bananaboat11 Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 Hey guys - First, thank you. Words cannot express how grateful I am for you all. I hate to say, it's comforting to know, there are others out there who know this pain... and understand it... and are STRONG enough to build themselves greater than what came before. You are truly uplifting, and inspiring.. It's strange for me to feel this... because I honestly don't know what I feel anymore. Some of you... more than just a casual internet forum junkie... you have been a crutch... we all are. We're able to feel... to see... to experience... to love... to lust.. to hate... to despise... to cry... to agonize... to fantasize... to desire.. Very, very few (unless it's mutual) take any sort of break up well... ...you know my story by now. I've cried my heart out on these boards in the last 1-2 weeks. And you, not knowing who I am... who were able to empathize my suffering... were there. Thank you. I do not plan on going anywhere... as once I get out of this "state of mind"... I will gladly pay it forward.... ...That is.. once I figure out where I am emotionally. I feel empty. It's strange... there is no more hurt.. no pain.. no sadness... I remember a name, but I see a face covered in shadow. Is this normal? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 You're going to go through a rollercoaster ride of emotions and feelings...we've all been there...done it...got the t-shirt...so we know how you're feeling...but at the same time, we also know that it'll get better...but there will be times when you feel empty, cold, and emotionless...other times you'll feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and you can't bare to stay awake...it'll eventually pass... But that's what we're all here for...to help and be helped...and you've done an amazing job helping others that share your pain...I've noticed... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 15, 2010 Author Share Posted January 15, 2010 You're going to go through a rollercoaster ride of emotions and feelings...we've all been there...done it...got the t-shirt...so we know how you're feeling...but at the same time, we also know that it'll get better...but there will be times when you feel empty, cold, and emotionless...other times you'll feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and you can't bare to stay awake...it'll eventually pass... But that's what we're all here for...to help and be helped...and you've done an amazing job helping others that share your pain...I've noticed... My words I speak to others, I hold dear to my heart. I believe them true... the mind is a beautiful thing... and two individuals do not share time... emotion... heart... lust... infatuation... companionship... unless.... ....and to have that taken away in one swift blow... love is one emotion that is defined by all emotion... but it is in these patterns of fear, hate, lust, sorrow, etc... that we find our inner beauty. ...And you can see it. It is more than just a face... or a beautiful body. That's infatuation. These cathartic sentiments of pride... zeal... shame... concern... desire... remorse... We are stronger now, more than ever.... yet, as individuals... in your own place and mind... it's so hard to foresee such. Thank you for taking the time to respond... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 15, 2010 Author Share Posted January 15, 2010 And of course... my emotions are devoid and exhausted... so I have to be incoherent. ugh... Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 And of course... my emotions are devoid and exhausted... so I have to be incoherent. ugh... Heh, understandable...but I'm glad to have found another that shares my overuse of ellipses... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 15, 2010 Author Share Posted January 15, 2010 Heh, understandable...but I'm glad to have found another that shares my overuse of ellipses... I'm Rob. a Pleasure. And thank you for serving. Link to post Share on other sites
Howitzer Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 I'm Rob. a Pleasure. And thank you for serving. Ditto. Thank you for serving. bananaboat11: I can't say that you're over the hump yet, but at least it looks like a step in the right direction. Take things at face value. It's how you feel right now, accept it. It's not bad, but a sign that you are moving forward. Best of luck with you man. Most of the ordeal is fought alone, by you, though we are all here to cheer you on. Link to post Share on other sites
Austen Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 I think it is normal for many people. Maybe it's our defense mechanism when we just can't deal with all of the emotions anymore. The best way I can describe it in myself is...indifference. I'm reaching the point where I just don't care anymore. Please take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 16, 2010 Author Share Posted January 16, 2010 This sucks... I find I'm still at that place. I don't ever want her back. ever. Yet, I find myself missing her. And at the same time... despite the fact I say the majority of dumpers come back (which I still believe), I'm quite confident this one will not. It's so difficult to cope... I try to fill the void more and more... and I do, but these downs are so hard to get over now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 16, 2010 Author Share Posted January 16, 2010 Sometimes I feel empty now too man, its better then feeling depressed and missing her like she is the only thing in the world that matters. We will get through this together bro, so many of us feeling the same way. All I want to do is sleep these days but I find it terribly hard to fall asleep with her on my mind, over and over and over I think about our time together, what I could have done differently etc. ****ing sucks The thing is... THEY left. We're still here... loving them. That tells me we're not the ones who are the problem... they are. The faster we realize we can do better than them... the easier, less painful the healing process... ...easier said than done, we all find. