hankhill67 Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 [font=arial][/font][color=darkblue][/color] well another "space and time"...... I have been dating a wonderful girl for 4 mths... it was going absolutely great...then about 2 weeks ago I noticed she started acting different...... I would ask her what was wrong and she kept telling me that she was nervous that I was going to change.... she is divorced from an abusive spouse who was wonderful to her but then once married started the abuse.... I would explain to her that I am excactly the way I always will be...... but it is up to her to believe that..... well, last week right out of the blue she explains that she needs time off from a relationship. I was so hurt !!!! This happened on Fri night, we didn't talk on Saturday, but then on Sunday she left me a message and said how much she missed me. So I called her and she wanted me to come over... so I went to her house and nothing was spoke about the relationship, but I could tell she was pulling away...... We spent Christmas Eve together and it was great, but we haven't spoke since. What do I do ???? I love this girl with all my heart and want to spend my life with her, but I don't want to push anything that will send away for good !!!! I just miss her bad, she is my love and my friend..... any suggestions ?? Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 The ongoing pattern....need space....oh, what have I done...call, call.....realise that yes, it could/should be over? I hope it's not for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hankhill67 Posted December 28, 2003 Author Share Posted December 28, 2003 I hope not either, but I just don't know...... the thing about calling me is so confusing.... it seems that if she wants it to be over, she wouldn't bother calling..... I know she has problems to deal with and she is scared about the relationship going "too good"... but why do they always need to "take a break" ???? Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 My ex had problems to deal with...she told me in an email. I knew. That week she called me...we met and the following Mon she sent me another email telling me it's over. If you get the chance to see her (on her time) tell her that your support is unconditional...that you're a strong person....that you're there. Don't be overbearing. But be headstrong....I guess....'I'm going to walk out that door and if you don't come to get me I'll be gone....?' Cause it's your feelings/drama too. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 To be a decent partner you have to have all your marbles together and you must be sufficiently mature to handle the rigors of life. This lady, no matter how wonderful she may be otherwise, is not ready for a long term relationship. Relationships are as much OR MORE about timing than they are about love. Frankly, she may never get her stuff together. She actually may remain confused all her life, although let's hope not. Why should you want to take on someone whose head trips span more distance than the Space Shuttle. Just go on about your life, having let her know how much you care. Wait for her call and response. If, however, you allow her insanity to keep you on edge and to jerk you all over the place for months to come...if YOU permit this....then you deserve everything you get. Also, keep in mind this may be her strategy for letting you down easy. There are so many reasons why people act the way they do. You just have to keep the attitude that you won't buy into other people's insanity no matter what the reason. You don't need a life with a crazy person. Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 True, Tony. But in matters of the heart - we simply forget ourselves and therein lies the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hankhill67 Posted December 28, 2003 Author Share Posted December 28, 2003 thanks Tony..... it is so hard though to just let go, especially when you love and care about someone.... it is just so confusing when she calls..... she called today but I didn't answer it........ she didn't leave a message though...... I just don't know Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 Can I just say that it is good to hear all this stuff (despite the pain, ofcourse) ....kinda takes away the solitude of it all. It adds sense to everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hankhill67 Posted December 28, 2003 Author Share Posted December 28, 2003 I agree Dario..... someone told me about this site, and I have been reading all day..... it really does help to get this out. Thx to you and Tony Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 Take care, man. Every one is unique...but the puzzle is there....similarities. My ex and I are over. But that's just us. It's hard on me....she's got things to do and I'm left empty. We have very similar experiences. We were going out for 4months...everything going great...go, go, go...talk of a future etc and then the same thing - no more. But keep faith, I guess. I really don't know how to play it...an that's a harsh description...but that's it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hankhill67 Posted December 28, 2003 Author Share Posted December 28, 2003 we were the exact same thing..... everyday just talk about the future and planning.... I guess she started getting scared and remembering her marriage....... I want her to know that I am here for her, but I really don't want to talk her because it hurts and I know I will end up just spilling my feelings out and practically begging her back -- and I DON'T want to do that. It is just really weird that I haven't done anything in this relationship but I am paying for it Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 I want so much to tell her that I do need her...and I can't....it's strange. Cause I do need her. How can one place such a wealth of emotion on you and then take it away. Man, I'm as lost as you....do I call...do I plead...if I don't plead does that show I don't care? Not plead as such...but you know...tel her that I need her. She'll see this as weak....? I don't know, Hank. Link to post Share on other sites
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