LonelyGuy85 Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 I have a hard time explaining this, but here it goes anyway. I have two sides to myself. On the one side there is the me that i am in the house, and the other side is me when i am outside in public. House me is pretty confident, i can look at myself in the mirror without hating myself and generally actually have elevated moods, i am very relaxed, not at all anxious and never worry about being too self-conscience, however, outside me hates myself, i hate walking around on my own, i hate going into shops and talking to people and more than anthing else i hate buying clothes, especially the mirrors which are supposed to make you look better, but actually make me hate looking at myself in the mirrors, i constantly worried about people judging me, i was anxious all the time. I noticed it quite well today when i went shopping and felt good leaving the house, only to return feeling worthless. It makes it even more frustrating when the things i try and do to overcome this don't actually seem to help much. I used to be over weight, not so much fat, but big, i then over the space of a year lost a lot of weight and started bulking up and toning down. I am by no means no where near where i would like to be, but compared to what i was before i am completely different. I thought this would have helped with my self esteem but it hasn't changed at all and i feel just as worthless now compared to before i lost the weight. I need to find a way to make the house me the only me. Link to post Share on other sites
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