Twisted_80 Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 (edited) Here’s my story guys...I’ll try to be short… I’m 28 and I was with Isabel since my 16 yo… We dated for 6 years and we were married for 4 years so we were together for 10… In 2007 I found that she was seeing another guy, she cheated on me and I found that she got laid with him…we broke up… I cried, I begged, I did all I could to have her back but that guy was in her head and there was nothing I could do and I said to myself.. ok Ricardo.. move on! She doesn’t love you anymore. 2 months after I was dating another girl.. It wasn’t love… it was just an escape for me.. and when she (Isabel) found out she got confused.. she didn’t know if she wanted to be with me or with the guy…for the next month I was dating that new girl, she was still dating that guy but we were seeing each other.. I was a kind of her lover.. We did that for 1 month (being lovers) than she broke up with that guy and I broke up with my girl… I was confused.. I didn’t know what to do..I was with her but I didn’t want to because of what happened..I didn’t know if I could live with that because I trusted her 101% before that happened.. I felt that I needed some time for myself and I moved to another country… I wanted to be far from everything, only with myself… I spent some time alone, met new people on the new country, but I always had contact with her. Actually she was my girlfriend but I wasn’t with her, at least every day because we were living in different countries… Then.. I met a girl.. a Polish girl.. she is pretty, the most sweet person you can ever met, funny but ffs she’s not the most intelligent girl in the world.. Well the perfect woman/man doesn’t exist right? I was dating her in that country and also dating my “ex”(Isabel)… I didn’t know what to do and if I should let my girlfriend (Isabel) because I didn’t know her (the new girl).. I was dating both for 6 months.. After that I found out that Isabel (who was dating me at that time) was confused… and one night she got drunk.. and I found a Messenger log where she told the guy who she cheated me with, that she missed him, she was sexually attracted to him etc etc.. when I found that I say enough!.. She said that it meant nothing to her, that she loved me, that she was drunk and to be honest I believe that but… I returned to the country I was living to be happy with the Polish girl.. 4 months have passed…Isabel found a new boyfriend.. and I was (kind of) happy with my relation with my girlfriend until the day she (my ex) started to send me messages… I was happy with my relation with the Polish girl.. she is really sweet, beautiful, crazy and she gave me what my ex took from me: confidence… She is someone that I can trust 200%... she’s completely transparent.. innocent… etc.. but I was always trying to compare her with Isabel… I know.. BIG mistake… everybody is different but… Sometimes when she did something wrong I always thought “Oh.. Isabel would not do this, Isabel would be smarter, Isabel would etc, Isabel etc etc etc.” And I started to think that she was not the right girl for me… Meanwhile Isabel left her new boyfriend… and we started to speak again… seeing again (when I flew to my country)… etc etc.. and everything was OK with us.. of course that we were not seeing too much, only some weekends 2 in 2 months etc… Then we had an “idea”… I left the country I was leaving… my job… everything… and she did the same.. I didn’t want to go back to my country because she had her “ex boy’s there” and she didn’t want to go to my country because I had my “ex-girl’s” there… so we choose a country to go… I left my Polish girl but I never told her why… I just told her that I was not happy on that country and I will try to find a better life… and maybe one day we will see again… She wanted to go with me but I told her to stay…She told me that she really love me and that she will wait for me… she gave me a kind of a “free pass”.. I wanted to explain what really happened but I was not strong enough… coward I know… Now she is there... still waiting for me... Me and Isabel (currently girlfriend) did a trip around Europe for 2 weeks.. and then we arrived to the new country to start a new life.. Everything went well on that trip..I felt I was in love but.. when I arrived to the new destination things started to go bad… I don’t know what happened, maybe was the start of a new life, a new country, different cultures, maybe was the fact that I don’t have a job yet, maybe was the fact that I didn’t have a good house yet etc etc I don’t know.. What I know is that I started to think about the Polish girl that I left behind… I started to think if we will be happy (me and Isabel), and I got so confused.. Now, I don’t know what to do.. if I should go back to the country where the Polish is and start a new life with her, if I should forget her forever, if I should stay here some more time with Isabel and see what will happen, if I should stay alone… etc etc.. I drink every day to forget this but I just can’t… It’s not a solution but I don’t know what to do… Please help! Edited January 17, 2010 by Twisted_80 Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 You never said if you and Isabel are divorced. Are you still legally married? Does the Polish girl know that? At this point, you need to run your relationship with Isabel into the ground. I'd say just break up/get a divorce, but that won't