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 16, 2010 Author Share Posted January 16, 2010 Heh, in most peoples cases I guess, I deserved to be left, I had been lying to her about still being clean from drugs. Never the less, when she found out she physically abused me as well as verbally. She really tore me a new one with the things she said, but I still can't stop loving the bitch. Glad to see you are online, maybe we can chat on aim my sn is givemeanhj I will save your AIM name. I was invited out by people from work to get me 'out and about' again... and I promised I'd go... being in love sucks. Good luck to you, friend. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 I'm Rob. a Pleasure. And thank you for serving. I'm Kel. Nice meeting you. And thanks for your support. (Howitzer too...) Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 16, 2010 Author Share Posted January 16, 2010 I'm Kel. Nice meeting you. And thanks for your support. (Howitzer too...) I lost a friend in 2001. w/ the 3-12, usmc ...and we all will get through these dark days. Link to post Share on other sites
DenverBachelor Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 I lost a friend in 2001. w/ the 3-12, usmc ...and we all will get through these dark days. I live in Denver -- we don't get too many dark days here. But really, once you realize life throws you huge challenges and once you overcome them -- you realize, "damn, I'm stronger than chaos!" Then you realize what it means to be human and possessing the ability to bring order out of the chaos. It is quite a feeling to get kicked and knocked down only to stand back up and smile -- ready to face something even greater than what you thought you were capable of surviving. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted January 16, 2010 Share Posted January 16, 2010 ...That is.. once I figure out where I am emotionally. I feel empty. It's strange... there is no more hurt.. no pain.. no sadness... I remember a name, but I see a face covered in shadow. Is this normal? Completely normal, bananaboat11. You know we've communicated our shared experiences and I still have moments in my day of thinking, "What if?" You know, what if he never me the other girl in Vegas? What if we had gotten married sooner? What if I was the one who found someone else-would I have DUMPED HIM instead? I think these things occasionally but it all comes down to the fact that we weren't meant to work out no matter how much love one or both of us was feeling. I've come to grips with that and decided that moving on is best for ME. Whatever my ex does in his life is what he does. He pursued me relentlessly only after he decided he wanted TWO girlfriends apparently. Disgusting. Because of who he is, I have went through all emotions and I am sure revisit a few until I just feel completely indifferent. That will be a good place for all of us! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 16, 2010 Author Share Posted January 16, 2010 Completely normal, bananaboat11. You know we've communicated our shared experiences and I still have moments in my day of thinking, "What if?" You know, what if he never me the other girl in Vegas? What if we had gotten married sooner? What if I was the one who found someone else-would I have DUMPED HIM instead? I think these things occasionally but it all comes down to the fact that we weren't meant to work out no matter how much love one or both of us was feeling. I've come to grips with that and decided that moving on is best for ME. Whatever my ex does in his life is what he does. He pursued me relentlessly only after he decided he wanted TWO girlfriends apparently. Disgusting. Because of who he is, I have went through all emotions and I am sure revisit a few until I just feel completely indifferent. That will be a good place for all of us! Thank you LD & I'm sorry... I'm coming to terms that I truly was nothing more than her rebound... and I expect to never hear from her again. I'm coming to terms with that.. and who I am. I'm better and above that... and next time.. I'll know to take the red flags more seriously... thanks Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 I totally support you and feel your pain -- really! -- but would you be willing to end your sentences with periods? I have a hard time getting through your posts because of all the ellipses! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 I totally support you and feel your pain -- really! -- but would you be willing to end your sentences with periods? I have a hard time getting through your posts because of all the ellipses! Sorry. My thoughts are convoluted. It's difficult enough for me to think straight, let alone compose grammatically correct, coherent sentence structures. Anyhow... here's an update. Nicole, my psycho, ****ed up, pissy, abusive ex girlfriend.... used me as a rebound. I'm 100% confident in that theory. FML. I can't believe I didn't see that coming. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Sorry. My thoughts are convoluted. It's difficult enough for me to think straight, let alone compose grammatically correct, coherent sentence structures. Anyhow... here's an update. Nicole, my psycho, ****ed up, pissy, abusive ex girlfriend.... used me as a rebound. I'm 100% confident in that theory. FML. I can't believe I didn't see that coming. Don't beat yourself ever. You wouldn't have dated your ex if you knew she was like that of course. Only over time, we learn a lot about the people we are close with, especially intimately. Now that you realize that your ex is definitely not for you, you are another step closer to being a dream come true for a lucky girl! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bananaboat11 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 Ah, LD... you're right as always. It hurts so much Link to post Share on other sites
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