Emotional luggage

[disgracian]

Over the course of what spare time I could muster over the last few days, I have just re-read my first year's worth of posts on this forum in this section. An arduous and at times senseless task, but one I put myself through in order to make a point to myself.

 

The point was really more of a reminder, actually, of how environments can become increasingly toxic over time because of the negative history associated with them. After playing out my brief history here in fast-forward, it became clear that the LS Spirituality section has become increasingly defined by feuds, trolling and abuse of power. Very little, if any, positives.

 

I replayed some cracking discussions about free will, the nature of truth and (dare I say it) the meaning of life, and also watched how the tone became more predictable, less interesting, less fulfilling. My own attitude darkened noticeably as I was gradually taken over with a sense of "here we go again" every time heads were butted with the same personalities.

 

It echoes a familiar pattern I have witnessed at nearly half a dozen other online "communities" I have been a part of. Friction occurs, fractures result only ever deepen as wedges are driven in further and further. In fact I have yet to be part of a single stable, self-sustainable online ecosystem: they all break down eventually. Long-running forums/channels/whatever do exist, but survival seems to depend on people moving on and making way for the next generation. It's the only way that grudges and vendettas are released.

 

The question I am wondering (without much optimism) is whether there is any way to break out of this periodic cycle of death and rebirth. Given that what has been said cannot be taken back, the inevitable exhaustion of topics to discuss without repetition, and the emotionally charged nature of the topic here, I don't think it can. Without a large influx of new personalities (for whom all of this will be new and novel) and the old guard to clear out, I think we're staring stagnation in the face.

 

Cheers,

D.

Edited January 17, 2010 by disgracian
Also, mad props to me for the 2nd thread I've ever started, and the 1st that was not based on a tangent from another thread.

[TheLoneSock]

This is interesting and something that has probably crossed many people's minds in different ways. IMO, a community is still that, a community. Communities don't last forever, just like towns, cities and countries don't last forever. Boundaries shift, goals change, people move, life evolves. I think this is simply a miniature version of that.

 

Longevity of a medium such as a forum is possible; and the answer lies in people being able to walk away from it, take an extended break, and come back with fresh perspectives. I think the reason one might become a toxic environment is because the participants fail to keep things in perspective, and maintain an active life in the pursuit of happiness outside the particular community. It also has a lot to do with leadership and direction, organization and structured outlines.

 

Just like a government's infrastructure failing, so can any other type of community. My .02 cents. I like the topic.

[disgracian]

IMO, a community is still that, a community. Communities don't last forever, just like towns, cities and countries don't last forever. Boundaries shift, goals change, people move, life evolves. I think this is simply a miniature version of that.

Very much so, only on a compressed timescale. In real life, there are other reasons to interact. Online communities almost always target a theme and that funnels interactions down to a certain type, and that's what accelerates the whole process.

 

It probably comes down to a lack of diversity, something that is almost always necessary for survival.

 

Cheers,

D.

[disgracian]

Reading over some of the first posts by certain other members here, we seem to have followed a similar trend. We start off amicable and polite. We try to put our best foot forward. Then it seems that it only takes one or two incidents and we go down the same spiral of negativity and sometimes outright hostility. A history of things we said rashly and perhaps wish we could take back (if we are honest with ourselves) piles up.

 

This obviously affects some individuals more than others. Those who bring baggage with them to new places in the hopes that a change in surroundings will help change their circumstances are far more susceptible. I place myself into this category willingly. I guess it just goes to show that you can never outrun your problems.

 

Cheers,

D.

[acceptance101]

Stagnation sounds bad...

 

I can't help but 'sigh' at many online communities, some worse than others, because of the huge amount of conflict present.

 

I just joined this one today 'Because I felt like it', and 'it looked interesting'. But some forums, comments pages and online communities have been awful.

 

You get the ones where 80% of replies are rubbish, with 20% true valid and helpful information.

 

You get the ones where at least 70% of the time people aggressively argue, back and forth, 'Yes!' and 'No!'.

 

You occasionally get the small tight knit communities which work beautifully, till someone comes along and starts spoiling it for everyone else. (and oh yes this will happen, or if not - it will die out on its own).

 

Really I think there is no other choice than to let it die and be reborn. Let history repeat itself. Me saying 'Let' sounds like any of us have a choice in something so major?

 

I suppose a community reflects the individuals present, their views and attitudes, this will vary slightly depending on what type of people are attracted to what type of online community, but in the end we're all human, all have emotions and all have problems, hence why things don't always run smoothly.