end things. You two are toxic and don't know what you want and you are hurting all kinds of other people as you go back and forth together. You need to end it and get over each other. And you won't do that until you stay together until you can't stand each other anymore and are 101% sure that you can't be together. That's the only thing that will REALLY end it with her. DO NOT go back to the Polish girl. It's not fair to the Polish girl, not at all, to have you keeping her as your fall-back girl. TELL the Polish girl you are with Isabel. Let the Polish girl get on with her life and find a man who is as nice and sweet as she is and will be able to return her feelings. She doesn't need someone two-timing her like you were doing. You are terrible for using the Polish girl like that to try to get over Isabel, and cheating on her behind her back. Set her free! She deserves someone better who can be honest and genuine with her. Stay away from other women until you and Isabel are done and you are really over her. As you've seen, running away from your problems, moving to different countries to run away from your problems, doesn't solve anything. Wherever you go, your problems are still there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twisted_80 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 (edited) Yes, we divorced after we broke up... When I found she was cheating... And now I'm not sure what I want but Isabel does... she really does.. she left everything for me... her country, her job, her family everything.. I really feel sorry for her because I'm being a bastard.. but it won't make me lover her more... About the Polish, I know I'm not being good for her but.. the problem is that I always thought about Isabel when I was with her... that's why I couldn't give her what she deserves.. I always thought that Isabel was the girl for me.. she was my first love... but now... I'm with her and I think all the time about the Polish.. does it mean something? Probably it does.... Maybe I'm just attached to Isabel.. a kind of dependence... About the Polish, I told her that sometimes I remembered Isabel, I didn't tell her that I was living with her now but I told her that I've been with Isabel a couple of days after I left her... she understood and she told me to think what I really want and she is still there for me after all... I never had many expectations with her (Polish), maybe because I always thought about Isabel but now...? I'm confused... Maybe with Isabel out of my mind I can be happy... Edited January 17, 2010 by Twisted_80 Link to post Share on other sites
theBrokenMuse Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 You don't seem to understand. You've been taking advantage of someone that you yourself consider to be naive and below par intelligence while you figured out what you wanted. Well, how about forgetting about what you want for a moment and show a little decency torwards a human being that hasn't done anything to deserve your deplorable behavior and leave her be. No one deserves to be kept on the back burner, confused and in pain while you get your thoughts and life together to figure out if you actually feel like giving it a real try with this person. Leave her be while you get your **** together. it's the kind thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twisted_80 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 Broken Muse... I really understand I do and I feel guilty for all this sh***... I didn't use the Polish girl to forget Isabel... it just happened... And if I'm taking advantage from someone is from Isabel not the Polish... I don't contact her, I'm not telling her to wait... last words I told her was to move on because I need to be alone and sort my things out.. I understand what you're saying...but help me with this... I can have girls here if I want.. girls for 1 or 2 nights a week whatever.. but I don't want that.... I'm still thinking about the Polish, that's why I'm confused... she is not "just another girl"... I'm just thinking that I couldn't be happy with her because all the time I was thinking about Isabel.. but now.. that I spent sometime with Isabel, I still thinking about her... she is not just a "backup girl".. damn :-/ If I wanted I could go to her country be with her and see what I feel etc etc but I don't want to be with her unless I'm sure... I don't want to her more.. that's what I need your help, don't misunderstand me... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 End things with Isabel. End that relationship. You're still WITH her, thinking you want the Polish girl. You seem to want the girl you aren't with. If it's over with Isabel, end it. If you cannot end it with Isabel, then you cannot be with anyone else. Be by YOURSELF for a while. No Isabel, no Polish girl. By yourself. And THEN, after you've cleared your mind and have your head screwed on straight, THEN maybe think about your feelings for the Polish girl. But I'm going to bet by then, you'll be thinking about Isabel. You won't know if you're done with Isabel until you are ALONE for a while after breaking up with Isabel. Until you clear your head and heart, do not go to the Polish girl. Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Are you capable of living without drama in your life? Because you make it wherever you go. That is the problem. Where ever you go to escape, you still bring yourself along. And you are very mixed up my friend. Your relationship with your ex is TOXIC and your relationship with the Polish girl is one of you USING her. End both and examine yourself, by yourself for a while... