Head spinning from thinking too much about potential FWB/FB

[LBM]

Okay, I'll admit I am not here often, I lurk more than I post. But I found some interesting advices in what you guys write at times, so maybe some clear perspectives would help me. Sorry in advance if this is long.

 

So I had this best friend of almost 20 yrs, with whom I had some weird relationship developments over the summer/fall. I fell for my best friend, he toyed with me (although unintentionally), we had a big blow out at a mutual friend's place a couple months ago, talked things through and since then, well the friendship disintegrated from there. In short, while trying to be a supportive friend during his hard times, I ended up falling for him head over high heels and ruined a great friendship.

 

It took me over 2 months, trying to patch things up, spending countless night waiting and hoping I'd still have my friend back to realize it probably never will happen.

 

In all this, our mutual friend had started in the summer by trying to match us up (and making things worse), telling my friend what a great opportunity he was missing, that we were made for each other, etc... But at the same time, the mutual friend had a huge rush on me, even told my friend who told me. But the mutual friend is definitely NOT my type, and I to me he was more like an acquaintance than a friend, to tell the truth. Rarely visited him without my 'best friend' being there.

 

Fast forward to last Friday: That day was hard for me. Finally came to realize full well that my friendship was dead, or at least it would never be the same. And it enraged me that I had 'bigger balls' than my so-called friend in the whole story (I had said I was accepting the fact he didn't feel the same way to me and that I would respect that, that we could be adults about all this and all - clearly he was not 100% honest when he said the same thing). So I was sad, hurt and mad... and decided to call on the mutual friend that evening - simply so I would spend an evening with a man who wanted and desired me for a change, instead of spending it alone. And in the back of my mind, I knew that I wouldn't have much to do to hook this mutual friend - but that was not my intention, at least not like that. I simply wanted to spend an evening with someone who would show me some respect and feelings.

 

Well ended up talking a lot with mutual friend about the whole mess and how my so-called friend had hurt me... in doing so I probably ended up hurting their friendship too, as mutual friend was getting upset at how I was treated. And as the evening went along, the closer we got. We ended up having sex, promising to keep this between us.

 

Mutual friend knows my head and heart is not his for the taking. At least it isn't now. And he accepted that and would be willing to pursue this, no strings attached.

 

On my end, maybe this is what I need to get the other one out of my head and heart. But at the same time I feel 'cheap' considering going forward with this FWB / FB situation.

 

Would it be wrong for me to go through with this? I hate the thought of using this good man as a rebound guy, but if he agrees to the 'rules' of this affair, then why not? Or would it be just toying (although unintentionally) with his feelings and desire for me?

 

Never really been in this type of situation - and I don't find it normal to be so cold and logical about all this?

 

Any advice? Thanks.

[norajane]

You cannot have a FWB with someone who is already crushing on you and half in love with you. It doesn't matter if he "agrees" to the terms. You will only end up with a bigger disaster on your hands.

 

Don't use him. You know he will end up hurt, so don't use him to make yourelf feel better right now.

[xpaperxcutx]

If you're feeling bad about it, then don't do it.

 

I hate when people use their close friends as rebounds.

 

I'm in a FWB myself but I'm in it for the sex, not to forget someone.

 

Ultimately, you're not being fair to this mutual friend. If you have to look for a rebound, simply hook up with a random guy at a bar.

[LBM]

Thanks.

 

That's what is torturing me. I think it was already a mistake what happened last Friday night. But on the other hand, I also think there could be something there eventually. True he is not my type, true I am not attracted to him right now, true that he has his flaws (but so have I) that make be cringe at times... but he is a good man.

 

I feel like because of my so-called friend I never even got to know this man well enough, or give him a chance to show me who he is. So if I wanted to get to know him, I guess it'd be best to leave the sex part out of the equation for now... but how do you do that when the line has already been crossed?

[xpaperxcutx]

Thanks.

 

That's what is torturing me. I think it was already a mistake what happened last Friday night. But on the other hand, I also think there could be something there eventually. True he is not my type, true I am not attracted to him right now, true that he has his flaws (but so have I) that make be cringe at times... but he is a good man.

 

I feel like because of my so-called friend I never even got to know this man well enough, or give him a chance to show me who he is. So if I wanted to get to know him, I guess it'd be best to leave the sex part out of the equation for now... but how do you do that when the line has already been crossed?

 

Step back and focus on yourself. You're still attached to the guy you like, and you're not thinking straight. Be honest with your mutual friend that you're not in a position to date neither do you feel that it's fair for him if you continue sleeping with him.