home alone

[Heather1]

I changed my plans & have the next 3 days @ home by myself. I need to bite the bullet here & leave OM alone. Haven't heard from him, so I'm safe on that side of things. What's weird to me is we wanted the same things.....no divorces, enjoy each other while it lasts, etc.. I know all of you think I'm totally in love w/ him & want "more," but I really don't. Do I love him? Yeah, in a way. Most of it is pure chemistry. Do I see a future together other than what we have now? No, never have. I've always thought of him as a supplement, but I do care for him a lot (or I did?). I guess my big fall was thinking he cared about me too, and I don't do "cold."

[Hazyhead]

I changed my plans & have the next 3 days @ home by myself. I need to bite the bullet here & leave OM alone. Haven't heard from him, so I'm safe on that side of things. What's weird to me is we wanted the same things.....no divorces, enjoy each other while it lasts, etc.. I know all of you think I'm totally in love w/ him & want "more," but I really don't. Do I love him? Yeah, in a way. Most of it is pure chemistry. Do I see a future together other than what we have now? No, never have. I've always thought of him as a supplement, but I do care for him a lot (or I did?). I guess my big fall was thinking he cared about me too, and I don't do "cold."

 

Hey Heather, I know how hard it is to leave it alone. At the moment I'm not the one to give advice because it seems I'm incapable of doing it myself. I hope you get through these next few days without contacting him. Make yourself super busy. Think of how wonderfully proud you'll be when you get to the end of your alone time and you've not only made no contact but you've also filled your time with other fun things.

 

Good luck

[White Flower]

And you should never accept cold. Good for you, wash that man right outta your hair!

[Zarah]

I changed my plans & have the next 3 days @ home by myself. I need to bite the bullet here & leave OM alone. Haven't heard from him, so I'm safe on that side of things. What's weird to me is we wanted the same things.....no divorces, enjoy each other while it lasts, etc.. I know all of you think I'm totally in love w/ him & want "more," but I really don't. Do I love him? Yeah, in a way. Most of it is pure chemistry. Do I see a future together other than what we have now? No, never have. I've always thought of him as a supplement, but I do care for him a lot (or I did?). I guess my big fall was thinking he cared about me too, and I don't do "cold."

 

Why don't you spend the next three days doing nice things for yourself to keep your mind off of him? Definitely keep busy, there is noting worse than being home alone with nothing but time to think. Thinking can be dangerous ya know it can lead to acting out your thoughts.

[Heather1]

Not a good time to be alone, while I'm still pulling away. In my mind, there's only one way I'd speak to him again.....if he apologized & proved to me somehow he appreciates I've put a lot on the line for him. If I got ahold of him, he'd treat me worse & it would be solely on his crappy/cold terms.

I shouldn't be thinking any of this....I need to just be done.

Off to swim! Thanks all!

[fooled once]

I am confused....

 

he hasn't bothered to call you, you know you are nothing but a side piece to him (and I am one of the many who think you really DO want more from him that to just be a side piece) and yet you are probably going to try to contact him, try to get him to want to be with you again...correct?

 

I am confused...

[White Flower]

Not a good time to be alone, while I'm still pulling away. In my mind, there's only one way I'd speak to him again.....if he apologized & proved to me somehow he appreciates I've put a lot on the line for him. If I got ahold of him, he'd treat me worse & it would be solely on his crappy/cold terms.

I shouldn't be thinking any of this....I need to just be done.

Off to swim! Thanks all!

He sounds like one of those lovely narcissists. Why do you want him anyway? At least find a MM who can live under YOUR terms and with YOUR demands.

[Heather1]

No worries, I don't have any intention of getting ahold of him, it's just the first weekend to myself & I need to get through. Those were just my mind's conditions if he were to get ahold of me. I'm not too worried about him contacting me anyway. I'll I can control right now is how I react, and it hasn't been insane. I'm no stalker, I told him to take his time when he wanted a break, and then said to just leave me alone a few days later. Nothing emotional or crazy after my initial shock that he did it on purpose & it wasn't just a slight.

 

WF, you're probably right about being a narcissist. I've always attracted them, men & women. Couldn't be more charming & gorgeous (at first) that's for sure! I was surprised he even looked twice at me, and was SO flattered!!! Now that I look back on that time, the thing that probably stuck out for him about me was I was in a spot his wife would never find....that's it.

 

Funny you should say that too about another MM....

