Maybeitsjustme Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 Me and my partner have had a horrible couple of years but we have decided to give it a go and try and make it work. Only after this period of time have I found signs of a fling, we discussed this long and hard and also found some stuff memebrship of dating website and msn addy, but we were on a couple of occaissions spliting up so i can accept that but its being lied too that hurts. I paraphased a lot of the above but for all our arguments over weither she did or didn't see someone shes still here!. we aren't married don't any kids (from the relationship) have my kids living with us, we have no reason to stay together but she hasn't gone!. If she was seeing someone then surely you'd jump ship either move in with them or get your own place and see them itstead of staying in this relationship?!. My synopsis is , she did have a fling (but never wanted to leave this relationship) she now wants to give it a go and is not longer having a fling? any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
FryFish Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 You are silly. Just because she stays does not mean she is no longer cheating... Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 Yep, she might want all the comforts in being in a "safe" relationship and have wild nasty deviant sex on the outside. What do you want, that's the important question. have she stopped having flings, was she remorseful, I mean where do you stand? Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 OP, being you posted another thread about this and you laid out she just wants you to get over it(her affair), and being I posted that quote to you about believing a liar, if you believe anything she says you will be sorry, I guarantee it. You need to grow a pair and kick her out. It isn't going to get any better and you will become a doormat if you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maybeitsjustme Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 Well partly true I don't know for sure shes had an a fling but its doesnt look good, but the only time she could be having a an affair now is when shes supposed to be at work and isn't otherwise i know where she is 24/7. This is so very difficult it really is I love the woman we were on the point of going our own ways and I believe that if things continue to improve at home she has no resean to look else where we really do have everything (yes apart from trust!). I curse dating sites, msn and mobile fones they make it so easy if you want to look elsewhere Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Well partly true I don't know for sure shes had an a fling but its doesnt look good, but the only time she could be having a an affair now is when shes supposed to be at work and isn't otherwise i know where she is 24/7. This is so very difficult it really is I love the woman we were on the point of going our own ways and I believe that if things continue to improve at home she has no resean to look else where we really do have everything (yes apart from trust!). I curse dating sites, msn and mobile fones they make it so easy if you want to look elsewhere Partly true my ass. You are posting all over other threads more and more info. I have already told you this will tear you up. Just dump her and move on. No person on earth is worth this trouble Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 See my answer to your other thread. In answer to this threads question, in my experiance... not vast admittedly the ladies prefer having a soft place to land before leaving long term relationships. I suppose that's true of everyone, however men are usually expected to Butch up and be able to take care of themselves individually a bit more. Your soon to be Ex is just using up the coupons in her book while she looks for an presumably finds Mr. Right. You are along for the occasional ride if you chose to be there. Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet memories Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 OP, being you posted another thread about this and you laid out she just wants you to get over it(her affair), and being I posted that quote to you about believing a liar, if you believe anything she says you will be sorry, I guarantee it. You need to grow a pair and kick her out. It isn't going to get any better and you will become a doormat if you don't. Well its easier said than done...he doens't have proof she cheated. Yes she's lied but that is enough proof. I say go with your gut feeling.. but be prepared that most likely she did have an affair. If you are willing to give her a second chance that is all up to you. But you will always have doubt and trust issues and that is not healthy for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maybeitsjustme Posted January 20, 2010 Author Share Posted January 20, 2010 I'm going to take my foot of the gas and observe (everything) and this time keep a diary and make a plan for the moment it all comes crashing down to protect myself. I wish i could track here cell Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 I'm going to take my foot of the gas and observe (everything) and this time keep a diary and make a plan for the moment it all comes crashing down to protect myself. I wish i could track here cell There is stuff to track her cell but what's the point? Diary??? Are you kidding me. just dump her, get proof and dump her. keylogger, pi. whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
on1wheel Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 She is still there because you are her doormat!!! Sorry, but you already know she cheated, (lies, changes, unexplainable abscence & your gut feeling) you just choose to let her treat you this way. It is your right to do so, but if you are looking for validation that you're doing the right thing, you are in the wrong venue. This site is filled with people like me that have experienced what you suspect & still bare the scars from it. "Women are like monkeys my friend; never let go of one vine til' they have another to swing to...without pause". You are her security blanket, as she knows that no matter what she does all she has to do is say she wants to make it work this time & you'll not kick her ass to the curb; where the trash belongs btw. She is getting the sex life she wants/needs elsewhere & the security she needs from you. If you don't mind sharing her & being used this way then work on your relationship & stop posting here saying you need help. I mean no offence, but everyone has told you the same thing, (dump her ASAP & find someone that will treat you better) yet you refuse to listen. You obviously love her & don't want to dump her, (which is fine if you can live with all that she has done & will do) so just try to enjoy what you have. But be advised, it will get worse as she DOES NOT LOVE YOU OR RESPECT YOU. You will never have a normal relationship with her. Some lines once crossed can never go back from. I wish you all the best I honestly do. I was where you were once & I know your pain. I stayed for a lot longer than I wanted to as we had a baby together, but even then I eventually took back my dignity & said "enough...you are a monster & I want a divorce & 50% custody". After that I swore to never allow myself to play the role of a victem...ever! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Maybeitsjustme Posted January 20, 2010 Author Share Posted January 20, 2010 Couldn't agree more But I need to get myself a bit more together before I pull the plug you are right she has lied and will continue to lie, i must stop considering her a friend, a big smile a sigh and the suck you right in. I will be a normal good BF but will not trust her one inch and when she makes a mistake (which she will!) then that will be it. Im on medication now due to the depression that this has caused but it should kick in soon and I will be able to look at this a whole lot more objectively and may well consider that the info that i have is sufficient Link to post Share on other sites
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