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is the ex just back for the sex


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Well you could start with his body language. Is he up and all over you? Trying to get that "kiss?"

 

What does he want to do if, or when, you get together? Is it movies, dancing, dinner, or clubbing together? Or, does he "just want to come over and say Hi?"

 

And, this is pretty important I guess. When you first started your relationship with him, or very early on, were you too intimate with him too quickly? Come on, be honest to yourself here.

 

Being intimate too quickly right there could brand you as an "easy-mark" if he's just feeling a little horn-doggish and not really into you.

 

I think it will be pretty obvious here shortly which head he's using to talk to you!

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If you met a guy who only seemed to be interested in sex, you'd know it because he wouldn't show much interest in you otherwise: wouldn't be interested in the important things in your life, wouldn't care to spend time with you unless sex was on the menu. I think the same will hold true with an ex. An ex who wants to "reminisce" about your wonderful sex life, but doesn't care to know anything about your current life, etc. is perhaps just interested in sex. An ex who shows up on your doorstep at midnight, unannounced and slightly tipsy, wanting to "talk" is perhaps just interested in sex. But an ex who suggests meeting for coffee or dinner, who emails, who inquires about your family and friends and is interested in what's going on in your life may well have more than just sex on his mind.

 

Speaking more generally, I don't think there are ever any hard and fast rules that one can follow that will guarantee that things will work out, or that it's OK to turn your brain off. There are never any guarantees, and it's never OK to turn your brain off. You have to pay attention to what's going on -- always! Not with a suspicious mind, necessarily, but taking a person or a situation for granted is inviting trouble. If a guy seems like he's not very interested in you except regarding sex -- and you want more than that -- then you need to recognize it, and act accordingly. If a guy's intentions are as yet unclear to you, and sleeping with him if he wasn't serious about you would hurt you, then don't have sex until his intentions are clear. Whether it's an ex or a new guy.

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Sometimes, it can be really hard to tell. Some men have the ability to sweet talk and be so convincing that they are in love with you, just to get you into the bedroom.

 

I guess one way you can tell, is if he initially wants sex, as opposed to waiting.

 

~V

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