can i get this back together

[lightyears]

ok so my 2nd time posting, i'll try to keep it to main points,

 

my wife left me almost 3 weeks ago, took 3 children and won't let me see them. I am bi-polar but it has been mostly under control ( a few depressive episodes per year), i have never been abusive, violent or anything like that.

Around start of Nov 09 she starts acting funny, claims she doesnt think she loves me anymore, i move out for 1 day then she asks me home again.

For three day its great but i cant get her away from the computer (yes there were other men, one in particular she told she loved).

Things went from that to i dont love you anymore, then she wouldnt come near me at all.

I found out about the other guys, she told me it wouldnt work because i had told other people (family who were helping me through this).

BANG! the nastiness began and this woman really really hates me, she blocked me from facebook, she treated me like dirt until she moved out, told people lies about me etc.

Truth is i still love her and want her back, i am trying no contact and its a killer especially as she wont let me see the children, but i dont think its working.

I had been making more friends on facebook to help me get by and have been out once at new years eve, i put these on my facebook to make it look like i was improving myself however a mutual friend jst posted this

 

"right i have had enough, ******* is a good friend and im not having a **** like you bad mouthing her to no one, this has to stop ***** and start getting a life of your own, god knows you ruined ******** for long enough, for a very long time i told her to leave you as i was fed up with you bringing her down with these s...upposingly dark moods which by magic have all disappeared, very funny that isnt it. This is now me telling you officially that our friendship is no longer and i hope that other people start to see you for what you really are. Do not contact me by phone or on line done want to know...... "

 

I cannot bear the hatred and i never ever bad mouthed my wife to anyone, please can someonehelp me out, i justwant my family back together and all this hatred to stop ??

[sshebert]

just keep at doing what you are doing, have nc with her and if you do talk to her dont belabour your feelings. the reverse is suppose to work. just give it time. i am in the same position, i have been gone from my house for 2 weeks now, and now i am trying to do what you are doing. i hope it works out for you.

[lightyears]

hi sshebert, thank you for your reply, i really appreciate it as i feel so alone just now, its unbearable.

I cannot understand how someone can go from being so loving and caring to a total monster in only a few months, i do feel as though her mother is influencing her constantly as she doesnt like me.

it hurts that other men were involved but for some reason i am prepared to forgive and move forward, she on the other hand wasnt.

I think it would be a lot easier if the hatred werent involved, i tried so many times tocome to an amicable arrangement with her but she had to phone her mother or friends and each time the answer was no.

Anyone know why the hatred when i havent done anything other than try and hold the family together ??

Any women or men out there with any similar stories or answers i'd love to hear as i am desperate to understand what happened.

[lightyears]

sorry sshebert i forgot to say i hope things work out well for you also

[MrMayI]

guilt is what's making her act like she hates you. i've done the song and dance. she left me, she sees another man, everything becomes my fault, then she actually TELLS me she hates me when i expose her affair. then, she retracts. for now, i'm not saying for good, your wife is gone. you need to have some sort of limited contact with her, in my opinion. you have children, and no matter where in the world you are you have every right to see them and spend time with them. keep your chin up, and keep bettering yourself. bi polar is nothing to leave unattended. good luck, my friend.

[lightyears]

Thank you MrMayI, that is something i never actually thought of. Guilt wow, i sincerely hope she is feeling this because i am suffering so much pain, is that a bad thing to say about someone ? It is taking forever to see my kids and all i have is their favourite teddies to cuddle, i really cant stand this anymore, my heart and my world are in tatters and no one cares, sorry

[dannytheone]

hi lightyears, i wasn't married but would have been with my fiancee 5 years this feb. we have a 11 month baby together. our split came about after her not telling me when buying a house together on day of exchange she didnt have her half of deposit for morgage and just expected me to put it up. i suppose completee lack of communication which i think was the major prob. i didnt care she didnt have money coz i would have paid it it was the fact she never came to me. my ex doesnt say this was the reason she says it was my going out. im going to hold my hands up i did go out maybe 3-4 times monthly and i agree this was iresponsible as its neglected time with her but also made me not be in top form for my daughter the next day which im a father i should be 365 days. my daughter is everything to me and it breaks me not seeing her everyday coz i played kissed with her every moment i could. i now see her 1 day a wee for 4 hours in her parents house where she lives.

 

i love my ex more than anything and wanted us to try again. she says no which i beleieve she wants to but because she very influenced by her parents so she needs to put up this front to show she not losing faith. The main thing though is having regually contact and putting all your enery into your kids they are the most important people here. You need to see them. my ex is not maing it easy for me to see little one as i want to see her more than i do. i feel this due to the anger of me taking away her dream of the house. its prob same anger your ex feels but its so unfair to use your kids as a weapon in this however angry she is. have you you seeked any legal advice because as hard as it is you need to see you kids.

[Brooke79]

I asked that same question a couple of days ago, why all the hate. Resentment is an ugly monster in a relationship, as to where the resentment stems from I can't say. From what I've read in most posts it could be from the inability to do what they want ie see other people and they put the blame on you. As a women I know we tend to bottle small things up so much, it erupts. So I'm not sure of all the damage, but my advice is not to contemplate over it, they are her feelings and no one can change them but her so don't waste your time. Put your energy into your self and work on things that you can. I had a rough day myself so I know what you are going through, but hang in there and things will get better.