[knaveman]

That's why I don't post much here, it's beating a dead horse with the same whip over and over. I know what I believe and others don't really care, they only want to say what they believe. These forums are only about what "I" think. I try not to waste too much time.

[TaraMaiden]

D., The only way to break out of a cycle - is to break out of a cycle.

 

You can't outrun your problems, if you don't change pace.

The only way to do things differently, is to make the conscious choice - to do things differently.

 

I believe it was Mohandras Gandhi who said:

"BE the change you wish to see in the world."

 

And the big B said: "Hatred never ceases through hatred, but hatred ceases by love alone. This is the essence of the ancient and eternal law."

 

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

But if it is - then change what you do.

 

I'll leave it at that.

 

With much Metta,

 

A. X

[disgracian]

You occasionally get the small tight knit communities which work beautifully, till someone comes along and starts spoiling it for everyone else.

Been there, seen that happen.

Really I think there is no other choice than to let it die and be reborn. Let history repeat itself.

I half-agree. Sometimes I'm not so keen on the rebirth bit. Aren't we supposed to learn from history rather than repeat past mistakes?

I suppose a community reflects the individuals present, their views and attitudes, this will vary slightly depending on what type of people are attracted to what type of online community, but in the end we're all human, all have emotions and all have problems, hence why things don't always run smoothly.

But real life communities are more sustainable. My musings are about why online communities aren't.

 

Cheers,

D.

[disgracian]

But Tara, it's only just starting to get interesting for me again after this observation.

 

Thanks to various other factors beyond my control, these grounds aren't too fertile anymore, so I might have to continue my experiments elsewhere.

 

Cheers,

D.

[TaraMaiden]

But Tara, it's only just starting to get interesting for me again after this observation.

'again'.... does this mean it's the same-old same-old interest, or a different interest...?

Does this new insight mean a different approach to this interest, or the same approach as last time....?

 

Thanks to various other factors beyond my control, these grounds aren't too fertile anymore, so I might have to continue my experiments elsewhere.

 

Cheers,

D.

 

Shame.

A change of Modus operandum might give us all a different set of questions to think about.

 

Ok, be well.....

[disgracian]

'again'.... does this mean it's the same-old same-old interest, or a different interest...?

A new take on an old interest. I will be paying more attention to the various stages. Overall, it's now more about the game than the playa.

Does this new insight mean a different approach to this interest, or the same approach as last time....?

It can't help but change. I suspect I will become more of a passive observer. Besides, the older I get and the more I learn, the less I have to say.

 

Cheers,

D.

[marlena]

Besides, the older I get and the more I learn, the less I have to say.

 

 

 

Exactly how I feel. I was once very outspoken, passionate and opinionated but as time tempers me, I have less and less to say. Perhaps because, when all is said and done, I have now come to the final realization that I know nothing at all.

[marlena]

What I would like to see is a more ethnical diverse crowd in here. That would make things more interesting for me.

[marlena]

"Hatred never ceases through hatred, but hatred ceases by love alone. This is the essence of the ancient and eternal law."

 

 

 

Yes, that is the only way to get rid of emotional baggage. Through love and forgiveness and acceptance.

[Malenfant]

I agree with you D. although i havent been here as long as you, I quickly became bored of the predictability of the spirituality conversations.

 

Of course, they had taken this turn long before I got here, unfortunate for me that I was not here to have participated in any rewarding discussions in that particular section.

 

As previously commented, I am a person who is very sure of their on views, and tend to be outspoken, but the older I get the less I feel the need to converse about my views.

Any convos just ended up with other members demanding that I validate my opinions, but not in a nice way, as i'm sure you know.

 

I was a member of a forum that didnt allow sigs. When i read a thread about why members weren't allowed sigs, one poster replied

'the only person who is interested in reading your sig is yourself' and how sigs are a vain attempt to make ourselves look intelligent and thoughtfull by quoting someone else's thoughts. (when people use quotes as sigs)

Actually, quite true in a pessimistic way

 

The internet allows people to make contact with millions of others with ease. Initially welcomed as a great thing. But more and more i see it as a means of outpouring and justification of people's prejudices, insecurities and problems etc.

 

when i first came here, I opened a thread asking for help and advice. apart from a couple of kind members, I was slated, flamed, mis-quoted and had my posts ripped to shreads.

Instead of trying to help, they just wanted to have a go. and I wasnt even talking about cheating or having done anything wrong, other than to question my feelings at that time and try to find out what they meant.

 

as much as I enjoy this forum, TBH I would never again ask for impartial advice about an important issue. I've seen people come here looking for help, and received nothing but hostility. I know it isnt always like that but it happens enough to put me off asking for advice.

