yonex Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 (edited) So when school started around 4 months ago I was really close friends with this girl I met at school. (not in elementary I'm 20+) Anyways....during the first couple months we transitioned from friends to friends with benefits but not sex although she wanted to, and actually the transition happened quite quickly actually, within a few weeks I believe. We were making out still for a decent amount of time then over time we just stopped because of complications with her boyfriend or she was becoming more serious with him I believe, although he asked her out while we were still hooking up and thats how it happened. For a few weeks now shes always touching guys in front of me(but I was still her friend still) and its getting actually pretty sick to be there...she always talks dirty to certain guys as well. I don't need to see/hear that really...thanks. So she got pissed at me one day and we didn't talk for a while. We share lockers but I own the locker so I was thinking of just taking my lock and say to her "I dont think we should share lockers anymore are you going to move? and if she says no I'm taking my lock and move somewhere else. Its also hard because most of my friends hang with her as well so I've had to go to my buddies on breaks... What do you guys think about this situation? Edited January 15, 2010 by yonex Link to post Share on other sites
Kizzyfur Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 Maybe since she wanted sex and you didn't she felt that you didn't want to move forward in the relationship. Have you discussed your feelings with her? You were friends before, have you given her any inclination that you want more than that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author yonex Posted January 15, 2010 Author Share Posted January 15, 2010 well she was moving to fast for me at the time, and she very flirty. I do still have feelings for her but recently shes cuddling with more guys in front of me and as far as I know shes still mad at me today. I might take my lock today!Also I would NOT wanna peruse a relationship with her, its more of like friends that make out sometimes, even though we haven't for a couple months now. Maybe since she wanted sex and you didn't she felt that you didn't want to move forward in the relationship. Have you discussed your feelings with her? You were friends before, have you given her any inclination that you want more than that? Link to post Share on other sites
Kizzyfur Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 I would NOT wanna peruse a relationship with her, its more of like friends that make out sometimes, even though we haven't for a couple months now. Then what's the issue?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author yonex Posted January 16, 2010 Author Share Posted January 16, 2010 The issue is since we made out back then I still have feelings for her, and it is sickening to see her cuddling with other guys, so thats why I decided to move lockers so I wouldn't have to deal with her anymore. But the problem is that most of my friends hang with her so I've been lonely lately. Link to post Share on other sites
Kizzyfur Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 You have proven everyone who has ever thought that sex does not ruin a friendship wrong. You say you don't want a relationship with her, but that you cannot continue to hang around her because of the feelings you have from having made out with her in the past. Has she always been such a flirt or is this something new that she's recently started doing after not getting what she wants with you? If it's something new then maybe she wanted to move to the next level in your relationship but since you didn't she's trying to make you jealous. If it was something she has always done, then the problem is strictly yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yonex Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 (edited) You have proven everyone who has ever thought that sex does not ruin a friendship wrong. You say you don't want a relationship with her, but that you cannot continue to hang around her because of the feelings you have from having made out with her in the past. Has she always been such a flirt or is this something new that she's recently started doing after not getting what she wants with you? If it's something new then maybe she wanted to move to the next level in your relationship but since you didn't she's trying to make you jealous. If it was something she has always done, then the problem is strictly yours. This question is hard to answer, but based on her personality she plays guys off each other. Maybe thats not the right term but a few months back she was seeing this guy who she had been seeing for a few months before me. They were not boyfriend and girlfriend but rather friends with benefits(sexual). She would always tell me the times she had with him and even explain their sexual experiences sometimes. During this time we were making out still and she wanted to go further with me a few times actually. So you could see how I felt, but I think at one point she might of wanted to get into a relationship, but then she went further with this guy and then they were boyfriend and girlfriend. It seems to me that she feeds off other peoples jealousy. After they were in a relationship we stopped making out and even cuddling was reduced. Strangely though, she broke up with him sometime ago and a couple weeks ago she was willing to have sex with me, which then I said something stupid or something and she got upset that I wasn't like other guys or something, but I guess I did want to have sex with her then, and she knew it. So now since she is mad at me(for her reasons, some I know some I don't who knows). It's still a bit sad for me though because we were close friends for several months and saw each other everyday at school and shared lockers. But I couldn't take it anymore, the constant flirting, it made me feel terrible inside....keep in mind her friends were my friends too. I told her that I knew she was still mad at me and thats fine and that we shouldn't share lockers anymore(because she was not talking to me) and i told her I would take my lock with me. Was this the right thing to do? Edited January 17, 2010 by yonex Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 We were making out still for a decent amount of time then over time we just stopped because of complications with her boyfriend or she was becoming more serious with him I believe, although he asked her out while we were still hooking up and thats how it happened. Girls/guys who act this way are a dime a dozen. It's not worthwhile to continue to feel angry or bitter over this situation; the best thing you can do is to disengage from her. A lesson learned about the difficulty of compartmentalizing emotional attraction when you're sexually involved with someone. If it's hard to be around her (but she's still in your social sphere) just lower her from friend status to acquaintance and treat her the way you would treat your guy acquaintances. Friendly disinterest, but no cuddling, no flirting, no chit chats. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yonex Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 (edited) Thanks for the responses.... Well your saying to totally ignore her forever now, even though I saw her everyday and chilled with her everyday for nearly four months? Well I have already said I am moving lockers so I will not be on the same floor as her, but I still have a class with her sadly enough. Also I'm pretty sensitive person and get hurt easily, but I'll try and get over this... Also she is not talking to me either at the moment. Edited January 18, 2010 by yonex Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 She flirts with guys in front of you to make you jealous. Dont pay attention to her. Take your lock and leave, and hurry up and find another girl to fool around with or, get a new girlfriend so you can forget about this one. Problem was you gave her choices, you or the other guy, while you didnt have a choice. Thats why youre lonely now. You kinda kept her like a gf in your mind, and now you have to fill the void. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yonex Posted January 18, 2010 Author Share Posted January 18, 2010 She flirts with guys in front of you to make you jealous. Dont pay attention to her. Take your lock and leave, and hurry up and find another girl to fool around with or, get a new girlfriend so you can forget about this one. Problem was you gave her choices, you or the other guy, while you didnt have a choice. Thats why youre lonely now. You kinda kept her like a gf in your mind, and now you have to fill the void. I dont understand when you said you gave her choices? What do you mean by that? She wanted to make out with me... Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 You gave her the option of having you as a 'back up' guy, and once you get perceived that way, it's almost impossible to get out of. It's just as difficult to transition to a platonic (non-sexual/romantic) friendship, when there was an attraction early on. You just didn't pick up initially that she has more than a few male 'back up' buddies. Best bet is to have as little interaction as possible. If and when you do have to speak to her, there's nothing wrong with being friendly and just accepting that the friendship has probably fizzled out. Link to post Share on other sites
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