Twice this week I golfed w/ this drop dead gorgeous man I've known for years & turns out he's neighbors w/ these guys I golf with. He's VERY attentive, but I'm keeping my distance. His wife was going to join us, and she just walked to the car. I ran after her & gave her my cell if she ever wanted to go low key golf (she's a beginner). This time, I'm making sure I don't have any temptations, and she has my number & he doesn't. Still....I needed that this last week.

 

All said, I'm glad I didn't pass OM by. I'd never felt so good or happy, and I really needed it!!! So it ended this way, he never lied to me or me to him. Frankly, this isn't a bad ending, I just didn't get what I wanted.

[White Flower]

No worries, I don't have any intention of getting ahold of him, it's just the first weekend to myself & I need to get through. Those were just my mind's conditions if he were to get ahold of me. I'm not too worried about him contacting me anyway. I'll I can control right now is how I react, and it hasn't been insane. I'm no stalker, I told him to take his time when he wanted a break, and then said to just leave me alone a few days later. Nothing emotional or crazy after my initial shock that he did it on purpose & it wasn't just a slight.

 

WF, you're probably right about being a narcissist. I've always attracted them, men & women. Couldn't be more charming & gorgeous (at first) that's for sure! I was surprised he even looked twice at me, and was SO flattered!!! Now that I look back on that time, the thing that probably stuck out for him about me was I was in a spot his wife would never find....that's it.

 

Funny you should say that too about another MM....

Twice this week I golfed w/ this drop dead gorgeous man I've known for years & turns out he's neighbors w/ these guys I golf with. He's VERY attentive, but I'm keeping my distance. His wife was going to join us, and she just walked to the car. I ran after her & gave her my cell if she ever wanted to go low key golf (she's a beginner). This time, I'm making sure I don't have any temptations, and she has my number & he doesn't. Still....I needed that this last week.

 

All said, I'm glad I didn't pass OM by. I'd never felt so good or happy, and I really needed it!!! So it ended this way, he never lied to me or me to him. Frankly, this isn't a bad ending, I just didn't get what I wanted.

Good deal that you gave the W your cell phone number. That takes you off the radar and stunts any temptation whatsoever from the outset.

 

As for the way it ended, I'm glad the only disappointment you had was in not getting what you wanted. At least there were no broken promises. Enjoy the memories all you can and look to serve only your best interests from here on out.

[pureinheart]

Why don't you spend the next three days doing nice things for yourself to keep your mind off of him? Definitely keep busy, there is noting worse than being home alone with nothing but time to think. Thinking can be dangerous ya know it can lead to acting out your thoughts.

 

I think that is excellent advice as we forget to to good things for ourselves!

[pureinheart]

Not a good time to be alone, while I'm still pulling away. In my mind, there's only one way I'd speak to him again.....if he apologized & proved to me somehow he appreciates I've put a lot on the line for him. If I got ahold of him, he'd treat me worse & it would be solely on his crappy/cold terms.

I shouldn't be thinking any of this....I need to just be done.

Off to swim! Thanks all!

 

Isn't that incredible! It exactly descibes exMM

[Heather1]

maybe it's the same guy? ha, ha. I might have read your story already, but how did things end? I've got all night to myself, I'll read your stories.

 

Made it through today, home & happy. Lots of thoughts throughout the day for sure, but kept my mind off it most of the day. Stay tuned though, I still have 2 more days & tomorrow I think he's going to be shocked not to find a message from me.

[Heather1]

I've just read several stories, and then my own since the beg. of this A. Ugh, ugh & ugh again. I KNEW from the gate, clearly written in my own words. I am SO STUPID!! The only thing I have to say for myself is I thought things would change every time, and it didn't.

The other thing is, this has been harder to get out of than any relationship I've ever had!! What's up with that?

[pureinheart]

Not a good time to be alone, while I'm still pulling away. In my mind, there's only one way I'd speak to him again.....if he apologized & proved to me somehow he appreciates I've put a lot on the line for him. If I got ahold of him, he'd treat me worse & it would be solely on his crappy/cold terms.

I shouldn't be thinking any of this....I need to just be done.

Off to swim! Thanks all!

 

Wow...you get to go swimming....I am a fish by nature, love the water...I am soooooooooo jealous! I always get this way right about this time of year, start having dreams about going swimming....get totally obsessed....Heather1, you could have gone all day without saying the word "swim"....you did that on purpose huh....*teasing*

 

Oh I'm gonna have to find a pool fast.....hummmm where is one.....ok gotta go find a pool

[pureinheart]

maybe it's the same guy? ha, ha. I might have read your story already, but how did things end? I've got all night to myself, I'll read your stories.