[Rooster_DAR]

Interesting topic......

 

 

Your evaluations seem to be right on target. Although I have to say that I have been a part of many the triumphs and pitfalls on this forum, and it's been more positive than anything. All the seemingly bitter conflicts, as well as occasional success stories have taught me things I never knew, and allowed me to teach things other never knew.

 

I have learned many things over the course of being on this forum; temperance, patience, self realization, critical thinking, and perhaps the most important, that I'm human. To me, that is profound. I wonder how many new and future generation posters are going to mull over the same conversations and ideas we have concluded on this forum, and the past once again repeats itself.

 

Great Topic!

[TaraMaiden]

I was a member of a forum that didnt allow sigs. When i read a thread about why members weren't allowed sigs, one poster replied

'the only person who is interested in reading your sig is yourself' and how sigs are a vain attempt to make ourselves look intelligent and thoughtfull by quoting someone else's thoughts. (when people use quotes as sigs)

Actually, quite true in a pessimistic way.

 

Hotdamn...

My ego must be through the roof.......

[dunstable]

O...it became clear that the LS Spirituality section has become increasingly defined by feuds, trolling and abuse of power.

Agree. I haven't signed on in months for the above reason.

 

No one seems to have commented on the "abuse of power" issue that you mentioned. Now you may have had something totally different in mind, but I was particularly disillusioned to note that the moderator of this section allowed trolling by one or two individuals (of a religious bent) while deleting several of my posts, sending me warnings, and even banning me temporarily for expressing my perfectly reasonable and politely expressed atheistic views. I came to feel that this section would be improved if he or she would either adopt a more free and easy approach, allowing greater freedom of expression, or else to apply the same criteria to everyone irrespective of their religious views. Some non-Christian posters seem to have skill inchoosing their words carefully so as to get their points across while not incurring sanctions; I tend to be more direct and I don't like to be treading on glass all the time.

[TaraMaiden]

Youn mee both....

Hya Dunsty.....

[GrayClouds]

 

I was a member of a forum that didnt allow sigs. When i read a thread about why members weren't allowed sigs, one poster replied

'the only person who is interested in reading your sig is yourself' and how sigs are a vain attempt to make ourselves look intelligent and thoughtfull by quoting someone else's thoughts. (when people use quotes as sigs)

Actually, quite true in a pessimistic way

 

A sig can be a note to oneself to affirm a desired behavior from themselves.

Or a way to reiterate a worthy idea without having to type it out every time.

Or a way to be thoughtful by quoting someones intelligent remarks.

Or be intelligent by quoting someones thoughtful remarks.

 

I suspect the person who made this declaration was a bit guilty of the same offense but in reverse. Though that would make me quite of judging intent from the outside.

[disgracian]

My sig has always been short and sweet.

 

Cheers,

D.

[TaraMaiden]

...Just like you, D.

 

('cept I don't know how tall - or short - you are.....)

[pureinheart]

Exactly how I feel. I was once very outspoken, passionate and opinionated but as time tempers me, I have less and less to say. Perhaps because, when all is said and done, I have now come to the final realization that I know nothing at all.

 

My father told me when I was 16 that I priddy much knew everything (in my arrogant mind was thinking that I did know most everything)...then he said that when I turned 21 I would become ignorant and that it would continue. He was right.

[pureinheart]

Interesting topic......

 

 

Your evaluations seem to be right on target. Although I have to say that I have been a part of many the triumphs and pitfalls on this forum, and it's been more positive than anything. All the seemingly bitter conflicts, as well as occasional success stories have taught me things I never knew, and allowed me to teach things other never knew.

 

I have learned many things over the course of being on this forum; temperance, patience, self realization, critical thinking, and perhaps the most important, that I'm human. To me, that is profound. I wonder how many new and future generation posters are going to mull over the same conversations and ideas we have concluded on this forum, and the past once again repeats itself.

 

Great Topic!

 

How true...

[Malenfant]

A sig can be a note to oneself to affirm a desired behavior from themselves.

Or a way to reiterate a worthy idea without having to type it out every time.

Or a way to be thoughtful by quoting someones intelligent remarks.

Or be intelligent by quoting someones thoughtful remarks.

 

I suspect the person who made this declaration was a bit guilty of the same offense but in reverse. Though that would make me quite of judging intent from the outside.

 

i didnt agree with the comment on the other forum, my point was that this is the kind of attitude you do get more and more all over the place.

that if a person makes any statement about themselves, even in a sig, its immediately open to ridicule.

 

i'm all for self-expression, its just a bit disapointing when people have such a low opinion of it.

 

I like sigs, whatever they are