts, and probably regrets. I don't know if he has truly moved on or not but it's doubtful that this new relationship of his will work out. Pretty soon, the underlying issues are going to come out, and they probably won't survive it.

[KATEYES]

Yes i was you 7 months ago. I was w my ex for 5 years we were engaged the last 6 months.. and then he got a part time job on the weekends apart from his regular job. he said he wanted to save a little extra for our wedding which would have been this past December. Well he was working there 2 weeks and the second weekend i saw him after he got off of work and he picked a dumb fight with me (over a cup) and he went all out!! He was sooo disrespectful!! He took it to the limit forcing me to break up with him. I mean he called me so many names..i had no choice but to end it. 2 weeks later he was w a girl from his new job. Apparently he had met her there. He flaunted her on myspace and was doing similar things that your ex is doing. They were saying i love yous to each other and he knew i was looking. It was the most painful thing i have ever been through. After 4 months he moved in w her. Its been 7 month since the break up and they are still together. Someday i hope he realizes what he did and how much pain he caused me. The good news is i am better now and this situation made me stronger. Hang in there and let him be with that girl. There is somebody better out there for you i promise.

[DenverBachelor]

I'm hoping he regrets it.

Has anyone been in a similar situation.

 

I'm trying to move on in the meantime and I'm jus taking each dsy at s time.

But it hurts seeing pictures of them together after a few weeks.

Has he truly moved on? Or are his true feelings buried at the mo? X

 

We need to put aside desires that lead to negative emotions like hoping another person regrets their decisions. What you need to do is accept the situation and move forward with dignity and focus on your own life. The relationship has ended. You didn't end it, so it is outside of your control. Things outside of our control that we then attempt to exert control over only lead to suffering and frustration.

 

The clearest sign is that he left you for another person. That is the most blatantly clear signal present.

 

Accept the loss and move forward and regain your own internal happiness.

[BreakingUpIsCrap]

Hehehe Chloe, the exact same thing happened to me 4 years ago when my ex wife left me for another man. I was surprised to learn that she held such deep seated resentment for me. the OM dumping her a week after our separation just served to make matters worse for me.

 

My ex wife still hates me today...I've often wondered why, but never understood...I was faithful to her and I only wanted a happy family.

[HLP234]

Yeh same situation here with my ex..she moved here, then told me she missed home..needed time to herself.

 

She would purposely, I think, try and pick fights with me just because I was doing nothing wrong at all.

 

Before I knew it, and she didn't even come tell me during our "break" that its over. She removed me from facebook and just moved on with this friend of hers. I found out because she was dumb enough to post the pics on facebook before removing me as a friend.

 

The newsfeed I think still showed them. Either way, I believe she did it on purpose to show me she was done with it. Really really hurt, and still does.

 

I would of rather taken, look our break is done, I made the decision to not be in a relationship but no I had to see it.

 

She's never ever said anything to me since this, which is why I still hurt.

 

But go no contact at all. Don't even think if he cares or realizes what he did was wrong..now he doesn't because he has someone else. But people who just run away like this are cowards and most likely it will happen again.

 

Now you don't know how long it will take for it to happen, a few months, years, whatever..just that it will and that is when they will realize I think.

But in this time, move on and think of yourself and how you need to not worry about someone that just abandoned you.

 

I know how you feel, it really hurts. I could never do what my ex did to me..for me its morally wrong..and so is what this guy did too.

 

I know one thing though..I doubt I will ever hear from her even though she lives really close by, just for the thought that I have a feeling she feels ashamed for what she did even though she may be happy with this other guy.

 

You can think the same, that they hurt on the other side as well, but you have to be strong and even though no matter how much you want them back, tell yourself no you will not take them back because what they did was wrong and it is likely to happen again. The trust you too had and feelings will never be the same again.

[chloe1408]

i guess i just want to know if he still cares.

its hard moving on froma long relationship whcih edned out of the blue thinking he doesnt care etc.

i know these feelings will go with time.

i just feel silly for having some hope taht he'll come back.

[sunrae]

Chloe,

Youre not silly for holding out hope, I think most of us do one here...

But dont let the hope, keep you from healing and moving forward...

Sadly, the questions you have you may not get answers to and you will have to find closure yourself...

 

I read some of your post and truely am worried about you not letting go after all these weeks, worrying if she is the rebound and if their relationship is going to work..

 

I'm sure he still cares for you or has feeling for you. Yes, at somepoint he will probably come back begging. But until that time happens, go out and find something better, then when he does come back begging you will have the satisfaction of turning him down.

[chloe1408]

thanks for your concern

its just crushing casue it was so sudden and so out of charcter, i'm still shocked really.

but yeh i mean ive been out and about and refuse to sit in and mope

its just these things go throguh my head when i'm alone.

[blackbear_703]

It's good that you've been getting out and about Chloe. As long as you continue to live your life, your heart will heal so much faster.

 

And no, it's not at all wrong to hold out hope. Hope is a natural feeling and part of the letting go process. However, dwelling on hope isn't a healthy emotion. We have to focus on letting go, living our lives, and set hope aside for healing. If the day comes when our exes come back to us, it will and we'll be ready.

[chloe1408]

im trying to live my life but at the moment i just feel like im going through the motions.

its not him leaving me that is getting me down,

its just wondering where his feelings have gone, theyve disappeared it seems.

and i just keep pondering on that.

which is so so wrong.

its been 5 weeks after all

i guess im just trying to sort out in my head how realistic a prospect it is taht he wil come back..

[chloe1408]

jsut an update really

just got an email off of my ex saying "i love you" and nothign else

 

altho to be honest i think somone must have hacked his account

maybe his gf

 

so i just sent back a message saying " this clearly isnt xxx, whoever this is, i suggest you find someone else's time to waste. thanks."

[blackbear_703]

im trying to live my life but at the moment i just feel like im going through the motions.

its not him leaving me that is getting me down,

its just wondering where his feelings have gone, theyve disappeared it seems.

and i just keep pondering on that.

which is so so wrong.

its been 5 weeks after all

i guess im just trying to sort out in my head how realistic a prospect it is taht he wil come back..

It's hard wondering where all those feelings went. Sometimes people change and their feelings for us go who knows where; other times they just make a "journey to the Dark Side." For most of people, there's no telling what they're feeling or thinking. We'll most likely never know.

 

I've felt the same exact way as you. For almost two weeks now, I've been back in touch with my ex. At first she really acted like she wanted to reconcile with me, but now she's just treating me like some casual friend from the store. She wouldn't even give me a straight answer about whether we are friends or lovers! However, after bragging to me about some guy she met at the bar the other night, I guess I have my answer. I just can't figure her out at all anymore and I've given up trying.

 

Anyway, it's hard watching something we thought was so special just disappear, but all we can do is let it go to the past and take the love with us to the next person. And of course, invest all the time and energy we spent loving our ex into loving ourselves.