 

Made it through today, home & happy. Lots of thoughts throughout the day for sure, but kept my mind off it most of the day. Stay tuned though, I still have 2 more days & tomorrow I think he's going to be shocked not to find a message from me.

 

I bet it is the same guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh ya, he will trip....*what's she doing? I bet she's with some other guy* Oh it goes on and on the way their minds work.

 

Two more days, you can make it....you have a pool!

[pureinheart]

I've just read several stories, and then my own since the beg. of this A. Ugh, ugh & ugh again. I KNEW from the gate, clearly written in my own words. I am SO STUPID!! The only thing I have to say for myself is I thought things would change every time, and it didn't.

The other thing is, this has been harder to get out of than any relationship I've ever had!! What's up with that?

 

Pathetic, isn't it.....lol

[Heather1]

that actually cheered me up....thank you! Yeah, joined a gym in Dec. & it is helping A LOT!! I'm a fish too, grew up on a beach. Sadly, I'm glad someone's jealous of me (ha, ha).

 

I'm just going to write off the repeated treatment as I was giving him the benefit of the doubt at first (total denial, but oh well). Now I realize it's him, not the situation. I felt bad for him, that he supports his W's family & friends & all his friends are her friends. I thought she was the one who was controlling, but it's his money that supports all their lifestyle's, so maybe he likes having that control? If he cut them all off, it would be gone. Maybe he likes that? he certainly has no control over me. As a lover? Yeah, he's tough to pass up. He's friggin gorgeous & totally does it for me.

 

I work tomorrow, so today I need to power through & I'll be home free.

[Heather1]

tough day. My work called & I'm off tomorrow, so that staying busy plan has failed. I had some really lame personal stuff come up w/ my Dad. It just makes me realize how not there OM is for me. At first, he always wanted to make sure I was OK w/ whatever happened in my life. After sex, he wants me to be a robot that has no personal life problems.

 

Sorry, I just got really bad news & no one to talk to.

[awkward]

 

Sorry, I just got really bad news & no one to talk to.

 

You've got us. Someone is always here listening.

[awkward]

(((Heather))) are you ok?

[Heather1]

yeah...had to run off to find an emergency al anon meeting so I can make a plan for if my dad shows up at my doorstep. Long story, my Dad's an alcoholic/narcissistic/sociopath & he called me to let me know he might just stop by for a night??? We've been estranged for years.

 

I've got a lot going on.....probably why on a scale of stress I thought this OM was non stressful fun. I swear, this A is the least of my problems! It was supposed to be a nice escape or oasis. The big shock of that phone call (from my dad) though is I have to wonder how much OM drinks? I know I've talked to him hung over a few times. I wonder if he's an alcoholic too, and that's why he's so moody? I only see & talk to him during the day, and last summer he told me his Dad was an alcoholic.

 

All this logic, psychology, self esteem boosting, mental toughness & awareness, blah, blah, blah. If OM called me tomorrow and apologized, I'd be in bed with him within seconds. Again....what is that? That's not love.

[pureinheart]

Oh Heather....I know, I talked all that crap last night and he called and I aswered....well you know if you answer that phone it's all over with!

[Heather1]

Luckily, OM hasn't contacted me at all in almost 2 weeks. He's always saying these are his "boundaries" (after the fact of course). I must not have any.

 

This gift thing really pushed him over the edge to not want to talk to me even. I think that's really odd, but oh well.

 

There was a time he was the best thing that ever happened to me, and that was for quite some time before I crossed his line. Should I throw out the stuff he gave me before the PA? Even though we live in the same town, I never see him so that's good. My work was taken over & he hasn't been there since (families are best friends, so he was there all the time). So I won't see him at work anymore, and I don't see him around town. I intentionally steer clear of his side of town. Should I keep the few items & try to think of just the good? What's the easiest way to move on?

[ladydesigner]

If I had ANYTHING that my XOM gave me and he gave me nothing I would throw it away. Why hold on to something that is only going to remind you of him.

 

Whenever any of my relationships end, and this is just me, I usually throw away and delete everything so I have nothing to obsess over.

[Heather1]

I've deleted EVERYTHING. It's only 2 items, but when we talked a few weeks ago he dismissed even those...saying, "it was only this & this." I told him I liked the stuff he gave me before the A. So he knew exactly what he'd given me, and to give them meant nothing (he said). Yeah, I'll throw them out today. I'm embarrassed for myself.

 

It's a lonely, rainy day & I'm stuck indoors. My family gets back tonight, late, so I'm going to make it through. I can't believe how much this has wiped me out though! I can barely get out of bed, and that's just not me! The weather's not helping.