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twisted_80 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 End things with Isabel. End that relationship. You're still WITH her, thinking you want the Polish girl. You seem to want the girl you aren't with. If it's over with Isabel, end it. If you cannot end it with Isabel, then you cannot be with anyone else. Be by YOURSELF for a while. No Isabel, no Polish girl. By yourself. And THEN, after you've cleared your mind and have your head screwed on straight, THEN maybe think about your feelings for the Polish girl. But I'm going to bet by then, you'll be thinking about Isabel. You won't know if you're done with Isabel until you are ALONE for a while after breaking up with Isabel. Until you clear your head and heart, do not go to the Polish girl. You're right, I have to be alone no matter what.. I don't want to hurt more people... Btw, Why do you think I'll be thinking about Isabel? ...again...? I don't think she will wait for me forever.... and... If I was thinking about her, I left everything to be with her and then I'm doing this to her because my mind is confused and things are not working... Well... I'll take sometime for myself, alone.. I don't know.. But... even if after that time, I start to think about Isabel again... I will be thinking: "try again...?" if it didn't work last time why should it work now? :-/ ok ok I'm just thinking out loud.. of course no one has the right answer... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twisted_80 Posted January 17, 2010 Author Share Posted January 17, 2010 Are you capable of living without drama in your life? Because you make it wherever you go. That is the problem. Where ever you go to escape, you still bring yourself along. And you are very mixed up my friend. Your relationship with your ex is TOXIC and your relationship with the Polish girl is one of you USING her. End both and examine yourself, by yourself for a while... I understood that.... it doesn't worth escape, it won't solve my problems... and yes I'm very mixed up, why you think is Toxic with my ex? what do you mean? help me to understand pls, you might be right... About the polish, I don't believe I was using her really, I liked her, I loved her until my ex start texting me, etc, etc.... Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Constantly thinking about two women and bouncing back and forth between them in real life and in your mind is just a distraction from you facing yourself, and why you feel so empty inside and can't just be by yourself for awhile... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twisted_80 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Share Posted January 18, 2010 Constantly thinking about two women and bouncing back and forth between them in real life and in your mind is just a distraction from you facing yourself, and why you feel so empty inside and can't just be by yourself for awhile... True.. but the thing is.. When I was with the Polish, I believed she was a distraction... and I left her to be with my "ex" again.. but now I think I was wrong... she was not just a distraction... things didn't work out because Isabel was on my mind all the time... could it be possible? probably.... Link to post Share on other sites
Nos Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 You're going to have to come to grips with your feelings. Although you love Isabel, you guys are done. No manner of therapy or problem solving is going to set things right for you. You're sweet Polish girl is over as well. Even if she is willing to be with you, you don't deserve to be with her. You do not have a secure relationship with either of these women. Do all three of you a favor and end things. There will be some initial hurt, but you'll have to do it. If you continue to yo-yo between these girls, you'll only end up causing more pain and confusion. Ending things now would be the smartest move you could make. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Twisted_80 Posted January 21, 2010 Author Share Posted January 21, 2010 Thanks for all your comments guys... Isabel went back to our country today... I will spend sometime alone and try to figure out what to do.. After all, I think I will end up with Isabel... Just need to take the Polish out of my mind... Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 But I'm going to bet by then, you'll be thinking about Isabel. You won't know if you're done with Isabel until you are ALONE for a while after breaking up with Isabel. You're right, I have to be alone no matter what.. I don't want to hurt more people... Btw, Why do you think I'll be thinking about Isabel? ...again...? After all, I think I will end up with Isabel... See? It didn't take long - you're already thinking about being with Isabel even though she only just left. Clear your head. Give it a good long time where you aren't dating anybody. Work on other parts of your life, like your career or education. Give yourself time to figure out who you are as a man and what kind of life you want to make for yourself. Only then will you have anything to give to Isabel or any other relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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